just feeling utter rubbish tonight (putting it very nicely!). Ive been keeping to certain foods I feel comfortable with in a day e.g. Rivitas, Smash (for those who dnt know that...it's mash potato in a packet :p )..and I've kept to these food and been really good. But it's just so depressing..feeling that I've always got to put this much effort in to prevent myself frm putting weight on..n it's so tiring!!! I have the most incredible boyfriend ever...he's just brilliant (understatement)..and Ive just sent him a text apologising to him pathetically that I wont be able to eat as much as what I normally would whilst he's here...coz I do put effort in and I feel comfortable when Im with him. I fel so guilty...and hate myself for the fact I feel like Im dragging with me- Ive got an image of my jsut dragging him through the most prickliest bush over and over and over!! And..yet he wont let go of me- he's always there..always supporting me and everything and god I just dont know what to do. I just hate taking him with me in the circle..I want to do things that he wants..but I see it as a no-win situation..I eat..I put on weight...and I just wasnt happy with my weight before it got crazy- so I can never see things changing. I am not sure whether Im wanting feedback to anything..I guess Im more wanting a space to put this..but thanks for reading/listening if you are :cool:

Love
Caroline

caroline, i don't really have anything much to say, but i completely know where you're coming from. my boyfriend is also absolutely amazing (understatement). he knows everything that's going on with me and he's willing to bend over backwards to make life easier for me. sometimes i feel like i don't deserve it and i just can't be nice enough to him (which i'm not always, as i'm sure you know. ed-related stress makes me pretty irritable sometimes ... ) anyway, i hear ya, girl! he always lets me pick the restaurant, waits while i portion out my food before he takes his, won't pressure me into eating anything i don't want to, talks me through these issues a million times a day, and those are just the things i can think of in the last 5 seconds! i always feel like i'm just making life difficult for him, but i trust that he loves me and i love him and i WILL get better and things (at least in terms of this) will get easier. i just try to look at it like, "well, all couples have problems and this one is ours." it makes it seem more "normal." anyway, just focus on little acts of kindness and do what you can. he loves you and you'll recover and you'll both know that you got through this TOGETHER, you know?

Hey,
Thanks so much for your reply! It made me feel reassured by what you said. it silly how we feel so guilty, selfish and eveything else...yet when we say this to our bfs...they haven't got the faintest idea why! But, I said to him that if I cant eat as much as he'd like to this weekend...then I said Id try doing the other thing i.e. learning how to not feel guilty about it all.

Neways, thanks again
Caroline:)

WOW...Caroline, I don't know if you remember me....but I totally remember you babe!!! I'm sorry to hear that things are still a struggle for you. But I am glad to hear about your boyfriend. He sounds like a great guy who can really help and understand.

Jen

HEYYY!!!
OF COURSEEEE I remember you!!! :wave: Yeah, things are quite often a struggle but Im really really happy (other than the whole weight thing)...SO much more happy since I've been with my bf (Conor)...so it's not all doom and gloom for me! How's everything been for you? It has been a long time since I last saw u!

X

Things are going good for me! I got married and now my hubby and I are trying to start a family! So I've been really good about eating right. It's easier when you are working towards trying to have a baby!!!

Jen :wave:

Awww wow- probs a late congratulations on the marriage...but still.. CONGRATSSS:D soo happy..made me smilee!!! ...and wow ...trying to start a family..I wish you all the best in the world!xxxxx

Caroline

Thanks!!! It's fun being married and it's nice to always have your husband's support. How was your weekend? Are things still going ok with the ED?

Jen :bouncing:

Was brilliant, thanks. ..spent it with my bf. Was really difficult at times....he did so well with me when I was showing a very high resistance and anxiety towards eating..but he was great, as usual. I felt sick when he went back home ..even though I'll see him in a few days. :) :bouncing: