Being new to this board, and never ever having the opportunity to hear the stories of others who experience and understand this whole thing...I'd LOVE to kind of get a brief summary of some of your experiences.

I've been reading post after post after post and am SO encouraged by seeing what you guys are sharing.

Would anyone mind just kind of giving a short summary of how you got caught up in the bulimia?

I started getting heavy in the 4th grade. By the sixth grade, my mom seemed really worried about me. She and my grandma were always "encouraging" me about my weight, etc. They meant well. It was in a spirit of caring. My mom even took me to the doctor and I was put on some kind of "diet pill" for a while. Must have been amphetamines! It was in the 60's.

After that, I was a compulsive dieter, counting every bite and every calorie. At age 18, I somehow just discovered that throwing up worked. I started losing weight like I'd never lost before. Everywhere I went I was getting compliments and "wows" about how much weight I'd lost.

Then, I guess it became addiction. I was severely bulimic for the next 8 - 10 years. And struggled with it ever since. The past 5 years I've made more progress than I've EVER made before. Going months without throwing up or bingeing. For a long time I got to where I really wasn't thinking all that much about food. And thought I was "free". Seemed like I was eating whatever I wanted, and actually didn't gain any weight. Then some things changed, and I did gain a little bit, and that put me back into the struggle more.

As long as I never gained any weight, I was ok. So, I guess it wasn't really "GONE"...just controlled somehow. Still trying to figure it out.

I'm married and have a WONDERFUL husband who does his best to understand my food issues. But I've never had anyone who has been there, and REALLY DOES understand.

Anyway, didnt' mean to go so long. I'd love to hear some of your stories!!!!

I have said before that i don't believe any eating disorder starts because the person really wants to be thin, on the anorexic and bulimic side, as far as people who compulsively eat to the point of obesity i feel its the same thing as anorexia. A compulsive eater does not eat to get fat they eat to fill something inside of themselves, some kind of pain, even if they cant remember what it is any more. Same with anorexics and bulimics, i don't believe that there gol was to be thin, its just easy to say that they have the problem because they need to be skinny, because who would say they have an eating disorder because they want to be fat? Kind of get what I'm going for? You can blame anorexia for people wanting to be thin because "thin is in" but you cant blame over eating on wanting to be fat, because who wants to be fat? But if being over weight was in, then people would blame over eaters for wanting to be fat, but i still believe that if fat was in and thin wasn't, there would still be just as many anorexics. Because like i said ANY eating disorder isn't about the end result, being thin or fat. Its about the way it makes you feel while your doing it. Any one get what I'm saying or am i just rambling?

Sorry off topic..

Back to me.... I started my ED when i was 12, after my father left. I guess i just felt like there was a hole inside of me, it was upsetting and very painful. My mother kind of lost her mind when he left, and she shut her self up in her room and never really came out, plus i had no clue where my father even was. She used to say things to me like "how could any one love some one like you?" So yeah you know what i did to make that indescribable pain go away? I went in to the kitchen and got as much food as i could carry and went in to my room and devoured it all. Every day when i got home from school i would fill my backpack with as much food as i could then go lock myself in my room and eat till i was sick as a dog. A few times i had so much to eat i would vomit, now then this wasn't self endused it was involuntary, it was just that i had so much to eat i was killing myself inside. Like when people with stomach stapling eat to much they get sick. But it was the only thing i could do to make the pain go away, if only for a little while. Then when i got fat around 14 i started to stave my self and learned that not eating felt just as good as eating. Then i would eat like a pig when i couldn't take it any more. I tried to purge a few times but never could, so i would sit on the bathroom floor and cry my eyes out because i couldn't get this food out. Then one day when i went in to the bath room it worked, not allot came up, but it still worked. From there i got more and more up each time, now that it was so easy, i started purging after every meal even small ones like an apple. I got down to 120-115 (at 5'11'' - 6'')by the time i was 17 but like i said my mother was crazy, and my father i got to see every now and again but not so much. So know one did any thing to help me, it felt like no one would care if i died, so why stop now. Now here i am 22 150 and on my way back to 120-115, i know i need help, but why save my self just for myself?

Sorry that was so long....