My 4 year olds biggest issues is communication. He can speak and will ask for things and such. But he can't tell me how his day went or who his best friend is. I wish he and I could share a conversation.

Is there hope? Is there any parents out there that had a poor communicator turn into a good one? I can't imagine him being 14 years old and still not able to tell me how his day went.

I love him so much and want him to get married someday and have kids and go to college. Am I dreaming? Is the true reality of Autism bleak? I have always been a positive thinker. But am I just fooling myself really? :confused:

Michelle; Don't lose hope. He may never be a great communicater, but are there many guys that are???? I swear my brother in law has Asberger syndrome that's gone undiagnosed and he is married with a family.

Don't lose hope he is still young and being worked with. I would however be in touch with the school and let them know this is a major area that needs work. He needs as much work on this between now and six for the best prognosis. It's not only up to them to educate him in academics, but the communication thing needs to be a part of his every day education. They should be working individually in an ABA type setting teaching him to respond to questions with appropriate answers and eventually he learns the reciprocity. Talk soon

Hi
My fears are exactly the same as yours. my son is now six and is only begining to speak.
I have worked so hard with Anthony and sometimes feel that we are not getting anywhere and then when I am least expecting it he comes out with a few new words. I personally thought Anthony would never talk as his first words never came until he was 4yrs and then from there it has been just a little at a time.
I met with his music therapist yesterday and it was lovely, she said she has been working with autistic children since 1969 and said she has never met a more self confident, less anxious and happy autistic child and that what ever I am doing with him I was to keep going. she also told me not to worry about the speech but from her point of view anthony will be a verbal teenager and that if he keeps going in this direction his prognosis is good. She told me that there is more to communication than speech and if you build solid foundations with reciprical play, turn taking pre-linguistic skills etc then when he does speek he won't just learn words he will be a useful communicator./ this is exactly what his play therapist have told me since he was 3yrs.
So I guess we just have to hang on in there and do all we can and remember our children are still young and have a long journey ahead.

The lack of conversation is probably the saddest part for me, right now too. My 5 year old is like yours - can exclaim "Mommy! Harry Potter fell off his broom! Oh no, is he gonna fall down?" but if I ask him "where's Jack (little brother)?" or "where did Daddy take you?" he won't answer.

Here's a tip. We got Cole to answer the following questions: what is your name, how old are you, what's your phone number by singing the questions. This is called "melodic intonation" and its used with stroke patients a bunch when they lose the ability to converse.

To the tune of Frere Jacques/Are You Sleeping Brother John, we did, "what is your name, what is your name...my name's Cole, my name's Cole...wha-a-at is your name, wha-a-at is your name...my name's Cole, my name's Cole." We did this for 45 minutes, off and on. That night, I did it during bath time. The next day (and forever forward), he would answer you when you asked him the quesion - no singing involved. I swear to God, it took less than 24 hours for this to work.

We did "how old are you...I'm 4 years old" to the tune of Happy Birthday. We did what's your phone number...845-_ _ _ _" again to the tune of Frere Jacques. I realize this isn't conversation at its juiciest, but when some old lady at the grocery store asks him this stuff, he can answer without you having to comment/explain that he's "shy".

I'm just now trying to get ABA and am running into walls finding it locally. I have heard that its very helpful, even with kids that are higher functioning. Hey, and when your kid won't converse with you? Don't worry - we all here will!! Take care..
LeAnne (the geeze)

That is so strange, we use the siging game too with Anthony. I never knew it had a name. (Meoldic intonation that sounds very posh) We started using it to tell him that the school bus was coming. We used to march up and down the room chanting "going to school on the bus" after a few days Anthony joined in, then a few days later we just said school bus and he knew exactly what we meant and could say it back we have used it with the bath and bed etc. I never thought of using it to teach him to answer questions, I will have to try it out.
I am just sitting here laughing to myself, I will drop "Melodic intonation" in on the next school visit. Can you imagine the look on the queens buddy's face when i suggest the teachers now sing and chant with Anthony!!!!!!

Don't give up on your hope. My son is 19 and is very good at having conversations. He will initiate them and respond when spoken to. Even at age 8 no one but the family could have a halfway understandable conversation. Most people don't realize that my son is even autistic.

Thanks for posting that message Heartcreature, I love to hear stories like that. It really gives me something to hang on to and hope for the future.
Bernadette

Thank you all so much. I guess I can only wait and see!!!!
Kolby did a lot better this weekend. He had an ear infection and I believe this made him less interested in learning or talking.

Kolby hates when I sing. But if he joines in, I can see the singing thing working. He now can answer the "How old are you and what is your name."
The school taught him that. I'm going to make up an eating song. "I want yogurt, I want yogurt, yes I do, yes I do..." See how that works.

Today is a good day! Kolby kissed me before I left for work. I didn't even ask him to. I could just eat him up sometimes.
Michelle

Heartcreature, you've made my day! Its wonderful to think about your son conversing just like anyone else...remember how worried you were ten years ago that he'd be self-ostracizing or something? Thank you for the good news!!

Bernadette - you crack me up! I'd love to see HRH's expression when you request the chanting thing! You can always do the Jenna-bluff and state that melodic intonation is standard protocol with geriatric stroke patients who've suffered damage to the left occipital lobe. They can make comments like, "why, Claire - that's a gorgeous blouse you're wearing today! The sage tone really compliments your coloring" but then you ask them "what's your name?" or "what color are your shoes?" and they cannot answer.

Seriously, this is true (although I can't remember whether its the occipital or parietal lobe)...I learned about the stroke patients from my son's grad student speech tutor. She had to do clinicals on the stroke ward and she was singing to some old guy named Ralph who couldn't tell her his name. That's where I got the idea.

I also read the entire National Geographic that came out about 7 months ago that was all about neurology. Since Cole was a micro-preemie, I'm Miss Curious about how his wiring may be different. Anyway, it did talk about stroke patients who lost the ability to converse, but not to speak. Sounded too familiar to not note.

Good luck with it!

I can not believe that "singing questions" (melodic intonation I beg your pardon)worked. Anthony can now answer when I ask "whats your name". He isn't doing it all the time, somtimes he just repeats the question back. When he does this, I just go back to the song and then he remembers. I honestly can't believe that it only took two days and Anthony is very slow with language ,"way to go" Thanks leAnne, it sounds so cute. A little more practice and then on to the address. I am so excited (and easily please by the sound of things)
Bernadette

the biggest heartache for me is not knowing what kind of future my son will have. i too, worry about whether he will be able to get married or be "normal" to the other kids. unfortunately for us, no one has any answers. all the professionals i have asked give me the old "all kids are different" answer. he will be five next month. i decided in the beginning of the school year to ask his teacher specific things that happened in his day and then talk to him about them. i was doing all the talking and he was responding yes or no. his teacher would send home a list of class duties and which child was assigned to that specific task that day. it went something like this:

were you the line leader today? my son answered yes.
did johnnie pass out plates at snack time today?
did mary do calender today?

this worked really well for us because he was excited to hear that i knew what went on that day. he now comes home and tells me what he did without me even asking.

We are going through the same thing with our 6 year old daughter. Its been really hard and no one really has an answer as to what we can do. Last year her teachers made a picture book of her routine so I could talk about each day and what she did according to the pictures. She hated it and just wanted to look at it over and over by herself. She refused to look at it with anyone.

It really got frustrating. So we started asking her questions like this:
Morgan, do you want milk, yes or no?
She could totally answer that.

When she gets home from school, I would ask her questions about her day and she would either repeat (echolalia) the last word I said, or she would just say school.

So I now I say, Did you see a rocketship? She will laugh, say no a playground. THen I will say, 'Oh, did you run up the slide? (She knows its againist the rules), she laughs and says No, the swings. THen I will talk about how much fun the swings are, and I bet she loved them. Now, its getting to the point where she will add a few more things.

Her teachers send home her papers each day. So we get them out and I see that they were working on the letter 'L'. So I will say 'Did you learn about the letter 'Z'? She laughs and says 'No, 'L'. Its a game now and its fun, so she will actively get involved. I think she feels really put on the spot with direct questions. But once we gave her options, it just flows.

Now she will spurt out unsolicited complete sentences. If we hear her say something, we jump in start talking to her about things. She still isn't talking well to other people. But our family is picking up on what we are doing and they are trying it also. So its getting alot better. But for awhile, it was really hard for us. I would see my friends having sweet conversations with their little girls, and it would hurt. I know we may never have those types of conversations, and that is ok.

That sounds like a good idea too. Anthony's home diary will tell me what he had to eat (the same every day). And topics covered Phonics ,PE and music time. and if there were any major problems, but never anything specific. I will ask his teacher to start doing this and see where it leads I will let you know how it goes.
Thanks
Bernadette

[QUOTE=Kolby] I can't imagine him being 14 years old and still not able to tell me how his day went.

I/QUOTE]

My 14 year old still has trouble telling me how his day went, but if something happened to take his fancy he'll go on and on about it till I wish he'd shut up :)

I think the trick is not to push too hard. I'm not actually sure they can remember - my husband gets terribly upset if I try to push him to talk about things in his past (and come to think of it i've never yet had a satisfactory account of how HIS day went!)

My son is crazy about certain cartoons and computer games and I've found that by watching them myself (and watching the same films/reading the same books) we CAN have a conversation.

I can not believe that "singing questions" (melodic intonation I beg your pardon)worked. Anthony can now answer when I ask "whats your name". He isn't doing it all the time, somtimes he just repeats the question back. When he does this, I just go back to the song and then he remembers. I honestly can't believe that it only took two days and Anthony is very slow with language ,"way to go" Thanks leAnne, it sounds so cute. A little more practice and then on to the address. I am so excited (and easily please by the sound of things)
Bernadette


Bernadette,
this is how we got our son Aidan to rememeber his name, address and telephone number. He was really into Sesame street at the time, and we bought a video about Big Bird getting lost. There was Big Bird singing his address and telephone number , so we copied it only using our details , after about 2 weeks Aidan was singing his details. He is also able to read very well ( far better than his spontaneous speech), so we typed up all the info while singing it to him. Now we are able to ask him " What's your address, telephone number etc" and he will answer correctly, although he will ONLY respond to this specific question eg he is unable to answer " Where do you live" !! Some generalisation problems there, and he can only answer in his scripted way, however it's a start, and we were delighted.
You also mentioned about Anthony's school diary. I found it difficult at first, as I like you, wanted a lot more info to be able to ask him about his day, and I have to be aware he is only 1 in a class of 6. I got around this by asking the teacher to write in it what I really needed to know...

What was his mood, ( to give me an indication if he had had a good/bad day)
did he eat his food, ( to let me know what he had eaten so I could get him to tell me and check it wasn't the first thing he thought of )
and what did he do and was it good? ( what had they been working on that day).

I always get loads of info when he has seen the SLT, and she writes about his session, but sometimes the teacher can be brief. It's a fine balance being able to understand they are short of time and want to spend most of the time with the children, and us parents wanting to have us much daily info about our children.
Aidan's mum

I took your advice mom23angels and had a breif chat with Anthony's teacher and she has agreed to write a couple of sentences about something specific to Anthony's day. I done a trade off and told her not to write about the food ( he eats the same things every day). So she has been doing this for the last 3 days. I also mentioned the singing tool. My son too will only learn the specific request but like you mentioned Jana at least it's a start. So far he has always just repeated words or has learned certain words or phrases that will get him things Like "open" so to get him to amswer a question is such a big thing. The school have also helped to generalise it for him by asking him his name a few times a day and getting lots of different people to ask him. Next week I will try the address!!! wish me luck.
I wish anthony's SLT was as forth coming as aidan's I think Anthony's SLT's previous job was with the secret service, trying to get her to talk is like trying to getting blood from a stone. All she ever says is he is doing well and is coming on and she is really pleased with him. I have arranged to meet her on Tuesday but it is so hard to get her to part with information.

Thanks for all the tips and advice and concern I really do appriciate it. ;)

bercol,
good luck with everything. i laughed at the sercret service comment. i have had a couple of therapists like that.

I spoke to my son's speech therapist. She thinks he is doing well. They are working on What questions now. "What do you like to eat? What shape is this?" She gave me a few ideas for home but nothing great. She even cut the time she will be providing him with speech. Now he gets a 1/2 hour a week. I can't see how that will make him better. So it's time for Mommy to help him. I guess I'm going out to buy the books to learn how to become a therapist. Darn school district.

Michelle; Do they have table time at school where he gets 1.1 to work on this besides just speech therapy. This is the ABA peice that is missing from the school disctricts for the Higher functioning kids. It's unbelievable that they deny these kids this service that is PROVEN to be effective just because they are higher functioning. They still have needs !!!!! I'm a ranting lunatic these days. Breathe.... How are you guys doing ?

I had the same fears about communication when my son was 4-5 years old but now at age 10 he has an extensive (if somewhat unusual) grasp of language. I can remember it took a year for him to learn his address, phone number, parent's name, etc.

I also had tried the singing games but he also hated my voice like I read one parent write. The turning point for him was when he was in Kindergarten and learned numbers and letters. It seems he is a visual learner and once I showed him his phone number on the telephone and also wrote it on paper, he had no problem remembering it. It was amazing. I should have realized this at the time since he had the ability to recite entire Thomas the Tank Engine videos.

It just saddens me to read the problems people have receiving the services their children need. I was so fortunate that my D received speech therapy 3-4 days per week from age 3-6. I truly believe it made all the difference - the repetition and consistency plus the therapist had me actively involved in their therapy so I could continue on the same thread at home.

Michelle; Do they have table time at school where he gets 1.1 to work on this besides just speech therapy. This is the ABA peice that is missing from the school disctricts for the Higher functioning kids. It's unbelievable that they deny these kids this service that is PROVEN to be effective just because they are higher functioning. They still have needs !!!!! I'm a ranting lunatic these days. Breathe.... How are you guys doing ?


We are doing better. I'm angry right now at the school system. Can you believe they are only giving him 1/2 hour a week of speech. I'm told that he is in a class that provides speech in general. WHAT? What the heck do I need the therapist in then for just 1/2 hour a week.
Yesterday I gave him some meds to help him go to the potty. Well he went to the potty alright, all day in his pants. He will wake in the middle of the night to go #1 in the potty, but could care less about #2. Driving me crazy!
I hate poop!!!! :bouncing:

Michelle; I just had a flash back to one of our first posts .... about the cereal dumping and I had to smile. I was so annoyed with my son tonight for doing what comes naturally to him which is sticking things in small unreachable places. Like the house keys or the money card he's taken from my wallet or anything else that DOESN'T BELONG TO HIM. He is quick as lightening as I'm chasing him and screaming nooooo.... he gets his mission accomplished. Sometimes I feel like I have to rearrange the house to get what he's hidden. I feel horrible because I lost it tonight and was really yelling at him. I would go back to the cereal dumping anyday if he would stop his latest annoying habits. I question all the time if this is a boy thing or if it's the PDD.

I'm sorry to hear about the poop trouble. We haven't even gotten there yet.
Just shoot me and put me out of my misery. :rolleyes:

Michelle; I just had a flash back to one of our first posts .... about the cereal dumping and I had to smile. I was so annoyed with my son tonight for doing what comes naturally to him which is sticking things in small unreachable places. Like the house keys or the money card he's taken from my wallet or anything else that DOESN'T BELONG TO HIM. He is quick as lightening as I'm chasing him and screaming nooooo.... he gets his mission accomplished. Sometimes I feel like I have to rearrange the house to get what he's hidden. I feel horrible because I lost it tonight and was really yelling at him. I would go back to the cereal dumping anyday if he would stop his latest annoying habits. I question all the time if this is a boy thing or if it's the PDD.

I'm sorry to hear about the poop trouble. We haven't even gotten there yet.
Just shoot me and put me out of my misery. :rolleyes:


Yes, I remember the dumping days. Glad we are done with that. There is always something new to look forward to. How is he doing with pretend play and with eye contact? And how is he talking? What are the main issues right now, well besides hiding stuff. I think he is trying to play with you Mommy. He must like when you get all fired up. I think that is a boy thing.
You know, sometimes I just have to show the angry side of me to get my kids to listen. I hate it. Like this morning my coffee pot wouldn't work we were all running late. The kids wouldn't listen to me and I was ready to blow up. After hitting my coffee pot and screaming a few times, I noticed my six year old got himself dressed. He takes so long to do that. But he knew I was angry and didn't want to do anything to make me more angry. I felt bad but the only way to get them both to do anything is to show my mean side. I hate that. I just want them to listen to me. Well anyway, it got us out the door. I wish I could be the happy Mommy all the time, but sometimes, on the days, when the coffee pot breaks, I've just got to scream it out. Or beat up the coffee pot! ;)

Michelle; You are too funny. I guess beating up the coffee pot is better than beating up the kids. Jeffrey is talking a lot more and is initiating it on his owm now. He has learned to incorporate the echolalia into appropriate moments. Pretend Play is still very perseverative and is probably at an 18 month level (he's 3.3). We are working hard to help him expand.

Thanks for making me smile tonight. I can envision your coffee pot scene :mad: Too funny !!!