Hi Toomuch......I started a new "topic" because the other one was getting VERY long - that just goes to show that we all care about you and want to help, I guess! PLEASE tell the doctor about your family history - I know that meds are very scary, but at some point you have to trust that the doctor wants the best for you, OK? As for the part about hitting your child - we have ALL done things like that to our children - let's face it, a 3 year old can REALLY get on your nerves at times!!! Please don't feel guilty - children are very forgiving of we imperfect parents. At least you recognize that it wasn't the best thing to do, and will try not to repeat it. I have absolutely no doubt that you love them will all your heart. I give you a lot of credit and a HUGE pat on the back for being able to raise 3 boys, especially when you are not feeling well. Give yourself some credit also, OK? The symptoms that you are feeling are NOT your fault.....you have a pretty "heavy" family history, as well as having had a very tough childhood.....my God girl, get yourself to the doctor and open up about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of.....it's NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!

Hi Toomuch,

Scrappymum is so right. Children can be very demanding.
I once threw a jar of hotsauce at the wall, when my daughter was young( she was in another room)! Huge mess.

I think your re-write is great http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Print that puppy out!
Don't worry about spelling- we can tell what you're writing.

Meg's point about getting a physical exam, as well, is good advice.

Keep writing.

Love,
Delphi

I just seen your posts.

Thank you, you are sweet.
I wrote more on the post I started here and I wrote in
the Anxitiy..

I have copyed alot of what I have written cause more is coming out in here.. I have it on wordpad. So I will copy it,, Monday is going to be so hard..

Than you so much for caring and not leaveing me.

I wat to be a good Mom, but I don't think I am,, I try. I have thrown things alot myself.

Read the other posts, you may understand more.
Do you think they will lock me up ?? Should I REALLY tell the Dr. ALL I have said here???? Will I lose right to my kids?? I know you can't answer that.

It's Panic Disorder that I wrote in, replaying to others also.

My 3 year old keeps saying, " You happy now Mommy /"
My 17 years old sayd I keep changing. He moved in with us for about 8 months now.. I didn't think anything of what my 17 yr. old said, afriad to even ask him to explain.
My 3 yr. old wants me happy.. Sad, he knows Mommy isn't well..

My 13 yr. old doesn't say anything, but maybe I am grumpy. My 13 yr. old is a sweet heart. I wonder what I have done to him. Maybe I made him not talk to much..

[del'd]

[This message has been edited by chrysanthemum (edited 01-10-2003).]

Chrys, Thank you..!!!!
Yes my husband is a sweety, but still I worry of what he will think.
I believe I will give what I wrote to my Dr,, but If I feel like he has that I don't care additude. I am not so sure.
I plan too give it to him.
I seen this Dr. Once just for a few mins... I wonder if he will still be working there when I go..

Thanks

[del'd]

[This message has been edited by chrysanthemum (edited 01-10-2003).]

Hi again Toomuch.....I've been reading over your posts, and as someone else suggested (but remember I'm not a doctor, just a nurse) it sure sounds like some of your symptoms are similar to classic symptoms of schizophrenia. You do have a family history of the disorder as well. I'm not saying this to frighten you, but to reassure you that all of the things you are experiencing (seeing things, hearing things) can simply be symptoms of that particular disorder. And remember, it's a brain chemistry thing - not your fault and not a weakness of any kind. You have shown incredible strength. There are new and very effective medications which can control the symptoms and enable you to lead a "normal" life (I say that with a smile, because I know very few people who actually have a normal life, whatever that is!) It is SO IMPORTANT for you to see the doctor, and tell him everything. I am really wishing the best for you, and have you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep in touch.

Chrys,, Thank you. I didn't get to copy some of the posts I wrote cause it was deleted. I don't have ink for my printer, So I was going to copy and mail to to myself, then see if I can go some where, (?) library and copy it. Then I was going to hand it to my Dr. and that would open the door. Can't get a new dr. No insurance, and money for a new one..
Courage you said, why does that make me feel, I don't know..... Things are so hard !!!!


Scrappymum, Hello too, I thought I said it, but maybe I didn't.
My Mother has, Anixity, Parnoid, Schizapheria,, She takes Triavil, Serax, and Trilafon..
I just found this out.
My Grandmother had Anxitiy, and bioplor (bypler) Can't spell it.

Well my Father raped me since birth, so I would say he is ill..

Does this brain chemistry thing come and go? Wouldn't I hear or see things all the time?
Cause I don't, not all the time. Depends on the day I guess or whats going on??

You all have help so much, wish I didn't have to go to the Dr. myself, but I wouldn't want someone there.......oh

I don't think I will beable to post much cause Monday is coming fast and I am getting weird, I will read again, and I will tell you what is going on when I can. I copyed some of what I said on word pad, wish I would of got all of it...

Thank you !

Edited to add, Sorry I just read the rules, hope I didn't hurt anyone !!

[This message has been edited by Toomuch (edited 11-22-2002).]