lilc
12-01-2005, 10:28 PM
OK, I've been having some pain in my left hip and leg. I kept seeing the cluster of lesions in my right frontal lobe, and I wondered if the two were related. So I did a quick web search to see if I could find what part of the brain controls what. What I found said that the frontal lobes control emotions and organization/planning/motivation.
I was SEVERELY depressed and anxious for 3 weeks or so, finally started an antidepressant (Lexapro) that seems to have helped, but has cost me the ability to feel joy. I have, for some time now, felt incapable of planning or organizing anything at all.
For all of us who have been dismissed as "depressed" and sent for psych evals, for all of us who have felt defective, damaged, crazy and inadequate: We can't stop fighting. Whether we have a dx or not, none of these doctors has a secret decoder ring that gives them all the answers where the CNS is concerned. The brain is a marvelous thing, let's not underestimate it's ability to overcome adversity - particularly when we ask our Maker to intervene.
Love to all you angels. :angel:
I was SEVERELY depressed and anxious for 3 weeks or so, finally started an antidepressant (Lexapro) that seems to have helped, but has cost me the ability to feel joy. I have, for some time now, felt incapable of planning or organizing anything at all.
For all of us who have been dismissed as "depressed" and sent for psych evals, for all of us who have felt defective, damaged, crazy and inadequate: We can't stop fighting. Whether we have a dx or not, none of these doctors has a secret decoder ring that gives them all the answers where the CNS is concerned. The brain is a marvelous thing, let's not underestimate it's ability to overcome adversity - particularly when we ask our Maker to intervene.
Love to all you angels. :angel:
Sponsor
StephanieAnne
12-01-2005, 11:40 PM
Hi lilc
I totally agree with you, and it can get tough trying to stay positive, and perservere [sp]. I can tell you how I was able to find joy again, I find joy [now this may sound silly] but, I find joy all around me, birds, squirrels, trees, weather, this started last summer and I still find joy, even when we have a forecast of lake effect snow which may drop up to 12 " of snow, it is all god's doing,. OK I found joy thru counseling, it opened my eyes to everything, I learned to take care of me, change my bad habits, to new habits that are good for me It has been difficult but it was worth it. Here is a huge change for me, usually at this time of the year I am up to my elbows in flour making hundreds of cookies, well I can't do that anymore, I don't have the energy and my brain just isn't up for it and I don't feel bad that I won't have homemade stuff to give as gifts, I actually feel free. :cool:
I figure the more good that I do for me, then the better off I am. I think that once you get dx'd, then you take that dx and work with it, and change,
alot of it is stepping out of your box and I have to tell you it feels so good!
It is easy for me to feel sorry for myself, and stay in bed, and do nothing, but that got me no where I try to stay positive, and of course I listen to my body and don't overdo, I have wicked lower back pain, hurts all the time when I stand, and walk, etc. but it could be worse. :nono: I won't stop fighting, dr's don't know everything, and the more that you can learn on your own the better you will be in the long run. :angel:
I totally agree with you, and it can get tough trying to stay positive, and perservere [sp]. I can tell you how I was able to find joy again, I find joy [now this may sound silly] but, I find joy all around me, birds, squirrels, trees, weather, this started last summer and I still find joy, even when we have a forecast of lake effect snow which may drop up to 12 " of snow, it is all god's doing,. OK I found joy thru counseling, it opened my eyes to everything, I learned to take care of me, change my bad habits, to new habits that are good for me It has been difficult but it was worth it. Here is a huge change for me, usually at this time of the year I am up to my elbows in flour making hundreds of cookies, well I can't do that anymore, I don't have the energy and my brain just isn't up for it and I don't feel bad that I won't have homemade stuff to give as gifts, I actually feel free. :cool:
I figure the more good that I do for me, then the better off I am. I think that once you get dx'd, then you take that dx and work with it, and change,
alot of it is stepping out of your box and I have to tell you it feels so good!
It is easy for me to feel sorry for myself, and stay in bed, and do nothing, but that got me no where I try to stay positive, and of course I listen to my body and don't overdo, I have wicked lower back pain, hurts all the time when I stand, and walk, etc. but it could be worse. :nono: I won't stop fighting, dr's don't know everything, and the more that you can learn on your own the better you will be in the long run. :angel:
iluvsiamese
12-02-2005, 01:15 PM
I have similar problems, but if the lexapro isn't letting you feel any joy at all then the antidepressant is NOT working for you. Easy enough to fix, try another, there are lots of different ones and don't give up until you have the right one, I've tried a few, zoloft works best for me, but everyone is different. Also the frontal damage can also include loss of emotion as a symtom... Not a pleasant idea, but it happens. I can no longer work due to my problems, lack of concentration is huge. I can't grasp new concepts. Trying to learn anything new is a joke. I used to be so on top of everything and very quick, now some days I can't remember the dates of my kids birthdays... little things like that are so frustrating. But we have to go on, that's just the hand we've been dealt, now we have to decide how we are going to play our cards.
Shadowrider
12-02-2005, 02:02 PM
Lilc,
Hi...you sound so much like me, I go over my MRIs and look at them, not all the time, but when I find info on the web and then I check out the MRIs to see how they look compared to what I've found.
You are right on about the frontal lobes and the damage there. The brain can and does find new pathways but it takes time, I suppose. I too have that dysfunction with organizing and doing anything that takes multiple steps. Some days seem clearer than others and those days are few and far between. I find myself starting something, then starting something else and forgetting about the first thing, and then starting something else and forgetting about the first two and then, I notice what I've done.
As for the Lexapro and lack of joy. I love what Stephanie has written about finding joy in the little moments in life. That is so right on. But I think that you, Lilc, are someone who normally does that. I tried Lexapro and had the same effect. It made me feel flat and unable to experience joy. I also experienced what I call "stings of sadness in the background." Like it was holding me back from feeling sad about something....and I hated that. Couldn't wait to get off of it and had no trouble getting off. I am now on Cymbalta, Lilc, and like that so much better. I feel joy at times, and I also can cry when I feel like it. But it helps so much with the depression. Now, thank you for reminding me because both of my guys are on it (husband and son) (Lexapro) and I'll watch for that not feeling joy thing.
You are right, our Creator will care for us. It's hard sometimes to see it, but we KNOW we believe it and it WILL happen. That's called faith! Hang tough and I pray for better days for you!
love, Shad
Hi...you sound so much like me, I go over my MRIs and look at them, not all the time, but when I find info on the web and then I check out the MRIs to see how they look compared to what I've found.
You are right on about the frontal lobes and the damage there. The brain can and does find new pathways but it takes time, I suppose. I too have that dysfunction with organizing and doing anything that takes multiple steps. Some days seem clearer than others and those days are few and far between. I find myself starting something, then starting something else and forgetting about the first thing, and then starting something else and forgetting about the first two and then, I notice what I've done.
As for the Lexapro and lack of joy. I love what Stephanie has written about finding joy in the little moments in life. That is so right on. But I think that you, Lilc, are someone who normally does that. I tried Lexapro and had the same effect. It made me feel flat and unable to experience joy. I also experienced what I call "stings of sadness in the background." Like it was holding me back from feeling sad about something....and I hated that. Couldn't wait to get off of it and had no trouble getting off. I am now on Cymbalta, Lilc, and like that so much better. I feel joy at times, and I also can cry when I feel like it. But it helps so much with the depression. Now, thank you for reminding me because both of my guys are on it (husband and son) (Lexapro) and I'll watch for that not feeling joy thing.
You are right, our Creator will care for us. It's hard sometimes to see it, but we KNOW we believe it and it WILL happen. That's called faith! Hang tough and I pray for better days for you!
love, Shad
lilc
12-02-2005, 08:12 PM
Hey, Angels, rest assured, I WILL get my joy back! I was home (Phoenix) for Thanksgiving, so got to go to my church. That's where I realized I would not settle for a "chemical lobotomy". I'll try another med. But I found the frontal lobe stuff so interesting. I REFUSE to let MS steal my joy, either!
Be Blessed!
Be Blessed!