Hey ya'll...

Haven't been around for a few weeks but wanted to stop in and say hello and vent a little...Happy belated Valentine's Day to everyone, by the way :wave:

As you all know, I tested negative at 4 weeks after possible exposure but still have to wait another couple weeks to test again. I've had a sinus infection off and on and everynow and then I feel a little soreness in my throat. I'm making myself crazy I think because I swallow all the time to see if my throat is sore....I feel like a nut!! I know some of the things I am feeling I've never felt before but it's like I'm "looking" for them...does that make sense??
Also, I heard from my sis in law(the bleep,bleeps) sister haha!...she said she didn't understand how he could be so heartless and uncaring but that doesn't help me at all, right?!!
Anyway, I know Chris said I am going to "win this game" and I want to believe that, Chris but of course I have doubts too. I'm TRYING my best(I PROMISE!) to stay positive but I just get to thinking sometimes and I think a little too much.

Hmmm, I guess I've vented enough for now.. I was probably all over the place with this post...sorry about that haha!

Hope this finds everyone in good health and spirit!!

Much love and hugs....
Tracy

Dear Sovery: I sometimes think that the more positive we try to be, the more we think about being positive, the more pressure the puts upon to be positive. I mean, does it really help if you're scared to death about this and so angry you could rip a steel girder, to try and be positive in spite of it all. I know what I said but, you know, I haven't always followed my advise.

I am beginning to believe that whether we feel negative or positive, that that's how we feel and, trying to cover it up, probably doesn't really help. I do know that in all of this, the negative crap and the positive crap, there are lessons to be learned and that (and this may drive you crazy) my faith tells me that therein is God. I know, I know...I'm not the preacher type but I still think that when all of this is over you will be surprised at how much you've learned about yourself and those people who continue to care about you (whom you've never even met).

(Remember that it is really possible that what's going on with your throat is all stress related. And if you're up North, then the dry heat, etc. could be causing upper respiratory stuff.) chris

Hey Chris...
Good to hear from you, as always.
I know you're right..again, as always :) And I know I already have learned so much about myself from this experience.
I want to believe that I am OK and I have not been thinking about it AS much but I'm still worried and will continue to be until I know the true answer.

Anyway, thank you for your response...it's truly appreciated.
Hope this finds you doing well...
Tracy

It's a beautiful day here in Florida! I am sitting in my office over-looking Tampa Bay eating eggs, hash, and a huge coke! Life is wonderful. Yesterday we went to the Florida State Fair and I mowed the lawn when I got home. The point is that sometimes it's the dailiness of life that drags us down and sometimes it is the dailiness of the life, the usual stuff (the laundry, the grass, listenting to music, all the regular stuff) that lifts us up. chris

You're right, Chris! I LOVE hearing from you.. you are SO awesome!!!!
By the way... I used to live in Tampa.. pretty much raised there:)

I miss the state fair.. you probably saw my brother there, he works for Brandon Ford and runs the "booth" or whatever it is they have out there.
Hope you had a great time!!

Hugs,
Tracy

Chris --- I wish someone could bottle your attitude and sell it on grocery shelves! You are quite a person! I wish i could buy a gallon of it! =)

Dear Tracy: Actually,we were at the Brandon Ford booth looking at trucks...way too big and way too expensive. But they did have the sweetest "Z" there...

So, today started with cokes, hash and eggs and a sunrise over Tampa Bay. After work (I work as a social worker in a hospital), I went to another hospital where the partner of a really close friend is undergoing chemo therapy. He's been HIV+ for 20 yrs and now has developed lymphoma. I told him that I would be under the bed slaughtering chickens and saying "Hail Marys!" I'd be so freaked out to have to go through what he has to go through. So I hung out with them for a couple of hours. Got home at 7:30 and my wife had a steak dinner with baked potato prepared for the two of us.


Dear Country: you're way too kind. What I think is important to know is that we each have highs and lows. I couldn't function if all I had to deal with were the lows. And I wouldn't even begin to know myself if all I had to measure myself against were the highs. Think of how many times you have risen above the craziness of your life and think how many times you've managed to be there for someone else and have actually made the difference. chris

You may have met my brother, Chris:)
Sounds like you had a great day!
I'm doing my best to look on the bright side of things but lately I've had what I THINK is a sinus infection(get them this time of year) but of course I am worrying and thinking the worst!
Ughh, what are my chances of being positive since I tested negative at 4 weeks? I know webmd said 95% but I know there is still that chance!
I don't know why I am making myself crazy like this because if I am HIV+, it's out of my hands now..right?

Oh well...I'm going to head out with friends tonight and get my mind off things.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Much love,
Tracy

well Ive also been dealing with sinus problems myself, it seems like the time of year for it to happen, but it couldnt have worse timing, then again 6 weeks seems a little late for ARS.

Yeah, it is bad timing but like you said ARS usually shows within 2-4 weeks,right? I get sinus infections this time of year so I am thinking that is ALL it is and I am worrying myself for nothing..but I will continue to do that until I have the final verdict!!

Hugs