Lotus_Blossom
02-06-2006, 02:28 PM
I already asked about faking Pregnancy but how about becoming Pregnant out of spite?I ask these questions as my ex Boyfriend is now with a NUT..I hear she is Pregnant when she didn't want Babies EVER then told him she wasn't ready for Babies but is now supposedly Pregnant soon after finding out not long ago he was messing with me(talking with,calling,emailing etc)when he was already with her..I figure she dug her own grave as he more than likely is infertile cos the Woman he was with before me never became Pregnant after 3 or 5 years with him and I never did either..
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stacezilla
02-06-2006, 02:42 PM
haha , is that who you were talking about in your faking post?
Lotus_Blossom
02-06-2006, 03:09 PM
Yes!This Gal would go to great lengths out of hate for me to keep him..I've never seen anything like it..a real winner that one is..
Faythey
02-06-2006, 03:26 PM
if he wants to be with you than it shouldnt matter that shes a nut and is faking pregnancy (or maybe really pregnant)
Although, that is a bit of a selfish point of view, it would be healthier for him to just choose.
Although, that is a bit of a selfish point of view, it would be healthier for him to just choose.
stacezilla
02-06-2006, 03:51 PM
id make her take a preg. test and show it to you or the bf or go to PP and have her take one and then test him or something like that
Lotus_Blossom
02-06-2006, 04:13 PM
Stacezilla,
That would be an excellent idea but she would never agree to it..that would be like my Cousin doctoring up her pads to hide her Pregnancy(which she did)..about 5 months along she couldn't hide it any longer..another Cousin gerted herself down to hide hers and gave birth alone..her Mother and Sister wasn't stupid they had a pretty good idea she was but didn't know she was as far along as she was..everything about it makes me question/doubt the validity of this Pregnancy..I didn't fall off the Turnip wagon and bump my head..
That would be an excellent idea but she would never agree to it..that would be like my Cousin doctoring up her pads to hide her Pregnancy(which she did)..about 5 months along she couldn't hide it any longer..another Cousin gerted herself down to hide hers and gave birth alone..her Mother and Sister wasn't stupid they had a pretty good idea she was but didn't know she was as far along as she was..everything about it makes me question/doubt the validity of this Pregnancy..I didn't fall off the Turnip wagon and bump my head..
Lotus_Blossom
02-06-2006, 04:20 PM
I'm not sure how long he is gonna play along with it..it is also doubtful he will say aha!I caught you and know you aren't Pregnant cos am infertile he would never admit that in a million years so I'm really not sure what he will do..he made up some big honking story about Chemicals when he was with his ex before me so he wouldn't have to admit which I understand..
rosequartz
02-06-2006, 04:36 PM
this is your ex boyfriend right?
why do you still concern yourself with his activities/problems?
why do you still concern yourself with his activities/problems?
KeltoKel
02-06-2006, 05:39 PM
Lotus,
Why do you care about him? Sounds like they are both nuts. He is your ex and has moved on with another girl - pregnant or not. It sounds like you are pissed he got her pregnant - and are hoping she is lying about it. Either way, he is your ex - move on.
Why do you care about him? Sounds like they are both nuts. He is your ex and has moved on with another girl - pregnant or not. It sounds like you are pissed he got her pregnant - and are hoping she is lying about it. Either way, he is your ex - move on.
Lotus_Blossom
02-06-2006, 06:28 PM
Rosequartz,
Yes he is my ex boyfriend but we maintained a Friendship..it is a complicated matter/situation I do not wish to go into all I will say is she is not the Woman he wanted to be with but due to an obligation he had no other choice..
Yes he is my ex boyfriend but we maintained a Friendship..it is a complicated matter/situation I do not wish to go into all I will say is she is not the Woman he wanted to be with but due to an obligation he had no other choice..
Lotus_Blossom
02-06-2006, 06:32 PM
KeltoKel,
Why is he nuts because he can't produce Children?!I don't care for her simply for what she has done in times past not because she is with him and I'm not..as for me hoping she is lying nah I know she is..
Why is he nuts because he can't produce Children?!I don't care for her simply for what she has done in times past not because she is with him and I'm not..as for me hoping she is lying nah I know she is..
KeltoKel
02-06-2006, 09:21 PM
Ummm...not nuts for maybe not being able to produce children. Let me explain...
If YOU say he can't produce children, then HE should also know that he can't produce children, right? I mean, if anyone knows, it should be him!
So, why is he staying with a girl who says she is pregnant when he should know that she is not? Does he prefer to be with a liar? It makes no sense.
So again, maybe they are meant for each other?
If YOU say he can't produce children, then HE should also know that he can't produce children, right? I mean, if anyone knows, it should be him!
So, why is he staying with a girl who says she is pregnant when he should know that she is not? Does he prefer to be with a liar? It makes no sense.
So again, maybe they are meant for each other?
mable
02-06-2006, 11:52 PM
sounds like hes trying to have his cake and eat it too. any guy who bounces between 2 women like that isnt worth your time. the same exact thing happend to a friend of mine and the other girl was pregnet and had the baby. for the next few years he would go to my friends house and tell her how much he loved her and wanted her back.. they would have sex and then he would go home to his babymom and baby. then a week or 2 later he would come back and do it all over again.
KeltoKel
02-07-2006, 08:52 PM
I agree with you mable. Nobody is forcing him to be with the other girl.
Lotus, don't let him have his cake and eat it too. Tell him to pick one or the other. Don't get sucked into any head games. If he wanted to be with you - then he would drop the other girl. End of story.
Lotus, don't let him have his cake and eat it too. Tell him to pick one or the other. Don't get sucked into any head games. If he wanted to be with you - then he would drop the other girl. End of story.
barton93
02-08-2006, 03:03 AM
Lotus.........just because you didn't get pregnant or the girl before you didn't get pregnant does not make him infertile! I was with a guy for almost 3 years and we foolishly rarely used protection and I NEVER got pregnant. Now, he has 3 kids!!! So, I know he is fertile. I know I'm fertile too cause I have 2 kids.
As for him being with her because he is obligated to be with her..........there is no such thing. Nobody is obligated to be with anybody else........kids or no kids. I've been married for 12 years and I have 2 children with my husband. We're together not for the obligation for our children but for the love we feel for one another!!!
I think he is with her because he wants to be with her. I think he is pulling the wool over your eyes by making you believe otherwise. Maybe he is a genuine man and is trying to protect your feelings by making you believe that he isn't really into her so that you'll feel good knowing that.
I really think you should step back and just leave it alone. If she is lying, then that is her problem to deal with. You shouldn't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you. If she is pregnant, then this guy is going to be a father and will forever be connected with this woman............and it doesn't sound like that is something that you would ever be comfortable with.
As for him being with her because he is obligated to be with her..........there is no such thing. Nobody is obligated to be with anybody else........kids or no kids. I've been married for 12 years and I have 2 children with my husband. We're together not for the obligation for our children but for the love we feel for one another!!!
I think he is with her because he wants to be with her. I think he is pulling the wool over your eyes by making you believe otherwise. Maybe he is a genuine man and is trying to protect your feelings by making you believe that he isn't really into her so that you'll feel good knowing that.
I really think you should step back and just leave it alone. If she is lying, then that is her problem to deal with. You shouldn't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you. If she is pregnant, then this guy is going to be a father and will forever be connected with this woman............and it doesn't sound like that is something that you would ever be comfortable with.
monim361
02-08-2006, 05:48 AM
[QUOTE=mable]sounds like hes trying to have his cake and eat it too. any guy who bounces between 2 women like that isnt worth your time. QUOTE]
I agree !!
Was in a similar situation. I Have a 5 month old now. And the other girl well she is 5 months pregnant. Funny thing is She just left him too. So now he has neither one of us and is pretty pathetic..He cries on the phone begging her to come home. Shows up at my house wanting to see my baby. But he is a little looney and abusive so thats a whole other story. Anyway no such thing as "having to be with someone because of obligations" Move on. You will be much happier!
Monica
I agree !!
Was in a similar situation. I Have a 5 month old now. And the other girl well she is 5 months pregnant. Funny thing is She just left him too. So now he has neither one of us and is pretty pathetic..He cries on the phone begging her to come home. Shows up at my house wanting to see my baby. But he is a little looney and abusive so thats a whole other story. Anyway no such thing as "having to be with someone because of obligations" Move on. You will be much happier!
Monica
Lotus_Blossom
02-08-2006, 09:43 AM
Barton93,
I understand what you mean but the Man told his ex before me that he could not Father Children.He has been with other Women besides the ex,me and now this one and they didn't get Pregnant either.As for him being with her because of obligation sure he had a choice HOWEVER there are things about the obligation(Familial wise)I do not wish to disclose..it is a very complicated and painful matter..he has been in touch with me the entire time he has been with her..he called me New Years but he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes?!?!He told me he loves me and not all that long ago..The Man is in a situation he feels he can not get out of..
I understand what you mean but the Man told his ex before me that he could not Father Children.He has been with other Women besides the ex,me and now this one and they didn't get Pregnant either.As for him being with her because of obligation sure he had a choice HOWEVER there are things about the obligation(Familial wise)I do not wish to disclose..it is a very complicated and painful matter..he has been in touch with me the entire time he has been with her..he called me New Years but he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes?!?!He told me he loves me and not all that long ago..The Man is in a situation he feels he can not get out of..
Faythey
02-08-2006, 10:20 AM
Obviously, without the details, its hard to give good advice. But if he really can't get out of his current relationship with the other women, I would suggest that you find someone else for your time. It's not worth it for you to hang around and wait for him.
However, if he really can get out of it, then he needs to make a decision. It's not fair to you or the other woman for him to lead you both on like this. The other posters are quite right. Move on and you'll be much happier.
However, if he really can get out of it, then he needs to make a decision. It's not fair to you or the other woman for him to lead you both on like this. The other posters are quite right. Move on and you'll be much happier.
rosequartz
02-08-2006, 11:02 AM
Lotus, if you give us all the details, (the ones which you don't want to disclose), we will be in a better position to comment/help on your situation. You're anonomous, we don't know who you are.....why don't you just tell the whole story?
:angel:
:angel:
summertyme
02-08-2006, 11:34 AM
Like I said in my response to your other post about faking pregnancy--If I only had a dollar for every time someone said "Don't worry, I'm infertile." Especially men...
How do you know his previous partners didn't use protection that even he didn't know about? Maybe YOU'RE the one with fertility problems since he was with you for 3 years and didn't get you pregnant. Don't be so quick to point the finger at everyone else.
If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He is playing on your emotions and you are letting him. He's just trying to have you as a little something on the side and is saying what you want to hear to get it. A good, worthwhile man wouldn't be going around impregnating other women if they really wanted to be with you, and then saying "Poor me...whatever shall I do..." Don't play his game with him.
How do you know his previous partners didn't use protection that even he didn't know about? Maybe YOU'RE the one with fertility problems since he was with you for 3 years and didn't get you pregnant. Don't be so quick to point the finger at everyone else.
If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He is playing on your emotions and you are letting him. He's just trying to have you as a little something on the side and is saying what you want to hear to get it. A good, worthwhile man wouldn't be going around impregnating other women if they really wanted to be with you, and then saying "Poor me...whatever shall I do..." Don't play his game with him.
barton93
02-09-2006, 01:25 AM
Barton93,
I understand what you mean but the Man told his ex before me that he could not Father Children.He has been with other Women besides the ex,me and now this one and they didn't get Pregnant either.As for him being with her because of obligation sure he had a choice HOWEVER there are things about the obligation(Familial wise)I do not wish to disclose..it is a very complicated and painful matter..he has been in touch with me the entire time he has been with her..he called me New Years but he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes?!?!He told me he loves me and not all that long ago..The Man is in a situation he feels he can not get out of..
Ok.....once again, just because no one has gotten pregnant before this one doesn't make him infertile. It sounds like he is thinking that because it never happened before. Or maybe he is a creep and tells women that in hopes of getting what he wants!!! As for obligation.........in my opinion, no such thing! Like I said before, I've been married for 12 years. I have 2 children, 12 years worth of financial ties to my husband......but in my opinion that is not the obligation that keeps my marriage together. My marriage exists because there is love and passion. You say he has been in touch with you the entire time he's been with this girl, he calls you all of the time, so on and so forth. That tells me that he wants to have his cake and eat it too!!! It should tell you the same thing!!! Do yourself a favor and drop this guy. Move on to better things. You will find yourself much happier.
I understand what you mean but the Man told his ex before me that he could not Father Children.He has been with other Women besides the ex,me and now this one and they didn't get Pregnant either.As for him being with her because of obligation sure he had a choice HOWEVER there are things about the obligation(Familial wise)I do not wish to disclose..it is a very complicated and painful matter..he has been in touch with me the entire time he has been with her..he called me New Years but he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes?!?!He told me he loves me and not all that long ago..The Man is in a situation he feels he can not get out of..
Ok.....once again, just because no one has gotten pregnant before this one doesn't make him infertile. It sounds like he is thinking that because it never happened before. Or maybe he is a creep and tells women that in hopes of getting what he wants!!! As for obligation.........in my opinion, no such thing! Like I said before, I've been married for 12 years. I have 2 children, 12 years worth of financial ties to my husband......but in my opinion that is not the obligation that keeps my marriage together. My marriage exists because there is love and passion. You say he has been in touch with you the entire time he's been with this girl, he calls you all of the time, so on and so forth. That tells me that he wants to have his cake and eat it too!!! It should tell you the same thing!!! Do yourself a favor and drop this guy. Move on to better things. You will find yourself much happier.
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 08:01 AM
Barton,
Like I have mentioned in previous postings he was with his ex before me 3 to 5 years..he told her he could not Father Children because of Chemical exposure..there were no Contraceptives used period during their relationship..they not having Children,the length of time they were together and from exposure should be proof enough he is Infertile.Remember we know this Man very well as we are the ones that spent time with him..the obligation(s) you have to your Husband is not the same obligation he has..there are so many things I have not disclosed about him,us or the situation simply because it is very painful..he contacts me because I'm the Woman he wishes to be with..I'm the Woman he loves he just can't be with me due to Familial reasons..
Like I have mentioned in previous postings he was with his ex before me 3 to 5 years..he told her he could not Father Children because of Chemical exposure..there were no Contraceptives used period during their relationship..they not having Children,the length of time they were together and from exposure should be proof enough he is Infertile.Remember we know this Man very well as we are the ones that spent time with him..the obligation(s) you have to your Husband is not the same obligation he has..there are so many things I have not disclosed about him,us or the situation simply because it is very painful..he contacts me because I'm the Woman he wishes to be with..I'm the Woman he loves he just can't be with me due to Familial reasons..
Faythey
02-09-2006, 10:32 AM
whether he wants to be with you or not, the fact is that he hasnt left her. I think you need to move on unless he's willing to become serious with you. You are the one that is going to be hurt from all of this.
I dont know a lot about infertility, but I've heard of weird accidents where seemingly infertile people get pregnant, or get someone else pregnant. Assuming he really is infertile from the chemical exposure, it could have still happened. However, there is nothing that obligates 1 person to another against their will. Don't assume that he is completely infertile because of the lack of children in his previous relationships. That could mean so many things. Go over to the TTC (trying to conceive) boards and you'll see how difficult it can be for the healthiest of people.
I dont know a lot about infertility, but I've heard of weird accidents where seemingly infertile people get pregnant, or get someone else pregnant. Assuming he really is infertile from the chemical exposure, it could have still happened. However, there is nothing that obligates 1 person to another against their will. Don't assume that he is completely infertile because of the lack of children in his previous relationships. That could mean so many things. Go over to the TTC (trying to conceive) boards and you'll see how difficult it can be for the healthiest of people.
rosequartz
02-09-2006, 01:57 PM
Barton,
he contacts me because I'm the Woman he wishes to be with..I'm the Woman he loves he just can't be with me due to Familial reasons..
so that's what he's telling you? Wanting to be with you and making it happen are two different things......what is he doing, just "wishing" things will change?
what familial reasons are we talking about? My opinion......he's stringing you along.
he contacts me because I'm the Woman he wishes to be with..I'm the Woman he loves he just can't be with me due to Familial reasons..
so that's what he's telling you? Wanting to be with you and making it happen are two different things......what is he doing, just "wishing" things will change?
what familial reasons are we talking about? My opinion......he's stringing you along.
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 02:48 PM
That's what he tells me because it is what he feels..you can't just wish away feelings you have for someone at lib..forgetting about someone you love and want to be with doesn't leave automatically..if ya'll must know why we can't be together his Sister hates me because I'm white and forbids him to be with me..she and her Husband paid over $100,000 so he could attend a University Overseas and she demands him to be with this Gal as a means to be repaid what she is out on him..his Brother in law told me if they had known about me I would have been their first selection..her Husband didn't even know about me for over 3 years because she hid me from me..I'm not what she wanted..he comes from a totally different Culture than we do..where he is from the Sisters,Aunts and Female Relatives are possessive,dominating and controlling over their Brothers and what they say goes regardless what the person wants..Family obligation comes before your own desires..now that his Sister has helped him he has to go to her for advice and such..she thinks she is the keeper of his life..sure he could tell her to go get f'ed but it would only create more problem..he owes her alot but there is nothing he can do other than what she asks of him..ya'll can sit there behind your Computers and say no one is obligated to do anything or throw he is stringing you along blah blah blah all you want but I was with this Man I'm the one who knows him and I know that Culture very well..I'm well aware what was done to us and there is nothing we can do..I have never felt so helpless in my entire life..the pain and heartache we have faced I do not wish on anyone..am I resentful,hate,spiteful that she is with him and I'm not?No not at all but I know what that Gal is up to and I also know he had Fertility issues while with every other Woman besides me..I also know that his Sister will face her judgement for what she has done..do you honestly not think it is not hard for him to stay in touch with me and know he can't be with me?He calls me up ever so often and don't talk he just holds the line just to hear my voice..he has done that at least 50 times..It has been very tearing for the both of us..
rosequartz
02-09-2006, 02:58 PM
Lotus - This sounds more complicated as you tell us more. Do you really want to subject yourself to this? His sister is manipulating him and controlling him, although I don't absolve him of any responsibility. Could it be he is going along with the program and using his sister as his excuse......this way she's the bad guy? His sister couldn't have forced him to have sex or a relationship with this woman, against his will, could she?
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 02:58 PM
Faythey,
He can't leave her at least not until he feels he has repaid his Sister..IF and that is the biggest word in the Dictionary she is Pregnant it is spite cos she found out he was still contacting me..she sees me as the enemy even though she doesn't give a care about him..all she is in it for is the money..if he were to leave her the money would be cut off..they are out a small fortune on her..money is the only reason she is with him..the first time she met him she turned to a Relative of his and said ewww I don't want him..it's nothing but a big joke..all I have to say is IF she is Pregnant it is for the wrong reasons and it will only create more problems for him..we can only live a lie so long..
He can't leave her at least not until he feels he has repaid his Sister..IF and that is the biggest word in the Dictionary she is Pregnant it is spite cos she found out he was still contacting me..she sees me as the enemy even though she doesn't give a care about him..all she is in it for is the money..if he were to leave her the money would be cut off..they are out a small fortune on her..money is the only reason she is with him..the first time she met him she turned to a Relative of his and said ewww I don't want him..it's nothing but a big joke..all I have to say is IF she is Pregnant it is for the wrong reasons and it will only create more problems for him..we can only live a lie so long..
rosequartz
02-09-2006, 03:00 PM
so Lotus - does your man have sex with this woman?
are you saying she is pregnant from SOMEONE ELSE and trying to pin it on your boyfriend, or are you saying she has sex with him.
are you saying she is pregnant from SOMEONE ELSE and trying to pin it on your boyfriend, or are you saying she has sex with him.
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 03:01 PM
Rosequartz,
It is very complicated..I backed away..I'm not the one contacting him..no he is not using her as an excuse what I have stated in my previous posting is the factual truth..he had no other choice..his say and what he wanted was not allowed..
It is very complicated..I backed away..I'm not the one contacting him..no he is not using her as an excuse what I have stated in my previous posting is the factual truth..he had no other choice..his say and what he wanted was not allowed..
summertyme
02-09-2006, 03:04 PM
There's way too many people involved in his business--he's not in a healthy "place" in his life. A grown up man will not allow someone else to pay for his education, but will live his own life on his own terms and not allow someone to pull his strings like this. He doesn't sound like that great a catch to me and it's probably better for you if you move on and don't play his game--and the games of his family. Do you really want a life playing mind games with the in-laws? If he's not willing to stand up to his family, he's not good relationship material.
You're probably not a psychic and really don't know what his previous girlfriends might or might not have used for contraception, so don't act like you're omniscient. My husband is very fertile, was with other women before me, and never got any of them pregnant either.
You're probably not a psychic and really don't know what his previous girlfriends might or might not have used for contraception, so don't act like you're omniscient. My husband is very fertile, was with other women before me, and never got any of them pregnant either.
rosequartz
02-09-2006, 03:07 PM
Lotus - Please answer my question.....does he or does he not have sex with this woman? If he does have sex with her, there is your answer.......his sister is not forcing him to have sex with her.
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 03:09 PM
Rosequarts,
I think they do because he admitted to me there are things she refuses to do sexually that he enjoys(but that don't mean anything he may not want me to know they don't have sex)..she has only been with him this last time since the end of November or sometime in December and I have hard time believing her Menstrual cycle is regular as clock work..some Women don't find out they are Pregnant for up to 3 months after conception..trust me her being Pregnant from someone else has crossed my mind..there are many Men from his place that attends the University she does..if she is Pregnant it is 1)an immaculate conception 2)a miracle has taken place 3)belongs to another Man 4)she faked it 5)she did it out of spite..
I think they do because he admitted to me there are things she refuses to do sexually that he enjoys(but that don't mean anything he may not want me to know they don't have sex)..she has only been with him this last time since the end of November or sometime in December and I have hard time believing her Menstrual cycle is regular as clock work..some Women don't find out they are Pregnant for up to 3 months after conception..trust me her being Pregnant from someone else has crossed my mind..there are many Men from his place that attends the University she does..if she is Pregnant it is 1)an immaculate conception 2)a miracle has taken place 3)belongs to another Man 4)she faked it 5)she did it out of spite..
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 03:10 PM
Rosequartz,
His Sister is not forcing him to have sex with her she is forcing him to be with her in loving relationship..
His Sister is not forcing him to have sex with her she is forcing him to be with her in loving relationship..
rosequartz
02-09-2006, 03:18 PM
Lotus,
I don't think anyone can force anyone else to be in a relationship with someone. I think that's his story and he's sticking too it. I'm not trying to be mean to you, or argue with you.......honestely......
I just want you to realize that he has choices. If he's not man enough to stand up for himself and his choices, then he's not much of a man, and really not one that you should want to be involved with.
If what you're telling us is true, he sounds kinda like a wuss.......is that the kind of guy you want? Please don't believe any more of this nonsense. Distance yourself and find a guy who can be with you, no strings attached.
You deserve that. I'm telling you this because I don't want you to get hurt and strung along, not to be mean...... :angel:
I don't think anyone can force anyone else to be in a relationship with someone. I think that's his story and he's sticking too it. I'm not trying to be mean to you, or argue with you.......honestely......
I just want you to realize that he has choices. If he's not man enough to stand up for himself and his choices, then he's not much of a man, and really not one that you should want to be involved with.
If what you're telling us is true, he sounds kinda like a wuss.......is that the kind of guy you want? Please don't believe any more of this nonsense. Distance yourself and find a guy who can be with you, no strings attached.
You deserve that. I'm telling you this because I don't want you to get hurt and strung along, not to be mean...... :angel:
Lotus_Blossom
02-09-2006, 03:36 PM
Rosequartz,
The possessiveness and control the Sisters,Aunts and Cousins hold is a territorial thing at it's best and if the Brother has a Girlfriend the Girlfriend has to show cause that she is worthy of their Brother but I wasn't given a chance because she put her foot down and forbid him..her hiding me from her own Husband spoke loud enough volumes for me..back last year he got a lucrative job offer in another State but couldn't take it because he would be close to me and couldn't be because we can't be together so see what she is doing has hurt him..The attitude those Women hold sometimes can be quite daunting.It is a cultural obligation to ensure that their Brother gets the best deal.If the Sister and/or the Family have invested in the upbringing of the Brother whether this investment is material or otherwise,say paid the Brother's school fees or took care of him when he was very sick or anything of the sort the Sister or Family feels they know what’s best for the Family(not necessary the brother).Generally in that Culture what the Guy brings to the well being and status of the Family can override the simple joys of the Guy including choosing his Bride.The magnitude of expected gains to the Family increases with the Guy’s Education and exposure to the outside World.The Women being the way they are subjects the Man to unecessary pressure..he has to choose between what he wants and his People..if we could of had a life together I would not of only married him I would have married the entire Family..
The possessiveness and control the Sisters,Aunts and Cousins hold is a territorial thing at it's best and if the Brother has a Girlfriend the Girlfriend has to show cause that she is worthy of their Brother but I wasn't given a chance because she put her foot down and forbid him..her hiding me from her own Husband spoke loud enough volumes for me..back last year he got a lucrative job offer in another State but couldn't take it because he would be close to me and couldn't be because we can't be together so see what she is doing has hurt him..The attitude those Women hold sometimes can be quite daunting.It is a cultural obligation to ensure that their Brother gets the best deal.If the Sister and/or the Family have invested in the upbringing of the Brother whether this investment is material or otherwise,say paid the Brother's school fees or took care of him when he was very sick or anything of the sort the Sister or Family feels they know what’s best for the Family(not necessary the brother).Generally in that Culture what the Guy brings to the well being and status of the Family can override the simple joys of the Guy including choosing his Bride.The magnitude of expected gains to the Family increases with the Guy’s Education and exposure to the outside World.The Women being the way they are subjects the Man to unecessary pressure..he has to choose between what he wants and his People..if we could of had a life together I would not of only married him I would have married the entire Family..
KeltoKel
02-09-2006, 09:25 PM
Lotus - your choices are easy.
Either keep allowing this guy to string you along even though HE and YOU know you can't be together (which makes no sense to do!)
OR
Move on with your life and realize there are other fish on the sea
Yes, it is that easy. You have choices and only you can live your life. Life is short and you only get to live it once. So, don't waste your time and energy on something you say is impossible.
Either keep allowing this guy to string you along even though HE and YOU know you can't be together (which makes no sense to do!)
OR
Move on with your life and realize there are other fish on the sea
Yes, it is that easy. You have choices and only you can live your life. Life is short and you only get to live it once. So, don't waste your time and energy on something you say is impossible.
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 01:05 AM
KeltoKel,
It isn't he stringing me along the Man has deep loving feelings for me there is a difference in true and valid feelings for someone than playing/stringing them along..as I said I don't contact him HE contacts me..
It isn't he stringing me along the Man has deep loving feelings for me there is a difference in true and valid feelings for someone than playing/stringing them along..as I said I don't contact him HE contacts me..
barton93
02-10-2006, 01:25 AM
I don't even know what to think about all this. First of all, this guy truly sounds like he has NO backbone whatsoever. If his culture was really all that important to him, then he would NOT have been with you to begin with!!!! If his culture is that strict, I find it hard to believe that engaging in sex before marriage would be accepted. So, with that being said........he is doing everything that he is NOT supposed to be doing.....and you honestly believe this line of garbage he is feeding you??? He obviously didn't care about all of this when he was with you the first time, or he would not have been with you. To say he feels he owes his sister or whoever for all they have done for him........even if it means sacrificing everything he has ever wanted......tells me that he isn't a man. With that being said........I really think you should move on. I wouldn't be with a man like that. I would want a man that is a man and loves and protects me and puts me and our children before anyone else. You will obviously never get that with him.
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 05:42 AM
Barton,
He did not know his Sister would hate me because I'm white..he didn't believe in a million years she would have such racist tendencies..it's a side to her he wasn't aware of..her feelings are like some White's who think it's okay to only be Friends with another individual with a different skin color as long as love is not involved..she and her Husband are business people in several areas within that Country so I'm sure they do business with Expatriates in the Country but business and love are two different things..it was as much a shock to him as it was for me..not everyone from their place share the same sentiments about whites as Sister does..for some Families it is a blessing and honor for their Brother/Sister to marry into a different Culture..Majority of Women from there are spiteful,jealous,envious and resentful toward White Women because they think they don't add up..in other words they feel inferior and think we are better than they are..he comes from a predominately Christian Culture but they are like everyone else they will have sex before marriage..they are just now adopting to a more Western lifestyle when it comes to dating and marriage..it is more common to see two Men walking down the Street holding hands than it is for a Man and Woman who love each other..before they get married they really don't have what we call a dating period they just pay a price to the Family of the Woman they intend to marry and it's a done deal..most Men especially in the area where he is from practice Polygamy..it's nothing for them to have 5 or more Wives(not every Man practices it though)..if a couple live in the same house,sleep in same bed in loving relationship like a common law/defacto type relationship the Family considers them married the same goes for a Man and Woman not married legally or Culturally having a Baby or Children together..His Sister and her immediate Family(Husband)have a substantial claim on him.If they have not seen substantial returns on their investment then they will continue dictating terms..I agree with you he could have been more of a Man but it is tearing when you owe someone a great deal and like I have already said in that Culture Family obligation comes before your own..there is no telling what she held over his head..for all I know she threatened that she and the entire Family would disown him..last Summer I gave him a package to give his Mother..he couldn't even tell her who it was from because Sister was up his butt..I can not begin to understand the stress,demands and pressure that has been placed on him..
He did not know his Sister would hate me because I'm white..he didn't believe in a million years she would have such racist tendencies..it's a side to her he wasn't aware of..her feelings are like some White's who think it's okay to only be Friends with another individual with a different skin color as long as love is not involved..she and her Husband are business people in several areas within that Country so I'm sure they do business with Expatriates in the Country but business and love are two different things..it was as much a shock to him as it was for me..not everyone from their place share the same sentiments about whites as Sister does..for some Families it is a blessing and honor for their Brother/Sister to marry into a different Culture..Majority of Women from there are spiteful,jealous,envious and resentful toward White Women because they think they don't add up..in other words they feel inferior and think we are better than they are..he comes from a predominately Christian Culture but they are like everyone else they will have sex before marriage..they are just now adopting to a more Western lifestyle when it comes to dating and marriage..it is more common to see two Men walking down the Street holding hands than it is for a Man and Woman who love each other..before they get married they really don't have what we call a dating period they just pay a price to the Family of the Woman they intend to marry and it's a done deal..most Men especially in the area where he is from practice Polygamy..it's nothing for them to have 5 or more Wives(not every Man practices it though)..if a couple live in the same house,sleep in same bed in loving relationship like a common law/defacto type relationship the Family considers them married the same goes for a Man and Woman not married legally or Culturally having a Baby or Children together..His Sister and her immediate Family(Husband)have a substantial claim on him.If they have not seen substantial returns on their investment then they will continue dictating terms..I agree with you he could have been more of a Man but it is tearing when you owe someone a great deal and like I have already said in that Culture Family obligation comes before your own..there is no telling what she held over his head..for all I know she threatened that she and the entire Family would disown him..last Summer I gave him a package to give his Mother..he couldn't even tell her who it was from because Sister was up his butt..I can not begin to understand the stress,demands and pressure that has been placed on him..
KeltoKel
02-10-2006, 07:12 AM
Lotus, I am confused. Just 2 weeks ago you were talking about your fiancee on another thread. And a week before that, a new boyfriend.
What in the world? Something doesn't add up.
What in the world? Something doesn't add up.
summertyme
02-10-2006, 09:40 AM
I've got to know, where in the world TODAY do non-white CHRISTIANS practice polygamy? And in what Christian area of the planet are couples just living together without benefit of clergy still considered married? I'm dying to know.
Faythey
02-10-2006, 10:10 AM
I'm now confused as to why this thread was started. I thought you were looking for a way to get him back or something.
If there is absolutely no way that the two of you can be together, it seems that it would be in your best interest to cut all ties with this man. Get a new phone number, move, do whatever you have to do. Waiting for someone who you cannot be with is like a slow and painful death.
Why would you want to waste your time waiting for something that isnt going to happen?
If there is absolutely no way that the two of you can be together, it seems that it would be in your best interest to cut all ties with this man. Get a new phone number, move, do whatever you have to do. Waiting for someone who you cannot be with is like a slow and painful death.
Why would you want to waste your time waiting for something that isnt going to happen?
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 01:01 PM
KeltoKel,
I never said the ex and I are still together..it is not me contacting him..I came to this site to ask a simple question and ya'll just had to know the complete story so don't judge,ridicule,try and shame me or come back with I said this or that..that is very unfair of you..I have tried my very best to move on and forget about him..he was the Man I loved that loved me..we wanted to get married and make a life..he was my soulmate..I'm still nursing a wound that hasn't healed yet that may never completely heal regardless a new man in my life..I hope that with time it will get easier for me but I don't need what you just did to me..that is one of several reasons I didn't want to post the situtation..people are to quick to judge when they haven't exactly been in the situation you've been..YES I have a Fiancee who is my boyfriend that I love very much but the boyfriend you are probably referring is a Friend's..so don't try to make me out to be bad just to prove a point..
I never said the ex and I are still together..it is not me contacting him..I came to this site to ask a simple question and ya'll just had to know the complete story so don't judge,ridicule,try and shame me or come back with I said this or that..that is very unfair of you..I have tried my very best to move on and forget about him..he was the Man I loved that loved me..we wanted to get married and make a life..he was my soulmate..I'm still nursing a wound that hasn't healed yet that may never completely heal regardless a new man in my life..I hope that with time it will get easier for me but I don't need what you just did to me..that is one of several reasons I didn't want to post the situtation..people are to quick to judge when they haven't exactly been in the situation you've been..YES I have a Fiancee who is my boyfriend that I love very much but the boyfriend you are probably referring is a Friend's..so don't try to make me out to be bad just to prove a point..
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 01:04 PM
Summertyme,
I can not for privacy reasons state which Country he is from..
I can not for privacy reasons state which Country he is from..
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 01:21 PM
Faythey,
I can not change my telephone number constantly as it costs $30..I can't move ever time because it is costly..I started the thread as I wanted to know how you would know someone is faking Pregnancy or got Pregnant out of spite..no I don't care for the Gal he is with simply for what she has done to him the entire time she has been with him..she has used a Man I loved with all of my heart for money's sake..
I can not change my telephone number constantly as it costs $30..I can't move ever time because it is costly..I started the thread as I wanted to know how you would know someone is faking Pregnancy or got Pregnant out of spite..no I don't care for the Gal he is with simply for what she has done to him the entire time she has been with him..she has used a Man I loved with all of my heart for money's sake..
rosequartz
02-10-2006, 01:30 PM
Lotus, you can state what country he's from....
what privacy reasons are you referring to? We don't know you, your name, him, his name, etc......what could the harm be in telling us the name of the country?
Why would you need to change your number more than once? Unless you gave the number to him again after you've changed it, I don't understand how he would get it again? :confused:
why would you need to move more than once?
I'm a little confused :angel:
what privacy reasons are you referring to? We don't know you, your name, him, his name, etc......what could the harm be in telling us the name of the country?
Why would you need to change your number more than once? Unless you gave the number to him again after you've changed it, I don't understand how he would get it again? :confused:
why would you need to move more than once?
I'm a little confused :angel:
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 01:39 PM
Rosequartz,
I don't wish to state the Country as there may be people(Family or Friends that know about what happened)posting to this site from his place..besides I think I have already given to much information surrounding our relationship that got threw back in my face..I changed my number once and he got it from someone..more than likely a Cousin as we are great Friends..I was replying back to Faythey regarding Telephone and moving..
I don't wish to state the Country as there may be people(Family or Friends that know about what happened)posting to this site from his place..besides I think I have already given to much information surrounding our relationship that got threw back in my face..I changed my number once and he got it from someone..more than likely a Cousin as we are great Friends..I was replying back to Faythey regarding Telephone and moving..
susieq0726
02-10-2006, 01:48 PM
There's way too many people involved in his business--he's not in a healthy "place" in his life. A grown up man will not allow someone else to pay for his education, but will live his own life on his own terms and not allow someone to pull his strings like this. He doesn't sound like that great a catch to me and it's probably better for you if you move on and don't play his game--and the games of his family. Do you really want a life playing mind games with the in-laws? If he's not willing to stand up to his family, he's not good relationship material.
You're probably not a psychic and really don't know what his previous girlfriends might or might not have used for contraception, so don't act like you're omniscient. My husband is very fertile, was with other women before me, and never got any of them pregnant either.
BINGO!
Any man attached at his sister's, mother's and any other person's apron strings isn't worth having. In addition, even if you were together, the family drama will NEVER go away.
You're probably not a psychic and really don't know what his previous girlfriends might or might not have used for contraception, so don't act like you're omniscient. My husband is very fertile, was with other women before me, and never got any of them pregnant either.
BINGO!
Any man attached at his sister's, mother's and any other person's apron strings isn't worth having. In addition, even if you were together, the family drama will NEVER go away.
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 01:56 PM
Exactly because I wouldn't be marrying only him I would be marrying the entire Family but I hoped things would be different if his Sister had only given me a chance..his Family loved me it was only his Sister that hated..I'am what the remainder of his Family wanted for him..
rosequartz
02-10-2006, 02:00 PM
Well Lotus, you could always keep your fingers crossed that the sister dies someday, or gets abducted by aliens..... :bouncing: :bouncing:
just kidding......
just kidding......
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 02:08 PM
I don't wish death on anyone Rosequartz but I do hope she asks forgiveness for what she has done before she does die cos I don't think she wants to face her judgement for wrongly judging me and for what she has done..she has 6 Children of her own and it is with great hope she doesn't do to them what she has done her Brother..
rosequartz
02-10-2006, 02:17 PM
Lotus - I know, I was just making a joke.....to lighten things up!
I guess my joke bombed! :blob_fire
I guess my joke bombed! :blob_fire
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 02:20 PM
Yes to many People involved but that is the life and times of those People..everyone knows everybody's business..as for Education those Families help one another it isn't easy for them to get Educated as it is us..so I understand why she helped him but it gave her no right to demand he do what she wanted..but that is a price they have to pay..it would of helped us immensely if his Sister wasn't racist that was primarily the problem..No I'm not a Psychic but I know for fact one of his ex Girlfriends who was considered his Wife as they lived together during part of their relationship didn't use protection or Contraceptives..she was an acquaintance and told me..BCP's are not readily available in that Country and medical care is not up to par there..and most Men don't like to use Condom's..People there still have 50 Kids..the Man,Woman or Doctor don't say after 2-3 Kids we will tie the tubes..Contraception etc is practically unheard of there..
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 02:22 PM
Yes I know Rosequartz but if I had played back KeltoKel or someone would have came back with an aha you are spiteful or you said this or that! :p
Faythey
02-10-2006, 02:40 PM
I think you're taking our advice a little personal here.
We're not trying to attack you, but you've been quite mysterious about all of this. I know someone said it before; its hard to give someone advice when you dont know the entire situation. Thats why we asked for more information.
I guess I'm a little lost now again. And dont take this as judgemental, i'm just trying to be helpfil. If you have a fiance why are you still involved with this other man?
We're not trying to attack you, but you've been quite mysterious about all of this. I know someone said it before; its hard to give someone advice when you dont know the entire situation. Thats why we asked for more information.
I guess I'm a little lost now again. And dont take this as judgemental, i'm just trying to be helpfil. If you have a fiance why are you still involved with this other man?
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 03:07 PM
Faythey,
This is an extremely painful situation I was in and went through and it hurts to know what is being done to him by a much younger Gal that doesn't and never has given a rats about him that he has to be with..I feel I was wronged in a very bad manner and nothing I could do about it..I don't like feeling helpless..as I have said I'm not involved with him anymore he is the one still contacting me..I have moved on but does that mean I can't feel badly for him?I'm not a cold hearted cruel witch..I have compassion for others especially people who I care about..now if he had cheated or beat on me I wouldn't feel this way but the Man never did anything wrong to me..
This is an extremely painful situation I was in and went through and it hurts to know what is being done to him by a much younger Gal that doesn't and never has given a rats about him that he has to be with..I feel I was wronged in a very bad manner and nothing I could do about it..I don't like feeling helpless..as I have said I'm not involved with him anymore he is the one still contacting me..I have moved on but does that mean I can't feel badly for him?I'm not a cold hearted cruel witch..I have compassion for others especially people who I care about..now if he had cheated or beat on me I wouldn't feel this way but the Man never did anything wrong to me..
Hopey_81
02-10-2006, 04:47 PM
Faythey,
This is an extremely painful situation I was in and went through and it hurts to know what is being done to him by a much younger Gal that doesn't and never has given a rats about him that he has to be with..I feel I was wronged in a very bad manner and nothing I could do about it..I don't like feeling helpless..as I have said I'm not involved with him anymore he is the one still contacting me..I have moved on but does that mean I can't feel badly for him?I'm not a cold hearted cruel witch..I have compassion for others especially people who I care about..now if he had cheated or beat on me I wouldn't feel this way but the Man never did anything wrong to me..
Looks to me if your getting married and still have a connection with this other guy its not a good thing time for u to move on get over him friend or no friend...your getting married starting a new life one without drama?and if he is with this other girl and she says she is with child thats there problem not yours:)
This is an extremely painful situation I was in and went through and it hurts to know what is being done to him by a much younger Gal that doesn't and never has given a rats about him that he has to be with..I feel I was wronged in a very bad manner and nothing I could do about it..I don't like feeling helpless..as I have said I'm not involved with him anymore he is the one still contacting me..I have moved on but does that mean I can't feel badly for him?I'm not a cold hearted cruel witch..I have compassion for others especially people who I care about..now if he had cheated or beat on me I wouldn't feel this way but the Man never did anything wrong to me..
Looks to me if your getting married and still have a connection with this other guy its not a good thing time for u to move on get over him friend or no friend...your getting married starting a new life one without drama?and if he is with this other girl and she says she is with child thats there problem not yours:)
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 05:46 PM
Don't you think if I could just forget I would?I may never completely forget cos I will always remember that I could never be with the Man I loved that loved me who I feel I was intended to be with..I'm sorry ya'll it ain't that easy or simple..I love my Fiance very much he is a great and wonderful Man..we have fun,enjoy each other,are happy and planning a new life..it gives me hope but inside my Heart hurts for what couldn't be..
rosequartz
02-10-2006, 06:02 PM
lotus - does your fiance know of your feelings for the one that got away?
I don't think it's really fair to plan a future with someone when your heart is somewhere else......do you?
I don't think it's really fair to plan a future with someone when your heart is somewhere else......do you?
Lotus_Blossom
02-10-2006, 06:05 PM
He knows all about him is very supportive and understanding about it..
Hopey_81
02-10-2006, 08:07 PM
He knows all about him is very supportive and understanding about it..
Well i wish you the best of luck on getting over this!!!
Well i wish you the best of luck on getting over this!!!
Lotus_Blossom
02-11-2006, 10:03 AM
Thanks Hopey..I truly hope with alot of time,patience and understanding I will..but I will always remember what was done to us and be anguished for it..
barton93
02-14-2006, 10:39 AM
I am soooo confused here. I had no idea til a couple of posts ago that there is a fiance involved. That is so unfair to that poor man. You should not be involving yourself in another relationship until you are over the man from your last relationship! This is sounding more and more like a bad country song!
I really do hope that with time you get over this guy. He has obviously moved on in a sense, regardless of what he is saying to you, because he is going to be a father. I think like the others have said, you need to cut all ties with this guy or you will NEVER get over him. You will continue to drown in agony! He may be the one that is contacting you, but you are obviously going to need to be the one that cuts the ties.
I really do hope that with time you get over this guy. He has obviously moved on in a sense, regardless of what he is saying to you, because he is going to be a father. I think like the others have said, you need to cut all ties with this guy or you will NEVER get over him. You will continue to drown in agony! He may be the one that is contacting you, but you are obviously going to need to be the one that cuts the ties.
Moderator BAC
02-15-2006, 10:32 AM
Hi:
This is a women's health board not a relationship issues board.
Please stay on topic.
Moderator BAC
This is a women's health board not a relationship issues board.
Please stay on topic.
Moderator BAC