JerseyGirl36
02-03-2006, 09:28 AM
I'm one who has pretty strong self esteem. I've been told I'm attractive (people describe me as looking like a plus-size Catherine Zeta Jones) and I have confidence in my intellect and capabilities. But in spite of my belief in myself, I hate the messages out there that obese people are less valued.
The other night, getting ready for bed, I was listening to a local talk radio show. They were talking about "hogging". Hogging is when a guy specifically chooses a single overweight woman because he expects she'll give "it" up easy since she's attention starved. In other words, he thinks he has free reign to use and abuse her.
I have to admit, I don't have the love life I want, and I am aware why. I've been 1) healing the last two years over something bad that happened to me after a longterm relationship, 2) trying to figure out how to be single these days and find a partner, and yes...3) not getting chosen in the dating scene.
Ironically, I'm often told I'm pretty, that many don't see my weight (I've stated before on this board that luckily do to my general activity level, I am quite tone and most people think I weigh 230, even though I weigh 300 and change.
And I can have days where the men are all over me. But just the knowledge that the dating market values obese people so little, seeing them as lazy and weak, depresses me.
The other night, getting ready for bed, I was listening to a local talk radio show. They were talking about "hogging". Hogging is when a guy specifically chooses a single overweight woman because he expects she'll give "it" up easy since she's attention starved. In other words, he thinks he has free reign to use and abuse her.
I have to admit, I don't have the love life I want, and I am aware why. I've been 1) healing the last two years over something bad that happened to me after a longterm relationship, 2) trying to figure out how to be single these days and find a partner, and yes...3) not getting chosen in the dating scene.
Ironically, I'm often told I'm pretty, that many don't see my weight (I've stated before on this board that luckily do to my general activity level, I am quite tone and most people think I weigh 230, even though I weigh 300 and change.
And I can have days where the men are all over me. But just the knowledge that the dating market values obese people so little, seeing them as lazy and weak, depresses me.
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OutToLunch
02-03-2006, 12:11 PM
You'd think that in a country where two thirds of adults are overweight, people would be more accepting. But sadly, we've become a culture more fixated on appearance than ever before. And it's not just the men. I see a lot of women who judge men on looks alone. Women have always felt pressure to be thin and look young. Now men are under the same pressure to only be lean, but also buff. I suppose you could say it's only fair, but it just shows how sad our society has become where women sink to the same level as men.
As for the practice of hogging, I've never heard it called that, but I know about it. What's surprising is that some of my women friends have suggested it to me. They'll say something like, "Go after the fat girl. Fat girls are easy." What an awful way to look at someone.
As for the practice of hogging, I've never heard it called that, but I know about it. What's surprising is that some of my women friends have suggested it to me. They'll say something like, "Go after the fat girl. Fat girls are easy." What an awful way to look at someone.
JerseyGirl36
02-03-2006, 12:17 PM
On that show they said that low self esteem makes women accept less than they should and most interpret obesity as a display of low self value. That amazes me as I've never thought less of myself. That's not why I'm overweight. At 190-270-350-300, I've always thought I deserved someone who I was attracted to, compatible with, who treated me well, and who saw me as beautiful regardless of my weight.
I know women have always had pressure to be thin, but I think you can be attractive heavy or thin.
Like for me, do you know the actor who plays the bartender on Gray's Anatomy? He was previously in a reality show. Anyway, he's 6'2 and at least 50-70 lbs overweight and (though married) I find him attractive. To me, it's all about the face.
Yet how many times have I heard others say, You have such a pretty face (which means, it's a shame about the rest of you).
I also hate the message out there that we've let ourselves go. Like I did this purposefully.
I know women have always had pressure to be thin, but I think you can be attractive heavy or thin.
Like for me, do you know the actor who plays the bartender on Gray's Anatomy? He was previously in a reality show. Anyway, he's 6'2 and at least 50-70 lbs overweight and (though married) I find him attractive. To me, it's all about the face.
Yet how many times have I heard others say, You have such a pretty face (which means, it's a shame about the rest of you).
I also hate the message out there that we've let ourselves go. Like I did this purposefully.
pipermac
02-03-2006, 12:26 PM
It is sad....But it is also true somewhat... "Unattractive" people are prone to be "easier" because they dont get the attention. Its not to say that all do...or even most do...but when compared to "Attractive" people I think it is probably a larger percentage.
But I think this is mainly true when it concerns just "Sex" and is more prevalent with people in their 20's end under.
When People Get older or when they are truly looking for someone seriously "Looks" do not matter nearly as much.
I also think part of the Problem is that the Ones that generally give all the attention are usually the "good looking" confident ones. I think there are Far more people that do Notice the "Not Attractive" people but generally lack the confidence to do anything about it.
But I think this is mainly true when it concerns just "Sex" and is more prevalent with people in their 20's end under.
When People Get older or when they are truly looking for someone seriously "Looks" do not matter nearly as much.
I also think part of the Problem is that the Ones that generally give all the attention are usually the "good looking" confident ones. I think there are Far more people that do Notice the "Not Attractive" people but generally lack the confidence to do anything about it.
chevyman
02-03-2006, 01:50 PM
May I have my 2 cents worth here.
I know what JerseyGirlMeans bout "when she heard that radio talk show talking about them "hogging"..Ive heard that also and its "discusting and very rude....There meaning that an obese person "female" can't get dates and if they get the chance they go for it (the female)...I just refuse to believe that non-sense.
to me I don't look at an obese person in that way...some of my women friends are way overweight but there personality makes them beautiful and most over weight women are more intelligent (IMO) than the average slim female,
it's just that overweight women are branded with the word yuck look at her sorta -thing....if catheren zetta jones weigh 300+ do you think they would look at her the same(No) but she would still be attractive to me
I know an obese woman friend of mine that went for a office job interview, she had all the quilifications ect,,ect nice looking pleasant,.....>probably there was more than 50 that applied for the job there were all kinds of women small, medium, large skinny overwight ect,,ect,,..the personel mgr had it narrowed down to three women....he interview all three one by one (my friend was one).....you guess it he chose the slim attractive girl that did't know much about that type of work........that really pissed me off but what do you do bout it? thats the kind hearted society we live in today.
who makes the rules?
I don't like to be compared to anyone either,that don't do anything for me...I want people to see me for who I am not who they want me to be no matter what my weight....when I was younger a lot of women always told me I have the prettiest eyes and I favor a young elvis now its a george clooney, Am I supposed to be flattered by that?............it makes me feel very unconfortable.....
I don't judge a female by there weight/I maybe wrong but If I do judge a female it's there personality, there character,integrity, looks face are somewhat important / but its not all that that makes me want to get into a romatic relationship! personality plays a big part to me.
Overweight women should only worry bout their weight because of there health..I personally think if they would concetrate on that, other than wanting to look like a slim get any man female type...they would be more happy within themselfs and things would be better for them all the way around....rather that be dieting, relationships or what ever.
The only thing I feel is ...>that if there smart they have to be less smarter than me..other wise I think if I was in a romatic relationship with them and they did get more smarter than me....its bye bye sam...lol..> nah just kiddin.
Matter fact the girl I'm in a realtionship with now is smarter than me...thing is she just don't know it....lol...I don't know what I'll do if she figures that out...lol
JerseyGirl if you favor cathern zetta jones...well I'm in Love with that woman.
Anyway so what if your an overweight female, your copeing with it the best way you can, everyone has there troubles as far as realtionships go, you just have to stop dewelling on that and just keep on going from day to day...doing what makes you happy and what makes you feel good, because one of these days your going to lose the weight you desire and all the men will be at your feet...it's unfortunate they don't see that now, but you know what they say...hine-sights 20/20..look at it this way its there loss and your gain, and you know I'm not meaning weightloss.
I know what JerseyGirlMeans bout "when she heard that radio talk show talking about them "hogging"..Ive heard that also and its "discusting and very rude....There meaning that an obese person "female" can't get dates and if they get the chance they go for it (the female)...I just refuse to believe that non-sense.
to me I don't look at an obese person in that way...some of my women friends are way overweight but there personality makes them beautiful and most over weight women are more intelligent (IMO) than the average slim female,
it's just that overweight women are branded with the word yuck look at her sorta -thing....if catheren zetta jones weigh 300+ do you think they would look at her the same(No) but she would still be attractive to me
I know an obese woman friend of mine that went for a office job interview, she had all the quilifications ect,,ect nice looking pleasant,.....>probably there was more than 50 that applied for the job there were all kinds of women small, medium, large skinny overwight ect,,ect,,..the personel mgr had it narrowed down to three women....he interview all three one by one (my friend was one).....you guess it he chose the slim attractive girl that did't know much about that type of work........that really pissed me off but what do you do bout it? thats the kind hearted society we live in today.
who makes the rules?
I don't like to be compared to anyone either,that don't do anything for me...I want people to see me for who I am not who they want me to be no matter what my weight....when I was younger a lot of women always told me I have the prettiest eyes and I favor a young elvis now its a george clooney, Am I supposed to be flattered by that?............it makes me feel very unconfortable.....
I don't judge a female by there weight/I maybe wrong but If I do judge a female it's there personality, there character,integrity, looks face are somewhat important / but its not all that that makes me want to get into a romatic relationship! personality plays a big part to me.
Overweight women should only worry bout their weight because of there health..I personally think if they would concetrate on that, other than wanting to look like a slim get any man female type...they would be more happy within themselfs and things would be better for them all the way around....rather that be dieting, relationships or what ever.
The only thing I feel is ...>that if there smart they have to be less smarter than me..other wise I think if I was in a romatic relationship with them and they did get more smarter than me....its bye bye sam...lol..> nah just kiddin.
Matter fact the girl I'm in a realtionship with now is smarter than me...thing is she just don't know it....lol...I don't know what I'll do if she figures that out...lol
JerseyGirl if you favor cathern zetta jones...well I'm in Love with that woman.
Anyway so what if your an overweight female, your copeing with it the best way you can, everyone has there troubles as far as realtionships go, you just have to stop dewelling on that and just keep on going from day to day...doing what makes you happy and what makes you feel good, because one of these days your going to lose the weight you desire and all the men will be at your feet...it's unfortunate they don't see that now, but you know what they say...hine-sights 20/20..look at it this way its there loss and your gain, and you know I'm not meaning weightloss.
JerseyGirl36
02-03-2006, 03:39 PM
I have to admit, I feel extra pressure to "finally get the weight off" because of my age. I'm 36 and still want a lifetime companion, marriage, and children. I've just never had the opportunity.
OutToLunch
02-03-2006, 03:49 PM
It's never too late to get rid of the weight and the older you get, the harder it becomes to do so. I'm also in my 30s and even though I don't have a serious weight problem, I would like to lose another 10-15 pounds. I know that'll be easier now than it will later when I'm married and have kids. Plus, I want to be healthy so I'm never a burden on my future partner or my kids.
JerseyGirl36
02-03-2006, 03:58 PM
For me, the weight will take a long time (150 lbs @ 2lbs/week if I'm successful is over a year. Plus, I've never successfully lost it all and kept it off. Each time I've dieted, I lost 17-25 and then plateaued. With LAWL, I went from 335 to 268, but then regained. However, I have kept off 30-35 of that amount. But can't seem to make the scale move.
chevyman
02-03-2006, 05:00 PM
no it wont take you a year...if you really get your mind right and start dieting to the extrems but do it safely, with that and a lot of hard work exercise and mentally minded you can lose this weight girl...If I have to come to your town with a baseball bat and be a drill sergent to you..I will grrrrr....try getting out of your mood your in go do something with a friend stop thinking bout weight loss so much it only gets you down and depressed.....if you had a buddy it would be a lot eazer....but if you don't....if you do this all by yoursels it just makes things that much sweeter for you when you rech your goal..so don't make me come to your town and Have to kick your ***
he he he.
he he he.