Several months ago, I went to an elder attorney to get the DPOA, etc.

He told me that Mom was too far advanced for that. She wouldn't be able to read the paperwork or answer the proper questions and sign it.

I asked him what I should do. I am a signer on her bank account.

He said since we all 3 (me and 2 brothers)agree about her care, bills, etc., the best thing to do is just wait it out. She does have a very nice mobile home, a car and an IRA. He said, usually, by the time the family comes in, they aren't able to get the money to pay the bills. They have to have a guardian. In our case, we do pay her bills.

Also, if their money is greater than 50,000, we would need a conservatorship, not a guardian. Once you do that, he said, the money goes very quickly. They hire accountants, lawyers, etc. No money is allowed to be spent for anything and sometimes it's gone before they even need the nursing home.

His advice was to pay the bills and wait it out. Then pay the nursing home, etc, ourselves from her money.

Okay.......I got that.

So, yesterday she got a statement from her IRA about disbursements. I called them this morning. She was suppose to be taking disbursements since the age of 70. She's 80 and none have been taken. If she every received these letters before, I never saw them.

She was 74 when her hubby died and I only saw her intermittently. He took care of everything that is now shifting to me. I would have assumed that he would have done that but I guess not.

Now I need to talk to someone; elder lawyer, tax accountant, or someone. I have no idea what to do about this.

I don't want to go back to this same attorney because I'm not all that certain that his opinions were correct.

Any advice appreciated.

Sandy,
All you need to get a DPOA is the form, a notary and two witnesses who are not related or involved with her health care in any way and then get her signature. I am not sure how far her AD has progressed but maybe this is possible? I suppose lawyers have to be very vigilant for ethics reasons but maybe this would be possible if she is reasonably lucid.

Someone please fact check this for me but to the best of my recollection this is correct. (Hoping this information is correct and keeping my fingers crossed for you)

Good Luck

Hi Me2 -

Welcome!

The lawyer who does the DPOA has to satisfy himself/herself that Mom understands what she is signing. They ask questions to test the orientation of the parent and if the answers are wrong, it's just too late to get the DPOA. There is no recourse that I know of to get around an elder who is too ditsy to know the month, president, and such. The is where the legal ethics come in. The lawyer cannot ethically prepare the DPOA if the parent cannot correctly answer the questions. Sad, but true. I'm no lawyer and am not educated in that area, but this is what I was told by my mother's lawyer when I had him review the DPOA that Mom had done years before.

This is why I frequently write about the need to do the DPOA as soon as possible - even ideally long before it's needed when the parent can still understand it is logical preparation for the "just in case" scenerios of life and not about the kids taking the money. AD often includes such dismaying and groundless suspicion.

Sandy, from what I understand, you can get your lawyer and your mother's doctor together and they should know how to get you appointed by the court as your mother's conservator since your mother can no longer competently conduct her own business. They have likely done this before. That must be done before you can act on her behalf about the IRA or anything else.

Good luck! Hugs - Barbara

Yep,
That's what the lawyer said. He couldn't do it because she couldn't answer those questions.

Guess I'll have to keep checking on this IRA. They're gonna send the papers to do it this year, as long as Mom can sign. She'll do that. But still gotta straighten out the years she didn't do it. Sheez.....