I just found this site this week! Oh my gosh! Has to be an answer to prayer. I am probably older than most of you on here. I'm 49. Struggled with bulimia since I discovered it at 18. I've been to counselors before. But NEVER had any kind of contact or interaction with other women who have the same struggles!! Others who REALLY TRULY understand.

My worst times were in my twenties. I even went through 5 pregnancies bulimic. And I have 5 healthy kids. A miracle really.

These days I have good months, and then a few bad days here and there. But the obsession with food has never gone away. And obsession with being a certain size. Even though, that "certain" size has changed over the years. 25 years ago, I hit the panic when I got over 100 pounds. Now my panic point is 120. So the irrationality of the whole thing is very obvious.

I do really well, if I stay within a certain structure of food that I know works for me. But panic if I stray off of it.

And the gain of a pound of two, or the tightness in my jeans and bloated stomach cause me to panic somewhat.

I'm so enjoying reading all of your posts.

Is there anyone here who has totally recovered from all the thought processes? Is that even possible? Or is it just a matter of learning to work through those thoughts the rest of our lives? Can we EVER get to a point of NOT thinking about what we eat? Or don't eat? Or can eat? or should eat? or shouldn't eat? or want to eat?

That's what I want free of so badly. The "mental prison" thing really hit home.

Thanks for being here! I'm so glad I found you guys!

Welcome! :wave:

I have been bulimic since I was 17 and I am 24. I am at a point where I am phyically and mentally exhasted from doing this so much. My lowest was 91 and from pictures I looked sick. The weird thing was when i looked in the mirror I saw me in a totally different way then what the camera saw. I am not fully recovered but I am working on it. I gained 16lb from July. I found that seeing pictures of me really help plus eating very healthy. Eating fruits and vegetables...eating a high in protein and fiber diet

My mom always tell me to keep positive, that helps alot...try saying affirmations..they help. For example here is what I do...my routine...

5:00am...wake up
5:05am...run for 30mins
5:35am...getting ready for work
6:00am...eat a healthy breakfast (right it is mainly either dry papya and a cup of yogurt-organic with flaxseed oil in or oatmeal w/milk and honey
and don't forget vitamins
6:30am...on my way to work
9:30am...break...snack...usually an piece of fruit or some granola
11:30am...lunch...salad or soup with fruit
2:40pm...break...if i am hungry...get something to drink..juice or water
5:00pm...supper...something lite on my stomach.
I don't eat after 6pm.

I hope this help...i got these ideas from family and friends plus alot of books

take care
smile
angel :angel:

Dear Flowergail,
Welcome! It's really great to have these boards to ask advice and vent and I hope you find them as helpful as I have.
I hope you are in search of recovery b/c I cannot imagine how trapped you must feel having had your bulimia for all these years. I know that you are comfortable with your routine and you have certain foods that you stick to, but do you really want to be bulimic even ONE day in your life that you don't have to be? And do you really want to have to think about food as often as you do? I have begun to realize that WE have control over food, not the opposite. But sometimes we give food the control and let it control our feelings and our moods. At least that is what I do.

I think you'll find by reading a lot of the posts on this board that there IS freedom from your eating disorder and you CAN get to a point where you eat normally and think about food normally. It takes a lot of commitment and hard work, but it can happen. I hope it can happen for you and I hope these boards can help!!

I basically just wanted to WELCOMEEEE:) you to the board!!! I'm 21...so you may be slightly older:p but it doesnt matter. If you've been around the boards the while..you'll see that there's ages ranging up to 50+. You said that you have seen a few counsellors..have they been of any help to you?

Carolinex