Hi all,

Im new to this topic here. Im an alcoholic, 32, female. I seem to get very drunk about every 7-11 days or so. Then stop for a little while.... 7-11 days again, then get drunk, etc. This has been going on for months now. Ive attended some AA meetings but I am REALLY inconsistent about going... like I will go to a few, then forget all about AA for weeks or months. (Im inconsistent with everything btw, not just meetings!).

I am also very undisciplined and lack motivation.... not proactive at all. Are these common traits in alcoholics? I dont know how to make myself be more consistent or, to take my addiction a lot more seriously than I seem to be taking it. It already has cost me a lot and just 2 weeks ago I messed up my car while driving home drunk from a bar (noone else involved, only the car got "hurt" thank God).

But I dont know.... I just read some posts on this Topic and I really liked them a lot! Especially the relapse prevention ones and the lists of things to do and Not to do, etc. I am doing almost every thing on the NOT TO DO list!!

If anyone has any suggestions for me, or even just some encouraging (or tough?) words, please post. I seem to never, ever learn from my mistakes. With drinking and also with anything else, but with the drinking is worse because I put myself and others in danger every time I go on a drunk. I dont want anything else bad to happen before I choose to quit FOR GOOD, u know? Why cant I learn? Why dont I listen? I know Im a total alcoholic and could never deny it. I have no problem with the Higher Power part of AA as I am a born-again Christian and my relationship with GOd is already the most important thing in my life.

Again, any wisdom, etc., would be greatly appreciated. Thank u for the person who makes all the very helpful posts, starts with an A or something.... thanks for listening. I would like to stay sober longer than 7--11 days this time.... I am currently on Day 8 of being sober.


Thanks,


Overcomer32

Oh I wanted to add that Ive been an alkie since I was in my teens and been drinking heavily for years. I wasnt clear about that in my other post, it sounds like Ive only been binge drinking the last few months and no, its been far, far longer than that!

Got a DUI in 2001, messed up on jobs, lost friends, money, etc. Nearly lost life Im sure, on more than 1 occasion. Used to drink every day (beer), get drunk, black-outs, passing out, etc. Did this for several years... now I "just" get drunk 3-5 times a month. Lately Ive been going to bars (alone) which scares me, because its dangerous for me to do that! Anyway, just wanted to give some background is all. I believe I was one of those drunks who was an addict from the very first time I got intoxicated at the age of 15. It runs in my family too, of course.

Peace,

OC32

I'm 27 and female. This is what I was like: heavy drinker, blackouts, loss of dignity, difficulty w/ work and friends, "gave" away money and possessions, drunk driving in 2003, drunk walking a week later :nono: , difficulty with stairs, up or down!, okay, I do joke about some of it now, but it was seriious and scary. Rapes, bruises, cuts, loss of time, I could never guarantee what would happen after I drank. I could never guarantee how many I'd have. I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't get behind the wheel of my car...or walk through town at night drunk (dangerous...huh?)

This is what I did: finally got sick and tired of living like that. I called a friend and went to aa. Didn't listen, didn't get a sponsor, didn't call people regularly....guess what-didn't work. The program, no that was fine. I didn't do what I needed to do-my work, my effort. So I got a sponsor, read the big book, went to 90 meetings in 90 days (if you do that you'll pretty much be in a habit and it will feel "weird" to not go. ) and have been working the steps. I have made friends with sober people and have changed my playmates and playgrounds. I am now 18 months sober and yes, some of the "promises" of the program have come true. I am now financially stable, am in very good standing with my job, have just finished my 3rd semester of graduate school, and have become a homeowner.

Hope that helps.

Wow, yes, thanks for posting (serenity)! Your post was very helpful to me and I could relate to it totally.

Same thing with me, I would go to meetings.... I would listen, but not do much else. I never did get a sponsor and I only read the Big Book and step stuff once in awhile, when I remembered to do so. I would occasionally share in the meetings, but I still didnt understand how just going to some meetings was going to help me not drink.

So like you, I went but didnt do the work. I really dragged my feet.... and would think if I went 10 days sober or something that Oh wow, 10 days! I dont feel like drinking. I wont go to AA again or will wait until I feel the urge again. My approach was all wrong. I was wanting to get sober (kind of anyway) but not willing to do any legwork on my end.

And today, I got bad news. I am college student part-time but just learned that the agency that was paying for me to will no longer pay for me.... they found out Ive been getting drunk on occasion from an outpatient alcohol group they had me going to since the summer. I quit the groups after a few months (they werent helping me) but I didnt know or think the girl at the alcohol place would go and tell my contact person at the agency that pays for my schooling. She did, and now they refuse to pay my college. So it sucks. Its my fault of course.

They said they want me to go to outpatient alcohol treatment again and if I do well, they will pay again in maybe the Summer sessions of college....

So I dont know. Im really angry with myself, and just so sick of this alcohol thing. I still have a part of me that wants to be able to drink sometimes, and thats the part that gets me in trouble.

I am really stubborn and wont go to 90 meetings in 90 days but I figure maybe 3-4 a week is realistic for me? I dont know.

Just thanks for your post, it did help me. Im glad youre sober for so long and that your life is turning upwards. Thats encouraging to hear.

Peace,

Loser32

If it was me I would start attending the Outpatient treatment again right away!!!! If drinking occasionally means you are throwing away a free education I feel that you will end up being really upset with yourself later on down the road. You already want to quit drinking. It's the addict in you that says "but I could still drink occasionally and I would be fine, right?".... Well for most people, no, that is not right. Do you really think that every few months you could go to the bar and just have one or two and then go home and not drink again for months? If you could, then that is what you would be doing now... I know that when I used to drink I couldn't go and have just one or two. Because once I had two my common sense went out the window and I would keep drinking. And while I only drank occasionally (I don't at all anymore) I still had a problem keeping the quantity down when I did go out. That is what alcohol does to people. So I am not sure it is realistic for you to think that you will still be able to drink occasionally. I'm not trying to be harsh at all... I'm just pointing it out to you. I have the same problem with pills. I think to myself that I will take the prescribed amount the majority of the time, but it won't hurt anything if I take a few extra here and there. But once I start taking extra I end up taking extra EVERY day... Now I have to have my brother hold my meds because I have a medical condition that prevents me from being able to go off them completely. But really I would be so happy if I had even the chance to be able to be drug free.

It sounds to me that deep down you don't want alcohol in your life at all anymore. I really hope that you are able to do that! You can do anything if you want it bad enough. Just keep telling yourself that. And I know what you mean about 90 meetings in 90 days. I knwo that is what most people have to do in the end to help themselves. But it doesn't hurt to TRY 3-4 meetings a week. And like Serenity said, I really think that if you are going to go the AA route you should get a sponcer. Really involve youself in the group. I would think that would help you to be more consistent about going, sharing, etc... Good luck!!! Keep us posted as to how you are doing. Good or bad. There is no judgement on this board. We are here for you no matter what. :)