Here is a typical day in the life of my anxiety-ridden life. I just felt like sharing...

1) Wake up wobbly, groggy and out-of-it from all the alcohol, drugs and anxiety the day before.

2) Take a long walk (or not)

3) Have my coffee at the computer while reading the news, email, getting work done, etc.

4) Pop a 1mg Lorazepam so I can "get through the day".

5) Do some house work.

6) Start drinking and smoking at about 1:00 while doing things at the computer and around the house.

7) Stop drinking and smoking after 6-8 beers and a pack of cigarettes.

8) Watch TV as I slip into this hangover/anxiety/depression mood-thing.

9) Pop an Atarax (for sleep) and sometimes a Xanax because if I don't, I usually end up waking up at 2-3 in the morning with LOTS of anxiety and panic and can't get back to sleep until hours later.

10) Finally, I lay there trying to go to sleep at about 10-11 o'clock and have all these weird sensations - anything from tingling in my hands to tremors in my neck or face and everything in between. Sometimes it feels like my heart has stopped beating and I have to open my eyes to make sure I'm still alive. Sometimes my heart races or I'll have a weird sensation followed by a rush of adrenilin going through me and lots of panicky feelings. Other times, it feels like the bed is moving underneath me or I'll feel really spacy. Finally, I get to sleep.

Rinse and repeat...

Ahhhh!!!

Wow. I used to self-medicate, and have since determined that for me, it is not wise. The side effects of prescribed meds are bad enough; the side effects of "recreational drugs" are the effect which is being achieved.

About 30 years ago I was self-medicating and taking anti-depressants. I woke up in a hospital on my 23rd birthday recovering from a alcohol/prescription medicine, nearly-successful suicide attempt.

I didn't take prescription meds for about 29 years, and am only now, after reading your post, realizing that the alcohol and other "recreational" drugs were probably at fault, not the prescribed meds.

if you want ur heart to stop keep smoking and drinking.. i hope u dont.. but i think u should really quit soon.. asap, because i know people who have from smoking and alcohol abuse including eddie gurrerro a famous WWE westler... try to get some help for the bad habits.. take care