i need help.

i never in my life feel so hopeless, and ruined that i just don't know how to get back up again. My story goes like this: I finished secondary school in 1995 not knowing what i wanted to be. Got into an engineering course, but didn't like it, so I transfered to a computer science course. Did well in 1st year, but in second year I felt ill and was forced to withdraw from the course. Couldn't find a full-time work , so my parents decided to set up a restuarant. Things worked well. I worked there for 4 years, but later i ended up sick with crippling arthritis that i had to quit work . I just don't know how to put up with this and move on in life. i'm 29 yrs old and have not accomplished much. Sometimes I feel so hopeless I spend most of the day in bed and look forward of dreaming. i know this sounded silly, but l prefer to to spend the day in bed and dream than confront my problems.
I don't want to stay like this forever, I am wasting a life. Going back to school is out of the question because I feel too "old" for that. I feel I am all by myself.

Thank you for listening. Your feedback is important to me.

jimmyhonda,

I know how you feel because I have been there. You feel like you are in a box and can't get out. That is the depression that is keeping you bound. If you are not currently under a doctor's care, contact a therapist who can help you get out of that box because you can't do it yourself.

As for going back to college, you are still young. I went back to college in my thirties and you would be surprised how many older students are going to college. You can also take classes on-line or go to school in the evenings and weekends. Most of these students are older and you would fit right in. It sounds like you are a pretty smart person if you are able to do well in a computer science class.

Make that move and contact a therapist so you can begin to defeat the depression and then move on with your dreams. You have a purpose in life because you are still alive. I am praying for you, God bless.

I went back to college at 40, you will actually be a better student then when you were younger. I used to sleep or stay in be 13-15 hours a day (when I was in high school), I did not realize that I was depressed. You are right that sleeping and daydreaming are wasting your life, although it seems so comforting and comfortable to stay there. Get some treatment and find something you enjoy doing. Find a way to connect with real people, volunteer, go to a church, go to social events, whatever.

Also, if you feel that you will be too overwhelmed in school once you enroll, keep in mind under the American's With Disabilities act, if you're in treatment for your depression, you can get your psych doc to write you a note and the college with make accomadations if you do get "behind" as a result of it. My Psych NP told me this today when I said that I sometimes worry about "getting behind" because of my Bipolar II (the depression. The hypomania usually HELPS me academically, but we won't get into that, lol).

About feeling too old, I promise you, you won't be the oldest person going back to school! In my classes there are plenty of people older than 29 years! It sometimes takes people a while to figure out what they want to do in life, so going back to school is NOT a big deal, at least where I am. It's great for the self-esteem too! You don't even have to take on a full load. You can take a class a quarter/semester and "test" it out. I'm sure you'll enjoy it and meet plenty of people your age!

Good luck!

Going back to school is out of the question because I feel too "old" for that. I feel I am all by myself.


Jimmy,

You're NEVER too old to go back to school.

I met an elderly man who was in the same graduate class as I was. Here's his story:

He was very young when fatherhood came calling. Shortly after he'd completed his obligation as a father and put his third child in college, he thought of going back to school when his father got ill. He took care of his father for an additional 4 years and when that part of his life is over, he went back to school to finish high school. One year later, he'd graduated and entered as a freshman in college at the age of 52! He told us that at first he felt too old to go back to school, but he'd always put himself secondary because of his obligations and now that it's his turn, he still had that dream of going back to school and getting a degree. Not only he graduated with honors, he went on to graduate school with us. He was in the top of our class and we'd all looked up to him and commended him for his courage, his tenacity, his self-respect and dignity. There wasn't a dry eye during graduation because everybody knew his story. He was one of the oldest interns in one of Silicon Valley's top corporations, but he's now a successful business man and sometimes I see him at restaurants or at the movie theatre with his wife.

Go back to school and follow your dream.

Good luck.

:D

Jimmy :wave: ,
I know exactly how you feel....I was injured two years ago at work...and am not able to do the things I used to at all...I had back surgery but my back will never be the same....I am 28 today actually and I feel like I havent accomplished much in my life at all....All I care to do lately is sleep...but from my experience in the last 3 months....going to the dr. and getting help ...has made a big difference...Im actually starting to somewhat feel like myself again.....

It was a big step for me to finally ask for help for my depression....I thought I could handle it myself ....but you really cant....Im trying to find my way back now and I see a light at the end of the tunnel....And I know one day I will get back to school and work towards my dreams....You have to start to try and believe in yourself....if not for completely for you ...think about your family....and friends....because they hurt when you are depressed to....I know you can start to feel better once you take the first step and ask for help....and if you dont have insurance I am sure there is a program in your area that will help you for free....that is what I am in ....YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!! Just remember that....and that you deserve better than sleeping your life away and letting depression win!!

Good luck to you!! :)

Thank you to everyone who responded to this thread.

For the meantime, I am concentrating on my health first, then later i will find a job to support me so that i can study again.


I won't go back to school - instead i probably do an online course first. Once i finished that i might then consider doing an MBA - i know that people doing their masters are about 30's onwards. hopefully by then i still have hairs.

if i were to Go back to school now, knowing that I am 9 years older than my fellow students - i won't be able to cope it and forgive myself. I know eventually memories of the past will haunt me if i do return back alone. So online course is the only option to go for this moment.

can anyone here decipher dreams? I've been having the same dream over and over again about returning to school but fearing of making the same mistakes again where i fail a subject, became depressed and worried about what others think of me, so i dropped out the course.

is this a signal telling me not to return back to school?

jimmyhonda,

I can't interpret dreams but I seriously doubt that this is a signal not to return to school. It sounds like you have a big fear of failing and this is played out in your dreams. Fear is crippling. There are things that I would like to do right now but because of fear, I have not moved forward. I have also accomplished a lot in my life by just jumping out in the deep end and trying, like buying a house, getting out of a bad marriage, holding a full-time job, etc. One of two things can happen, you will either make it or fail. If you never try, you will never know. What is the worst that can happen? The depression also keeps you from seeing the positive and focusing on the negative.