Hi Guys,

Sorry about this, but I just needed to have a good old vent about the professionals around my son, who seem to think the fact that he has special needs has made him public property and that their opinions are worth far more than my knowledge of him.

I won't go into masses of detail but basically they wanted him to start attending a different nursery two days a week, whilst carrying on with his current nursery on the other three days. Despite my reservations (change causing him stress, which usually results in regression, the hour long journey each way, the extra travel costs) I decided to give it a go before making a firm decision. I took him twice and decided that it was not the right environment for him for various reasons. Since informing 'the team' that I wasn't going to take him again and instead he would carry on with his regular nursery (where he is extremely happy and doing really well) I have had untold amounts of hassle from people involved in his care, who seem to be implying that I am a bad mum and that I'm not putting his needs first.

I know this is rubbish and I know my reasons are good ones. I also know my son and I know when he's happy and when he isn't, and I know what kind of stuff affects him and causes problems (as we all do). I'm just sick and tired of having to justify every decision I make about him, especially as I am the only person making decisions who genuinely has his best interests at heart (whilst everybody else is considering their budgets, workloads, other kids on their books etc).

Sorry to have a moan - I just get so frustrated with 'the system' - they always seem to make me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing when I spend every waking moment thinking about him and everything I do is geared towards giving him the best there is.

Hope everyone is doing well. On a more positive note my little man is really improving day by day - he's even made a little friend at nursery which is amazing - I was so scared for such a long time that he'd never make any friends, but there are little steps every day now, he's really coming on so well.

Thanks for reading.

Janine x

Sorry about this, but I just needed to have a good old vent about the professionals around my son, who seem to think the fact that he has special needs has made him public property and that their opinions are worth far more than my knowledge of him.

its so sad about how true this really is. i've been through it too, and am still going through it with my daughter. for a long time i was so naive about autism, the system, and even motherhood. i just let everybody do what they thought they should do and i never spoke up. but now that my daughter is older, i know better. i've been standing up for myself, telling them what i think is best for my daughter. they dont like hearing the word "no"! now a lot of these "professionals" seem to think they are my enemies. but i have to say, in the last six months since i have been putting my foot down, my daughter has progressed by leaps and bounds. her behavior, education, language, and communication skills have all greatly improved.

keep doing what you think is right for your child. you are the mother, you know whats best.

Caliente,

Thankyou so much for your reply, that is exactly how I feel. Everytime I have to meet with someone I feel like I'm going in to battle and I have been labelled as 'un-co-operative' - it's simply not true. I'd cut my own arms off if I thought it would help him, but some of the stuff they suggest does him more harm than good. I dread taking him to nursery now in case his teacher jumps on me again with some other bizarre little task she wants me to do (do you find they also seem to think that having a special needs child somehow gives you far more time than anyone else has??!!).

So thankyou for your support, I appreciate it and I hope your little girl continues to make good progress.

Janine

I know exactly how you feel.
Before Anthony came along I would have described myself as shy and hated confrontation. NOW....i am like a woman possesed. I no longer care what people think i would challenge anyone if it was right for my son. I always say i go around like a lion with my cub in my mouth. Roaring at any one who trys to get in my sons way. LeAnne (geezersmom) has taught me to roar then smile (do something nice to show that there are no hard fellings) then roar then smile, roar then smile. I have got Anthony to make all his teachers Valentine cards, but I am going in to school today to tackle his speech therapist and teacher. Then hand out the cards the next day.
I guess what I am trying to do is say is Thank you I do appriciate that you are helping my son, but I will confront if I fell it's not right.
It's just so unfair I think proffesional feel threatened by parents who have opinions. Well thats their problem not yours.

I have a 25-year-old Autistic son and I'm frequently told by various professionals that it must have been just awful back in the days when little was known about Autism. I find it hard not to laugh, but I always manage to tell them that it was actually much easier. Back then, every professional was well aware of their own limitations. Now, they're all quite convinced that they know everything, even before meeting my child! I've received many a sour face in reply to my honest evaluation of the teachers, doctors, and mental health professionals that we've had to deal with, but it has to be said. Teachers especially have gotten quite out of hand. I can't imagine anything more detrimental to the quality of any child's education than arrogance among the staff, and this is especially true for children with disabilities.

Bottom line: Trust your own judgment and stand firm. In the end, you only have your child to answer to.

Hi there

Thanks again for your responses - bercol, I like your idea about roaring and smiling and did make a point of telling his teacher how pleased I am with his progress and what a lovely nursery she runs (which is true). Annee, it's so weird that the more they know, the harder it gets - I'm a teacher myself and fortunately I've always been aware of my lack of knowledge regarding special needs and have gone on what parents have told me (plus I teach secondary level so the kids will usually tell me what to do at that stage), so I really hope no-one has ever felt this way about me before. It seems that all the regard for instinct and your close relationship with your child counts for nothing any more because it hasn't come from a book somewhere. My mum has said that raising kids used to be so much easier because you just did what your mum had done and any child with problems was just treated at the level at which they were operating - does seem to be overly complicated now.

So thanks again for everyone's replies, I really appreciate it.

I think parents who are involved really know what their kids need. It sounds like you know and that is what is important! If he is miserable, then nothing will ever improve, it gets worse. We have similiar issues with my daughters teachers. It has gotten ugly, and I lost it at an IEP meeting last August. I am actually glad I did, they have changed their approach to my child and are allowing some flexibility and not the 'my way or the higway' thinking. Hang in there and keep doing what your doing!!!!