My mother just had a CT yesterday...the results were devastating! There are a couple of small nodules in a lung, spots all over every lobe in her liver, and many more areas basically in the lower region of her body. She has decided no more chemo. She is in her 50's. What kind of time do we have left with her? What would be the best thing we could do for her?

Keep her comfortable. Monitor her need for and reaction to pain meds. Too little and she will suffer needlessly, too much and she will be too 'out-of-it' to make the most of the time she has. If you question the amount of meds the doctors are giving her then speak up right away.

Let her dictate what she wants to do as far as arrangements. You may make some suggestions but pressing someone too much or rushing things is not called for.

NEVER treat her as if she is already gone. Do not refer to her in the past tense and correct (in private) anyone who does.

There will be better days and not so good days. Cherish the better ones and comfort her in the bad ones.

There is always an outside hope of spontaneous remission but it is rare.

My heart goes out to you and your family and your mother.

My mother just had a CT yesterday...the results were devastating! There are a couple of small nodules in a lung, spots all over every lobe in her liver, and many more areas basically in the lower region of her body. She has decided no more chemo. She is in her 50's. What kind of time do we have left with her? What would be the best thing we could do for her?


I am so sorry, Epse. I had a feeling from your other post that your mother might be in that place and just reluctant to share that. I don't know whether you are looking at months or a year, without you talking to your mother or her oncologist that would be impossible to project.

One thing that might be helpful is to get information about Hospice care beforehand as many people wait way too long for that. I think you could ask her oncologist about that and try talking to her about it, if she is willing.

You said she was in a lot of pain and hopefully her doctor is going to help her with that, sooner rather than later.

Spending as much time with her as possible is probably the best thing you can do, as well as letting her know it is OK to talk about it.

We can't post links here, of course; however, try to find some on hospice care and you will be surprised how compassionate and wise these people are in these times.

My heart goes out to you and your mom..

Michelle

So sorry to hear your news
Epse.. Just be there for her but also dont forget to take care of you too.
(Hugs)

I cannot express in words how wonderful Hospice has been - not only for my Dad but for a close family friend.
They are just as much experts in end of life and alleviating pain as any oncologist is knowledgeable about cancer.
Your mom's oncologist can get you in touch with them, or you can contact them yourself. Within 24 hours my 'uncle of the heart' had everything delivered to his home that they would need - they only wish they had called sooner.

I cannot tell you how big a hug you are getting from me right now - no one who hasn't gone through the loss of one they love from cancer ever really understands. Or knows what to say.
I am glad you found us.
Ruth
:angel:

Epse, my thoughts are with you and your mother. We did hospice care with my father. His situation was heart failure. He went into a hospice facility. The care and compassion were outstanding. He died 4 years ago, and we still go to their fundraising dinner every year (except last year-my wife wasn't making any plans while I was on chemo), and give them a donation. There is also home hospice care. The doctor's office should be able to help. They can put you in touch with social workers and/or hospice organizations. I found it to be a hard time, but the hospice workers do everything they can to make things easier for both the patient and family. We have a friend who's mother went to the same hospice as my father. The care was so good, that she survived 7 months there-she actually thrived there. My wishes are with you.