You know, at first I thought this was my imagination. All last week, I got the feeling that Mom was just watching me. If I moved to the computer, she'd move to a chair in the same area to color. If I move to the living room, she moves nearby and watches TV. If I go to meet the mailman, when I come back in she's peering around the door, just watching.

Even watching TV, I kept getting that "sense" that she was watching me. I really thought I was just imagining it.

Then, dh had a 3 day weekend. After Mom went to bed, he says, "What's up with this new thing, she's just staring at you?"

I hadn't mentioned it cause I thought it sounded silly to be so bothered by it. But it's unnerving to have someone watching you all the time.

If I go down the hall to the bathroom, when I came out she's leaning forward in her chair watching for me to come out. It was downright spooky.

Now, my husband is more than a little bothered by it. He said he walked by her room in the wee hours this morning and she was just talking away........to herself.

She doesn't appear to be angry or anything. I'm not sure why it's so bothersome. It's just such a weird and eerie new thing, I guess.

Anyone else had this experience?

It seems to be an aspect of the typical 'shadowing'. Usually the AD victim follows the caregiver around. If you go out to hang up washing, she is right behind you. If you go to the basement, she goes too, like a shadow. Yours is just looking at you, but gets up to keep you within her view .. she may fear losing you. Like a young child, if Mommy is not visible she might be gone - scary! Shadowing is normal if anything can be called normal in this bizarre disease .. it eventually ceases.

But I can feel for you how eerie it must be...

My scariest moment was when I woke up to a flashlight shining in my face. Mom was looking at me with that blank look, asi f thinking,'who in the world is this strange person in my spare room?" I had been living with her for 4 years at that time ...

Love,

Martha

Oh yes, Shadowing ........ creeping up behind you ........... :nono:

I would be sitting at my computer, bashing away when I would get "that feeling" and find her behind me, watching intently ........ never heard her come up the stairs ... she was always quiet ........ :confused:

Or washing the dishes........ again, behind me ......... I would turn around and say "hello there!" :wave: and she would smile, watch me a bit longer, then meander downstairs again .....

She had her prime place in the loungeroom, she could see almost everything from there, and if she saw us duck through our doorway, would get up and check on us and 'hover'. :eek:

And I would often hear her chattering away to nobody in particular ....... in the kitchen, in the dining room, ALWAYS in her bedroom ....... and it never sounded like happy chatter either .....we would hear swear words (from my british upper crust MIL? OMG !! :eek: :eek: ) and find her pulling things apart or moving things around. She started going through everything .. drawers, cupboards ... you name it, she went through it with great detail and worry.

Just another foible of our charges.

Hugs
Sally

Oh Martha,

Thanks for replying so quickly. My dh is really upset about this. She's never gotten violent with me but just talks horrible with foul language about my brother who took her car.

Lately, she's been asking to go home and he was concerned that she might be blaming me for that.

Good gracious, I know that must have frightened you! It would scare me, I know. Just following me around is so irritating. I feel like I can't move.

How long do they do this, or is it like everything else, it just depends on the person?

I hope it's not long. It's sure unnerving........

Yep - my mother did that, too, and it is big time creepy! I wasn't sure if she was trying to figure out who I was, trying to keep track of me, or getting clues about what to do next by watching, then copying me.

If she's awake at night, I'd encourage you to get keyed deadbolts for your doors, lock up at night and hide the keys - hide all of the keys, to house and car. You don't want to wake up one morning and find she walked away in the night or drove away! You've probably read of the night my mother lost her understanding of day/night and how to read a clock. What an unexpected development that was. How can you forget a black sky means night?? That's learned in year 1 or 2. Mercy!

If she starts roaming in the house, a mild sleeping pill may do the trick. My mother walked and visited with the ALF night staff all night, then dozed the day away. Why not? What are day and night anyway?? She slept at night after I asked her doctor for a mild sleeping pill (mild because Mom was a small lady).

Sandy, is her name on the list at the chosen ALF yet? If so, good and I'm sorry I forgot (YIKES!!!). If not, please take care of that this week. :) It's just better to be prepared so when you're ready, a place is ready.

Ah, what did Lily Tomlin's character say about reality?? "Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch!!" So maybe their hunch is opposite from ours or maybe they forgot the hunch completely.

(((((hugs))))) Barbara :)

Sally and Martha,

I don't know how I'd make it without you!

How do caregivers do it without this board! It's such a relief to know that I'm not imagining it and that I'm not the only one who is totally irritated by it.

Oh........I hope it doesn't last too long. Or, I eventually get use to it.

I don't really know what I would have done without this board, and I feel somewhat of a fraud still being here without having a charge anymore ..... but with a bit of luck, I can help another (see .. the chronic helping thing?) and give sage sound advice like my friends here have done for me ........

It's the BEST support system!!

Hugs
Sally

Barbara,

Our house does have deadbolts all around and bars, too. She can't work the locks cause she's tried in the daytime and I have to do it for her.

The pills she's been taking for her dizzy spells made her a little drowsy. But I'll make a point of mentioning this to her doctor as well. He may give her a mild sleeping pill.

I have been searching ALF's and NH's in our area on the internet. But I think I'll give a few of them a call.

Thanks so much to everyone.

Sally, you're not a fraud......you're a PRO!

You better stay with us......we need you!

And, you know you can't resist those words. NEED...NEED

It's true, though. Even if you no longer have your charge, you have a wealth of information that the rest of us need.