She's so ANGRY all the time. Right now she's throwing a fit and banging her legs against the floor and biting her feet. I'm trying to ignore her until she gets over her tantrum, but it's so hard when she's grunting and banging her legs. I don't want her with bruises from doing it. She gets so mad and smacks me with her hands and pulls my hair. She bit her 5 month old brother til he screamed earlier this week. I had to pull her off of him. I don't know what her problem is. At night we try to hold her and help her sleep *bad habit I know* but she just screams and screams for hours. Even when we don't hold her she'll scream. And then she's fine playing on the floor. I NEED HELP!!!!!!! I want to punish her, but she's to young to understand, and I want to know what's wrong before I make it worse :(

edit to add she SCRATCHES. I just got a healthy dose of face scratching. She got mad cause I said no and she drug her claws down my face. Last night she did it twice. And when she has her night fits and kicks me in my knees which hurts like crazy. I try to keep calm and just hold her. I wish I knew what was wrong :(

Hi,Would it be possible that maybe she has an ear infection or some type of bacterial infection? Maybe take her to the doc and so that can be ruled out.

The only time she has ever well that i've known her to have an ear infection she could barely move. I freaked out and rushed her to the ER. Then had to deal with rude pediatrician cause I brought her to check on it like the er told me. Everytime I bring her in cause she's sick and has green nose and all that fun stuff they just send her home. <--doc's office that is. She's been fine all day today, but after trying to get her to sleep she threw a huge fit and kicked me until she finally just fell asleep. Usually when she gets sick she doesn't like to move around alot or just seem tired. Right now it's the total opposite. Course around 5 30 my grandmother gave her a donut while we were visiting just one. grr makes me so mad no wonder the family on her side is so over weight she shoves candy down the kids throats everytime they visit.

Even though a lot of it may seem pretty bad to you, all of her bahavior is pretty normal. Here's what I say. Let her do her grunting and banging of legs. She's not going to do it to the extent that she is going to hurt hurself. She's doing it to get attention. When she starts a tantrum get down on her level, calmly ask her what she wants, and if she can't answer you in a calm matter without hitting or biting, let her throw her tantrum in a safe place and let her be.

And she is not too young to be punished. Can she understand the phrase "that hurts, we don't hit (scratch, kick, etc.) do it again and you will get a time out."? Say something like that and then follow through every time. My son hated to be left alone in his crib, so that's where his timeouts took place (now at 2 1/2 he is just sent to his room for a few minutes.) But to me the crib was the safest place for him to freak out in because I knew he couldn't hurt himself. He was big into hitting for a while. But he doesn't do it any more.

And as far as her sleep, every family has their own way of getting their little ones to bed. But I think that if she's screaming regardless if you're holding her or not, maybe it's time to stop holding her and letting her learn a new way to fall asleep. Start easing her into a new routine perhaps. What is her bedtime routine now? Does she have any choices when it comes to bedtime? Picking which jammies she wants, what book to read, what toothbrush to use. Little things like that will help her feel like a big girl (which is one of the reasons they act out, because they're learning who they are and what they can and can't do)

Does she get choices throughout the day? I find that really helps with all the tantrums. Instead of saying it's time to get in the car, say we're going in the car, do you want to bring this toy or that toy? Or, it's time for lunch, do you want grapes or apples? Choices really help them.

It's all about them learning. At that age they still can't verbalize everything they need. They get frustrated and act out. They are learning what they can get away with. They are learning about your reactions. And if they hit you and they get no negative reaction, of course they are going to keep hitting, they haven't been taught otherwise.

Hang in there...it's a tricky thing. But if you start to nip it in the bud now, it will get better and help you lay the ground work for who is the child and who is the mom. Good luck!

She can't say much right now and she gets to choose what books she reads or what toys she can play with. I'm hoping that she verbalizes more and lets me know what she really wants. I tell her that hurt mommy and fake cryfor her. She's in a toddler bed so it's getting harder to get her to sleep lately. And I have to do something about her hitting/scratching. I'm blind in my right eye and when she was about a year old she scratched me in the left eye and I had to goto the hospital. I couldn't see until the next day and the pain was horrific. I gotta get her to stop scratching. I don't want to lose my eyesight over it :/

Do you tell her "No" in a firm voice? I did a lot of "oh please stop, that hurts mommy" until I was getting hurt. Now we get a firm, "No" "THAT HURTS MOMMY" then I put him down and walk away. He is not allowed to hurt anyone and if he does he is told no and does not get anymore attention after that for a couple of minutes.

Do you have a routine that is pretty much the same throughtout the day? Kids thrive on routine.

I also agree with everything Kiera said. It all sounds normal for the age. I would just try and be a little more firm about things.

I was at a conference and the speaker dealt with conflicts, her solutions really worked, here are some of the notes.

Speaker – Rachael Underwood
Conflicts and Resolution

Conflicts are affected by how we handle things.
What sort of a world are we preparing children for, what skills and qualities will they need.

What do you want for children?
o High self esteem
o Respect for self and others
o Responsible for their actions
o Creative
o Take risks
o Happy
o Express feelings appropriately
o Build relationships with others
o Have empathy with others

We all solve problems every day, including children.
o What to wear
o What to eat
o Which route to take

‘Life is a series of problems, coping and solving – do we want children to moan or solve?’

‘It is because of problems that we grow mentally and physically.’


When problems occur what are children learning about?
o Themselves
o Other child
o Problems
o Own wants
o Feelings
o The adult.

What are we setting them up for in the future?

Conflict Resolution
1. Approach quickly and calmly
2. Acknowledge their feelings
3. Gather information
4. Restate the problem
5. Ask for solution and choose together
6. Be prepared to give follow up support

When everything in life is going well your emotions are evenly balanced but when something rocks the boat your feelings take over and your thoughts (reasoning skills) are pushed out.

Instead of warning and time out just ask the children their ideas. Children can solve their problems, but only if you let THEM do it.