needtoescape
01-28-2006, 12:32 PM
Hubby got the mail this morning (because he forgot to go get it yesterday afternoon) and opened a 1099 tax statement. Then he apparently got distracted when talking with our tenant and threw the 1099 in the trash along with other things that were junk mail. Later he remembered we had received the 1099 and that he didn't have it - and couldn't remember what he had done with it. He did suspect he might have thrown it away and went and retrieved it from the trash.
At least he did remember having received it (and not having it) in time to rescue it from the trash. I just wonder how long it will be before he will throw important things away and have no recollection.
He has always been the one to get the mail (at end of long driveway) and go through it first. I don't want to treat him like I don't trust him to be competent to continue to do this. At what point do you begin to insist that you do things?
At least he did remember having received it (and not having it) in time to rescue it from the trash. I just wonder how long it will be before he will throw important things away and have no recollection.
He has always been the one to get the mail (at end of long driveway) and go through it first. I don't want to treat him like I don't trust him to be competent to continue to do this. At what point do you begin to insist that you do things?
Sponsor
barbaric_yawp
01-28-2006, 01:20 PM
My stepdad had to cut my mom off after she was regularly throwing bills away. Tell him you love him dearly, it is not a matter of not trusting him, just that you need to make sure you get important information from the mail. Not getting your tax info could have affected you for a while, iow: post April 19th. Or, can you trust him to still get the mail--under the condition that he does not throw anything away--not even junk mail?
B.Y.
B.Y.
Sandyspen
01-28-2006, 01:43 PM
N2E
My Mom was doing the same thing before she moved in with me and I changed her mailing address.
I got a little basket and told her to put all the mail in it so we could check the junk mail together. I told her that I was looking for a particular catalog.
Don't know if that would work with your hubby. Perhaps, just a comment that you'd like to look through it also.
My Mom was doing the same thing before she moved in with me and I changed her mailing address.
I got a little basket and told her to put all the mail in it so we could check the junk mail together. I told her that I was looking for a particular catalog.
Don't know if that would work with your hubby. Perhaps, just a comment that you'd like to look through it also.
Martha H
01-28-2006, 03:14 PM
Our mailbox was in the vestibule of the apartment building. Once my brother got a phonecall that Mom hadn't paid her supplementary health insurance for over 3 months Luckily they had his name and address as a back up. Mom insisted she had paid it. We sent another check.
For much of the 5 years I lived with her I always picked up the mail on my way home from school, since it usually came at about 3 PM. When Mom got it first, she usually just put it on the kitchen table and didn't even try to open it. But every now and then something turned up in the trash. (I had begun checking after money went missing.)
Not long after that she stopped remembering there was a mailbox down there. She came up (with the aide) without stopping to look. Once or twice the mailman was there when she came in, and handed her the mail, then she might or might not open everything, including things addressed to me.
I was just about to apply for a PO Box when she stopped showing any interest whatever in mail.
About 2 years earlier she had tried to send a card to her sister. She told me later in the day, you know, it was really odd, I knew her house number and city and state and even her zip code, but I could not think of the street. Did you look in your address book? Oh no, I just sent it off, everyone in Greenville knows her ( Greenville SC, not a tiny village!) Well of course the card came back later, incomplete address. The fact that she forgot it didn't worry me as much as the fact that she figured it would get to her anyhow, with no street address on it ...
This was one of the earlier signs of Dementia ...
Love,
Martha
For much of the 5 years I lived with her I always picked up the mail on my way home from school, since it usually came at about 3 PM. When Mom got it first, she usually just put it on the kitchen table and didn't even try to open it. But every now and then something turned up in the trash. (I had begun checking after money went missing.)
Not long after that she stopped remembering there was a mailbox down there. She came up (with the aide) without stopping to look. Once or twice the mailman was there when she came in, and handed her the mail, then she might or might not open everything, including things addressed to me.
I was just about to apply for a PO Box when she stopped showing any interest whatever in mail.
About 2 years earlier she had tried to send a card to her sister. She told me later in the day, you know, it was really odd, I knew her house number and city and state and even her zip code, but I could not think of the street. Did you look in your address book? Oh no, I just sent it off, everyone in Greenville knows her ( Greenville SC, not a tiny village!) Well of course the card came back later, incomplete address. The fact that she forgot it didn't worry me as much as the fact that she figured it would get to her anyhow, with no street address on it ...
This was one of the earlier signs of Dementia ...
Love,
Martha
BarbaraH
01-28-2006, 03:48 PM
Hi Need,
You might offer to walk to the mailbox with your DH and just say it's your new exercise program or happen to be at the door as he comes in from getting the mail and go through the mail with him "for fun" or on a pretext.
Hi Sandy,
Not to rain on your parade, but the waiting-for-a-catalog explanation will just be forgotten like so much else.
All sad, but true. Group hug! Barbara :)
You might offer to walk to the mailbox with your DH and just say it's your new exercise program or happen to be at the door as he comes in from getting the mail and go through the mail with him "for fun" or on a pretext.
Hi Sandy,
Not to rain on your parade, but the waiting-for-a-catalog explanation will just be forgotten like so much else.
All sad, but true. Group hug! Barbara :)
angel_bear
01-28-2006, 05:27 PM
I had to get important mail sent to a PO box. Normal mail was fine. Parcels had to be sent to the PO box (she opened one of my ebay buys and tried to keep it!!) ... I let people send postcards and letters to the house address for her, but with FIL's important mail and bank statements etc etc .. they all got sent to the PO box.
It saved her the worry of things she didn't understand anymore (bills - mail for other people) but kept the joy of her being able to go and check the mail .. part of her daily routine (like the milkman - we cancelled our milk delivery because it was getting too confusing and she didn't like paying a bigger bill, so we pulled it down to just her milk) she still had the milkman delivery her milk, and he left his bill for her. She would put either 100's of dollars in, or shopping vouchers and no cash (LOL .. I always imagine his surprise at opening the envelope and finding the Target Catalogue) and he was very honest, if she paid too much he would put the bill in credit, she did the 'normal' routine thing ... and we paid the bill properly on her behalf behind the scenes.
She felt good doing her usual things ... we just controlled the situation from a distance. She never knew, and thought she was doing a great job all by herself! LOL
Ya do, whatcha gotta do .......
Hugs
Sally
It saved her the worry of things she didn't understand anymore (bills - mail for other people) but kept the joy of her being able to go and check the mail .. part of her daily routine (like the milkman - we cancelled our milk delivery because it was getting too confusing and she didn't like paying a bigger bill, so we pulled it down to just her milk) she still had the milkman delivery her milk, and he left his bill for her. She would put either 100's of dollars in, or shopping vouchers and no cash (LOL .. I always imagine his surprise at opening the envelope and finding the Target Catalogue) and he was very honest, if she paid too much he would put the bill in credit, she did the 'normal' routine thing ... and we paid the bill properly on her behalf behind the scenes.
She felt good doing her usual things ... we just controlled the situation from a distance. She never knew, and thought she was doing a great job all by herself! LOL
Ya do, whatcha gotta do .......
Hugs
Sally
needtoescape
01-28-2006, 11:00 PM
Thanks everyone. Since he remembered that we'd gotten it - and figured out that he had thrown it away in time to retrieve it - I am really hoping it's just an isolated instance - and that it is still a long way from me needing to intervene... (I can hope for a while longer...) I know there is a problem - but I'm just not ready to believe it's bad enough (yet) for me to have to take special steps. I am really hoping there is a long time between this point of realizing you've done something in time to correct it - and not realizing it.
Thanks again. I know I'll have to use your suggestions in the future. I'm just hoping to put it off a bit yet.
Thanks again. I know I'll have to use your suggestions in the future. I'm just hoping to put it off a bit yet.
BarbaraH
01-29-2006, 12:04 AM
Hoping with you - from your lips to God's ear!!!
Hugs - Barbara :)
Hugs - Barbara :)