Mom has had a cough for a few days, and today the new doctor in charge of the new unit she is in examined her and thinks she has pneumonia.

This could be serious in a 97 year old inactive wheelchair patient. it is scary.

Yet she has reached 97.

Mom had a pneumonia vaccine; I wonder if she can still get it?

Mixed feelings again today including a little guilt - if I had stayed in NY, maybe none of all this would habe happened..

love,

Martha

Martha,
Please don't feel guilty, even a little bit. You know that we can never really know "what if". We all just have to do the best we can, make the best decisions we can considering the big picture of our lives and the lives of our families. Try to talk to yourself about this the way you would talk to us. What would you tell a friend here if they were in your shoes and feeling guilty?

I don't know how good the pneumonia vaccines are. Are they doing a chest x-ray to see? Keep us posted.

N2E

Oh, sweet Martha,

Although pneumonia is a danger for the very elderly, it's being treated, so all that can be done is being done. Pneumonia has different causes, so maybe this germ isn't one that the vaccine targeted or maybe she'll have a lighter case because of the vaccine.

IF you'd stayed in NYC, your mother could have fallen down the steps in her building; she could have wandered away in the hours between when you left for work and the aide arrived - or burned the place down in that free time. There are endless possibile sad, bad, scary, and dangerous things that could have happened even with you there. A few did happen!! :rolleyes: We do know your Mom has been safe, happy, warm, well fed, and well liked where she is and while you were where you are now.

NO GUILT!!!! You did the right and only thing in moving to IN. Prayers for your mother starting. Wine tonight as another grateful celebration for her long life and sweet spirit!

(((((((((hugs))))))))) Barbara :)

No guilt! It sounds like you are a loving person who is a wonderful caregiver. You are with her as much as possible, you do allot for her. My mom lives four hours from me but i have a 2yr old and am struggling with personal issues (depression). I feel so bad that I am not there more for her, but I know she loves me, and is in good hands right now. I try to balance these thoughts with the guilt I feel.

ditto on the hugs,
b.y

Many hugs and well wishes to you and your mom. It sounds like they caught it early enough. That's really good. And remember, your mom has pulled out of situations before that you thought she wouldn't.

Barbara said the thing that came to my head when I read your post. If you had stayed with mom, many horrible things could have happened. And then where would you be? Still feeling guilty. I think guilt is a feeling that we must teach ourselves to avoid. It's second nature to us caregivers. It's really very difficult for us to not place some blame on ourselves for the bad things that happen to our charges. But what about the good things? We tend to forget to give ourselves a pat on the back when we've done good. Or to remember that not everything is our fault. Things happen and sometimes there's just nothing we can do about it. It's no wonder we get depressed and burned out. The expectations in caregiving (and other aspects of our lives) that we place upon ourselves is enormous. We wouldn't do that to our worst enemy (well, I AM doing it to my sister!:D ). But that's a novel in itself.

Off to the couch I go. Whatever this bug is I have is getting worse. I feel like I'm on fire...... :blob_fire

Love, Barb

Thanks for your caring comments . Mom is better today on meds .. and tonight the new building is having party. Bill is going too although he says it's past his bedtime - but not Mom's! He and I are 'early to bed, early to rise' types. Mom and our sister are 'late to bed, sleep away the day' types .. funny, all in one family. Dad was like me and Bill ...

He also says the room is nicely fixed up and cheerful looking now with her own throw pillows and pictures and a few knick knacks. She is adjusting well - it was just the frst day that was bad. Phone coming in on Feb 1. TV is now there, and her own radio (which those of you old timers will remember she cannot turn off or on....)

Much relieved!

Martha

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So glad to hear your mother and her new home are both better!! Do ask Bill to take a picture so you can see her room, too, and then accurately see it in your mind as it really is when you think of your sweet mother. You know that will save Bill 1,000 words!!

Hope his wife is feeling better, too.

Hugs - Barbara :)

BTW, Barb, get yourself to the doctor if you don't get better. Feeling like fire (good graphic! ;) ) is a bummer. Enough illness!!

How nice that your mom is feeling better and is in a new building. Her room is probably much brighter and happier than the old one. Here's one for your mom! May she recover quickly and enjoy her new surroundings to the fullest!

I'm still sick although my temp isn't as high as it was yesterday. I went to the doctor yesterday as a "walk in" but was too late to see a doctor. After noon, they see patients by appointment only and there were a lot of people waiting by the time I got there. Had to wait for hubby to get home with the truck before I could go. My car died last Wednesday and is probably going to Buick Heaven next week.

Love, Barb

Update: last night the NH put on a program for the residents and families. It consisted of a woman pianist/singer who played and sang all the old songs. The people were told it was a dress up occasion, so Bill brought Mom's spangled gold top and long black skirt for her to wear. Her table got the award for being 'best dressed'. This NH is really trying hard to make life happy for the residents. Mom is still coughing but not as much.

Happy weekend!

Love,

Martha

The victims of this disease have to feel like they've lost a little dignity with all that is happening to them.

What a wonderful thing for this nursing home to do! It sounds like this will be a good thing for your Mom. They seem very caring and concerned about more than just their physical health.

I know that gives you a little peace, as well as your Mom.

Hi Martha,

It does sound like you and your brother have latched on to a very good NH !!! :> I am so glad that your mom is starting to enjoy her new home. And that she is getting better with her illness. I hope that when the time comes, that we can find such a place for my mom and dad!

I imagine that makes you feel better knowing that your mom feels better. And probably that you and your bro. do not have feelings of guilt as much. I have heard - somewhere - that you should just forget about the past (both of yall moving), and just look to now and the future. You cannot change the past (not that you need to), but you can somewhat control the future!

Hope that you are doing well. When is the teeth fixing supposed to happen? I know, I am dredging up the past!!!!! ;>

Love, Wannabe

Yes, I do feel we hit the jackpot with this place. After Mom broke her hip and had to go to rehab directly from the hospital, a neighbor who works in Administartion at this NH hightly recommended it .. lucky for us.

I have booked my flights to my old home (in Germany) for March 13, and will get my teeth fixed there with the same dentist who did all the work years ago. At the same time I get to see my son, my granddaughter, now 9.5 years old, ( I last saw her at age 7) ex daughter in law, and many good friends. I'll stay there a few weeks so all the work can be done.

It was a very bad idea to neglect my teeth while being Mom's caregiver - I just didn't take time to go to a dentist at a time I had to leave her alone. I kept putting it off ... now I have rotten teeth!

M

Oh Martha! How wonderful that you're going back to Germany! After living there for 30 some odd years, I'm sure there are many people and places that you miss and are looking forward to seeing again.

That dentist must be really good for you to put him on your list of "to do's" in Germany!

You are departing on my dad's 80th birthday so I certainly won't forget to say bon voyage! :)

Love, Barb

Yes it will be wonderful. The dentist himself is not as important as the fact that I still have insurance there ... and will save some money ( I hope!)

I was not able to make a trip like this in the last 2 years with Mom, she was not able to be left alone at all, and nobody offered to take her in for a couple of weeks ... now she is safe and happy in this good NH, to my great relief!

Love,

Martha

Mom is not happy in her new room/building. The 3 women who were so friendly to her at first are now ignoring her. Bill doesn't know why. Maybe they are at a much higher level of functioning than Mom is, and her confusion scares or annoys them.

I hope she will soon stop caring about what they think, but now she misses her old room and roommate and some of the people she spoke to every day. Bill says they all sat outside their rooms in their wheelchairs and each one told his or her story over and over again and the listeners nodded and agreed and listened to it gladly again the next day. It's just human contact - no real exchange of ideas was going on. Now Mom feels left out. These 3 nice ladies all went on a bus outing yesterday (organized by the NH) and Mom was left behind because she can't go up the steps of a bus and might well get lost wherever they were going - trips are out of the question for her.

Or maybe the ladies noticed she is in diapers and maybe stank? The NH staff usually takes care of accidents right away. Or maybe she tried to take something one of them had left lying there?

Bill is bringing home baked manicotti today for all 4 of them to try and cheer them up and make them feel more positive towards Mom - I hope it works ...

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha,

Sorry to hear that your mother is unhappy. Is there any way on God's green earth that Ann and your mother can again be roommates - or next door neighbors? I hope Billl will consider that worth asking about. It may be do-able very easily and you won't know until you ask.

I would think that the residents would be grouped somewhat according to abilities for the very reason that no one be left out. Seems to me, too, that as expensive as this place is, the bus should be wheelchair accessible and an aide be sent along to push the wheelchair for your mother. So there!! Left out, indeed. Harumph!!! If Bill wants me to, I'll call them!! Of course, that would have to be a virtual call!

Hugs - Barbara :)

Good questions - I'll relay them to my brother. Thanks!

Meanwhile I just heard that the airline I'm all booked on and paid for for my trip in March/April probably is giving up S Bend ..e.g. not taking off or landing here any more. That messes up all my plans. If this is true, I will have to get a refund and start all over again. I got a good deal by booking early - I thought!

Oh well ... time will tell. It is not yet "official' but was on the morning local news.

It's one of those Chapter 11 deals, and the airline has to cut costs ... and SBN is not a lucrative stretch (as Jenny said, who comes here?)

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha,

I agree, that NH should have a wheelchair accessable bus. That is silly that she could not go!!! Isnt there any other ladies there that are the same level as she is? I guess little old ladies can be just like jr. hi. girls. With their clicks?! They are together and want no one else in??? She does need a friend there. Hopefully she will make some friends this week... I know that your bro. is trying for her. You are so lucky to have such a good brother to take up where you left off. To take his turn, after you did yours!!! Remember, do not feel bad, you did more than your part.

I will cross my fingers for you and your brother and your mom!!!!! :>

Love, Wannabe

Good news: Mom is signed up for the next outing! She had just been transferred to that unit and was not in their planning for this trip. It was not because she was too handicapped to go. Bill got that straightened out yesterday.

There was also a party yesterday - one of the activities leaders (staff) got married and they held a little 'reception' at the NH. Mom loved it. So she was happy again.

Love,

Martha

That is wonderful news!

Your mom will certainly be in better spririts if she's part of the group.

It makes me anxious to find an Adult Day care for my mom, a couple days a week. It has to be uplifting to be with your own friends.

Just wanted to wish you a good day Martha. How is your mom?

B.Y.

Hi Martha!

Glad your Mom's a happy camper again. It's the little things that help so much in making us happy, too. I do hope they can help your mother spend some time with Ann, though.

Enjoy you day!! Hugs - Barbara :)