Hello All,
I not sure if i should be posting this here but here goes anyways,
I'm a mother of two loving boys ages 12 and 2 1/2 yrs as you can see there is a very big age diff between the two of them they are from the same marriage i just never thought that i would like to have more than one child, i was to busy focusing on my career at the time after some major layoffs i found myself with out a job and very depressed some time later i found i was having a baby and had mixed emotions but by the end i was a happy camper
almost 3yrs later I'm now a stay at home mom ( ALL THE CREDIT IN THE WORLD TO ALL THE STAY AT HOME MOMS ) :angel: i love it very much but i'm having a hard time with AGE difference between my children, my little on requires so much attention, i have noticed that my 12yr spends alot of time doing things on his own i have been feeling very guilty over it I'm going to make every effort to change that. I love these children with all my heart they are the world to me, My husband works a 40 hour work week which is not a lot considering but dosent help much with the children, i have tried talking to him about it but he does not say much, I find myself very stress, overworked and tired he says he doenst understand why i'm at home all day. I know that he loves the kids but i dont understand why having a part in rasing your children to him is more like a chore, not a loving experience.......I'm just thinking if i had my husbands help i would not have this problem he could spend time with my youngest while i was with the oldest
Well i could go on forever but i wont thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read this and please feel free to comment
Thanks
Des :wave:

I know where you are coming from!

My hubby loves our girls (aged 11 and 8) however he is happier watching tv or reading a book than playing with them. He will take them shopping (something he enjoys and I hate) or out on their bikes but when it comes to reading a bed time story or sitting through music practice he is no where to be seen.
He loves to cook but never thinks about what the girls would like to eat, he always wants something they dont like!
From talking to my friends, he is quite an angel, their hubbies are worse than mine. Some of them go off to the pub or play footie with their mates when they come in from work rather than spend time with the kids.

I think its just in the majority of mens naural insinct to go out to work and leave the child rearing to us women. Mind I did say majority, some men are fab with children, just there is not many!

Thanks for the reply you are right things could be worst a lot of my freinds hubbys love to go out to clubs and places like that my hubby is not into that.
I just wish that he would spend more time with the kids and less time in front of the tv watching sports all the time.

I have to say MOST men are this way, not all because my sister has a wonderful husband and father to her childeren, i think he knows the kids better than her lol :)
Thanks for the reply
Des :wave:

With the age difference in your kids, you are essentially raising two "only children." It's not surprising the older one is off on solo pursuits and in general that's healthy.

most may be that way...but you can change that. You need to sit down with him and make him understand why you want him to spend time with the kids. All of you go out somewhere together...........as a family........He needs to spend time with them...believe me, they will be grown and gone before you know it and you can't go back..........you make the rules and he needs to understand what kids need...they need BOTH parents...doesn't matter if you stay home all day...has nothing to do wtih him being a parent.....an involved parent..............your kids would love it...and he would too! It might surprise him how much he enjoys it.

I know where you are coming from! I have been a stay at home mom for the past 6 years. My oldest is 6! I haven't worked outside of the home in 7 years. We have 2 children right now. The younger is 5 as of the 5th of this month. One is in school and the other is half a day. I have started cleaning houses part time. It is so hard to find a flexible job when you have kids! Daycare is so expensive and besides, I would rather raise my children than have someone else do it. My mom did home daycare for years! I saw too many kids that she pretty much raised. She spent a whole lot more time with most of those kids than their parents did. I don't want someone else to get all my firsts! First word, step, and so on. I feel very over worked! I need to go to a SPA!! Dream on!! It is very hard work! Honestly, it is harder than alot of out of the house jobs. Our work never really ends. Well, I guess not for all. I am a total neat freak. I want everything in its place. It never really is though! lol! Dogs, kids, husband! Stays clean for about 30 min. at the most. Or at least the way I like it.

My husband is starting to pitch in! He spends some time with the kids. Mostly, in the evening in front of the tv. I would throw that thing away if I could. It stays off until hubby comes home! lol! He had a really really messed up childhood. I felt like I had to finish raising him. Really bad habits. He had the potential though. I am 25 and he is 31. In the past 7 years since we have been together, he has come a pretty far way! Maybe by the time he is 50 I will have molded myself my perfect man! I feel like he is very lazy. If I want something done right, do it myself. That way, I can't complain about nothing. I have started planning family activities. I don't really give him much of a choice anymore. I used to ask what he wanted to do. Now, I just make plans and tell him that we are doing this on this day! He gets a little aggravated, but he gets over it pretty quick. He has a pretty short fuse too. So, it isn't so bad with him being gone most of the time.

Just start making plans for family outings. Sometimes, I even decide to go to McDonalds or Chucky Cheese just to play. I get in the playplace and play with kids. I have even gotten him in there with us! He is trying. Like I said, he is still young and so are the kids. What I say, pretty much goes. I don't think he can think on his own! lol! I ask a question and he responds with I don't know. I don't know how he made it before we got together. We have lived in this house the same amount of time. He still doesn't know where anything is except for our dishes! Pretty funny! "Honey, where is this at?" "Well, why don't you look for it." "Cause it is easier for you to just tell me." I love him to death. Sometimes it feels like I have 3 kids!! lol!!

I am there too! I understand. Late baths will become your best friend! A hot bubble bath with some candles after everyone else is in bed. That way you don't have any distubances! :D

Sorry it is so long!!!

I know where you are comig from. I am a stay at home mom of two (3 and 4 years old). My husband is in the Navy so he does go out on deployments. But when he is home all he wants to do is destress. Yeah, I understand his job is stressing, but I have a 24 hour a day job too and unlike him, I do not days off and I don't get paid. Boys, they never grow up. Personally, I think the government should pay stay at home moms :) . I guess that it must be inborn because almost every woman I have talked to has the same problem with her husband. And to my friends who think I have it better, you don't see what goes on behind closed doors.

Hi young Moma,
After reading your post i felt like i wrote it myself!!!!

I was thrilled when i read that you like myself would rather rasie your children and not have anyone else do it that is exactly how i feel i get alot of grief my friends and family about this they think my youngest should be in daycare aready so i can get back to work but i refuse to have someone else to teach and nurture him those very important first years. Do get me wrong i know some people feel that they have to it thats there choice but i just choose not to do it. Those years are very important to me and my child. I wouldnt change it for the world even though i find myself stressed and soooo tired at times. Our jobs never end and i dont hink our hubby's understand that!

My husband and i kind of grew up together LOL i was 17 yrs old he was 18 yrs when we meet as we all know girls mature faster than boys do, so i guess i did some raising of my own LOL :D through the years he has learned atlot like you i like my home in order i cant walk out that door if my home is not in order he has become use to it and now helps around the house on weekends or in the evenings when we first meet he thought i was nuts :eek:

I'm going to take your advice and just start planning outings instead of asking i always get i dont know he would rather just stay at home and watch sports all day long. Im kind of limted to what we can do, financialy we are pretty tight being that it is cold out 25-30 degrees going to the park, hiking or having a picnic is not a option for right know. But i'm still going to try to plan something.

Almost forgot......
Long bubble baths have become my BEST FRIEND ;)
Regards, Des

most may be that way...but you can change that. You need to sit down with him and make him understand why you want him to spend time with the kids. All of you go out somewhere together...........as a family........He needs to spend time with them...believe me, they will be grown and gone before you know it and you can't go back..........you make the rules and he needs to understand what kids need...they need BOTH parents...doesn't matter if you stay home all day...has nothing to do wtih him being a parent.....an involved parent..............your kids would love it...and he would too! It might surprise him how much he enjoys it.


Hi,
I have pretty much said to him everyhting that you posted at one time or another he does try sometimes but i find that he does not have the patience that i have so maybe thats why he does not get involved as much as he should. I'm going to start planing something for us to do as a family maybe once a week on a Saturday or something..
Thanks for post
Des :wave:

Hi rhuck,
Ah dont you just love that when your hubby tells you they need to destress after work. When do we get a chance to DESTRESS.........
I think you wrote something brillant ......The goverment should pay stay at home moms being that it is in my opion one of the most important jobs in the world!!!!! :D
Take care
Des :wave:

We don't have alot of money to spare either. This time of the year really stinks. Birthday in November, then of course Christmas, and then, another birthday that was last week. My hubby's is this month too! Pretty much paycheck to paycheck. I give the kids their choice! They love being able to pick where we go. It's usually McDonald's! lol! My husband hates eating there. He's just burnt out. He still does though. That's a cheap place to go and be able to play. This time of the year gets tough to have family outings. This past weekend, I had my sister's baby shower. He decided to take the kids out and fly a remote controlled airplane. It really surprised me that he volunteered to take them.

Summertime, we go to the lake alot! His mom has a lake lot and we go swimming out there. I tie a block around a float and can relax and tan. The kids have really good swimmers. We also have a pool at home. It isn't very big though. We just get the cooler filled with drinks and take some snacks. Very cheap and fun!! Of course we also go do other stuff. We just go to the lake more than anything. The kids fish, swim, play in the sand, collect mussells. The also love to be able to cook their own hotdog! Makes them feel like they are big!

I try to do stuff that my hubby enjoys. He doesn't get bored with it so quickly and spends more one on one with the kids. He is learning to become more patient with the kids. He teaches them stuff occasionally. He gets mad! lol! All the why questions!! Our 6yr old boy loves to follow him around like a puppy dog. He wants to be just like his dad. My dad really didn't spend much time with us kids either. It was mainly my mom. I don't know if it will ever change for you. It's best that at least you are there for your children all the time! Instead of someone else. I couldn't imagine both of us working out of the house.

:angel:

You should do what my girlfriend used to do. She would plop the baby on her husband's lap, grab her purse and run out the door with her older child before her husband could protest. Worked like a charm.

LOL :) Thats a great idea !!! I never go any where with out the kids !