I'm not sure who remembers my posts way back months ago about hearing from a friend that my boyfriend of years had been cheating on me, but yeah. I took him back a few days after because he told me it was just a misunderstanding. I knew deep down inside that I didn't believe him but I didn't care. I loved, and still do love him so much that I couldn't do without him. I've been struggling through depression and health issues and I didn't have the strength to leave him. I still don't, and now I haven't seen him in 2 months. He never talks to me, never answers the phone. Or in the rare case that he does he's too busy to talk or too busy to see me and tells me he's sorry but he has to get off the phone. I'm the biggest doormat you'll ever meet so as much as it isn't okay, I say it is and don't show any disappointment whatsoever. Lately at work I've been forgetting things (I even forget to punch out when I'm done work so I never get paid), my marks in school have gone down from an 86% average to a 61% because I can't concentrate, and I miss so much school because I literally can't bring myself out of bed in the morning becuase I don't want to live another day without him talking to me. And everything hurts and I don't know why I let him do this to me and I don't know what I did wrong and why he won't talk to me and I just need help because I love him so much I can't leave him.
I don't know what to do anymore and I'm freaking out just, help me please.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

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"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."

Sounds like your post belongs in the Depression board...

Anyway, you know it's over. It's only a matter of time before you get tired of being that doormat. Seriously, you will eventually stop loving him. It's hard to keep loving someone when they treat you like that, when it's obvious they don't feel the same way back.
What I don't understand from your post is that you say that he won't talk to you, yet you also say you can't leave him. Because it sounds to me like you don't have to leave him, he's already left you.
Don't go hanging on to the memory of how great he was, because he isn't. Not to you, not any more. I hate to offer this kind of advice, but maybe you need to start feeling a little more anger towards him, let yourself get really mad and DON'T let him continue to hurt you (and that means don't call him, because you're setting yourself up for rejection).
Two months is probably seeming like an eternity for you, but it won't last. Not unless you let it, of course, but like I said, you will get tired of it. Just make the effort to go to school, punch out at work, remind yourself that you deserve better...

Take care.

Disposition,

You sound like a younger person?? I've heard it said that love, strong attachment, infatuation is like a drug. When we no longer have access to it we go through a withdrawl. It's a natural, if unpleasant, experience that just about everyone has gone through at least once. And of course the first one is the worst.

I had a similar experience when my love divorced me. The good thing is I don't think anyone can ever hurt me quite like that again, I think they call that thicker hide syndrome.

It's pretty easy to tell he's probably never going to return your affection. So you have to move on. Easier said than done. But you are the most important person in the world right now. You're hurting, you need help and you need to get this behind you. One suggestion is to write a few goals you want to accomplish in the next few months, goals that don't include him, realistic goals. Put the paper with them away and then clear you calendar for a couple days. This time is just for yourself.

Plan on crying for as long as it takes to not be able to cry over it anymore. At that point you examine all your good points, things you like about yourself or that others like about you. Re-read your goals and then understand that you've lived the last few months/years for someone else, someone not really deserving of you, even though you were so attached to him. You were intoxicated with your feelings but now you're getting sober and seeing things more clearly and it's time to live for you.

If you ARE young, you have a lifetime to meet many people. Friends are most important after family of course but someone who isn't treating you like a friend and isn't family is not nearly as important. Learn to be able to make yourself happy because if I've learned anything in life it is that you can't change anyone and you can't make anyone happy. People can change themselves but usually never do, and happiness comes from within. Learn to be happy with yourself and how to enrich your own life without any outside help. You'll be a better, stronger, more attractive person.

Learn to walk the fine line of being independent and willing to share everything with someone, where everything you need comes from within and if you're religious, from within and from heaven, so when the right person comes along, someone who treats you like a lady, with complete respect, and is already happy with his life and likes people (two very important traits), you will be ready. Two mentally healthy people sharing equally with one another is a merger much stronger than the sum of the two seperate parts.

Bill

You are need of medical help for your problems so make an appointment to see the doc and discuss your depression and options for treatment be it medication or counseling or both. As for being in love with your boyfriend I almost tend to think that you are in love with the idea of being in love. I was pretty much like that as a teen just out of high school. I thought I was in love with a couple of the fella's I dated and would rather stay with them even though it wasn't a good relationship rather than leave them. You will eventually figure it all out but in the meantime see your doc to get help for your depression and other issues.

disposition~ i am moving this to the depression board as you state you are struggling with depression...you've received some good responses thus far, hope you find the answers you are looking for...best wishes to you....