So, I finally told my parents I was slipping back into my ED. I've lost four lbs in about 2 weeks. Now they keep trying to feed me. They make tons of desserts (cookies, cakes, pudding,etc) for me. I feel like they are trying to fatten me up! If I have the sweets (which I usually do) then I feel so guilty and don't eat much later or I exercise really hard to burn it off. My friend that knows I have an ED does this too. She's always wanting to get together to have eclairs or brownies or something. I know I need to gain a little weight but I want to do so in a healthy way...not by pigging out on sweets and then feeling guilty about it. I know they are only doing it because they care but I am so sick of people trying to feed me! Should I just try to enjoy the sweets or should I say something? Help!

You want to know what I honestly think? ENJOY the sweets. What you don't realize (because you are so taken by your ED) is that most people enjoy guilty pleasures on a DAILY basis. Not everyone obsesses over calories or doesn't eat eclairs b/c they are high in fat...obviously you know that.
Your parents and your best friend are just worried about you and they aren't trying to "fatten you up," they are trying to get you to a HEALTHY weight!!! You should not be losing weight...Life is so short, rysta, and if your mom is making delicious cookies and brownies, EAT them! My parents are trying to get me to eat more fattening things, too, but they do not bake. If they did, I'm sure I'd be eating the goodies, though b/c I have SUCH a sweet tooth. But don't worry, I bake myself and then I end up eating half the stuff myself...no joke.

Here is the thing - the reason you probably feel guilty is because you are not COMMITTING to the food. You give it control by saying no and then tasting it maybe and then eventually giving in and having the whole thing, right? And then you might even end up eating another cookie or three or four or whatever and eating more than you want.
If you COMMIT to eating a cookie and say "ok, I'm going to have this brownie and I'm going to LOVE it" then you will be less likely to binge and feel bad! It really works!
I've realized this "commitment" thing with myself. Because half the time that I feel bad about eating something it's because I didn't plan on it and didn't commit to it. But if I tell myself I'm going to eat it beforehand, then I can sit with that thought and ACCEPT it.
Let me know how this works for you. I think it's a really great way to let food in...

Wow, you couldn't be more right. I sometimes give in and have a small bite of cake but then I go back for more. And then more. And then I feel SO GUILTY! I'm not bulimic but sometimes I just want to throw it up. Thanks for reminding me to have my cake and eat it too. :)

If only I could tell you how many times I have had that happen to me. (Um, just 2 days ago I baked cookies and kept breaking off little pieces until I realized I had eaten way more than if I had just taken one cookie and committed to it!!)
I think that's where the guilt comes from - giving the food the power over you. But honestly, if you say "I am going to have this small piece of cake and LOVE it," then a) you'll eat less and b)you'll feel less guilty! Try it tomorrow and let me know how it goes. Don't say you aren't going to eat any of it b/c that never works (and you'll just end up binging later)...just commit to a certain amount, then eat it. Can't wait to hear what happens....

great advice, ls! i'm just writing a little tag-on to back up what she said, cuz i think it's EXACTLY the right way to look at it! you should and can eat dessert everyday!

but i think there's a little more going on here too. it sounds like part of what's upsetting you (beyond just the delicious, albeit high calorie, treats that make the ED shake in its boots) is that people are FORCING things on you. that's upsetting and i completely empathize with what you're feeling. you should NEVER have all this pressure put on you in terms of food, especially when you are recovering from an ed. you need to be free to make choices and learn to say "yes" or "no" when you please, because that's what normal/healthy eating really is. in other words, it is NOT healthy for your recovery to have people smushing cookies down your throat and making you feel guilty and "wrong" if you don't eat them.

i suggest you talk to your parents and your friend. tell them that you realize you need to gain weight, but all this pressure on dessert is making you anxious. it's making the dessert an "event" that you need to perform in and that's not the way it should be. (i hope this makes sense, by the way, i feel like i can't explain what i mean, so please ask if you don't understand. i feel really strongly about this and want you to know what i'm *trying* to say!) so yeah, tell them that by putting so much IMPORTANCE on these treats, they are making you feel uncomfortable and not in control of your own life. eating disorders are about TOO much control, but having the rest of the world control you is no better. you need to be in control, but much less strictly than you are now, you know?

anyway, that being said, i STILL think you should eat the desserts daily. (i do! and good stuff too like you described, none of that "light" ice cream or "fat free" pudding for me!!) you just need to "commit" like ls said, and you also need to just say, "I'm just having one dessert daily." That way, whether you choose a nice luscious eclair or 3 small oreos, you know that you're meeting your goal and gaining confidence, but NOT going insane and eating crap all the time. So yeah, commit to ONE daily dessert serving (whatever you want!) and i think it'll relieve some of the guilt! good luck!!

I just had one question.....is it overdoing it to eat more than one dessert a day?? Because I do. I LOVE sweets and I eat them daily. Usually something after lunch and then after supper too. Like today I had 2 small chocolate chip cookies after lunch (reduced fat, but not low-fat). And I always have dessert after supper too. Maybe some light ice cream, or some yogurt w/ granola. This is what works for me. If I try to limit my sweets I feel deprived. I also love tootsie rolls too and have 2 or 3 here and there during the day. But my actual meals are normally really healthy. So I guess I'm doing ok right? Sometimes I feel guilty about eating so many sweets, but I have a sweet tooth and can't help it. It's serisouly hereditary in my family. All of the women in my family have a sweet tooth and at get-togethers we have more desserts than anything else, lol. But anyway, is twice a day too much?

oh piscean! you know it's not too much!!! i also eat two (sometimes three!) desserts per day, so don't worry! plus, your desserts are ultra light! mine are like two cookies (regular, not low fat) or some little chocolates after lunch (just like you!). but then my real nighttime dessert is WAY bigger than yours: cake, cookies, regular ice cream, Ho-hos! and i don't feel bad about it, so you CERTAINLY shouldn't! it's totally normal and healthy to eat sweet treats during the day . . . and more than once if you've got a sweet tooth and the rest of your meals are healthy! so don't worry about it. you really could be eating the real thing (not "light") if you wanted to, sweetie. but if the light ones are more comfortable for you and you like them, then keep it up! you've been doing great!! what i said before was more in response to her individual situation, you know? i just really don't think she should feel FORCED to do anything just for the sake of doing it.

anyway, i just finished lunch and i've got some mini mint chocolates that are calling my name, so i gotta go! keep up the FANTASTIC work!

Thanks you so much for the amazing advice! I'm really proud of myself. I had some cake yesterday and I loooved it. So, I went back for seconds and I really enojoyed it. Also, tonight I had like 3 sugar cookies (with frosting)-something I used to never touch. I think it's just a matter of learning what "normal" eating is. You guys are right, once you start depriving yourself of something you love (like sweets), you only want it more and more. I think I just have this fear of "letting go" and becoming a pig.

I sometimes feel that the people that know I have an ED are constantly judging what I eat or how much of it I eat. I'm not going to lie, it's alot of pressure. But it used to be worse. It got to the point where I refused to have meals with my family. I've tried talking to my mom about all the sweets she's trying to feed me. I want to make my own healthy choices. I don't think she understands though...Everyone thinks recovery is an excuse to binge on cookies and eat whatever you want and however much you want of it. But it's so much more than that. My parents are always like, "what is so hard about putting food in your mouth?" People just don't get it.

Well, either way, yesterday and today have been really good days for me with the ED. I'm trying to keep busy so I can keep my mind off guilt.

Yay, Rysta!! That makes me so happy to hear that you had your cake and LOVED it!! Did my advice help you at all? I hope it did.

And about what you said - you're right - recovery and weight gain does not mean binging on cookies and cake - it's more mental than anything else. But to a certain extent, it is pretty fun if you look at it from someone else's perspective - haha. Eat whatever you want and TRY to gain weight! That's pretty much every woman's dream! The physical part, at least. You MUST eat this chocolate cake with ice cream...you MUST eat these delicious mashed potatoes with gravy...haha...it's easy to see why most people don't feel bad for you when you are trying to gain weight.
But anorexia is obviously a mental disorder and getting past the guilt and negative thoughts is 90% of the battle. It's hard though b/c to get past that you have to eat more and sit with that feeling...kind of ironic that THAT is what makes it go away.

Anyway, I'm glad to see you are making progress. Keep it up! Because even though you might have felt fine about it today, you're definitely going to have your ups and downs and we'll be here to support you 100%. Good luck!!

So, here's something interesting...Maybe I was wrong about my parents...every Valentine's Day my parents buy me really good chocolates but this year they got me gum and money. When I asked them what happened to chocolate they said they knew I wouldn't eat it so they didn't bother...I guess they were trying to be thoughtful but the funny thing is, I kinda miss my chocolate.