My father came back from 2-week vacation so things went from bad to worse.
Everything I do is wrong. Posting on this board is wrong writing letter (the ones my mother just read by invading my files) is wrong etc… same old junk…

I want to change therapists if I start seeing anyone again at the beginning of the year.
That is a real downer. Another failure, plus I have to do it, start over and on top of that I have to wait.

I am looking for a place to live, but not having much luck. I found 2 possibilities. But I do not know how to evaluate them really well. First there is cost and can I afford it. I can make the numbers come out by paying 70-80% of my salary for 30 years but that is probably not a good idea.

I probably need more savings for the down payment. But that seems to be a moving target, and things are getting worse not better. It is so depressing.

It is a bigger problem than that for me however. Even if I could afford it is the place worth the cost? These places are junk the absolute lowest price homes for sale in this city at this time. But that is all I can possibly afford. Is it a good idea? I try and search and compare and go through the positives and negatives, but I just can not make a decision and do it.

I talk to the realtor and the credit union loan guy, and even my therapist when I was seeing her but it does not help. I do not trust any of them and I am not in a good state of mind to go through with things.

I really do not like the location of one place so I guess that is a no. And the other place just seems to be too much money for me. And even though it is newer it is 30 years old and someone told me that is when everything needs to be replaced. If I hear one negative I get scared.

I do not want to be here, I want to get out, but these two possibilities just seem like not good moves for me ??

I wish I had some help and meaningful support with this. An uncle or father who knows me and could give useful advise? I do not know if that is too much to ask?

I just feel really bad right now….
But weekends are always the worst. Things will be better tomorrow

I got to find some where to go so I am not here over Thanksgiving too?

What about renting an apartment? Does it have to be a house?

hi ff -
sorry you are feeling down. Buying a house is a very stressful thing. Even at the best of times. I would look into renting. Also - have you looked into a state housing program? I think all states have them. It is for first time home buyers and they are strict about the condition of the house (not cosmetics). And the interest rates are lower than normal.

Not sure if this will be of any help to you, because I am pretty new here and don't know much about you....however, I moved when my husband and I separated in 2000. The marital home was awesome - 5 bedrooms, fireplace, huge deck.....in the country, but I was SO unhappy there (bad marriage - bad karma in that house!)When I moved, the first place I went to was a 2 bedroom basement apartment. It felt like heaven, because it was MINE, and I was finally away from a terrible relationship. Maybe you could think about starting small.....less stress.

Thank you all for replying.

I am hoping for that heavenly feeling and I am trying to think small.
I know I do not need more than one bedroom for just me.

You all make a good point about the apartment.
But I definitely have a mental block or something wrong with my thinking or feelings when I think about renting.
I know that in some places like New York, it is common that everyone rents.
But my father and family have never rented, and really look down on it.
I have heard that renting is “wrong” all my life and I hear it to this day.
I know that is not logical and I am trying to keep an open mind,
But I have had no positive role model as far as renting being the right thing to do (like it was for you Scrappymum). And I have decades of negativism on the concept to overcome

I know that is a poor excuse but I have a little bit of an uncomfortable/bad feeling whenever I think seriously about renting… like I am doing something wrong.

Thanks for the advice Simby. I will look into it.
I know about the low interest rates. Every time I thing about it I feel anxious like I have to do/buy something right now. So I try not to think about that and not feel that pressure.

Renting doesn't have to be forever! You might even save yourself money if you get a short term lease and just wait until you find the right place for you and your budget.

Hi ff! Long time no see!
You know, you are just in one of those situations where any change is going to be stressful and scary.
When I bought my first home I could not sleep, my heart was beating ninety to nothing and I was sure I had sold my soul, at least it is how I felt about it.
Actually , the getting ready to do it is worse than doing it.
The fears are worse than the reality.
As far as renting versus owning, thats personal, but I prefer to purchase. You can always rent it out if you need to do something else, you can sell it later for more than your original purchase price and trade up and any improvements you make are at least tax deductable.
I rented far too long. I was always at the mercy of my land lord, could only change things minutely and ultimatley, they made money from the arrangement and I am the reason they made it LOL!
Now, some people like having a land lord to be responsible for the repairs of the house, and in some cases yard care.
But they can also tire of being land lords and sell the place too.
Each has its good points and bad ones too.
Buying would improve your credit as long as you take care of your credit and if you wanted to paint your house tonka truck yellow you could.
Location is always a good thing but remember our economy.
Some people are buying low and fixing up their neighborhoods and actually improving the quality thereof.
But I think having personal space that reflects your taste, your interests, etc is the most important.
Once you get your stuff arranged and settle in, you will be amazed at how different you would feel about your surroundings.
ej http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

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If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything.....

Everybody wants to be somebody in the world but remember, to somebody you ARE the world.