Hi All,

Well, I just cannot believe how viscious this decomp event has been (if that's what this is). Today I hit another new low. I drove 600 km over the weekend and seem to be paying the price in spades now. Yesterday morning all seemed quite fine again - even 75 or 80% - but this morning woke with an extreme panic attack going off. It's left me way down the rabbit hole again feeling very freaky and very surreal. At best I'd give myself about 25% right now. The most bizarrre thing with all of this is that mentally I am very sound - it's a purely physiological thing going on, and continues to be fired off by driving, computer screens, jogging. Changing environments from sitting to walking and vice versa is brutal. My CNS is just wrecked from the ear-eye conflict it seems. I just don't know what the h*ll to do with this anymore other than to bump up the SSRI to the full 3/4 dose which has rescued me in the past on three occasions now.

To me it appears that the panic/anxiety state has been kicked off again. Just unreal considering - in all honesty - there is very little cognitive thought contributing to it - even with my thesis due in two months as that is on target. So, to the noobs out there with this junk, if any doctor tells you "you're just anxious" I can say categorically that they have no idea.

Cheers...Scott :eek:

Perhaps your panic attack was set off by the lowering of your medicine. I'm on zoloft, but I understand it's not uncommon to get withdrawal symptoms no matter how slowly you may try to get off the medicine.

I can go for periods in which I'm "okay" and then for no reason I'll get my symptoms. It's true - the body is doing it's own thing even though your mind is thinking clearly. Panic and anxiety go hand in hand with inner ear problems. During the times I can't cope with it, I take a valium. The whole thing is awful and unfair. My episodes are fewer and farther apart and for that I'm grateful. Maybe that's the way it fades out.

No matter how bad you feel, keep it mind that it will get better...simply because it always does.

Lynda

Hi Lynda - appreciate your reply on this and that you experience the same effect as me - ie, feeling sound mentally while the body goes berserk. I just took some valium actually and will be upping the SSRI back up again tonight. Just need to remember this thing can be normalised quite quickly by these meds and hope it works again for me. There's always that fear that I will be stuck in this place for eternity while it's all on.

Cheers...Scott

Scott

Yep---that sounds smart.....

....."fear that I will be stuck in this place for eternity while it's all on."....

Sure...but not likely!!

Think I'd "cool it"....until after the..."thesis".

...doubt its that---as u say

...but...just to many things going on...i.e., "physiological thing going on, and continues to be fired off by driving, computer screens, jogging. Changing environments from sitting to walking and vice versa is brutal"

....to get a good "fix" on a solution


..."this morning woke with an extreme panic attack going off"....

But... u were ok...before u went to sleep(75-80% level)??

...."SSRI back up again tonight. Just need to remember this thing can be normalised quite quickly by these meds"......

Interesting....got to be a "clue" there!!.....perhaps....time to sort it out later...after.....u baseline it...again....


:cool:

Hi Subs,

Thanks for the input.

>>>But... u were ok...before u went to sleep (75-80% level)??

Well, not really. I was lying on the couch using my powerbook (to give my neck a break) and off went the heart palps and panic feelings in this relatively new position. Hadn't had that happen for a long, long time but it used to happen on the couch - head angle different...I don't know. So I went to bed in a somewhat wound up state. It obviously gained momentum through the night while I was dead asleep.

My thoughts on this are that I previously developed a fullblown panic disorder from the labs onslaught in 2003 which carved a new neural "highway" of the flight or flight response straight into my nervous system. Unfortunately for me, when the ice is thin (ie. adding caffeine and other stimulus into the pot) all it takes is for some slight decompensation to occur via a different PC screen etc and it is set off again - those neural pathways start firing again. And while the panic disorder is back in action, the decomp persists and I feel worse and worse - spiralling further down the hole. I suspect it may take me many years to undo this permanently and to not rely on meds to keep things from going nuts should I trigger decompensation again. Guess it's just bad luck on my part that it hassles my nervous system so easily like this as I don't see others on the board spiralling into these nose dives every 6-9 months complete with panic symptoms on par with the initial injury.

Scott

Hi Scott,
I'm so sorry to hear you're still dealing with this awful decomp - hopefully the new dosage will kick in and help out. It's the wierdest thing - I don't know if you were around at Xmas when I wrote about "driving in the fog" and how it set a whole new set of nightly panic attacks off for me - just when I thought I had it licked - none for 6 - 8 months - and now most nights I still am dealing with it. The wierd thing for me is that it's totally physiological as well in that I recognize exactly what's happening when I awaken, but I'm already in the middle of a full-blown panic attack - it happens while I'm still asleep! I also am usually experiencing vertigo as well, but since my dx has just been changed from BPPV to MAV, (no nystagmus with Dix-Hallpike), I'm no longer so certain that the vertigo is caused by MAV during the night - it "could" be from the panic attack - the old chicken and egg thing again! Went through this before - thought I'd found my way out of the whirling confusion in that I felt I could separate the two - but now I'm not so sure anymore. I know there's a definite connection, but felt much better when I could recognize the two as different entities.

Keep your chin up Scott - I know you're busy with your thesis due - but if you're like me - the sleep deprivation in itself may be playing a major role here too - so hopefully the meds will help you get more "down time" as well. Take Sub's advice and lay low and "cool it" for a bit - I know how important it is to stay active, but there also comes a time when you need to give yourself a break - maybe Tai-chi (sp?) instead of jogging? Wishing you the best - regulated and back to baseline soon ... Take care...
~Sheri

>>>The wierd thing for me is that it's totally physiological as well in that I recognize exactly what's happening when I awaken, but I'm already in the middle of a full-blown panic attack - it happens while I'm still asleep!

Hi Sheri - Yes! That's exactly what's going down for me too. It's at the moment you open your eyes and WHAM - the whole panic thing goes off like wild horses. And there is a definite separation where you know you are not the panic but it still kicks the *&^% out of you anyway if strong enough. I've been keeping it all at bay now for weeks without much trouble but something seems to have snapped last night. It's like I've been climbing up a ladder out of the hole and one of the rung's broke and I suddenly dropped 25 steps.

I am taking everyone's advice and keeping things really simple. No running around pretending I am not well. Too much of that and it bites you hard when you least expect it.

Did the night attacks leave you depleted the next day Sheri? I have been dragging my carcass around today like it weighs 5 tons. My head feels like a bowling ball and I feel like I am walking on emotional eggshells not to mention dizzy and surreal feelings. What a piece of work this is!

Best...Scott

Hey Scott
Sorry you re dealing with this Scott. I am in a pretty bad case of decomp myself right now and am looking deep to find out why this has been happening so regularily.

But you will come through this, as you have before, it isn't here to stay and you know that. Sometimes what goes on in our subconscious minds, our self talk, the brain worrying about stuff (like your thesis) even if you aren't worrying on a concious level, worrying about the decomp which escalates with the other stresses...it goes on and on. Maybe it's time to use that running time for some deep reflection, some mediation to look at what is going on in that mind of yours. Physiologically there is so much proof and concrete evidence of the symptoms....but..we all admit it is usually a stress (too much or too little of something) that sets us off. Reducing the stress, or if you are really good at it, reducing how you react to stress, will help you to deal with this crap.
I am in no way suggesting that you (or anyone on this board) brings this stuff on themselves, God knows I am one of the biggest decompers going! I am merely thinking that these physical symptoms, for me at least, are brought on by stress, which is often not only an overexertion physicallly, or visually, but a reaction to many of the mental stresses I deal with in the course of my day. Only I can't always recall being worried and chalk it up to a bad nights sleep, change in routine etc. I recently went to a CBT apt and began doing some exercises to pay better attention to my thought processes and they were pretty scary. I think stuff and tell myself stuff that only my subconcious seems to hear, but I react physically to it.
Is this making any sense?
Hope you are having a better day.
FC

Hi Scott,

I always feel so bad to see all the "oldies" pop on here with problems again. I assumed you haven't been around so you were doing good and working on your thesis. I don't know what to say about the panic/anxiety thing going on and it is really weird as I can go for a week or even sometimes two and then all of a sudden I have a lot of anxiety and depression for a day or two. (Never had this before the ear stuff.) All I know is that taking a small doseage of the klonepin on a regular basis, I believe has really helped me.

I wanted to mention that in December (a month after the Zoloft experience) when I was contemplating on trying the prozac, my mental therapist gave me a book that was a very good read about the SSRI's, how they work, what they do to you and just some good research in it. It was called Prozac and the New Antidepressants by William S. Appleton, M.D. It covered pretty much all the SSRI's. Might be worth your while reading as it may help understand your ups and downs with the SSRI your on. Maybe you might find a correlation between your panic coming on and the SSRI. I definitely see how a panic/anxiety disorder can develope from this stuff.

Take care and feel better soon. - Gloria

Hi Subs,

Thanks for the input.

>>>But... u were ok...before u went to sleep (75-80% level)??

Well, not really. I was lying on the couch using my powerbook (to give my neck a break) and off went the heart palps and panic feelings in this relatively new position. Hadn't had that happen for a long, long time but it used to happen on the couch - head angle different...I don't know. So I went to bed in a somewhat wound up state. It obviously gained momentum through the night while I was dead asleep.

My thoughts on this are that I previously developed a fullblown panic disorder from the labs onslaught in 2003 which carved a new neural "highway" of the flight or flight response straight into my nervous system. Unfortunately for me, when the ice is thin (ie. adding caffeine and other stimulus into the pot) all it takes is for some slight decompensation to occur via a different PC screen etc and it is set off again - those neural pathways start firing again. And while the panic disorder is back in action, the decomp persists and I feel worse and worse - spiralling further down the hole. I suspect it may take me many years to undo this permanently and to not rely on meds to keep things from going nuts should I trigger decompensation again. Guess it's just bad luck on my part that it hassles my nervous system so easily like this as I don't see others on the board spiralling into these nose dives every 6-9 months complete with panic symptoms on par with the initial injury.

Scott

Scott

What ur describing is classic PTSD.

:cool:

Hi All,

Thanks for your comments. As always it's great to know you're all there when the chips are down and to get some feedback on this when I'm walking in a surreal and very spaced out world where nothing much makes sense.

Well, I was quite relieved this morning to realise why the "horse bolted" yesterday and early that morning - herpes. I got a huge dose of it. I should have known - there was no good reason for me to suddenly slip that hard when things had been relatively ok, although I guess I did suspect the driving had a role in it all. Still it seemed too severe even for that. Amazing just how hard these viruses can hit while in decomp. Even at the best of times herpes will be *very* unsettling for me but this one was extremely viscious. Yesterday was "black Thursday".

FC - sorry to hear you too are still struggling with a downer too. Sounds like your CBT appt was an eye-opener for you. Totally agree that there are likely some unconscious things going on too that probably feed this thing. However given the dramas I went through in November and what appeared to be the end of my relationship, I was really ok on the vestibular front. Zero effect even though I was worried sick about the relationship. Quite simply there seems to be no hard rule (apart from a virus stir and perhaps too much caffeine) for why things happen the way they do with this thing. It either goes off or it just sits there lying dormant - feels that way to me anyway.

Gloria - I really don't think the SSRI is playing any role in this. In fact, it has been giving me relief more than anything. I bumped the dose up to 3/4 last night - the highest level I will let myself go. It has cleaned up the decomp mess for me twice before at this level and I was able to drop back down to 1/2 within a relatively short period of time in afterwards (ie. September), although it came with some not-so-fun side effects. I'm just going to do it again, become a zombie, but a dizzy-free zombie!

Best....Scott

newto all this...

what ssri are you on scot and that has been effective for you in the past?
i was just put on zoloft and xanax.

what is decomp?

i notice too that when i change posistions not even a quick change, i get the wierd feeling.....however it can be with me even when i'm standing still. i'm very axnious over this whole thing...has been with me since oct. of last year. lightheadedness is only syptom although i sometimes have my heart racing at night.

just read a bit further on this post......scot..you said that the ssri takes away the dizzy? what are you on???? with this hope i may actually start my meds....i've been afraid to start them thinking they won't work.

as i mentionedk i was prescribed zoloft and xanax for the anxiety.
hoping i get the same results as you...there may be hope for me now! i'd much rather walk around tired than dizzy and feel trapped in my own world...not wanting to enter grocery stores, malls, etc....

Hi Manchak,

I've been on Cipramil (Celexa in the States) for 2 years. Don't be surprised if things don't go well on the Zoloft at first. Sometimes it can take some work and patience to find the right SSRI that suits you. Zoloft made me feel crazy (increased the anxiety further!) but worked like a charm for Howie. It's impossible to know until you try. Make sure you titrate the dose up starting on half of whatever you start with. I wouldn't recommend Paxil either - it's notoriously hard to get off of because of its strong serotonin reuptake inhibition.

For me Cipramil worked like a charm and killed the non-stop panic cycle created by this thing (which I now find myself in again). I still haven't figured out how to rid myself of the whole thing yet though. It's more of a management thing than anything. But at least when things are good I feel about 97%. Be careful with the xanax. In fact Dr Hain doesn't recommend it because of the ease of dependency which can develop.

Keep in touch and let us know how it goes- definitely give it a go.

Check out the video which explains decompensation in the archive - second entry.

Scott

Hi Scott,
Sorry it took so long for me to reply to your Q? about how the panic attacks at night affect my days - same for me - dragging physically big-time - but also mentally not good - just major brain fog that affects the simplest tasks - and it really takes a huge chunk out of your self-esteem (at least for me - not feeling like I can perform adequately in so many areas of my life - and a feeling of disconnection - from family, friends, etc. - but that's probably more from assoc. depression). Anyway, I was astounded at Sub's last post here - classic PTSD - it makes perfect sense - but I would never have made this connection on my own - would you? I guess that's why we post here - to get a "take" on what's happening from others' points of view.

Firechick,
I know exactly what you mean my finding some "scary" thought processes that you are not even aware of, but must certainly affect how we feel and act - fascinating stuff - CBT - sometimes scary, but fascinating nonetheless! Take care... and keep taking those "should haves" out of your thought processes ...
~Sheri

Scott/Sheri

.."Sub's last post here - classic PTSD"...

Yep...Genes convert short-term to long term memory(during sleep--for the most part)...emotionally charged memories are the driver....& recent studies confirm....different individuals have different levels of genetic predisposition to fear and PTSD....genes tell cells to produce proteins, and new proteins must be synthesized in neural networks within minutes of an experience for it to be coded as a memory...when two neurons fire together strongly and repeatedly, calcium enter their nuclei and tells the genes to transcribe mRNA...new proteins are made from the mRNA that cement the short-term synapse connections into long-term memory networks....

....if u could find a way to block the synthesis of new proteins from genes immediately are a traumatic event, memory would not be consolidated and the horrible visions should fade away....

...so if u can not catch it....when its a short term memory...and it crosses over...to LTM....(about 72 hours...perhaps)...it is harder....a lot harder...to get it the long term memory to "fade" away.....

....there is some research...showing that it is likely that emotional memories could be selectively dissolved because they are coded into memory by a special mechanism....and their terrible, vivid recurrence in PTSD makes them uniquely vulnerable to treatment....

....there is no one standard treatment in part because symptoms vary from one individual to the next....a person may feel destined to a given bad outcome and have a greater sense of foreboding because of certain family tendency...some people's bodies more easily release the fight-or-flight hormones then others....Propranolol is routinely prescribed for anxiety relief and to treat high blood pressure and related ailments...but research suggests...it has a grater potential for treating fear...

....recurrent or unremitting fear has the same deleterious effects on the human body that running persistently at 80 to 100 miles per hour has on a car...nothing to take lightly...

One more thing....this "Gem" can...bring...about.....

:cool:

Subs/Scott,
"recurring or unremitting fear has the same deleterious effects on the human body that running persistently at 80 to 100 miles per hour has on a car...nothing to take lightly..."
Yep, Subs, I can believe that after being awakened almost every night for the past month in a state of panic - I can feel the deleterious effects on my body - and I'm sure Scott feels the same - the whole-body fatigue that I am experiencing right now is affecting every single other part of - well - everything! It seems that I am able to suppress it during the day (panic, I mean), but both Scott and I are obviously vulnerable to effects of the "fear" that has become ingrained in our LTM during sleep. I have been trying to deal with it at night by getting up to "reorient" myself and using different CBT strategies (self-talk, breathing techniques, etc.), and it does eventually work, but I am losing so much sleep this way - hence, the major fatigue during the day and a definite downward spiral. My doctor has recommended that I just get up, take an Ativan - forget the CBT for now at that time of the night - and go right back to bed and let the Ativan work to get more sleep - and I can see the reasoning - it's just that I was hoping not to have to rely on meds so much - I seem to have a vulnerability there too - ie. fear of addiction! However, as I remember you saying once before that you would have if you felt you had to and I guess I need to let go of some my "issues" in order to get back up out of the rabbit hole (as Scott would say!). So I will be reasonable and take my doctor's advice - but only after you have explained the "why" of the "waking nightmares". If only my doctor could explain things like you - you should be making big bucks doing contract work to help docs explain medical "mumble-jumble"! Thanks again... and to you, Scott... hope you're hanging in there...
~Sheri

Hi Sheri,

Everything you are saying is precisely where I am right now. For 3 nights straight now I have been waking with panic attacks at 4-5 am. I sit up and try to calm it all down as fast as possible only to spend the rest of the early morning tossing and turning. Last night was a shocker. I woke maybe 8 times with heart palps and severe agitation. This thing is really out of control again dammit. At least it's nice to hear that I am not alone in this Sheri although I would never wish it on anyone of course. The worst thing is the deadline is still looming and I *must* write. But as I continue to slide, it's becoming impossible. My eyeballs feel like they are all over the place. And worse, as my vision deteriorates from being dizzy, I feel more anxious as I try to write thinking I won't get the work done. I feel sick inside from the terrible nights. God, how I hate this...and I thought I had it beat too. Subs, your explanation sounds spot on. I'd say my brain definitely laid down some nasty neural pathways when I first got labs and now it's all firing again. Dreadful stuff. Sheri...maybe I should grab some Ativan too...I need to do something to stop this but afraid of becoming an addict. The SSRI increase is not working yet...maybe I should hit the full dose - ie, one full pill. That'll be a first.

Scott :eek:

Hi Scott,
You must have been posting at the same time I was - I do so feel for you right now... knowing you have a deadline looming is definitely an added stressor for you.. have you thought of asking to have your deadline extended? I'm sure you wouldn't have any problem getting all of the necessary medical paperwork to show that you do indeed have a good reason for needing an extension... maybe if some of that pressure was taken off you might be able to relax and give yourself a bit of a break. Just a thought ... as I've said... I can really "feel" your pain... only wish there was something more I could do to help you out...

I know it's a vicious cycle of stress - deadlines - panic - more stress - bouncy eyeballs - more stress - and still deadlines. I know that I'm at the point where I am willing to try anything to get some more sleep, and I don't have anywhere near the same types of stressors that you're dealing with, so I say, "go for it for now" if it's what you have to do. Even Subs agreed with this "motto" in a previous post when referring to his struggle with the same old #@$%^! I think for me (us) right now, we have to do whatever we need to in order to end this downward spiral, and worry about the other things (ie. addictions) later. I can't believe I'm saying this because I was the type of person who would never even take an aspirin for a headache before, but at this point, well, desperate may sound like an exaggeration, but it's certainly something that feels very close to that - and I sense that with you too.

So, I'm feeling a little better already having made that decision... off to bed... ativan on the night table right next to my glass of water so I don't even have to get out of bed... actually, don't even need the water as ativan is taken sublingually... even better... and sweet dreams to you... we'll beat this thing... and have some useful experiences to pass on to others in need in the future... lots and lots of positive vibes to you... take care...
~Sheri

Hi Sheri,

Thanks for the note - unfortunately I think I'm out of extensions. I have to deliver this thing hell or high water. I'd love more time but this is the way it is. I think you're right. If taking some meds smooths it out for now then I may as well do it and deal with potential withdrawal later. Actually realised I do have Ativan in the house. I might give it a go tonight this one time to see if it helps. I just cannot handle another night of that. It's the next day that kills me more than anything. I'm going to use some biofeedabck software I have too and work on chilling this thing out. The problem is the visual garbage just keeps pushing me further and further. I just can't believe I have let myself get to this point. I'm kicking myself hard for driving last weekend. It clearly finished me off. I've learned some hard lessons in this relapse that's for sure - namely to be aware of my limitations while this vestibular gorilla is on the loose. On a positive note I had a meeting with my supervisor today and we came up with a much simpler and doable solution to the whole thesis which gave me some relief - ie, I can see the whole thing in a better light. Hopefully this will register in my sub-conscious tonight and things will slow down. Wishing you a good night's sleep too Sheri. I've been here before luckily so know I can sort it out one way or another...and you will too. It's definitely not some permanent state although you wonder if it'll ever end once in it.

Take care...Scott :eek:

Hi Sheri,

Just wanted to tell you what happened last night. I met up with a friend who had shown me the "emotional freedom technique" previously and which produced fantastic results for me during a panic episode last year when it appeared certain my relationship was over (I was also in a decomp episode as well). Last night I went through a bunch of exercises with her where I basically totally surrendered to the anxiety - imagined I totally screwed up my thesis, didn't get it done etc and imagined all that I felt in that scenario and what people were saying. Well, it was a flood of tears as you can imagine....almost a feeling of annihilation. Once through that (and realising my life was not over), I then spent time imagining myself floating freely and effortlessly sleeping last night and also effortlessly writing the thesis without a care in the world - everything just flowing. Every ounce of my anxiety vanished. I was astounded at how powerful this was again. It was all so emotionally charged that it obviously blew the whole anxiety black cloud apart.

So off I went to bed and almost immediately as I lay down I could feel the uncomfortable feelings starting. Heart raise rising ever so slightly even though I was mentally clear and without anxiety. In short, there is without a doubt, a physiological component to this for me that has developed since the 600 kms of driving last weekend where lying down fires off more decomp/dizzy/agitated feelings. I've had this happen a number of times with relapses but it hasn't been this bad since the first attack. I don't know how to disarm this problem. Obviously spending a whole night with your body thinking it's falling or whatever is very bad news. I woke at 3 am again with mild but annoying agitation but without anxiety. Again I was very calm despite the body's reactions. So I tried elevating my head for a while but still no relief. As a last resort I tried the 1 mg of Ativan. It worked by easing the feeling of the foot on my chest but it did not eliminate it. At least I slept and didn't experience the symptoms as intensely as before.

So now I must figure out a way to stop this problem in the horizontal position - but how? Just wait it out I guess. I can't keep taking Ativan that's for sure.

This thing is really something else...always evolving into something more nasty when it has the chance.

Hope you were able to sleep well last night.

Best...Scott

Hi Scott,
I'm amazed at how similar our experiences have been lately - after I posted to you last night, I decided to do a little more CBT homework where I am trying to get in touch with my "inner child" and work out some other issues that really have nothing to do with any of this other vestibular stuff (not that I and consciously aware of anyway), and I too ended up with a flood of strong emotions from memories - I was so "emotionally spent" when I went to bed that I immediately went to sleep. As has been the case since Xmas, I again awoke a few hours later with the heart pounding, took my Ativan and went back to sleep fairly quickly, but I awoke again a couple of hours later - same feelings - and didn't want to take more Ativan, so the cycle remained the same - woke ~4 times in all. I think I was able to get a little more sleep than usual, so maybe it will gradually work - I should know better by now than to expect quick fixes - I wonder what it is about lying supine on the spine that does this? Oh well, we'll keep on truckin' ... wishing you a more peaceful night ... and some more insight to share ... thanks for helping me through this with your sharing, Scott - it helps a lot... Take care ...
~Sheri

Hi Sheri,

It's nearly time for me to go to bed and I'm noticing that my anxiety levels are really up again for no good reason. I have to tell you I'm dreading going to bed with this. What I'm wondering though is have you ever experienced a phenomenon called "rebound anxiety"? I've never had that happen on valium but tonight it feels like it could be happening because of the Ativan. Not sure. The half life of Ativan is 16 hours and it seems like the anxiety is now worse than yesterday (or the day before). It got worse as the late afternoon approached. I'm not sure I should use it really. I think tonight I'll take some valium and try not to rely on Ativan. I can easily see how dependency can occur on these meds. The withdrawal from a completely addicted body must be horrific.

Anyway, I just hope by some miracle that I can sleep without waking tonight.

Hope you're ok Sheri....Scott

Having an inner ear problem will invoke anxiety even in people who consider themselves calm. If you're somewhat highstrung (as I am), then it becomes almost impossible to deal with.

When I originally came down with my problem, I was very harsh on myself. I did not know that an inner ear problem can be the cause of unprovoked anxiety. I didn't know that the unreal, foggy feelings that I was experiencing was a part of the same syndrome. It took a long time for me to realize that I was not 'purposely' evoking these feeling. In fact, it was not psychological in nature. What was psychological was the way I chose to react to it.

It was a long hard battle for me. In the course of my battle, I got addicted to valiums. Valiums proved to be a lifesaver, but in the long run they were devastating. It made me depressed and whenever I tried to cut back I would get a rebound effect. I realized I was addicted and with the help of a doctor I weaned myself off of them very slowly. I was given lexapro during that time which made it easier to do so. Valiums are wonderful if used in small amounts for those times when you truly can't cope. They become addicting if used in large quantities over an extended period of time.

I'm presently on zoloft for my condition. I have a vestibular problem in both ears - both are partially damaged. I was told it was due to a virus (which of course means they don't know.) I'm doing much better now because I'm working on all fronts. I exercise daily, eat well, meditate, try to minimize any stresses in my life and keep a positive attitude. It seems to be working. However, I'm not fooling myself. I know I'll always have 'attacks'. I'm better prepared now and so I have minimized the intensity of these events. Experience tells me that it will go away.

Bottom line. My situation is pretty intense, but with all that I can say I'm doing very well and am functioning just fine. I'm leaving out alot of details because I can write a book on this subject!!

I believe with time most things get resolved. Go with your gut feelings. We have to be our own doctors. Once your anxiety is under control, you'll be able to assess your situation. It takes a long time, but it can be done. We all have to hang in there!

Lynda

Hey Scott
How about going for a walk before bed or getting some mild exercise to get some endorphins flowing and perhaps tire you out a little. I find I always sleep better after getting some exercise or fresh air.
Hope tonight is better for you...and it will get better.
FC

Hi Scott & Lynda,
Thanks for sharing your experience Lynda - glad to know that you're at the point where you feel things are good and under control - and I know we will get to that point too. I know exactly what you mean by not knowing at the beginning that the anxiety and brain fog was associated with but separate from the vestibular disorder - I know that I felt I could not tell what was causing what for the longest time and, as with you, how I dealt with it was causing me more psychological stress than accepting it as "normal" part of the vestibular disorder would have. I did, as you seem to have, get to the point where I could distinguish between the physiological symptoms of an "attack" of vertigo and the physiological symptoms of anxiety/panic - and for the most part I am still able to do that on a conscious level - my problem right now (as Scott is experiencing as well) is that these anxiety / panic symptoms are happening before I am fully awake - whether it's triggered by vertigo when I turn over in bed, or by dreams, etc.- the fact is that they have been programmed into my long term memory - and so my body/mind automatically goes there when I am not conscious to suppress it. I realize what's happening as soon as I wake up - but at that point I'm already in the midst of it - and it has been happening so often that I am losing a lot of sleep and feeling pretty dragged out during the day - with more symptoms that are new to me - such as "drop attacks" (I've had 2 now) - so I feel as if I'm going into a downward spiral. I am trying my best to deal with all of this without meds, I prefer CBT and have had success with it, but right now I seem to be "stuck" and I'm not sure how to stop the continuation of feeling like I'm going backwards.
Scott, I cannot honestly answer your question about "rebound anxiety" because I don't know for sure - but I don't think it's the case with Ativan, because I still have the same prescription that I was given two years ago when this thing started - I have not used it very much at all. I tried it again last night, with the same result of going back to sleep more quickly the first time I woke up, but the second time I awoke (~1 1/2 hours later), I felt very, very disoriented - more than usual - and I can only think it's from the Ativan - and it was an awful feeling - I think I really scared my husband because I was just "out of it" - not making any sense and very agitated - so I think I'll consider the Ativan experiment a done deal - and go back to the CBT - I don't know - I'm out of answers. I was given Valium very early on (2 years ago), but I did not like how I felt and I knew it could be very addictive, so I discontinued the prescription. I hope to get some relief soon - I know what you mean by being a little "anxious" about going to bed - and I experienced another "no warning / no vertigo / just hitting the ground" attack today - took my boys to the ski hill ~ 1/2 hour drive from home and fell when I was walking from my vehicle to the chalet (no strong prairie farm girl to catch me this time!). It is such an awful feeling - even though I do not experience vertigo with it, which is a blessing, I guess, but I don't like the thought of adding new experiences to my repertiore at this point.
I think tonight I'll try the warm bath, warm milk, meditation approach - it's a much better "fit" for my personality anyway.
Oh Scott, I do so wish that we weren't sharing this experience, but hopefully between the two of us (& suggestions from others) it'll be behind us soon - and we both know it will get better, but somehow that thought is really difficult to hang onto in the middle of the night! I'm just going to try to remain calm, positive and have patience - here's to you and sweet dreams, Scott... positive vibes... take care...
~Sheri

Hi Sheri, Lynda and FC,

Just thought I'd update what has been happening for me. I ended up having a really great consultation with a counsellor I saw back in July a few days ago. I worked on dealing with this phd deadline and really feel as though I put it to rest for now. Since the consult any psychogenic anxiety levels have dropped to near zero again. Last night I slept right through without any meds although woke still feeling somewhat agitated but really good and happy nonetheless.

But here's the shocker and I wonder if it could be some rebound from the Ativan I took twice in a row (but not last night). Today, after getting up, I checked email on the Mac as per usual only today it produced massive disorientation within 10 min. All the way to the university I was feeling really out of it with disoreintation and slight vertigo. Once at the university I attempted to get back to work and just ignore the symptoms as I usually do. When I do this, things usually subside. Not today. What followed was a HUGE attack...really severe. Hot flushes, noise bothering me, doom feelings, tremors and of course more of the surrealism. It was just totally out of proportion with all that I've been going through over the last 4 weeks. Do you guys think it's some rebound reaction to the Ativan? I have read that it is a seriously addictive benzo. But after two doses it seems ridiculous that I would have a reaction already. But what else could it be? I really feel like I'm coming down off a drug today in a big way. Amazingly, valium has never had this effect on me ever.

Sheri, I cannot help but wonder if it's the Ativan that is knocking you around more than you realise. I know of one guy here in Australia who took it for a number of months. He went through a withdrawal process that was horrific. He couldn't believe how bad it was. Anyway, I'm really sorry to hear about these drop attacks. That is really nasty stuff going on and so hope it just takes a hike for you. I can imagine how much more stressful that feels wondering why that is happening in the first place. Dam these inner ear problems.

I think I'll be staying well away from Ativan too from now on until things stabilise. This is crazy.

Scott

edit: I found this on the MIMs drug info pages
Rebound phenomena have been described in the context of benzodiazepine use. Rebound insomnia and anxiety mean an increase in the severity of these symptoms beyond pretreatment levels following cessation of benzodiazepines. Rebound phenomena in general possibly reflect re-emergence of pre-existing symptoms combined with withdrawal symptoms described earlier. Some patients prescribed benzodiazepines with very short half-lives (in the order of two to four hours) may experience relatively mild rebound symptoms in between their regular doses. Withdrawal/rebound symptoms may follow high doses taken for relatively short periods.