Ok. So I have been depressed for a very long time. I've done a lot of stuff trying to get over it. And it's worked for short periods. I wrecked my truck and that got my mind of things for a couple days. Then I did an engine swap to fix my old truck and that kept me occupied for a couple weeks. My uncle gave me a nice camper top for my truck that needs a little TLC that that's got me distracted for now. (I have to figure out a way to get it off my truck. It weighs 900 pounds. No one will help me) But in between these little projects and such, like on rainy days, I get to thinking about things and get really depressed about it all.

My ex wife decided to play "mind warp" and made me think she wanted me back. Then she didn't come through and cut off contact with me and our kids. It has left me in a perpetual state of "What happened?!?!". There's no way to speak with her to find out why or what. And when I'm not busy with my projects I get to thinking about her and all the stuff that has went on since summer. Then my mother is going to move and I will have to either find a way to pay for this place, or find another place to live in. I can't afford to live here without her help. There's no way I can pay $850 a month in rent and then pay my bills too. We have been splitting the expenses. But she is tired of living here and wants to move to a crappy old run down house that is in the black part of town and I'd rather not live in that kind of area. I built this house with my own two hands. I cleared the land, planted the grass, built the house, the sheds, dug and built the inground pool. It's my home. But she wants to move and is leaving me with more expense than I can handle. I can move with her, but I ain't going to live there in that hovel.

It was going to be nice when the ex was being serious about coming to live with us. She could have helped with the bills and we could have been a family. I was really looking forward to it. But now I feel like I am drowning. Now it's like I am going to be homeless and alone. I don't know what I am going to do.

So I have my little projects to keep me distracted. And it works to some extent. But it's not solving my big problems and I can't focus on them very long. If I do, I get really depressed and upset.

I have this unreal urge to go back to WV and live there. I can do my work in two days a week here in NC and commute. I can afford to live well in WV off what I make. I could weasel my way into finding out what happened with the ex and maybe try again. But everyone I suggest it to thinks I am crazy. They think it's too much driving to go 600 miles a week to and from work and then drive 200 miles during work. I can stay at my sister's house the two days I am here for work. I think the idea of living in WV Sunday through Thursday and in NC on Friday and Saturday would work. It would be better than staying in this hot, humid, lonely, expensive place. But everyone says it won't work. Eventually I can get some lawns in WV and just stay. All I need is 25 and I am doing great. To me it's the only way I could ever go back. I can't just quit my business and leave and try to start another one without any income in between. This way I could keep the one I have and use that to get me through until I get enough work to stay there full time.

If I do that though I will be leaving my sisters, neices, nephew, mother, and most likely one of my sons. And I don't want to lose them. But I want to get my ex back just as badly and I will need a place to live in that I can afford and not have neighbors and such all on me. I can't handle living too close to people. If I can throw a rock and hit my neighbor's house it's too close. I can't find that on my income here. But I don't want to leave my family and my business that I have spent the last 12 years nurturing.

So it depresses me. Unless I distract myself with little projects. But while I'm distracted nothing occurs to solve my problems. In fact, they get worse. How can I deal with them? What should I do? Should I stay here and live like a pauper or move to WV, drive over 800 miles a week, leave all my family and friends and live nicely? How do I cope?

Ok. So I have been depressed for a very long time. I've done a lot of stuff trying to get over it. And it's worked for short periods. I wrecked my truck and that got my mind of things for a couple days. Then I did an engine swap to fix my old truck and that kept me occupied for a couple weeks. My uncle gave me a nice camper top for my truck that needs a little TLC that that's got me distracted for now. (I have to figure out a way to get it off my truck. It weighs 900 pounds. No one will help me) But in between these little projects and such, like on rainy days, I get to thinking about things and get really depressed about it all.

My ex wife decided to play "mind warp" and made me think she wanted me back. Then she didn't come through and cut off contact with me and our kids. It has left me in a perpetual state of "What happened?!?!". There's no way to speak with her to find out why or what. And when I'm not busy with my projects I get to thinking about her and all the stuff that has went on since summer. Then my mother is going to move and I will have to either find a way to pay for this place, or find another place to live in. I can't afford to live here without her help. There's no way I can pay $850 a month in rent and then pay my bills too. We have been splitting the expenses. But she is tired of living here and wants to move to a crappy old run down house that is in the black part of town and I'd rather not live in that kind of area. I built this house with my own two hands. I cleared the land, planted the grass, built the house, the sheds, dug and built the inground pool. It's my home. But she wants to move and is leaving me with more expense than I can handle. I can move with her, but I ain't going to live there in that hovel.

It was going to be nice when the ex was being serious about coming to live with us. She could have helped with the bills and we could have been a family. I was really looking forward to it. But now I feel like I am drowning. Now it's like I am going to be homeless and alone. I don't know what I am going to do.

So I have my little projects to keep me distracted. And it works to some extent. But it's not solving my big problems and I can't focus on them very long. If I do, I get really depressed and upset.

I have this unreal urge to go back to WV and live there. I can do my work in two days a week here in NC and commute. I can afford to live well in WV off what I make. I could weasel my way into finding out what happened with the ex and maybe try again. But everyone I suggest it to thinks I am crazy. They think it's too much driving to go 600 miles a week to and from work and then drive 200 miles during work. I can stay at my sister's house the two days I am here for work. I think the idea of living in WV Sunday through Thursday and in NC on Friday and Saturday would work. It would be better than staying in this hot, humid, lonely, expensive place. But everyone says it won't work. Eventually I can get some lawns in WV and just stay. All I need is 25 and I am doing great. To me it's the only way I could ever go back. I can't just quit my business and leave and try to start another one without any income in between. This way I could keep the one I have and use that to get me through until I get enough work to stay there full time.

If I do that though I will be leaving my sisters, neices, nephew, mother, and most likely one of my sons. And I don't want to lose them. But I want to get my ex back just as badly and I will need a place to live in that I can afford and not have neighbors and such all on me. I can't handle living too close to people. If I can throw a rock and hit my neighbor's house it's too close. I can't find that on my income here. But I don't want to leave my family and my business that I have spent the last 12 years nurturing.

So it depresses me. Unless I distract myself with little projects. But while I'm distracted nothing occurs to solve my problems. In fact, they get worse. How can I deal with them? What should I do? Should I stay here and live like a pauper or move to WV, drive over 800 miles a week, leave all my family and friends and live nicely? How do I cope?

You should probably move, especially since you don't want to move to the "black" side of town with your mom. Be careful on this forum (or any other) in that you don't know who is "black", "white" or any other color.


:nono:

It sounds like there is a lot of good reason to try to stay in your house. Maybe you could find a room-mate (or house-mate), someone to share expenses with. Place an add in the rental section of the newspaper. I don't know how expensive apartments are where you live, but around here you can't find anything decent for less that $500 per month. It might be a really good deal for someone and for you - quite possibly better than living with mom.

Don't push to hard with you ex. Work on you. If you get yourself back together and start doing well, she might see you in a whole new light.

missyn. Who owns the house you live in if you cleared the land and built the house? Since you pay rent, just wondering who owns it. Does your mother? If so, is she planning on selling it?

A housemate sounds like it might be a possible solution, as someone mentioned.
I think living with a parent on a permanent basis isn't good.( even taking care of an aging parent is stressful) Is she moving to get away from you?
Being really on your own and working through some of these things might help you feel better in the long run.
Is there some sort of support group you could join? My brother has gotten divorced and joined a support group of divorced people ...it is also kind of a networking group too as far as jobs.

I also agree....leave the ex alone.

My mother owns the house. She bought the land and I've helped pay for it. I thought we were working together in order to cut expenses and have a better lifestyle for her, me and my kids. It worked very well for about 10 years. With her help I did build the house, clear the land, etc. But after it was all done, she went out and borrowed money for stupid things and then had nothing to show for it. The house was paid for when we finished building it. It was worth $120,000. It cost us $28,000 including the land. So I thought I had about $60,000 in equity. After all, I did all the labor and paid for most of the materials and all that. Then she started with the "MY HOUSE" crap. All of a sudden it was HER house. Then she went out and borrowed more money to start a restaurant that was completely doomed from the beginning and went downhill from there. She tried that "our business" stuff until I started to tell her what she was doing wrong. Then it became HER business and I left it be. Two months later she was out of business, out of a job, and our house was completely hocked.

So now she owes about $90,000 on a house that I was supposed to own half of. She got an adjustable rate mortgage against my stringent advice and now the payments are going through the roof. She can't afford to pay the payments and I don't have the desire to keep paying for "HER" house. She killed the agreement when she started that stuff in my opinion.

So she thinks she can cut and run. She wants to sell this house, take the money she's getting from selling grandma's house, and buy an old, run down 100 year old termite den. She will be expecting me to go with her and then spend the next 10 years making it liveable. Frankly it's not something I am going to do. I won't build her another house, nor will I do any remodeling on any house for her. I paid her nearly $1,000 a month for 10 years and all I am getting for it is nothing. Then she wonders why I quit paying her. She wonders why I won't help out. Gee, how about because you stiffed me out of $60,000 and now I may lose my home?

I don't think I can get a room mate. I don't have any friends and am not willing to let a stranger in my house. Don't like strange people. Wouldn't be able to sleep. That and how often do they actually pay their fair share anyway? I'd like to find a live in girlfriend who could help, but if that was going to happen it would have in the last 15 years. I just have to give up that fantasy. I am doomed to either be alone or be with the ex. There is no other choice for me. I would like one, but it ain't going to happen. Not for me.

So I have will have to pay the bills alone or move with my mother. And after all that she's done I don't think I can live with her much longer. She really believes that everything she's done is completely righteous and that I have no right to complain or say anything about the house or any of that. I will have to move. Unless I get about 20 more customers. Since I have about 30 now and it took me 10 years to get them, how long will that take?

It's all just plain depressing.