expat64
11-22-2005, 06:18 PM
Hi, first let me say how much I love this board being brand new here it's nice to finally talk to people who are going through what I am. I'm finding I can handle the pain of Fibro with medications. But....the worse thing, almost as worse as the pain is the change in my life. I feel like an agoraphobic at times, and have lost so many friends and loved ones who don't understand. you see, i don't drive on my meds, i'm on oxycontin now, used to be on the patch, and i won't drive if i'm feeling fuzzy. so i don't go to a lot of social stuff like i did prior to fibro. And, I stopped drinking because it scares me to have a glass of wine, plus I've never really liked drinking anyway; i'm finding that my friends liked me only because i was fun to hang out with, etc etc and it hurts. Because, i thought they cared about me and it makes me feel like I was just a hang out buddy instead of a real friend. I always prided myself on being a great friend, a loyal to the end type of friend. I'll stop whining now, it's just so lonely sometimes, and my relatives are always pretending like i'm fine and roll their eyes if i have to leave early. I don't know what I would've done without my teacup poodles, i got so lonely that I bought 2 adorable tiny poodles who now breath fun life into my home. It's nice. I really want to find a boyfriend, it's been 2 years! I'm worreid that a man wouldn't have any intereste in someone who has to take pills and is always tired and hurting. Plus, not to brag, but i used to be very thin and attractive and this last year i put on 20 pounds and feel like a whale and have no clue how to get it off. I just feel disgusting. It would be so nice to have someone just to watch a movie with.
expat64
expat64
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bluelakelady
11-22-2005, 07:15 PM
oh girlfriend,
you are still lovely, you just wear a different size. short walks several times a day. 5 minute walks done 10 times a day adds up to a 50 minute walk. take your poodles for a stroll. little walks also keep me from stiffening up too much when the pain monsters visit.
few men have the gift to love a woman who is not healthy. i live with my brother. for me it's easier. i decided to find other ways to fulfill my life. i paint. i garden a bit. i write little stories for my friends. i go feed the ducks at the lake. it is the little things in life i now have time to savor, so i do.
you know, just because you know how to be a friend does not always mean you know how to pick friends. i found out the same way how many people i was deluding myself about. now i have a handfull of close buds. we are all rather solitary people so we don't see each other often. when we do we make the time count. it is not the quantity of time a friend shares with you. it is the quality of that time that defines the beauty of your friendship.
every stranger is a potential friend.
peace,
bluelakelady
ps i live 700 miles from my family. my family are city folk and i am a country girl. they are content and i am content. tho my mom often wishes i was closer, she understands.
i am also an empty nester and have been for 10 years. i play nana very well tho. being a grandma is so much easier than being a parent.
you are still lovely, you just wear a different size. short walks several times a day. 5 minute walks done 10 times a day adds up to a 50 minute walk. take your poodles for a stroll. little walks also keep me from stiffening up too much when the pain monsters visit.
few men have the gift to love a woman who is not healthy. i live with my brother. for me it's easier. i decided to find other ways to fulfill my life. i paint. i garden a bit. i write little stories for my friends. i go feed the ducks at the lake. it is the little things in life i now have time to savor, so i do.
you know, just because you know how to be a friend does not always mean you know how to pick friends. i found out the same way how many people i was deluding myself about. now i have a handfull of close buds. we are all rather solitary people so we don't see each other often. when we do we make the time count. it is not the quantity of time a friend shares with you. it is the quality of that time that defines the beauty of your friendship.
every stranger is a potential friend.
peace,
bluelakelady
ps i live 700 miles from my family. my family are city folk and i am a country girl. they are content and i am content. tho my mom often wishes i was closer, she understands.
i am also an empty nester and have been for 10 years. i play nana very well tho. being a grandma is so much easier than being a parent.
seaturtle
11-22-2005, 08:20 PM
Hello,
I just typed out a long reply to you, and it disappeared from my screen and got deleted. I must have inadvertently hit a key that caused that.
I will repost when I am less tired, but just wanted you to know that I know what you are talking about, it is very difficult, and we have to learn to cope in new ways and build new lives. Not without sadness for what could have been.
You're not alone, I send you comfort and greetings,
Seaturtle
I just typed out a long reply to you, and it disappeared from my screen and got deleted. I must have inadvertently hit a key that caused that.
I will repost when I am less tired, but just wanted you to know that I know what you are talking about, it is very difficult, and we have to learn to cope in new ways and build new lives. Not without sadness for what could have been.
You're not alone, I send you comfort and greetings,
Seaturtle
expat64
11-22-2005, 10:49 PM
You always know what to say...you are awesome...I prefer country to city too
expat64
expat64
bluelakelady
11-23-2005, 11:34 AM
morning expat,
thank you. all i have is experience and the determination to make each day count. in time you will find all the silver linings in your cloud and suddenly it will be okay to have fibromyalgia or anything else.
we all get a basket of goodies in life. what we do with those goodies determins our joy or lack of it. for myself i found peaceful acceptance works. proactive health care, a fairly good diet, except all that sugar i still munch, giggle, a bit of sun, lot's of water and sunshine in my heart. i decide how my mind feels. my body does not make that choice for me. each day, no matter how my body feels, i choose happiness within my mind. it took alot of effort at first. now it is second nature.
every day that you wake up and open your eyes is already a perfect day. it is another chance to make yourself be the you that brings peace of mind. stop and smell the air. breath deep and slow. know that you are loved.
peace,
bluelakelady
thank you. all i have is experience and the determination to make each day count. in time you will find all the silver linings in your cloud and suddenly it will be okay to have fibromyalgia or anything else.
we all get a basket of goodies in life. what we do with those goodies determins our joy or lack of it. for myself i found peaceful acceptance works. proactive health care, a fairly good diet, except all that sugar i still munch, giggle, a bit of sun, lot's of water and sunshine in my heart. i decide how my mind feels. my body does not make that choice for me. each day, no matter how my body feels, i choose happiness within my mind. it took alot of effort at first. now it is second nature.
every day that you wake up and open your eyes is already a perfect day. it is another chance to make yourself be the you that brings peace of mind. stop and smell the air. breath deep and slow. know that you are loved.
peace,
bluelakelady
seaturtle
11-23-2005, 08:31 PM
HI,
Just wanted to pass on a few thoughts. Blue is right, and I try to find the wonders in the universe I can and do inhabit. I think the culture influences all of us to heavily, forms our expectations of what we "should" be doing, and life gets faster and faster out there.
I can't drive, but I can walk when agoraphobia doesn't pen me in. And when I can walk, I am so grateful for the fact that I can; for many years, I couldn't go past my own doorstep. I can watch every little movement and expression that my cats make, and these are beautiful, graceful creatures. I can be grateful for my life, for what I do have, and try to stay away from all those if-only's that cause us such despair.
So much of the world is focused on getting and spending, as Shakespeare said ("Getting and spending, we lay waste our lives). Yet, there is fullness right where we are, an overabundance of blessings, if we only look and see it.
I've had to change a lot of things outside and inside. I've had to for a very long time.
Sometimes, yes, I kick at limitations, get angry, get resentful, want more. And I lose my peace of mind, my ability to love deeply, and my gratitude. Not worth it
T;his morning, I thought of this post. I've had to come off an antidepressant that helped a lot with agoraphobia and anxiety and fibro pain because of side-effects, so I am kinda raw. I fought to get up, get out, and battled my way through the phobic fear to take my walk. It was terribly painful and difficult. At every step, I just focused on how grateful I was that I could actually do it.
To many, being thankful for the ability to take a walk or do housework, or perform other simple, basic tasks might seem silly. For me, and for many here, these are our achievements and our joys, each time we live a little more fully.
Blessings to you, look around and just see the wonder around you right now, I will do the same.
Seaturtle
Just wanted to pass on a few thoughts. Blue is right, and I try to find the wonders in the universe I can and do inhabit. I think the culture influences all of us to heavily, forms our expectations of what we "should" be doing, and life gets faster and faster out there.
I can't drive, but I can walk when agoraphobia doesn't pen me in. And when I can walk, I am so grateful for the fact that I can; for many years, I couldn't go past my own doorstep. I can watch every little movement and expression that my cats make, and these are beautiful, graceful creatures. I can be grateful for my life, for what I do have, and try to stay away from all those if-only's that cause us such despair.
So much of the world is focused on getting and spending, as Shakespeare said ("Getting and spending, we lay waste our lives). Yet, there is fullness right where we are, an overabundance of blessings, if we only look and see it.
I've had to change a lot of things outside and inside. I've had to for a very long time.
Sometimes, yes, I kick at limitations, get angry, get resentful, want more. And I lose my peace of mind, my ability to love deeply, and my gratitude. Not worth it
T;his morning, I thought of this post. I've had to come off an antidepressant that helped a lot with agoraphobia and anxiety and fibro pain because of side-effects, so I am kinda raw. I fought to get up, get out, and battled my way through the phobic fear to take my walk. It was terribly painful and difficult. At every step, I just focused on how grateful I was that I could actually do it.
To many, being thankful for the ability to take a walk or do housework, or perform other simple, basic tasks might seem silly. For me, and for many here, these are our achievements and our joys, each time we live a little more fully.
Blessings to you, look around and just see the wonder around you right now, I will do the same.
Seaturtle
goldenwings
11-23-2005, 09:35 PM
Hiya seaturtle,
Just to say I was agoraphobic for years, and I too fought hard to overcome it just as you are doing. To have a life that is not ruled by fear is something that takes a lot of hard work, determination and a lot of tears. It is the hardest and the oddest situation to be in, to be afraid of the outdoors, not anything that was there in front of me that I could touch or see, to be afraid of even the thought of opening the front door. I couldn't even move from my chair to go to the next room without having a total full blown panic.
I was on my own living at home. It was dreadful. Who could I explain it to? Nobody. I couldn't even have anyone in my home, because I had a fear of being in a room with another person, that is how bad it got me. How do you explain this type of fear? You can't.
I fought and fought it in my own way, and I have come out the other side. It was one of the hardest battles I have fought. I won the battle. I am convinced I know of the trigger to my own situation, I have thought about it and I am sure of what caused it. Knowing now didn't help me in any way then though. I became dependent on a drug that I had been put on for a "stiff neck". Honestly, this is what they were given me for supposedly, tension in my neck. As time went on I needed more and more to help me function in the day. I finally found out what they were and weaned myself off them. I remember to this day it took me 20 months to do it, but I did it.
I never pat myself on the back but with this situation I did. Because I did it, I fought it and won. The support of my wonderful boyfriend who became my husband was tremendous. Only I could do it for myself though. Seaturtle, if I may be of any kind of help with this debilitating, horrid situation, I would willing to be here for you whenever you need me. I truly understand your fears.
Take care.
goldenwings :angel:
Just to say I was agoraphobic for years, and I too fought hard to overcome it just as you are doing. To have a life that is not ruled by fear is something that takes a lot of hard work, determination and a lot of tears. It is the hardest and the oddest situation to be in, to be afraid of the outdoors, not anything that was there in front of me that I could touch or see, to be afraid of even the thought of opening the front door. I couldn't even move from my chair to go to the next room without having a total full blown panic.
I was on my own living at home. It was dreadful. Who could I explain it to? Nobody. I couldn't even have anyone in my home, because I had a fear of being in a room with another person, that is how bad it got me. How do you explain this type of fear? You can't.
I fought and fought it in my own way, and I have come out the other side. It was one of the hardest battles I have fought. I won the battle. I am convinced I know of the trigger to my own situation, I have thought about it and I am sure of what caused it. Knowing now didn't help me in any way then though. I became dependent on a drug that I had been put on for a "stiff neck". Honestly, this is what they were given me for supposedly, tension in my neck. As time went on I needed more and more to help me function in the day. I finally found out what they were and weaned myself off them. I remember to this day it took me 20 months to do it, but I did it.
I never pat myself on the back but with this situation I did. Because I did it, I fought it and won. The support of my wonderful boyfriend who became my husband was tremendous. Only I could do it for myself though. Seaturtle, if I may be of any kind of help with this debilitating, horrid situation, I would willing to be here for you whenever you need me. I truly understand your fears.
Take care.
goldenwings :angel:
bluelakelady
11-24-2005, 10:22 AM
i love the open honesty here. it will be a spectacular sunrise today. may we all be blessed with an open door to walk bravely thru.
peace,
bluelakelady
peace,
bluelakelady
girl75
11-24-2005, 01:25 PM
hey there, unfortunatly alot of us seem to go thru this and thats when you find out who your true friends are. my family are the only ones who seem to understand what i am going through (my husband and kids).
this board has really helped me get through alot of times where i felt i was alone and i have gotten so much great advice.
just know you always have friends here and that we love you
take care,
your friend,
robin :)
this board has really helped me get through alot of times where i felt i was alone and i have gotten so much great advice.
just know you always have friends here and that we love you
take care,
your friend,
robin :)
STILLGOIN
11-26-2005, 12:06 PM
Hi Expa: You sound so sad and I can totally relate. I have two sons who care about me very much. When they come in I cry and when they leave I cry. It is just an overwhelming thing (Plus I have always been a softie and cry over stuff). It has been 10 years for me, with all the drugs and therapies, I ran out of meds so I am really suffering. You know, new drugs are coming out and I don't think it will be long before they have something for us. Well they do in England it is called Milnacipran. I was on it in July and my pain was gone for about 3 wks, till I got this deep tissue massage, I won't bore you with the rest, I am still waiting for it to kick in. If it doesn't I don't know what I will do. Here I am trying to cheer you up and I am not doing a great job. You sound like a very likeable, soft hearted person. Stick with your poodles, wait til you are better then deal with your friends. Just ignore the rolling eyes - I can relate totally. You have a good heart. They are ignorant why don't they look up this damn disease and then they could understand what you have to go through. I don't think I have been much help but we can keep in touch through this healthboard, which I think is fantastic. I truly, truly believe there will be something, so hang in girl.
STILLGOIN
11-26-2005, 12:08 PM
Hiya seaturtle,
Just to say I was agoraphobic for years, and I too fought hard to overcome it just as you are doing. To have a life that is not ruled by fear is something that takes a lot of hard work, determination and a lot of tears. It is the hardest and the oddest situation to be in, to be afraid of the outdoors, not anything that was there in front of me that I could touch or see, to be afraid of even the thought of opening the front door. I couldn't even move from my chair to go to the next room without having a total full blown panic.
I was on my own living at home. It was dreadful. Who could I explain it to? Nobody. I couldn't even have anyone in my home, because I had a fear of being in a room with another person, that is how bad it got me. How do you explain this type of fear? You can't.
I fought and fought it in my own way, and I have come out the other side. It was one of the hardest battles I have fought. I won the battle. I am convinced I know of the trigger to my own situation, I have thought about it and I am sure of what caused it. Knowing now didn't help me in any way then though. I became dependent on a drug that I had been put on for a "stiff neck". Honestly, this is what they were given me for supposedly, tension in my neck. As time went on I needed more and more to help me function in the day. I finally found out what they were and weaned myself off them. I remember to this day it took me 20 months to do it, but I did it.
I never pat myself on the back but with this situation I did. Because I did it, I fought it and won. The support of my wonderful boyfriend who became my husband was tremendous. Only I could do it for myself though. Seaturtle, if I may be of any kind of help with this debilitating, horrid situation, I would willing to be here for you whenever you need me. I truly understand your fears.
Take care.
goldenwings :angel:
Just to say I was agoraphobic for years, and I too fought hard to overcome it just as you are doing. To have a life that is not ruled by fear is something that takes a lot of hard work, determination and a lot of tears. It is the hardest and the oddest situation to be in, to be afraid of the outdoors, not anything that was there in front of me that I could touch or see, to be afraid of even the thought of opening the front door. I couldn't even move from my chair to go to the next room without having a total full blown panic.
I was on my own living at home. It was dreadful. Who could I explain it to? Nobody. I couldn't even have anyone in my home, because I had a fear of being in a room with another person, that is how bad it got me. How do you explain this type of fear? You can't.
I fought and fought it in my own way, and I have come out the other side. It was one of the hardest battles I have fought. I won the battle. I am convinced I know of the trigger to my own situation, I have thought about it and I am sure of what caused it. Knowing now didn't help me in any way then though. I became dependent on a drug that I had been put on for a "stiff neck". Honestly, this is what they were given me for supposedly, tension in my neck. As time went on I needed more and more to help me function in the day. I finally found out what they were and weaned myself off them. I remember to this day it took me 20 months to do it, but I did it.
I never pat myself on the back but with this situation I did. Because I did it, I fought it and won. The support of my wonderful boyfriend who became my husband was tremendous. Only I could do it for myself though. Seaturtle, if I may be of any kind of help with this debilitating, horrid situation, I would willing to be here for you whenever you need me. I truly understand your fears.
Take care.
goldenwings :angel: