bopper
01-23-2006, 03:57 PM
I think my husband has OCD.
His 'checking' rituals are driving me insane.
Since he was a young boy, he would get angry when someone (at this time) would dust his room and things would be moved from the specific place he assigned them. When we began sharing accomodations many moons ago, I gave up on dusting because he would literally go behind me and adjust them to the way he needed them to be.
Now, 13 years later, he is still doing the dusting and it has advanced to now these 'checking' rituals. He checks the usual OCD things like doors and windows but also, he checks the outlets, light switches (had a house fire as a child), the faucets have to be aligned and he does this weird little thing where he couples his hands together and raises them up and down while checking the faucet...whatever this is. He does this alone but of course, you are sometimes bound to catch him.
He is passing this on to our daughter, now 6 and I feel bad for her and her sister and me too. It is driving us crazy. I avoid going downstairs and the kids are not freely allowed to go downstairs because it will upset daddy. He would then be uneasy about the state of the downstairs.
The kids rarely have friends in (unless it's just mommy home) because it stresses daddy out.
I'm at my whitts end. I wish I knew how to help him! He knows I am now aware that there is a problem but he just gets defensive if I bring it up. Maybe that's because I am usually silent about it unless I get so frustrated I just blow.
His 'checking' rituals are driving me insane.
Since he was a young boy, he would get angry when someone (at this time) would dust his room and things would be moved from the specific place he assigned them. When we began sharing accomodations many moons ago, I gave up on dusting because he would literally go behind me and adjust them to the way he needed them to be.
Now, 13 years later, he is still doing the dusting and it has advanced to now these 'checking' rituals. He checks the usual OCD things like doors and windows but also, he checks the outlets, light switches (had a house fire as a child), the faucets have to be aligned and he does this weird little thing where he couples his hands together and raises them up and down while checking the faucet...whatever this is. He does this alone but of course, you are sometimes bound to catch him.
He is passing this on to our daughter, now 6 and I feel bad for her and her sister and me too. It is driving us crazy. I avoid going downstairs and the kids are not freely allowed to go downstairs because it will upset daddy. He would then be uneasy about the state of the downstairs.
The kids rarely have friends in (unless it's just mommy home) because it stresses daddy out.
I'm at my whitts end. I wish I knew how to help him! He knows I am now aware that there is a problem but he just gets defensive if I bring it up. Maybe that's because I am usually silent about it unless I get so frustrated I just blow.
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bopper
01-24-2006, 01:19 PM
No thoughts or comments on this from anyone?
dgold
01-28-2006, 02:39 PM
This is a serious problem. It is obvious OCD. I have had similar problems myself.
You need to comfront him about this in a nice and gentle way and tell him there is help available to him. Call the local OCD foundation and get referalls for Behavioral Therapist that specialize in OCD. Tell him you will go with him to the therapist to help aid.
If he still refuses...you need to tell him this is greatly effecting the marriage and making it very unconfrontable for you to live here.
I am not a therapist but this is what I would do. Tell him this is a problem that effects 2 percent of the population. It is one of the most common mental health problems around but there is help and ways to reduce it.
You need to comfront him about this in a nice and gentle way and tell him there is help available to him. Call the local OCD foundation and get referalls for Behavioral Therapist that specialize in OCD. Tell him you will go with him to the therapist to help aid.
If he still refuses...you need to tell him this is greatly effecting the marriage and making it very unconfrontable for you to live here.
I am not a therapist but this is what I would do. Tell him this is a problem that effects 2 percent of the population. It is one of the most common mental health problems around but there is help and ways to reduce it.
bopper
01-31-2006, 04:12 PM
Thank you so much for your feedback. You too suffer from OCD. I am so very pleased that you responded then.
I would love to confront him on this issue. I'm ok with that. What I am afraid of is his response. I am very confident he will not be receptive to a therapist or even admitting that it is an issue.
It does however make it nearly impossible to feel happy in my own home.
I always feel as though I am being watched and corrected.
I would love to continue communicating with you about this.
I would love to confront him on this issue. I'm ok with that. What I am afraid of is his response. I am very confident he will not be receptive to a therapist or even admitting that it is an issue.
It does however make it nearly impossible to feel happy in my own home.
I always feel as though I am being watched and corrected.
I would love to continue communicating with you about this.
bopper
07-26-2007, 09:40 AM
Funny, I found this post, originally created by me, several months ago, while searching "marriage" on the OCD board. Several months later, I am still hanging on to what is left of the marriage but feel considerably worse about the future and what it holds for me and my daughters. The house has changed in to this angry, tense environment that I cannot tolerate any longer.
I still have a lot of compassion for my husband and what he is going through but now I'm feeling like I don't want the rest of us to be drug down with him. He has still not sought professional help despite numerous conversations raised by me asking him to do so.
I guess the next step is for me to ask him to leave and for us to separate. If he is not willing to seek help to help our family, the girls and I are definately going to be better off without him.
Problem is, I'm scared. Can I function better as a role model and parent on my own?
I still have a lot of compassion for my husband and what he is going through but now I'm feeling like I don't want the rest of us to be drug down with him. He has still not sought professional help despite numerous conversations raised by me asking him to do so.
I guess the next step is for me to ask him to leave and for us to separate. If he is not willing to seek help to help our family, the girls and I are definately going to be better off without him.
Problem is, I'm scared. Can I function better as a role model and parent on my own?
Psychobabble
07-26-2007, 03:32 PM
Hi Bopper,
It seems you are in a very tough situation. I am sorry to read about that. I guess since he is not willing to seek help even after you've discussed it with him numerous times, then he just isn't ready at this point. However, this is not fair to you and your daughters. You should not have to suffer from this. I wish he would seek the help he so much needs...but sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before a person goes for help.
I am not married and do not have kids so I can't give you any advice about that. However, I have been in a committed relationship for 6 years and I have OCD. I have seen how it can negatively affect those who love me so that was a huge motivation for me to get help. I would not have expected the people in my life to keep supporting me further if I didn't get help.
I can't imagine how scary this all is for you especially since you do seem to truly love your husband. I wish I could give you better advice, but I can't. All I can say is that we are all here for you in this board. Good luck with whatever you choose. Just remember, if he isn't willing to get help for his OCD then you shouldn't have to suffer that burden. You have been as supportive as you can be given the circumstances. Good luck and keep us posted.
It seems you are in a very tough situation. I am sorry to read about that. I guess since he is not willing to seek help even after you've discussed it with him numerous times, then he just isn't ready at this point. However, this is not fair to you and your daughters. You should not have to suffer from this. I wish he would seek the help he so much needs...but sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before a person goes for help.
I am not married and do not have kids so I can't give you any advice about that. However, I have been in a committed relationship for 6 years and I have OCD. I have seen how it can negatively affect those who love me so that was a huge motivation for me to get help. I would not have expected the people in my life to keep supporting me further if I didn't get help.
I can't imagine how scary this all is for you especially since you do seem to truly love your husband. I wish I could give you better advice, but I can't. All I can say is that we are all here for you in this board. Good luck with whatever you choose. Just remember, if he isn't willing to get help for his OCD then you shouldn't have to suffer that burden. You have been as supportive as you can be given the circumstances. Good luck and keep us posted.
Psychobabble
07-26-2007, 03:43 PM
Hi Bopper,
One more thing: Perhaps you might consider seeking out a therapist to talk to about all of this? Sometimes it helps just to get a professional's opinion to help you cope in these tough times. While your husband would certainly benefit from therapy, he is not the only one that his OCD affects...often times, family members or loved ones also need someone to talk to. That way, you can perhaps learn some techniques for dealing with his OCD episodes (for instance, you might learn some ways not to give in to his compulsions that only make the OCD worse). Just a suggestion :-)
One more thing: Perhaps you might consider seeking out a therapist to talk to about all of this? Sometimes it helps just to get a professional's opinion to help you cope in these tough times. While your husband would certainly benefit from therapy, he is not the only one that his OCD affects...often times, family members or loved ones also need someone to talk to. That way, you can perhaps learn some techniques for dealing with his OCD episodes (for instance, you might learn some ways not to give in to his compulsions that only make the OCD worse). Just a suggestion :-)
bopper
07-26-2007, 04:54 PM
Thanks so much Psychobabble. I REALLY appreciate the feedback from someone who suffers from OCD. Fact is, I know what I have to do but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I have in the past, seen a psychiatrist to help me deal with all of this but I stopped going thinking I was ok to handle things on my own. Obviously, not so.
I have in the past, seen a psychiatrist to help me deal with all of this but I stopped going thinking I was ok to handle things on my own. Obviously, not so.
bopper
07-27-2007, 10:36 AM
My final and firm decision is this: talk with him to tell him he needs to seek professional help. if he is not willing, I'm not willing to stay in the relationship.
We have had this discussion before. Difference is, I've not acted on the ending the relationship bit. This time, I will. I've decided I cannot tolerate his unwillingness to get better.
Phew, I said it. Now, to do it!
We have had this discussion before. Difference is, I've not acted on the ending the relationship bit. This time, I will. I've decided I cannot tolerate his unwillingness to get better.
Phew, I said it. Now, to do it!
Psychobabble
07-27-2007, 12:30 PM
Hi Bopper,
Just wanted to wish you luck with talking with your husband! Be strong, I know you can do it. Perhaps if he knows you are serious about your decision, that will give him that little extra push to seek professional help. If he doesn't, just remember that you and your daughters deserve to be happy (at least comfortable) and that living in the current environment will not foster that.
Keep us posted.
Just wanted to wish you luck with talking with your husband! Be strong, I know you can do it. Perhaps if he knows you are serious about your decision, that will give him that little extra push to seek professional help. If he doesn't, just remember that you and your daughters deserve to be happy (at least comfortable) and that living in the current environment will not foster that.
Keep us posted.
bopper
08-30-2007, 11:23 AM
the girls and I are still sharing our lives with hubby.
hubby and i have talked a great deal about triggers and my/our modified behavour to accommodate his OCD. no more modified behaviour for me or the kids. it is his issue and he will have to deal with it rather than us changing the way we live to allow him to have less fears.
that's where i'm standing firm.
hubby and i have talked a great deal about triggers and my/our modified behavour to accommodate his OCD. no more modified behaviour for me or the kids. it is his issue and he will have to deal with it rather than us changing the way we live to allow him to have less fears.
that's where i'm standing firm.
gardenandcats
08-30-2007, 12:06 PM
Its time for you to insist that hubby seek help for this problem.Usually one med will help.You and your children do not and should not have to live like this. Your hubby will be glad you made him get help.His life will be so much better,