I really need some imput here. I have a 2 1/2 year old (next month) and an 8 month old. Both boys. My 2 1/2 year old is driving up the wall and then some. I really don't know what to do. Can anyone tell me their experiences with a VERY STRONG WILLED 2 year old? any methods of discipline that are more effective than others? What are some warning signs of ADD?

My husband and i are almost in tears. i know that we are the parents and we make the house run/rules. We have a lot of structure, meals at regular times. try to keep nap time the same every day. i have taken him off dairy, (due to a face rash that still won't go away) he gets very little sugar, gets all the proper stimulation (reading, flash cards, games, art work) but he is seriously having some issues. i have posted before about his obsessive personality, which had manifested into an obsession with the vaccuum. I don't know he is having a delayed jealousy problem or if this is just a part of his personality, but he is very aggressive to his little bro.
yeaterday for example he faught every thing we asked or expected. i bet he spent 80% of the day screaming. we ARE trying to hear through the temper tantrums to understand what it is he is trying to say. what we are hearing is that his "gamma" who he spends all day with on saturdays one on one gives him 150% attention. any whim he has she does. then he comes home and life is back to reality and he has to share his universe with his brothers needs as well as the fact that his parents are people too.
i have talked to my mom about this she insists that they just have a normal fun day together and she is NOT spoiling him (yeah right)
i don't know waht to do, i feel like a prisoner in my own home. i feel as though this is some sort of torture and that i won't survive. i know that sounds weak, but it's just gone that far.

sounds like my son. He isn't even quite 2.5 yet and he is already screaming most of the day. I have the book "Your two year old" and it is all very normal. My son for instance is just very loud about it. Other kids have the same issues and act the same way but their vocal level is more normal. My son wants the neighbors to know he is upset :eek:

My book says that 2.5 is the worst part. That 2 is ok and 3 is ok but the 1/2 years are the terrible ones. I have found that our bads days go in threes. 3 good months and then 3 bad ones. 3 good days and 3 bad ones. I bet if I thought about it I may even break it down to hours LOL :D

I also read that OC behavior is very normal at this age.

My son does not have great language yet, so a lot of our problems are his OC behaviors and not being able to let me know how it wants something. He also does not like to be told no.

I don't really know what to tell you to do. Time outs work for some. I don't really use them. I just ignore the tantrums and pick my battles. Life is physically and mentally exhausing right now.

I just figure it will pass. I am consistant and there is structure. I don't belive in spanking. Especialy spanking behaviors that are very normal.

gets all the proper stimulation (reading, flash cards, games, art work)

A child of 2 years and 6 months should not be getting this kind of stimulation, you could be pushing him too much. If he is trying to do the things you ask of him and he fails quite a bit, imagine how he must feel. Put yourself in his shoes, if someone kept giving you difficult equations to work out you would get very frustrated and often give up.

Allow your child to play, let him make discoveries for himself, talk with him about any thing, the weather, the colour of his socks, encourage him to ask questions, this is the best way for young children to learn. To actually experience things for themselves, working things out, finding reasons.

Let art be his art, you provide the materials and let him create (try not to let his art work become yours).

My favourite acivity is to make dens, outdoors and indoors, using cushions, sheets, curtains, chairs, you name it, if it can be moved it gets put into the den. We can read stories by torch light for hours in a den.

Reading is great, the adult reading that is, make books fun and interesting, look at the pictures in great detail, let your child look through the book himself, talk the story through without looking at the words, the pictures tell the tale too.

Im sure you want the best for your child but remember childhood is like the spring time, wonderful but very short, make the most of it while you have it, have fun and just play.

thanks for your reply and I agree 100%. I am sorry if it sounded like we push for those activites, not so, we have the stuff for him and he picks it out when he wants to play. sometimes he asks what the pictures are of the flash cards, sometimes he tells us. it isn't as strict as i may have made it sound. all very aloof and fun. thanks for your thoughts.

Sounds like a normal two year old to me. He is exploring his world. I have two boys of my own, 13 and 11, so I know what you are going through. You won't know if he has ADD or any other disorders until he is in kindergarden or 1st grade. That is when you can have him tested. One other thing, don't ever let a child go past any boundries you have set down. Be constant in your discipline or he will learn to walk all over you. A time out chair is a good tool to use if he gets in trouble. He may still be adjusting to the new child in your home also. Don't make big deals out of the little things and you should be fine.