My grandpa has been friends with this man for several years. In fact, this man has helped him at the store where he used to work and has also helped him fix things at home. In addition, he spends like an hour a day with him during the week at his house.

Here are the problems:
1) The man is 38 and unemployed
2) The man has a gf and huge debt
3) My grandpa likes to treat him as a son and give him money, lots of money.
4) The man accepts it, and we believe has come to take advantage of it.
5) He tries to give my grandpa financial advice - apparently trying to get my grandpa to give him money to invest. My aunt has told this man to stop trying to give advice.
6) THe only witness to the moneygiving is an aid. My grandpa denies it.

I will be a lawyer pretty soon, so I know there are some options out there. But, i dont know what would work in this situation. And I want to tell this guy face to face to stop taking his money, but i dont want him to try to turn my grandpa away from me.

As a grandson, what can I do?

Giving advice on this is kind of tough since I am only hearing one side of the story and your statements are based on heresay. I will, however, just share the first things that have popped into my head as I was reading, okay?

* This man is not new on the scene to specifically take advantage of an older person. As you said yourself he has known your Grandpa for many years.

* The man has been very helpful to your Grandpa in the past, store & home, and is now giving of himself in the way of time. Do you realize how much a daily visit means to an older person? Many would say that no amount of $ given could ever repay adequately the giving of a person's time when an older person spends alot of time alone.

* You say Grandpa treats him like a son. That appears to be because the man is acting like a son and not just a son, but a good one.

* If your Grandpa is sharing of his assets with someone he loves like a son what exactly do you see wrong with that?

* IF (and that's a big if) the aid is being truthful about the $ and your Grandpa is denying it then it seems he does not want you interferring with his generosity. Can you take a position of simply respecting your Grandpa's wishes?

* Unless your Grandpa has a mental disability that is impairing his judgment the man will probably not have to do or say anything to turn your Grandpa against you because you may do that yourself by getting involved.

* Also unless he has a mental disability what exactly is wrong with anyone giving him financial advice? It is still his choice as to what he chooses to do with his own money?

* Lastly, try to really see your Grandpa's side of what is going on before you do anything else as I would think preserving your relationship with him would be the absolute most important thing in all this......isn't it?

Food for thought, free of charge ;) A.K.

My dad started forgetting little things. Our family tried to ignore it, he had always had a vert keen memory. He was 87, he also had a 52 yr old girlfriend. I never trusted her but everyone said I was over protective. To make a long story short dad started having health problems. I happened to be at his house when he had something cause he to black out. I requested a screen for toxins. sure enough there it was. a drug he was on. So we started watching her. We called social services they came out and talked to her and put the fear of God in her for awhile. I still had to get emergency guardianship over dad. She had drained him and almost had everything. So if your grandpa is forgetting and may not be aware of whats going on you may need to do the same thing. Dad didnt even have to be there the doctor wrote a statement.

I agree totally with A.K.'s response. As a loving grandson, you should be happy that your grandfather has such a friend to keep him company and help him out around the house.

Hello
I TOTALLY disagree with Afterglow and A.K. Yes, I agree that it is nice that your grandpa has a friend to come and visit him each day because I am sure this makes your grandpa very happy. But Afterglow and A.K. needs to keep in mind that everyone is not trustworthy and just the fact ALONE that this man doesn't even have a job is a HUGE red flag! Yes, you are correct to be concerned about your grandpa and rightfully so...you are family. We hear so many stories about older people who have been taken advantage of financially by someone who has "befriended" them and if and when it happens in our family, we'll always look back and say "wow I should have known and paid more attention". I am not saying this man is looking for a handout or is getting one, but if it were my grandpa I would keep a very close eye as well.
On occasion, I probably would just mention to grandpa that he shouldn't be giving this guy money, then at least in the end you can say that you took steps to warn him and if it is his decision, then you've done your part. I am wishing you luck with this situation and am wishing your grandpa well.

Con men and women abound around the elderly. RED FLAG on this guy has no job..
But as you said, he's been around a while. You have to be there and watch what's going on and if you are not around grandpa, it's very hard to warn him about someone who is there doing for him, etc. For example, I take care of my elderly parents, but if someone started hanging around who had no job and was taking money from them, I would confront that person and if that didn't work and I had already spoken to my parents about this and I was CONVINCED this was a con man, then perhaps Adult protective services would get a visit from me. :nono:
You just cannot trust people these days as there are more con men out there than you can shake a stick at. This man needs to have a job, a home and a family... Ever wonder why he doesn't? :rolleyes:

May I ask WHOM this young man is hurting? OneCornell states that this man has helped the grandfather "at the store where he used to work and has also helped him fix things at home. In addition, he spends like an hour a day with him during the week at his house."

This man is giving companionship and physical assistance to the grandfather. If the grandfather is giving his grandchildren's inheritance away to someone who's visiting and helping him EVERY DAY, so what? Maybe the grandfather is lonely and/or needs assistance. Are the children and grandchildren able or willing to spend time with him every day and help him out around the house?

My mother is in an assisted living facility. If my sister and I didn't have to work, my mother could live with one of us. We looked for someone who'd be nice to her and visit her for a good part of every day and we were willing to pay a nice amount of $$$, but we couldnt find anyone reliable. I promise you that, if this young man lived close to my mother, I'd be THRILLED to have her giving him $$$ to help her out, like he's helping the grandfather, so she could live in her home again.

This man is giving companionship and physical assistance to the grandfather.

I'm very sorry to hear this is happening to the grandpa. Sadly enough, this happens quite a lot. You have to make try your best to make the elder understand what is happening. Though be warned, the grandpa may already have a great deal of trust for this person only to be deceived in the end. Give an ederly person friendship and assistance, and usually they gain a great sense of trust. Before you know it, the elder is ripped off. Either he/she gets their funds/savings taken, and home stolen (either sold for cash or what not) from them by the younger predator. Some young people thrive off this stuff because they are sick people, basically.

If relatives do not take time out of their busy lives to spend time and help their parents or grandparents, most likely they will latch onto anyone who comes along and pays attention to them as well as help them. The elderly are lonely and sometimes strangers fill a void. Some strangers/others are kind and honest and some are not.

Sooooo.....this is a wakeup call to the relatives, step in and do the loving care yourselves, will make it less likely the elderly will latch onto others.

I'm with you OneCornell. It's a little suspicious regardless of how long they've known each other. How did this guy amass a huge debt? Why doesn't he have a job? Is he even looking? How long has he been out of work? A man giving financial advice to an elderly person he's not even related to, and who can't even get his own financial ducks in a row makes his intentions a bit suspect to me.

The Poster never said the Grandfather had issues with his mind. So assuming the man is perfectly capable of making his own decisions, he has every right to do whatever he wants with his money. He's old, not ignorant. If he feels the man is like a Son, and thus treats him as such, then so be it. There are more good people in the world then bad. We just rarely hear about good people, because it's the norm, people don't want to hear about all of the honest, caring, compassionate people out there, to boring. So yes it's ok that you are concerned, but unless you have proof otherwise, or are willing to assume the role this man has taken in your Grandfathers life, you should keep your suspicions to yourself. Being related does in no way secure ones right to all of a persons wealth. If a person is of sound mind and wants to give a portion of his or her estate to another outside his or her bloodline, doesn't automatically make the benefactor a shady character.

If relatives do not take time out of their busy lives to spend time and help their parents or grandparents, most likely they will latch onto anyone who comes along and pays attention to them as well as help them. The elderly are lonely and sometimes strangers fill a void. Some strangers/others are kind and honest and some are not.

Sooooo.....this is a wakeup call to the relatives, step in and do the loving care yourselves, will make it less likely the elderly will latch onto others.
Misty800 ....you have said it very well. I think the elderly would not be taken advantage of if their relatives were involved in their lives.
By the way, I do know first hand just how easily a stranger can become "a friend" to an elderly person and clean them of every last dime and their health in the process. I have seen this happen several times with the type of work I do and it is frightening and sad at the same time. Sometimes, by the time Adult Protective Services is called....it is too late.Recently I was contacted by an attorney representing the family of an elderly person who this happened too and it turned out very badly.Now the family wants to sue the "friend".... where was the family when all of this was happening? Just remember the saying "sheep in wolf's clothing"

There are laws about this. Financial exploitation of an elderly person is legally called elder abuse. If you believe this is the case (and it's rampant), you might want to call your local Council on Aging or AARP and speak with someone there about what to do. Through the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA), there are a number of nonprofits out there with funding for victim advocates, which go after people taking advantage of the elderly. Or you may want to see an attorney yourself.
I've seen and heard too many of these stories. My significant other's father lost EVERYTHING to a woman 25 years his junior -- everything, inluding the family home. I had to confront a massage therapist who was coming to my mother's house regularly to provide massages, but had begun to attempt to drive a wedge between my mother and the rest of the family, assuring her that she was her best friend (several years her junior). Funny -- when I confronted the woman, she replied, "I'm not a gold-digger," (Hmmmm...no one had mentioned that), but she stopped contact with my mother once confronted. (I actually confronted her about some lies, and her suggestions to my mother that, "We should keep this from your daughter.")
Maybe you should talk with the guy you think is taking advantage of your grandfather -- not in an accusatory way, but in a manner to perhaps get a better feel about what is going on and to let him know he's being "watched" (before taking it further). Good luck.

Let me add something here: While I know many older folks in our society do not get the attention they need and deserve from family members, we can't assume this is always the case when an "outsider" comes in and starts taking advantage. In the cases I mentioned in my post above, both older people had family nearby that they would see at least a few times a week -- not just grown kids, but sisters, brothers, grand-kids, etc. Had I not been pretty involved in my mother's life and talking to her on a daily basis, I would not have known what this massage therapist was doing.

I think you and your family need to step in here and put a stop to this!! There is a massive red flag being waved here!

This guy is obviously not there for your grandad due to kindness, if he was a genuine kind person wishing to help out an elderly person, he would NOT take any form of money!

He is not working, he is in debt, the reason he is visiting someone and befriending this nice kind old person, is because he knows he is getting what he wants from him - money!

All the things this guy apparently does for your grandad, can you step in with your family and help him out instead? Then have a firm chat with this guy, and politly tell him to PUSH OFF!

I'm sorry but you need to put a stop to this, I am feeling like he will next be advising him to change his will, or even your grandad leaving this apparantly nice 38 year old unemployed person in debt, some money to help him out, and to thank him for helping him out, or so he thinks.

This actually makes me angry, it is so sad that these vunerable kind trusting elderley people are targets for people like that.

Please put a stop to it.

Let me add something here: While I know many older folks in our society do not get the attention they need and deserve from family members, we can't assume this is always the case when an "outsider" comes in and starts taking advantage. In the cases I mentioned in my post above, both older people had family nearby that they would see at least a few times a week -- not just grown kids, but sisters, brothers, grand-kids, etc. Had I not been pretty involved in my mother's life and talking to her on a daily basis, I would not have known what this massage therapist was doing.
You are right Penny but in the case I was mentioning there was no family involved in this elderly person's case and it wasn't until she had passed away that the family became involved because they were upset that all the money and property had been given to the "friend". Because you were involved, you were able to put an end to your mom's situation.

My grandpa has been friends with this man for several years. In fact, this man has helped him at the store where he used to work and has also helped him fix things at home. In addition, he spends like an hour a day with him during the week at his house.

Here are the problems:
1) The man is 38 and unemployed
2) The man has a gf and huge debt
3) My grandpa likes to treat him as a son and give him money, lots of money.
4) The man accepts it, and we believe has come to take advantage of it.
5) He tries to give my grandpa financial advice - apparently trying to get my grandpa to give him money to invest. My aunt has told this man to stop trying to give advice.
6) THe only witness to the moneygiving is an aid. My grandpa denies it.

I will be a lawyer pretty soon, so I know there are some options out there. But, i dont know what would work in this situation. And I want to tell this guy face to face to stop taking his money, but i dont want him to try to turn my grandpa away from me.

As a grandson, what can I do?
Follow your gut feeling . Contact the local agency on aging for advice on how you should handle this.