:wave: Hello,

I too have been lurking around and posted a couple of times when I thought I could help. I have never 'told my story' so here it is. I am in the medical profession and very afraid my addiction will be found out and I will lose my job. I am 41, married 23 years, w/one 18 y/o son. Any way I had a back injury that led to a 24-30 a day lortab/10 (and any other narcotic pain med I could find) addiction that lasted about 4 years. I came clean Thanksgiving day w/my husband of 23 years. We went to a clinic in Palm Beach, FL that weekend and I was started on a Subutex taper. It is a six week taper and I am now on 2mg in the morning and 2mg in the evening. I am worried about relapse and considering a maint. program. But, after reading the w/d effects of long term subutex use I am afraid to stay on or come off. Any suggestions or input? I have a small amount of w/d s/s each time I decrease the sub dose, but have been given klonipin for this. I have faired very well, but am getting anxious about stopping it all together. I know it has analgesic effects so it is appealing to me that is could continue to help with my back pain and my 'psychological' addiction. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
You guys just don't know how much just reading your posts has helped. Just 2 know I am not alone helps alot. I have read many of them 2 or 3 times for the encouragement. :) Thanks for listening Lisac2

Hi, LisaC2,

Welcome to the Board! :D It is always great when a new member joins the "family." I am an oldie, who's been "MIA" for awhile--but I guess it's the holiday season...somehow it always brings out a yearning in me to connect with old friends....And new! This is a warm and wonderful group of people.

And..we always feel like we've hit the jackpot when that newbie just happens to be in the medical profession!! :D We need all the help we can get!

Now, let me see how I can help you, in some way.

I am currently on 4-6 mg of Subutex (since last December 2004), after too many years of starring in the long-running show "OpiatesRme"!!! LOL! :D And I am no youngerster, who didn't know better (Hint: Guess what age the first of the baby boomers are turning in January????") :eek:

I've remained on the Subutex for so long, because it had a powerful effect on my clinical depression--it blew the clouds away from a life-long struggle that no amount or variety of antidepressants had ever been able to completely head off. It left me feeling "normal" for the first time in many years.

(You can read more of my story in the archives, here.)

As my psychiatrist is also a researcher and writer about the effects of drugs, like Sub, on addiction, she knew of studies being done on the side-effect of Sub as a reducer of depression. And, watching me recover to such a degree, she decided, last spring, to let me continue on it for the time being. She emphasized that, when I do come off it, I will have to taper infintessimally and for a long period--but, she feels that depression is the greatest robber of quality in life....and to see the difference between myself last year and this...is strong grounds for letting me continue. :)

However, I know that most Sub users do not stay on it as long because of the need for such slow withdrawal from it.

I see that it has had an analgesic and "psychological" effect on you.....my doc also spoke of its pain reducing aspects. It is hard for many posters here to believe that there is absolutely no "high" from Sub. And I can understand that, because it is a powerful drug. My own belief is that much of the happiness that comes from Sub is the utter relief of being off drugs and getting your old self back again! :bouncing:

Goddessgrl, on of the Board's most knowledgeable and compassionate posters, has just finished a taper off Sub after being on it for about two years, I think it is. You should really check out her posts. Other posters have described successful shorter tapers. It seems to vary so much with each individual.

One main point that seems to be the crux of most successful tapers is allowing as much time as your body needs, since Sub is such a powerful drug. Even a 0ne mg . drop in dosage is a lot. But, as you are in the medical field, you know all this.

My advice is to go to the Archives here and search under "Subutex"--and just read all the info. and stories you can soak in. It can seem conflicting--but, again--we all have our own brain chemistry. Also, Sub is a drug that is really in its infancy.....so, to a certain extent, our doctors are learning more about it thru their patients! :rolleyes:

Anyway, I am so glad you've found us. And I'm also happy to know that you shared your story of addiction with your husband. That must be such a relief.

A lot of posters advocate NA or AA or other support groups. (ie, the internet--a boards such as this!) Others have made it thru with a spouse or close friend. We each find recovery in our own best way.

So, welcome, again, Lisa. And we look forward to sharing in your recovery!

Lynn :wave:

Hello Lisa,
I was on the sub from the summer of 04 until Feb of 05 and made the choice to come off of it earlier than my doc advised. I would have done the same thing again if I had to do it over again. I am very happy to be only on my AD’s right now, but if the sub had warded of the depression as well as it did the cravings I would not have been so eager to stop. Everyone is affected differently by different meds. For me, it certainly stopped the cravings and drug seeking behavior but overall I was melancholy, depressed, gaining weight etc. but at least I wasn’t acting like a dope fiend. I was on Suboxone, as apposed to subutex, which could account for some of the negative reactions and the fact that my AD’s were not working effectively while I was on it.

I can tell you that when I had the strength to come off of it, I did it. I just knew that I was ready and would not pick-up. Until then I embraced the sub with gratitude it was so much better than being a slave to the pills. How can I compare the pills to the sub? They really are different. If I could have quit it all right off I would have, but I needed the bridge that the sub provided.

If you check a history of my early posts you'll see my ups and downs and different perspectives as I went through the recovery process. Funny how my point of view really changes my opinion/beliefs.

Just my 2cents. Hope it helps.

Peace,
:angel: Lisa 2

:) Thanks twin and 2b. I have been reading the post and still struggling w/my decision. I have 2 more weeks on my taper. So have to decide in the next few days. Thanks LisaC2 :confused: