I am having trouble remembering (oh no...). There are times I would like to have reference to refresh my memory on the specifics. And maybe we could try having one post each on the thread and editing that post with our current status as things change? What do you think?

Reminder for those new to the boards: We are not allowed to post email addresses or other personal contact information.

Here's mine:

Family member: My husband (married 16 years) is 57 and showing signs of dementia. Most of the problems are very minor at this point. His other health issues are heart disease and damage from 2 heart attacks. He is on disability retirement (since his first heart attack about 6 years ago).

Diagnosis status: First appt. with neurologist was Dec. 29th 2005. All scans (CATSCAN, EEG, MRI/MRA, SPECT) came back normal. Blood tests showed high homocysteine (but no B-12 deficiency); Genetic test was positive for markers associated with AD. Neuropsych exam showed a "subtle neurogenic process" that has caused a difference between right and left brain function. They suspect a seizure disorder. The guy giving us the results said he did not think the problem is AD at this point. We are supposed to follow up now with neurologist again.

Other family members involved? Husband was an only child and his parents are both deceased. We have no children (except 2 dogs and 6 cats). I have one sister and my father who live locally.

Family history of disease? Hubby's father had AD but died from heart complications (at age 89) before the AD progressed very far.

About me: I am 45. Currently unemployed and seeking work. Since getting the results of the neuropsych exam, I have calmed down some and am not panicking any longer.

Odds and Ends: I play piano and violin and am trying to teach myself flute. I have a dream of working in an assisted living facility for aging musicians...

I'm in! What a good idea. I, too, freak if I forget whose who has AD and all the rest of the connections we each have!! :eek:

I'm Barbara, still an only child :D , and I live in VA. My elderly mother had AD, beginning when she was about 84 (in my writing here, that age keeps changing as I think back and wonder when it really did begin!). I lived in TX when Mom caused us to become very, very concerned about her in 2001. I moved her into an ALF until we could move here after our younger son graduated from high school 5 months later. As it turned out, by July 2002 she was in no condition to move in with us as that time had passed. She forgot how to walk in January of '03. Despite a good appetite, she lost a frightening amount of weight in the summer of '04 and died Sept. 2, 2004. I had read that at the end, the brain forgets how to direct digestion, so weight is lost. That somewhat prepared me for her death. I miss her, but I missed her before she was completely gone, too.

I hate AD and my opinion is to do whatever works, use whatever medicines fix the problems, and addiction is okay since AD is terminal. I appreciate that my mother had already done the paperwork to give me DPOA and handed me a copy of her Living Will 15 years ago so I knew her wishes when I needed to decide about a feeding tube. Mom would have said no. I said no.

I'm here to give what help I can in memory of my mother, Dorothy, 2/29/16 to 9/2/04.

About me: I'm 54, retired because of lupus and its total fatigue (bother!), my DH and I have been married for almost 34 years (he's 8 days older than I am), our unmarried sons are 26 and 21, and I am a quilter! Love that fabric!! :)

Blessings to each of you and to your bundles - Barbara :wave:

Hi Needtoescape, Might be a good idea for newbies.

I'm 59 (this month). I work at home. Been married 41 years. 4 grown children, 8 grandchildren.

I have 2 brothers who both work and have no wives, so I'm the lone caretaker for my mom.

My Mom was never particularly caring toward me or my brothers. Dissatisfied with her own marriage, she always worked a swing-shift to avoid him (by doing this she avoided her children as well.)

When she divorced and remarried nearly 16 years ago, we seldom saw her at all. When her 2nd hubby passed away about 6 years ago, she began needing our assistance in daily living. We believed it was because he did everything for her. But now, I think the Alzheimers had begun long before we knew or were aware of it.

She was diagnosed in April 2005. Stage 6. And came to live with me last year. Have also learned that one of her brothers died with AD.

It's been difficult for me, I think, because I never had the strong bond with her that I have with my own children. But dh is very supportive and that helps.

My experience with AD in a nutshell

Welcome to all newbies! This is the Place to be for caring and understanding!

Great idea!

I'm 46 (47 in July), never married (haven't found anyone who I can tolerate yet... :p ), and live with my parents - Mom is going to be 85 in June, and dad just turned 73 in December.

I have been employed at the same medical facility/HMO for the past 18 years, first as a receptionist in the Optometry Department, and for the past 10 years in the Business Office - first as the Deposit Clerk, and now as the Batch Clerk. My work has become my sanity the past few months!

Dad shows no signs of dementia/AD, but does have CHF, and diabetes.

Mom on the other hand has been displaying what I believe to be dementia symptoms for the past few months. She is also now on 5 different heart medications for CHF (diagnosed in October). We do not have an 'official' diagnosis of dementia/AD yet, as Mom refuses any tests that could diagnose either. No known family history on her side of AD, except for one uncle related by marriage, not blood. He exhibted much of the same behavior that mom is beginning to show.

This is a road I never wished to travel....if given the choice, I'd rather deal with a different terminal illness, but with the mind intact. This is SO hard!

Many blessings to everyone here!

I'm Martha, I'm 66 years old. Separated, 3 grown children, 3 grandchildren. I live in Indiana.

I spent 5 years as the only live in caregiver for my Mom who has had within the past 5 years : 2 eye operations, injured knees, heart failure requiring 4 days hospitalization, and then Dementia. She is 97 years old. She is about stage 5 moving into 6.

After her care became too much for me, we moved her to my brother's house and after falling down a flight of stairs while 'Alzheimer Wandering' at night, and breaking her hip (femur) and having an operation, she was unable to learn to walk again. She now resides in a nice nursing home on Long Island and is happy there, most of the time. Her life savings have gone for this care, and soon (we hope) she will be accepted into Medicaid.

I left New York to live near my daughter and grandsons here, after having worked as a teacher in NYC, Germany, and Africa all my life. Now I am enjoying a life of retirement with NO eldercare, lots of child care, and making new friends.

God bless all caregivers.

Martha

Great idea! I don't post that frequently but I read the site almost every day. Lots of great advice and wonderful people offering help.
My husband was diagnosed with early onset AD at 59. It's now 3-years later, and he's between stages 4 and 5. His disease seems to be progressing right out of the textbooks. We participate in an Alzheimers' research study.

I'm 51 and we have 3 teenagers ranging from college to middle school, a cutesy dog and 2 cats. We have no family in the area (GO STEELERS!), so I'm on my own. My husband had no family history of the disease. I'm a professional (not allowed to say which one, but I don't have any special professional knowledge that would be helpful here anyway). On the postive side, my profession lets me support my family with the help of my husband's SS disability. On the negative side, I work 12 hour days and worry constantly about keeping my job. It's amazing how strong you can be when you have no choice. I'm doing our taxes at lunch-time, added antifreeze to our car at 6:00 a.m., and tonight I'll go to a school athletic event after a load of laundry...I live with my to-do lists. My family thinks that I'm totally in control and that everying is being handled just fine -- HAH. They don't see me fall apart in the bathroom at 3:00 a.m, or trying to put my "happy face" on before coming home from work. Stress makes hubby worse, so I keep everything calm for him. A day at a time....

Thanks! I will appreciate getting to know everyone as I am pretty new to this board.

My mom has alzh. at the age of 58, diagnosed last year. I struggle with losing her, as I am sure all of you do, but feel gippt at lossing my mother at my age of 34. She was such a wise an loving soul (still is, god willing she will be that way for a little while longer). I struggle with some of your posts but am willing to share in your heartache. I don't want to be in denial any longer.

I struggle with depression and am overall stressed with life. However, I take it in stride. Overall life is magnificent

God bless all of you,
B.Y

Hi - I'm Cindy - 53 y/o, stay-at-home Mom for last 17 years, we have a teenage daughter, 17 and a son, 15. I stay sane by going on treasure hunts (garage sales, estate sales, flea markets, etc) and buy stuff and sell it at an antique mall. It's great because I don't have to be there, just take my stuff and leave it! It's also something fun my Mom and I can do. My Dad had a stroke and dementia 10 years ago and Mom took care of him for 6 years. When it got to where he could no longer walk Mom had to put him in a VA home. He lived there a year and died in 2003. My 86 y/o FIL has had dementia for several years now. It's to the point where he can't make new memories. It's sad. He is able to live in a senior apt. complex. I run him and my Mom around because neither one of them drive anymore. My hubby is 58 and is showing signs of memory problems. It's been rough but I have lots of faith and am a positive person (usually). Sometimes I do get down and depressed but try to remember not to take things so seriously. I also love to read and I enter sweepstakes on the internet everyday. I do win a lot of smaller prizes and still waiting on that big win to come my way!! Blessings to all here - I know it's a hard road to travel and very sad. We all hate AD and wish, hope and pray they will find a cure (and a cause). Take care all, and thanks for starting this - I've enjoyed reading about everyone - you all sound so interesting. Cindy

Hi, I am Jane and I hang out here because my FIL, age 83, has AD, probably stage 5 or 6. This is all new to my DH and me so this board has been invaluable. I am 54 and both my parents are still going strong--mother is 84 and father is 93. My mother is sharper than I am and my dad is still active, even riding an ATV at his age. So you see I had no prior experience when my FIL began showing AD signs. My husband is one of four children, but the only one to live near his dad.

His dad had a heart attack when he was in his mid 60's, has always had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My MIL died about five years ago so FIL found a girlfriend, who was a widow. He had a happy few years before starting to show signs of AD and GF was a big help in keeping him from going to a nursing home earlier. He has had a series of small strokes which probably account for his dementia and was moved to a nursing home a year ago. He kept wandering away so he was placed in a lockdown unit three months ago. GF was becoming a problem at both nursing homes and he started exhibiting violent behavior so right now he is drugged up until they figure about the proper amount of drugs that will keep him happy, but awake. There was talk of sending him to a psychiatric ward a few weeks ago. His GF, who was getting him agitated, has backed off for now so no more calls from the nursing home. (Fingers crossed)

My DH didn't have a particularly close relationship with either of his parents so there isn't a lot of emotional turmoil involved. He feels sad about his dad's condition, but doesn't seem to have a close connection to him. His dad travelled a lot when he was growing up. GF told me last week that FIL told her last year that she would be the only one he cared about remembering. Such a nice woman.

Jane

I'm Sally, 44, married 3 kids .. I'm in Australia "G'day mate" :-)

I helped look after my FIL and MIL for 2 years. 6 months 'remote' help, and 18 months living with them. FIL suffered end stage lung disease and passed away just before Christmas 2005, MIL has violent Dementia .. Stage 6'ish perhaps, and primary progressive aphasia .. she can't talk legible words anymore, most of her words are echo's of words we've just spoken to her or babble. We moved away just before FIL passed on because of family difficulties and have created a new life.

I am now studying eldercare to hopefully make a difference and trying to find a job.

It's a hard road being a personal carer to a loved family member (or unloved family member as some have experienced) and I have the utmost respect for all who volunteer to put their lifes on hold to help ease the burdens that increase every day.

I agree with the others ..... you do what you have to do to make things work for YOU. Too often, the carer puts things aside, and from experience, it just doesn't work.

Hugs to all of us!
Sally

Hi Everyone,

I am Wannabe (or ToBeFreeToRoam), 55 year old, married, 2 daughters, ages 27 & 29, living in their own homes. We are semi retired. Husband is a farmer. I have done office work and temp. office work, which I may go back to, when we run thru our retirement $. We are spending our retirement on health insurance and home insurance!!!!! Nice huh?!

We live in Texas about 1 hr. away from Houston. My father has alzheimers and parkinsons. My mother has uncontrolled diabetes and dementia. Both take aricept. Except my mom only does it some times!!! :> Mother is 77 and father is 79. Mother has been in denial about my dad, but seems to be coming out of it. But, sometimes, my mother sounds worse than my dad. Mom is a 2 - 3, dad is a 5 - 6. Dad cannot drive (but still holds his keys and drivers license) and mom can drive, but has a very dented car.

My parents live together by theirselves. I live 1 hr. away and my sister lives 3 - 4 hrs. away. I go to see my parents 1 - 2 times per week. I pay bills, do pills, visit, drive to dads dr. appts., do lunch (free-that is how they pay me! :>), fix small things and husband fixes big things! I could go on and on!!!!! :> We have a POA (which has them listed first on each other, which is not good!!!). And the other legal documents.

My mother is anti dr., anti hospital, anti pills, and anti anything you are for!!! My dad is mild and nice! :>

Bad, bad disease/illness. It is very hard to deal with alzheimers/dementia. If it were not for this board and everyone on it, I would already be beserk!!!!!!!!!!! I am 1/2 way there, already!!! :> My sister helps a lot when she can and when she is in town.

If we all stick together and listen and advise and talk with each other, we will get thru this and get some things done, that need to be done. Thanks, all of yall for your past help and your future help!

My name comes from my desire to (sometime in the future), buy a travel trailer with my hubby and travel all over - but especially in Texas!

Take care all of you.

Love, Wannabe

Hi. I'm Barb (yes, the OTHER one! :) ). I'm 43 years old. I've been married to my dear hubby for 17 years. We have a 17 year old son (yes I was one of those VERY PREGGO brides! :D ). I married my first love. He was my sister's boyfriend's brother. That's how we met. We have a cute little dog named Nipsy. She's a 5 y/o Jack Russell/ Toy Fox Terrier mix. She's our baby.

My dad is the one with AD. He'll be 80 on March 13th. I moved my family (myself, dh, son, dog and guinea pig) in with dad almost two years ago. I thought it would be best for him if we made the move instead of him moving in with us. Thought it would be too traumatic for him.

Dad spent 15 months with us before going 700 miles away to the southern part of the US to "visit" my sister. He's been there for about 7 or 8 months now. Dad floats around stages of this disease. He's mostly in stage 5 now but can go from 4-6 depending on situations and how he feels that day.

Right now, my sister is weaning him from the car. He really doesn't drive it down there because he's forgotten where everything is and he still has the fear of getting lost. That is truely a blessing. As long as he knows that fear, he won't wander. But the time will come where he forgets to be afraid. That, I dread with a passion.

My dad's dad suffered from AD. My mom's mom suffered from it (they called it senility then). My mom's sister is in the end stages of it. My dad's brother is showing strong signs of it. I'm sure he has it but hasn't been diagnosed as yet. With both sides of my family suffering from this awful disease, there seems to be a srong possibility of me getting it too. Hopefully, they'll have found a cure for it before that happens.

I almost didn't post to this thread (I was going to do it later). I'm still sick with bronchitis and don't feel like doing much of anything. This thing is just lingering on.

Yes, this thread WOULD make a great sticky! :)

Love, Barb

Hi,
I'm MaryAnn, 60 years old. Mom was diagnosed with alz in March 2004 - she is still self sufficient and in pretty good shape and I would say early stage. Dad is 90. They both live alone in a house 14 miles from my apartment. I am married and live with husband. I have two brothers. Me and hubby are there every Saturday and take Dad food shopping although he still drives. I also am DPOA and do all the banking and take care of maintaining their medications. Dad is in good shape and mom still does the cleaning, cooking, etc. One brother visits once or twice a week and maintains the yard. I worry what will I do with mom is something happens to dad. I don't want a stranger taking care of her and I don't want to quit my job yet. I also want her to stay in her own home where she is doing so good. So I just take a day at a time; dad said to me last week that mom is doing great, but occasionally "goes off the track' but all in all is doing great. So I just do what I have to do and hope for the best. thanks for listening, maryann

Hi All,
I'm Sandi. My Dad has Vascular Dementia, due to a series of strokes back in Aug 05. He was at the VA hosp. for 6 wks. Most of which was for surgery on his cartoid arteries and rehab.They told me he had Vas. Dem and would not improve. He would not be able to be on his own anymore. He would not hear of living with me and my husband. I only found out about his stroke because one of his friends called me and said I needed to check on him. He said it was like he was suddenly old. So I went out there after work and dad admitted he had a stroke about a week before but he refused to stay at the hospital because he had to go to my mom the next day and didn't want to worry her. So He had someone take him home. I had a few words with that friend for taking him home and not telling me!! Dad was a mess. Hadn't eaten ,every faucet in the house was on. He tried to cook a can of soup but forgot it was there and boiled it all over the stove. So I cleaned everythng up and fed him. Before I could get him back to the DR he had another stroke. This time I took him and he stayed! Mom is also in ALF for the last 4 yrs due to a stroke also. hers is a much longer story! Bottom line is she is paralysed on her right side and lost ability to speak. She can say some things now. She has really progressed the last year or so with her speech. She has severe mood swings.I had her and dad sharing a 2 rm suite which didn't work out to well. they are such different levels of care. I have now moved them to the same town with me, but they are in different facilities. Mom is much happier. Dad is still adjusting! Sorry this is so long..I am an only child and am quite overwhelmed at times. Plus my husband of 32 yrs was diagnosed last year
with bipolar & schizophrenia and a couple other things and is in therapy. Therapy is helping and he is leveling out. Sorry I'm rambling now.
Glad I found you all.

Hi, my name is Deena, and this is my first post ever! I just started to read your posts, and wanted to register and log on! I am 61 years old, I have 3 children, and 5 grandchildren. I am divorced but have been with my partner, Bob for 5 years. I live in FL, but am originally from the NY/NJ area.

Approx. 6 years ago both my mother and father were diagnosed with dementia. It was a very difficult period of time for me. I lived in a different area from my parents, and would get constant phone calls from my father, an ex-POW, for "help." Finally I moved into their house. My father also had colon cancer, and passed away April, 2005.

My mother is in the last stage of AD, and in the past two weeks I am seeing a swift change in her. For the past two years she's been the same - bedridden, totally dependent, and under Hospice Care. She still lives at home with me. I am fortunate that I am able to afford a helper 24/7. "E" is with us Mon-Fri and "W" is with us Sat & Sun. We had to go through many caregivers during the past few years - 58 to be exact. I certainly could write a book on that (one was stealing drugs, one took the family car and put 800 miles on it in 2 weeks, etc., etc.).

I am very concerned about what is happening now. It seems by the posts I've read that most here are experiencing beginning and mid-stages. They actually were the roughest, but this is the saddest. My mom and I were best friends, and I don't want to lose her.

I too am new. HAve been lurking for a long while. I am an only living outside of Washington DC. Married longer than I haven't been (33years). Two pretty great sons that have given us two wonderful daughter-in-laws. and a gaggle of rescue dogs, the majority schnauzers of each size. I work as an EA to a VP. I sew and bake for relaxation/therapy...and i pray for my parents.

My mother is 86 as of last week, in a lock down unit w/moderate headed to severe Alzheimers. Dad will be 86 and has been her sole care taker 24/7 for the past three years as they both fought acceptance of the disease. Dad is exhausted and mom is getting frailer. They live in Mpls. Minn and refused to move closer to us..and now it's too late as mom can't take the change and Dad wouldn't do well either. Mom fell getting up from the bed right b4 Christmas and had to have a partial hip replacement. Fell getting out of bed in the care unit and fractured her shoulder in early Feb. Fell last week and broke her left thumb. The staff watches her carefully, but the are so quick these lost souls...

We go home every 3 months and try to keep order and do whatever we can in terms of bills/drs./cooking/errands/laundry etc. Mom was the "keeper of the home" and Dad knows nothing about cooking or cleaning..and at 85 I can't expect him to learn.

I hate this disease for taking my mother from me and my children. The sun rose and set in my boys and now she doesn't know them when they call. I hear the pain in their voices when they talk of her.

WHY?

This is kind of a delayed response, but I'm 55 and have been married to current DH for 7 yrs. My mom had AD and was in one of the test groups for Alzheimer's medication (U of MI) 15 yrs. ago. They had nothing for AD then. She was a great specimen to test drugs on as she was in her mid 60's and in perfect health. No medical problems at all.....except.....AD. Tacrine was developed during that time and she wanted to be able to help others with this horrid disease! Her having AD made me realize if I had only 20 yrs. left, I wasn't going to spend them being in a no win, no love marriage. So I divorced, then several years later re-married.

My new FIL has exhibited signs of AD for about 4 yrs., altho he has several other health issues... a heart pace maker, petite mal epilepsy... (which is now Grand Mall Seizures) and closed head injury (from having accidents while driving with seizures). Altho AD runs in his imediate family, his kids: 3 daughters and 1 son do not want to accept this. ( my DH acknowleges the problem). He's had multiple accidents driving, exhibited road rage, gets lost and is in probably Stage 5 or 6 AD. It's really bad....but family just ignores all the signs.. They don't even use a neurologist...even tho he has seizures!!!! So no testing has been done...so as long as no testing has been done..."He doesn't have it, right!"

I have 1 married daughter who lives in NYC and 2 sons who live at home. DH has 1 daughter also. All our kids were born in December. Our daughters were born on Xmas Eve/Xmas Day....just hours apart and at the same hospital! So they are step twins! My hobbies are sewing, cooking, physical fitness and reading. I don't work anymore...(except at home!) but used to teach and was a business manager for a family business.

This board has been a life saver....or should I say "mind saver" for me!

Choquis: (pronounced ko KEYS` means little cookies.)

I'm 29 years old. I live at home with my 60 year old father and my 59 year old mother. My mom was diagnosed with AD 3 yrs ago. For the first 2 yrs I was the primary care giver to allow my dad time to work to be able to retire with full pension benefits. For the last year he has been the primary care giver and I've returned to work.

I have an older sister that lives about 8 hours away from us so her involvement is rather limited. She is married with a 3 year old girl.

over the last 3 yrs mom has gone from being about a stage 3 when first diagnosed all the way to the start of stage 7.

My dad and I also split caregiving duties with my uncle for my 90 yr old grandfather who is in remarkably good health give or take some hearing and vision loss.

just a little snapshot of me and my life. :wave:

Hello everyone.

I am 46 and I have been married for 25 years,we have 2 grown up children.

My eldest sister was diagnosed with early dementia at the age of 52,she is now 57. I only spend one full day a week with my sister,but I also attend Doctors apointments with her. Our other 2 sisters also spend time with her and help out when they can.

I am not sure what else to tell you at the moment lol. I might come back later and add a bit more.

I'm Ann and am 61 and my husband is 60. We have been married 41+ years and dated for 4.5 yrs. High school sweethearts. My husband was diagnosised with Alzheimer's this past spring after an 18 month journey with many different doctors. I first noticed some memory loss in 1999 and he consented to being checked by our family doctor in 2001, but the dr. didn't think it was significant and didn't want to pursue any more appointments. The definite diagnosis came 5/2006. He retired the Fall before this diagnosis as co-workers had come to me plus it was obvious that stress was escalating symptoms. A few days before finding out a definite answer we moved into our newly built 2 bedroom home as we hoped for the best but feared for the worse. It was a blessing not to have to do anything upon hearing the news, everything to be safe had already been done. We are in a senior community in southern AZ. I have been trying to find out what stage we are in when I discovered this website on google and feel like it will be just what I need as I don't share easily in the community. I have attended a support group and got some specifics the first time I went, but haven't felt very good about it the other two times I've gone so didn't go this month. Our children (3) all live out of state so I'm my husband's only caregiver and that is the way he likes it. He's on Aricept and several other medications, I believe 11 pills in all, and seems stable until this past week or so when he seems to be annoyed with me over helping him. This is new to me as we have always communicated exceptionally well; thus, my searching as to the stages or levels as I'm thinking we are moving into a new area. The information has been so helpful this evening that I will be reading and responding as often as possible. I look forward to getting to know other spouses of this disease. I've read a couple books, but there is nothing like bonding with others that understand. Thanks for taking the time to read my Who's Who! Blessings to each of you who are experiencing a different season then past years as you celebrate and are grateful this Thanksgiving.

Hi Everyone,

I am Ann 45 years old married to a great guy we have a Jack Russell named Lilly. I do not have any children (except Lilly) my husband has 3 from a previous marriage.
My mom moved in with us about 8 months ago. Proir to that she was living in an in-law apt at my brothers house. About a year ago my Aunt suggested to my SIL and brother that mom come live with me and they flat out objected however 8 months ago she came to visit me with my so called "sister" (that is anoher story in it's self) and when it came time for her to go home they did not want her back. All this started over my mom's will. Apparently they read her will without her consent and were ticked off about it.
She is better off with me anyway as I make sure she eats, drinks fluids and takes her meds.
We went to visit my neice a couple of weeks ago and she was amazed that mom had not been in the hospital or sick since she has been with me. Mom was in the hosptial last Feb 2x's for dehydration and a UTI. I quickly learned that dehydreation or an infection can really set off dementia and I have learned alot reading the posts they are very helpful and freightning.
I guess at this point I am fortunate cause mom can still get her own breakfast and lunch (I have to set everything for her) and shower on her own but believe me I am not looking forward to what some of you are already facing and I don't think I would ever to able to put her in NH but only time will tell.

OK I am done writing my book and I am soooooooo glad I found this board.

Take care and Happy Holidays to all!!!
Ann :D

Hi All, Im Jess a 45 yr old financial rep. working forty five hours weekly at the same Bank for the last seven years. Im married 29 yrs to my teenage sweetheart (yep, still in love) and we have three grown sons all still single. Only one, our middle still lives at home he's the one who found this board during a very difficult time for me. Just today I introduced this board to someone new who is struggling also. My Mom is 82 and in her 4th-5th stage of AD. After living with me for two years, and going through caregivers because I cant quit my job
and stay home with her (immense guilt still ) I regrettably "broke my word" and had to place momma in the best NH in the area which is 35 miles one way from me , when we could not control her wandering and aggression any longer. Our father died of lung cancer on Sept.6,2006 labor day. I have one sister who's a cancer survivor and will be fifty on thursday. My sister and I went through a hard time with our relationship at first but have long sense mended. I have learned how important family really is so it's not worth the fight. All people deal with this disease and it's effects differantly. My mom raised us to be very independant women and have your own savings stash, so I'am very independant and a bit hard headed. I see so many of my mom's traits in myself, such as strong willed, do what I want regardless and self sacrificing to others to the point of exhaustion. I am also bi-polar an overacheiver and
suffer from manic episodes at times. Since my mom's diagnosis I lost 57 pds,
created an ulcer and almost lost my mind from the lack of being able to control this disease and it's effects on our family, especially mom. She has now been in the NH for nine months, has a private room I pay for alone, and for the most part is forgetting who we all are. I use to visit four to five times weekly and hate everyone else for not doing the same. I now only visit 2 times a week as she now lets them help her more as she lives mostly in her childhood. My mom does better when we spread out our visits. She is for the most part content and that shows when she returns from a visit with me and knows where everything is and just seems right at home. My mom is still active not totally incontinent yet and still pretty as a doll... I call the NH every morning and every night to check on her day, Im dpoa and currently purchasing her two homes for rental purposes and paying off her debts. She too had to spend all her assetts. I have a home of my own where mom still has a room. I hate this disease and how that we have to lose our parents or loved ones twice. Every day it crosses my mind maybe today I will bring her home agian, I miss my mom so terribly and her laughter, her beautiful smile the fire in her eyes. Her toughness, and homemade sugar cookies and soup beans and cornsticks with her amazing fried chicken. I miss the smell in her house of clothes washing and that great scent of downey flowing through the air. I miss our late night phone calls and shopping together. So for now I settle for my visits two days a week where we talk about her world, in her mind, where
I dont really exist anymore. We hold hands and walk the halls, look at pictures of years gone by where she says a chilhood picture of me is someone I've never heard of but agree with anyway.... I kiss her and reassure her I will be back tommorow as she requests realizing that gives her comfort somehow and knowing she wont remember I was ever there after she rises. I return to my life and she returns to her's where I have to trust strangers and God to watch over her until I see her agian. On my fireplace mantel is a beautiful gold framed photograph of a gorgeous brunette with the staightest white teeth and pointed nose and skin like silken porcelain. I stare and smile back at the photograph, Goodnight Momma I whisper as I wipe another tear away....
Im jess

Mine:

I just joined the forum today. I live in the Memphis, Tennessee area. Both parents are suffering from dementia and it appears to be getting worse by the day. I am doing everything I can to keep them in their home for as long as possible. I suppose I have been in denial about their condition and thought if I ignored it things would just get better. My father is 75 and has shown signs of Alzheimers for several years according to his doctor. My Mom was doing fine but over the past several months she seems to have gotten far worse than Dad. They have always been very private but their finances reached a point where the bank contact me over the mess. I am doing what I can to take care of these matters. I was recently given POA regarding health and finances. I am an only child. I have set up appointments for next month with a specialist to evaluate their condition and possibly give some direction on the next step. I seem to be in a fog and confussed about what to do. I drive to their house each night and they follow me out on the porch each night hugging me and telling me they love me. The next morning they don't even know I was there. Maybe some of you with experience can help someone like me. I love them and I just want to make things as comfortable as possible for them during this time. I have a driving issue that I will have to face with Dad soon so I am really stressed about this. Good luck to all of you. Dale

Your situation sounds so much like mine except for the sister part. I wish I had siblings to talk to. Good luck to you and the parents. Dale

Hi everyone I realised i hadn't posted here so here I go.

I am 44, happily married and have a son 20 & a daughter 22.My mother has dementia and lives with us. we had not been close for about 5 years after she allowed my brothers to force her to sign her inheritance & family home over to them. she then was conned by a woman who managed to move in and turn her against me. she also convinced friends and family not to talk with me abouther. I greived and moved on with my life.

she lost all her life savings and we had to declare bankruptcy. at one stage she had a peadophile living with her. she would not let me into her home.

now i think this was related to her dementia. nothing like hindsight !!

about 5 months ago she was stuggling to cope and let me in. I was shocked at her home. It was filthy. the amount of junk she had in there was unbelievable. we took 2 tonnes and 3 skip bins of rubbish to the tip.
a few weeks later she collapsed at home and almost died. she was flown to a major intensive care centre. we were away from home for 5 weeks. her dementia worsened and she is now living with me and waiting for a hostel bed.

she is a lot calmer & happier now. she does not knwo how many children she has, mostly she remembers my name. she is incontinent several times a week, cant prepare simple food, needs assistance to wash and dress and asks the same things over and over...she collects and hides stuff everywhere.. including wet / soiled clothing.

this week we saw the neurologist and she is to have brain scans MRIs and cardiac tests so we can hopefully commence her on Aricept. in 2 weeks we have to travel away for a few days for more surgery.

she attends a day care centre during the week so I can work, i am exahausted. when i rang for respite I was told there was only 2 weeks available in 2007. i must have sounded stressed because they later contacted me after a cancellation and now i have 4 weeks this year. My employer cannot give me holidays at the same time as the respite. so there will be no time off work till 2008. I love my job & they have been so good to me but there is a limit to my time off and I am well over it . I have already had to take 3 weeks leave without pay.

i have had to give up my graduate degree, lost about 10,000 in wages, have used my accumalated sick leave and holiday leave. we had to cancel our holidays (last one was 2 years ago). I have no support other than my wonderful husband. The family are an abusive bunch who only ring up to harrass me. it was a domestic violence situation when we were growing up.

all i can say is i am so grateful for this forum. people here understand how hard it really is. they do not tell me to look on the bright side (where is it?) Dementia is a cruel and horrible disease. it destroys whole families. I am doing the best I can and mum is safe.

I cried when i read Jess22's post, thankyou Jess for your honesty

(((hugs))) to everyone, :wave:

lolly

Thanks for telling us your story. It is yet one more demonstation of how this disease wrecks people and families. I wish you all the best. You are young enough to resume your life once your Mom finds placement. Good luck!

Love and prayers,

Martha

Hello...my name is Pam...and I found these forums when looking for some help with severe osteoporosis.

I am just shy of 60 :eek: , one of 6 "kids"...and have an 86 year old Mother who is in the last stages of Alzhiemers. It has been a looooong 9 year journey! Both of my in-laws were diagnosed last Feb. also.

I find myself living by the phrase "What is...is." Many things simply happen in all of our lives that we cannot control, I like to think it builds our character!

I have 3 brothers living about an hour south of me...1 brother living on the east coast...and a sister out west. I am the only one who stayed rooted in the same place we all grew up...near our Mother. Dad died from cancer in '77; that left me to be the main connection to Mom. The good....and not-so-good memories my children and I have outnumber those of my siblings!

When Mom was diagnosed 9 years ago, the 3 closest brothers decided to move her to their area so they could easily keep track of her. My "please no" vote was easily outnumbered. Of course, in the beginning everyones visits were often. Mom was aware of sudden changes in her life and seemed to direct her confusion, sadness, and madness mostly in my direction. I tried hard to practice the lessons she had always taught us of compassion and understanding...often crying softly to myself on the hour drive home.

A whole lot has happened to my family over the last 9 years! My visits are mostly the only ones Mom gets now...it has been that way for quite a while. I go down each week...sing to her...and watch for some tiny response...and once in a while actually DO realize she is aware someone she loves is there with her.

Music seems to be our connection. I realized this early on. We were brought up in a household filled with music...and the effects linger. Our singing seldom has actual words...but in our "la-la-la" fashion, we can sing any tune! It is rare to get a response now, but once in a while, a gift of glimmer does appear!

I work with many "Special Needs" students...and have used methods and techniques learned in that area to connect with Mom. Early on, I upset some of my brothers when I would "go to her world"...perhaps they were jealous I could actually reach her and get some response. I had to realize early on that the far-away siblings would not share equally in the responsibility...no fault of theirs...just some facts to deal with. My sister has been a God-send in her listening ear.

There are so many things I want to share with those of you just now starting down this long road!! I am always amazed at the differences...yet likenesses of the persons who have developed this horrendous disease. Mom is in a most wonderful facility...and I am so grateful for that. I simply cannot say enough to those of you caring for loved ones at home...on your own. Bless you...but do not feel guilty for coming to a decision to move them to a caring facility.

Perception is reality is one of my thoughts each time I visit my Mother! At first, I had a difficult time hearing this woman who had never lied to us telling stories about our cows! Soon, I realized she was picking up stories from other "clients"...and believing them to be her own. I quickly learned to simply nod my head in agreement to whatever she said.

I have learned to try to find humor in enexpected places with this disease...my compassion for every flustered person I meet on the street has certainly increased...and I have found that by sharing experiences not only helps others facing this challenge, but myself as well.

Thank you for listening to my story...I have learned much about myself in facing this disease...and hope I can be of some help to some of you.

Positive vibes to all of you!....Pam;)

Hello,
I am 32, happily married to a man I met 8 years ago and in two weeks we were married, and I have two small children, 5 and 2. We also have 2 cats and a dog.
So many of you have stories that are like mine.
My mom and I never got along. SHe called me about 2 years ago and told me that she didn't want to be part of my life. At major things such as Thanksgiving she came and never said one word to me in 5 hours. On light of that in Dec 06 she had her 7th stroke. The day she gained control of her body she got up and left. On Jan 1, 2007 I was called from the nearest hospital saying that they found my number in her address book. At that time she didn't know who she was, where she was or anything. She had helluciations, and nightmares constantly. I thought she had another nervouse break down. I asked my Aunt to come and see her and she said she's never acted this way. She stayed in the hospital for a month before moving in with a friend of mine. She was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. Unlike other dementia's and alzhiemers this disease works quicker. At the hospital she was said to have had this for about 2 years. Her brain has already begun to shrink a great deal and the only thing they can do is pray that high doses of arecept would work.
Last month she moved in with me. I'm the only one out of 4 of us that would even qualify to take her in. I have 2 siblings that live out of town and one that wanted her to "pay" them all the time. Presently she is on the highest does of arecept they can get her. She seems to perfectly normal with a few forgetful moments here and there. I know it's only the meds. She goes through spells where she forgets everything then they up her meds and she's great for a little while. She is in total denial that anything is wrong with her and she constantly blames me for taking away her life, her car, her lisence, ect.
She told me the other day that someone told her that I was still her daughter and I was suppose to obey everything she said and that she didn't have to listen to me. I wonder every day if this is going to work. I was kind of hoping this would allow my mom and I to have a good relationship before she died. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking that if she didn't remember so much or wasn't in such a good mind that it would be so much easier. I've already understood that she still doesn't want much to do with me but the nursing homes around here are not that good unless you have the money for them.
I guess I agree that this is a cruel way of life. Put someone on memory meds so they can remember only for them to forget it all. What's the point?

Hi I am Lisa, and I am new to the board. I am so happy to have finally found a place where I can share experiences with other people!
My grand dad is 95 years old, and just moved to a nursing home a week ago. He has CHF, a blocked carotid artery (controlled by meds) and vascular dementia. His dementia seems to be getting worse by the day! This is so hard on me, and the rest of my family, but I think I am handling it alot different then them. My mother is his only child, and of course "the leader of the group." Then my oldest sister, then me. We have another sister who lives in Indiana with her family.
Oh I forgot to mention, I live in central florida, am 38 years old. I have been married 13 years and have a beautiful little redhead named Nora. She will be 6 in September and entering kindergarten!

Welcome! This is the place where you can talk about your experiences and get help and moral support. Thanks for telling us your story.

Martha

Hi everyone,
Im new here. I am the youngest of 3 sisters. My oldest sister who is 57 has MS and was diagnosed over 5 yrs ago. She lives down the street from me and I do her cooking and shopping and etc. she is still ambulatory. but she moves slower by the day.

My other sister who is 52 and recently going thru a divorce. I strongly believe she has early onset alzheimer's dementia. She lives in another state and is currently living in a hotel and going thru all the money from the procedes of the sale of her house during divorce. she has no job and doesnt seem real panicked about her situation. She emails me daily but I fear for her. I have tried to email her my concerns and it goes out one ear and out the other. I honestly am at a loss as to what to do. I see her heading for disaster when she runs out of money. She refuses to discuss the possibility of the big A word at all. Let alone go to a doctor. She has no medical insurance. Im looking for people to connect with and get feedback from regarding my concerns and what to do about them.

I am almost 50. and I am married. My husband and I have been married for 4 yrs. we have one cat and two dogs that we love like our children! My husband works full time and I stay home. I love gardening, reading, painting and spending time with my pets.

Lisa

I am new to the board but I am so glad I have found you. My Dad was diagnosed with Dementia about 8 years ago. I suspect Vascular Dementia. He seems to be very happy in his fuzzy world and has a great sense of humor except for some occassional sun downer paranoia and anxiety.... and he doesn't like to take a shower! He has been relatively stable and still knows who I am and can do most things for himself once you get him started. He has no short term memory and his repetative questions can drive you nuts. Mom has been his full time care giver. I noticed some changes in Mom about 2 years ago but she blamed it on Depression. Anything unusual was blamed on Dad. Last October Dad ended up in the hospital from a Xanax overdose given to him by Mom. It was evident that Mom had more than Depression so I had her tested at Memory Accessment Research Center. Her Mom had Alzheimer, her husband has Vascular Dementia, and this is her worst nightmare. Evidently she has used her intellegence and blaming Dad for things she did to hide her inabilities for several years. She was diagnosed with Moderate to Sever Dementia consistent with Alzheimer. She is depressed, angry, and thinks if we will just go away and leave her alone she will be fine. She has become very unreasonable when it comes to Dad and her treatment of him. She has frequent "melt downs" which I suspect is exhaustion from her attempts to make life "normal". She assures me there is nothing wrong with her. When we discussed her MARS diagnosis with her doctor he insisted that it was ok for her to drive ::ARG:: I am also locked in battle with one sister that will not consider moving them out of their home of 54 years or taking away her driver's license (she is also constantly critical of anything that I do) and another sister that wants to ingore the entire situation. I do have one sister that is helpful but she works. I have arranged for a day sitter (who will give meds) and somebody is there on the weekends but it is quickly becoming evident that this is not adequate. To make matters worse I am 4 hours away. I talk to Mom several times a day on the phone when I am not there and stay in touch with the sitter. I take care of most doctor's appointments and emergencies including Mom's broken arm in February and Dad's infected toe nail last month. There always seems to be a reason for me to make that long drive. I will read more tomorrow but wanted to say thank you all for being here..... :wave: