Hi

I've posted here before but despite months of trying cannot rid myself of the thought that I have HIV. In brief, last unprotected sex was 10 years ago (apart from partner that I have been with since). I have had three negative tests out to 9 years. I continue to have ongoing symptoms (at present dry eyes, congestion, stomach pains, swollen glands). My partner who refuses to have a test as he thinks I am mad, has a very visible gland behind his ear which has been there for at least 7 months so this is freaking me out. Aren't these all symptoms of HIV so why are my tests continually negative. I am convinced that my body just isn't producing antibodies. I do not know what to do and am making myself sick with worry. Any advice please!

Miss Anxiety

Well, there are a couple of things going on here: First, you stated that your last unprotected sexual act was ten years ago and you have been with your partner for the last ten years. You have tested negative three time in the last nine years. When was your last negative test?

Second, while you implied that you have been monogamous during this relationship, would you ever have reason to believe that your partner has not?

Third, while I suggest that, if he has been monogamous (as you have claimed you have been) and that you have tested negative, then it is possible that, whatever you may think you are experiencing has nothing to do with HIV. Remember that you cannot diagnose HIV through symptoms and only by lab tests. HIV symptoms, whatever we may think they are, mimic so many other ailments, that diagnosing based on symptoms really will make you crazy. Your dry eys, congestion, stomach pains, and swollen glands could be anything from allergies, to stomach reflux, to a slight infection.

Fourth, what does concern me is your partner's unwillingness to be tested. While he may think you're "mad" it would seem to me that, after a ten year relationship, he would do whatever he could to reduce your anxiety His reluctance to that may, mind you, have nothing to do with HIV, but just be a way he wants to assert himself in this relationship. As for the 'swollen gland' behind his neck - this could be anything from an ingrown hair, infected hair follicle, lymphoma, etc.

Ultimately, the point is that, if you are still freaking out about this, then you will need, for your own peace of mind, to be tested. If your tests indicate that you do not have HIV, then you may want to (ala Lysistrata) have sex with him only if he uses a condom. chris

Can a body actually NOT produce antibodies to HIV?

Can a body actually NOT produce antibodies to HIV?

I'm not absolutely 100% sure about that, but hypothetically if the body didn't make antibodies the infection would be so great you'd have massive and prolonging symptoms that would not allow you to do anything but stay in bed or maybe death would come in a few days after infection. Basically its impossible because that would mean you were born with an immune problem, and unless you spent your whole life in a bubble, you've been exposed to many viruses and the body has always fought them off. Therefore your body has always produced antibodies (being that your alive is proof of that) for viruses and dieseases, and HIV is no different.

So, if I've had the disease for over 5 years or even 3 years, and am alive, then my body has, without a doubt, developed anitbodies?

So, if I've had the disease for over 5 years or even 3 years, and am alive, then my body has, without a doubt, developed anitbodies?

Yes.

The fact is, if you have had HIV for 3 years your body would most certainly have produced HIV antibodies.

If your body doesn't produce antibodies (which I think is your concern) then you would know this because that would mean your body isn't fighting off disease. Which would mean you would come down with everything under the sun and be chronically sick.

And.....like Worried Guy said, if your body isn't fighting off disease then your body wouldn't have a chance against HIV for 3 years.

Confusing? It feels that way to me. :)

Makes perfect sense, thank you LOL. That means that I'm definately negative cuz I had a test 5 years after exposure and it was negative. I have an issue with unrational fears I guess LOL. Thanks for the clearification. :)

Hi

Me again. In response to Chris.

Both myself and my partner have been faithful to each other in the last 10 years and I trust him more than anyone I know so I am not worried about that aspect at all. It is me who I think may have infected him 10 years ago as I had a 1 night stand a few weeks prior to going out with him. I know that I should have told him before sleeping with him but I didn't and I will live with that guilt forever. I had a test 3 months into the relationship which was negative and again at 9 months, negative aswell. The last test I have was one year ago today and again was negative. Therefore I have tested 3 times up to the 9 year point. I have been to the doctor may timea over the last year with varying ailments which she has put down to stress, age or just normal bodily functions that I am tuning into. I have called HIV helplines, had counselling, been on anti-anxiety meds, bought therapy books, you name it - I've tried it. My doctor says that the only thing they can diagnose me with is OCD.

I am sick of the constant mind chatter that I have saying what if this, what if that..... I have read soooo much on the Internet that I have ended up so confused. I do not care about myself, I just care about my partner. Sometimes I wish that my test came up positive 10 years ago so at least my head would know where I was. My mind is continually wrestling with the thoughts that how can I test negative 3 times but still have ongoing symptoms. Yes, I know ... people have told me till they are blue in the face that you cannot diagnose based on symptoms but I just don't know how to stop. I just need to know one way or another. Does anyone know if there is any further testing that I can have?

Sorry for the long post.

Claire (Miss Anxiety)

Does anyone know if there is any further testing that I can have?



Claire, I'm so sorry you are going through this, but let me say that more HIV testing is the last thing in the world you need!

I've lost track of how many conclusive test results you've received.

HIV is not your problem. You don't have it. Your partner doesn't have it. No amount of testing is going to make you have it (nor convince you that you don't have it, it seems).

You are obsessing about this. I don't know what to say to make you realize this. I will keep you in my prayers as I know this has got to be taking a major toll on you.

God bless you,
Cali

Claire: Cali is so right about this. You have been tested several times and each time your tests have come back with a negative result. This is all good news. (And, no it would hardly ease you mind if you tested positive. As for the idea of testing postive so your "head would know where I was" it's just faulty logic. There are no other tests. However, if you feel you need to be tested again, although you might have trouble having your doctor order the test, then get tested again.

But there are some questions that I would propose: Why do you want to test positive? If you been tested and re-tested and your results are negative, why is being "positive" so important? Also, what kind of relationship was the one you experienced prior to this long term relationship? What is a one-night stand? Do you have guilt over that experience.

Claire, I just don't know what to tell you...but please calm yourself. You are OK! You deserve to be OK! It's OK to be OK! You are a beautiful person who deserves to be in this long term relationship! chris

Chris/Cali

Many, many thanks for your warm and kind replies, they are very much appreciated.

Chris - a 'one night stand' must be a British phrase I guess! Basically it means that you sleep with the person for one night and that is it - just sex I suppose! I didn't realise that it was going to be a one night stand, it was just that the guy never called me after and I began to question why. I never called him to ask him. My previous relationship before this lasted five years and probably has more bearing on why I think like I do. My ex boyfriend was a hypochondriac and always had his head in a medical book. One day when I came back from a holiday to my Mums he went all funny on me and wouldn't touch me for weeks. He eventually broke down and told me he had been unfaithful. That was bad enough but he then told me that it was actually with another man - double whammy! He convinced himself that he had contracted HIV and this filled our entire life for the next three months. He tested negative at the three month stage. We split up at this point as things got very intense and I knew things would never be the same. I remained friends with him and watched him eventually have a nervous breakdown as no matter what he would not believe his test results and he had at least 7 of them. The mad thing was that he never actually slept with the other guy, they just 'fooled around' so he didn't even have any reason to worry as such. He would phone me every day with a list of different symptoms. He would search the Internet 24/7 and totally freak himself out. I no longer see him so don't know if he ever sorted his head out but I guess that experiencing all of this has had an impact on me.

Anyway, as for having anymore tests, you are right my doctor would never order any more for me. In fact the last two tests I have had to pay for privately as my doctor said they were not medically necessary. I will not have anymore standard ELISA tests as I know they will all come back negative. Like I said I just worry that I cannot for some reason produce antibodies as I have read on the beloved but evil Internet that this can happen.

Enough of me. Once again, thank you for your comments. Take care.

Claire

Where did you read that? (about your body not producing antibodies) I'm curious. I thought that was impossible?

Do you know that I have read so much on the Interney I do not know what to believe anymore. I honestly cannot remember where I read it but I have heard that people with immune disorders (can't remember the name hypoglommunia or something like that) may have difficulty in producing antibodies but you would know if you had that anyway as it is quite serious I believe. I am sure that these cases are very very rare so please do not worry about it. The only reason I worry about it is because I worry about EVERYTHING!

I think that I read that you had tested up to 5 years passed any exposure so why do you not believe your test results?

Claire

If you did not produce Antibodies then it would be like 'The Boy in the Bubble'. Any contact with a germ could prove deadly. Stop searching the Net and perhaps you should seek advice from another Doctor.

I think the story about your ex having a breakdown over thinking he is HIV+ is a great example as how many many people can't let the obsession go, especially when they have guilt and shame associated with a questionable act.

Claire, I have a hard time believing the test results because I'm nuts I guess. I have anxiety disorder and it does a number on your body and mind, especially if you continue to entertain the thought of being physically sick. I'm ocd over the disease of HIV and I can relate to your story. I think we both need counseling. LOL, Because the fact is, WE ARE NEGATIVE. If I were to competely accept that, I'd probably start worrying about another disease, and the cycle will continue until I get to the very "root" of my problem, which is all mental and emotional. .........Say a prayer for me, and I'll do the same for you. I hope you find peace with this very soon, and I hope the same for me :) ....Shannon

Claire, I have a hard time believing the test results because I'm nuts I guess. I have anxiety disorder and it does a number on your body and mind, especially if you continue to entertain the thought of being physically sick. I'm ocd over the disease of HIV and I can relate to your story. I think we both need counseling. LOL, Because the fact is, WE ARE NEGATIVE. If I were to competely accept that, I'd probably start worrying about another disease, and the cycle will continue until I get to the very "root" of my problem, which is all mental and emotional. .........Say a prayer for me, and I'll do the same for you. I hope you find peace with this very soon, and I hope the same for me :) ....Shannon

hmm, I can understand this. I remember when I got my results I thought (literally) "OK, good, now I can stop worrying about this. And, now I can focus on worrying about XYZ". :nono: But then it hit me: "Wait a minute. You don't have to always worry and obsess over something." Take a step back, look at this negative test result for what it is; get over it and move on. Your mind is so powerful. It wants something to worry about...it tricks you into believing you need something to worry about. But, you don't. It's OK to not worry. It's OK.