I feel so pathetic. A group of friends and I are going out tonight to Olive Garden to celebrate a friend's birthday. I know I should be looking forward to a night out with friends but instead I am freaking out about what I will order. Seriously, I've been online this afternoon trying desperately to find the calories in different dishes. I really want to just eat dinner before I go but I'm afraid I will look rude if I don't order anything. I can't live like this anymore.

I can really feel my eating disorder creeping up on me again. Yesterday at the gym I only ran for 20 min (as oppossed to my usual 30 min) because of a cramp and I just broke down and started crying in the locker room in complete pain and anxiety. Nevertheless, after a good cry I hopped back onto the elliptical. Why do I do this to myself? Any support or advice would be great right now. :yawn:

i work at a restaurant, which only intensifies my fear of them.

i know what you are going through. do your friends know about your ED? maybe you could tell them that you're having a hard time and they could be the support you need. Saying how you are feeling out loud may make it easier.

I TOTALLY know how you feel. I ALWAYS worry about going to restaraunts...but what's even a million times worse..is having dinner at a friends house or being invited to a home cooked dinner or meal!! I get so scared that if I dont eat what they have prepared it would look incredibly rude..or they'd wonder what my problem was....etc. I try to avoid situations like this...which totally makes me seem unsocial at times or a snob.

At restaraunts though, you can always just get a salad...then its around 250-300 calories if you choose light dressing. By the time you get home from the restaraunt you'll have already burnt it off. :)

I'm still recovering from my ED....I get really upset when I cant match or do better then my past workouts. I feel like im going backwards and i'm failing. Usually its because I havent had enough to eat....therefore...lack of energy. But of course...with an ED...its hard to see it that way. Its like a constant battle...a war.

God bless. I know how it is, hang in there. :angel:

Yes! It's definitely always a constant battle for me. A few of my friends know about the ED but I am still hesitant to tell a lot of people because I don't want to be labeled as "the girl with the ED", ya know? The sad thing is, I didn't end up going to dinner last night. I feel kind of unsocial.I had dinner at home and then of course felt guilty about it. I'm stuck... Jeez, don't you guys ever wish there was just a magic cure for an eating disorder?

I remember being that way when it came to resturants. I would try to find a way out also so I didn't have to go. But now I love to eat out. It's weird because I used to be petrified of it and I still am scared of alot of other stuff, but resturants really don't worry me anymore. I usually order what sounds good and eat until I'm full and just try not to worry about it afterwards. Last night me and fiance went out to eat and had pizza. It was wonderful. I had this hawaiian chicken pizza that was delicious! And I didn't feel guilty about it because it was so good and enjoyed it. ED's take the enjoyment out of eating, especially eating out. I can tell I've made alot of progress because I'm no longer afraid of resturants. It was very scary at first to eat out again, but after awhile the fear starts to fade and you begin to actually enjoy it again. So my advice would be just to go out to a resturant next time you're invited. Order something you like, not something you really don't like just because it's low-fat or low-cal, and try to just enjoy yourself. It'll be scary at first but the fear will fade. This is what I have found out about having an ED. You HAVE to scare yourself and try new things. That is just part of recovery. Good luck and take care hun!

Resteraunts used to be very scary to me too. I would also look up the calories in dishes. Then, when I went to a resteraunt, I would get something else thats 100X more fattening, plus dessert and eat everything! After about a year I really toned down on my compulsive eating. I still do it time to time, but rarely. Also, at a resteraunt I get whatever I want and just eat till I'm full. Then I usually take the rest home. I actuilly enjoy the food more when I do this. And its much better thinking about the people your with and having a good time, rather then the food your eating.

I have that exact same problem. In fact, my mom wants my husband and kids and me to go to the Olive Garden with her and my dad tomorrow night, and I'm already freaking out about that. My parents know I have an ED, and they are constantly on my case trying to get me to eat more food (fattening stuff, too!!), and that drives me crazy. They will watch every bite that I eat just to make sure I'm actually consuming it, I hate that.

Actually, I hate this whole ED. I used to LOVE Olive Garden (and just about any other restaurant), but now I just dread ever having to go to one. I want to be able to enjoy eating again.

We just have to keep telling ourselves that "food is GOOD for us"!! That hasn't actually worked for me yet, but I keep trying anyway.

Keep at it, you can do it!!

you're totally right, dawgfan. we just have to keep trying to beat it into ourselves that A) food is GOOD for us and B) restaurants are FUN and the food tastes GREAT. i feel like the information has to stick eventually, you know?

i'm just like you, i used to LOVE going out to eat. now i fear it. it sucks. i just keep forcing myself to do it even though it makes me super nervous EVERY time. i figure eventually it'll get easier, you know? anyway, good luck at the olive garden. just order something healthy, eat till you're satisfied and try not to freak out too much. you can do this! also, i find that focusing on everything BUT the food helps (ie: conversation, decor, weather, whatever). if i'm talking and listening and engaged in conversation, i have less time to obsess about every single morsel, which REALLY helps. so try to focus on other stuff while you eat till you're satisfied, you know? anyway, good luck and remember to HAVE FUN!! :)

Well, I actually ended up not going. This was really weak on my part because I let the ED get the best of me...again!

that's okay. but next time just FORCE yourself to go, okay? it's okay to make mistakes, but you gotta learn from them, realize what you missed out on and then fix it the next time! you can do it, i know that, it's just that sometimes it's REALLY hard.

here's my tough (but VERY similar) one: the "fat lady" (seriously, she is) at my job ALWAYS buys huge, extravagant cakes for people's birthdays (out of her own pocket, jeez). Anyway, i've been working her since last May and i have "escaped" eating cake EVERY single time. i just freak out at the exact moment and slip away and don't have a piece (i'm sure everyone in my office has noticed, but i'd almost rather face embarrassment than my ed, you know?)

anyway, today I WILL eat the da** cake! i totally have enough calories in my daily meal plan (3400) to do it, but it's almost like i've let it grow into such a "thing" that i'm terrified of eating it. that's why i think i just need to FORCE myself. i'm figuring this first time is gonna be the hardest and then after that it won't feel like such an ISSUE and i'll feel more free to have or not have cake as i please.

Anyway, wish me luck! I've been freaking out about this all day!!

Aww, don't let it get to you! You seem like such a strong, intelligent person...you know a piece of cake won't hurt you. Plus, for me when I'm afriad of a food I just have to go ahead and eat it. Last week I had a milkshake for the first time in forever! And suprise, suprise my weight didn't change and I'm fine! Now I just realize I have no reason to be afraid of milkshakes. Isn't that funny? Am I really terrified of a milkshake? A french fry? A piece of cake? Don't be like me and let it ruin your day!