Hello Everyone.. WOW!! I haven't been to this website in years. I use to come due to severe panic disorder--notice the username. Well I need some advise. The man I am in love with has been infected with HIV for over 10years. We have not been together since recently--meaning hanging out no intercourse and when we do we know to use protection. My concern is that he is showing signs of opportunistic infections. We are no longer looking at HIV but now AIDS. He refuses to take medicine, which at this point I'm not sure if it would do any good--maybe someone can help me out with that also. My concern is the other things that he will encounter. What type of risk will I be at? For instance... TB... I know it's contagious and if he develops it will I get it or will I just have an inactive case of it? I'm not sure how it works. Is there anything I should be concerned with getting? I mean I know I'm at risk if we choose to actually BE together but other than that what am I risking being exposed to and possibly contracting. I love him so much and I don't want to be afraid to be near him. Someone please let me know if my concerns are pointless or if I do need to worry about things. Thank you all so much in advance!!!

Hello crazy :)
10 years without meds is a fairly long time to go without and it is hard to give you any good information without some numbers off his imuno blood work report .
Could you give a little mor information on his numbers as far as white blood cell count goes :)
It would be very wise of him to see a hiv specialist ASAP ! And see what his treatment options are and also a ( RESISTANCE TEST ) to see if the virus has any immunities to any specific medications and also get a measurment on his viral load ( to see how many copies of the virus is in the blood stream ) depending on how well the infection responds to the medications will also determine how quickly his immune system can reconstruct itself and also with the virus being surpressed will also give his immune system a chance to re-grow the lost T-cell and mainly the CG+4 or ( T4- helper T-cells ) which are the main target of hiv .
Rite now without the help of medications hiv is actively destroying any white blood cells that try to destroy it and the medications will give his immune system a chance to repare itself but he realy needs to have a lot of bloodwork done to see where he is rite now and that is the first concern .
Keep us posted and we will try to help as much as we can :angel:
........... Lost Spirit .........

Thanks for responding. I see you are very educated!! Unfortunately, he refuses to go to the doctor. I think he is one that believes that if he hears he has something it is going to kill him quicker. He never really faced reality with being HIV+. To this day he will not say he has it. Even though we-friends and family- all know. I can see small lesions in a few places on his body and he has dramatically lost weight. His face is beginning to look sunk in. He is also always very fatigue. He tries so hard to be energetic and do things but he spends most of his day in the bed. It is really heart breaking for me to watch him go through this. It also angers me that he won't listen and go try to do something. As I said, I love him more than anything and I continue to push my concerns on him but in the end I will support any decision he makes. That's why I need to know if I'm putting myself at risk of anything. Since I know his immune system is so low and he can get opportunistic infections...I need to know if there's something I can get? Thank you for taking the time to respond!!!

First off, I think it is GREAT that you are being there for him. It really is a testiment to your love. As far as your risks of infection, I'm not expert but I would advise against sexual activity. You should be there for him and love him, but I don't think it would be worth the risk to engage in sexual contact. At this point in his life, I think love and care will make your bond stronger than anything else.


I will keep you both in my prayers!

- HGF

Please don't take my following words harshly.

One of my childhood friends died of complications due to AIDS when we were 27 years old. He was with 2 women in his whole life. His wife infected him with HIV. The complication was his cold became pneumonia and 9 mos after diagnosis, he was dead.

If you'd been with him sexually w/o protection or had fluid exchanges, your rate of contracting HIV is very high. This is what I'd learned from my friend's doctor back in 1991... I remember it clearly because Magic Johnson went public with his HIV and my friend was dying at the hospital. However, holding his hand, embracing him, or being near him will not infect you. But if he doesn't want to take the medications to prolong his life, there's nothing you can do but love him.

I'll be praying for your friend. Watching someone you love slowly die is one of the hardest experience any human being would ever go through.


.

Damn and I heard its very hard for a female to give it to a male but obviously not impossible. How long did your friend have HIV? I know it was in the early 90's but why didn't he go on the medications like Magic did as Magic to this day looks better then most people and says he has no trace of the disease in his system. To the original poster , drag your friend to the doctors office immediately or THREATEN to not be there for him anymore as he is being very selfish to you and his whole family by not trying to make himself more healthy so THAT HE may possibly live longer. Hell he made it this far , it is probable that some of the meds will literally wipe out a lot of his disease and bring his immune system back and maybe give him a whole bunch of years to live and wake up in the morning and to see you and his family. Why in the hell wouldn't he want that?

I have had to deal with the issue of friends who have refused medications for several years. One of the died because he stopped taking his meds (this was ten yrs ago and he was awfully sick because of the medications) and another has always refused meds. And, no matter how much I scream, rant, rave and act like an idiot, I am always left knowing that this is such a personal choice and, for many of us, outside of our sphere of understanding. Someone once wrote that "...at best, there are times when we cannot cure, cannot heal, cannot mend. Sometimes, we simply have to present to those who are in pain and suffering and let them know they are not alone." chris

Thank you all for your responses. I truly love this man with all my heart but he refuses to listen to my concerns. I understand I am at risk if I become sexually active with him but, at his request, we have not done anything yet. I am by no means afraid of him and I know with protection I'm still putting myself at risk but I love everything about him. A little of his history--his father passed away when he was young...mom has a severe drug addiction...by the age of 13 he knew nothing but the streets. He has been in and out of jail many times. With just guessing...we believe he contracted the virus around the ages of 15-17. He is now 30. It is beyond me how he has survived this long without treatment considering the live style he lives. He still struggles day to day just to make the most of life. Some times I think he doesn't care and other times I think he is just so afraid of facing reality that he runs from it. I have begged him to live with me and be a bigger part of my life but he won't. I try to spend every chance I can with him cause I know it's just a matter of time before there will be no more chances!