I went to the doctor on friday to talk to him about my ed.. he suspected but it's the first time i've admitted it to him and that was so hard. ever since then i feel like it's all i can think about and can't concentrate on much else. The issues that need to be addressed within myself that i have buried for so long and why i cope with life this way etc. i wanted to walk out of there in denial to having even talked about any of it but now it's like i know what i need to do but i feel stuck

Have any of you ever taken Zoloft for ED's before? i can't find much online about it. and if so has it been helpful? It kind of caught me off guard i guess that he wants me to start taking that. it made me think no i dont' want to take it b/c does it cause weight gain? And I guess i feel like i should be able to do this without the help of medicine but yet at the same time i know i'm obviously not doing a good job of doing that right now. It seems like everday i promise myself that today will be different, that i won't repeat the same pattern of the day before b/c i go to bed and wake up each day upset with myself and the poor choices i've made and how gross i feel with myself.

i dont' really clearly fit into anorexia i dont' think, which i once was, or bulimia though. i restrict during the day, and take laxatives after i eat at night and feel really guilty for it of course and can't stand the thought of food in my stomach. my weight isn't too low either b/c i've been eating more lately and trying to get off the laxatives but i'm having trouble with that. And that whole issue is so dumb b/c i know it's harmful and that it's not what i want to do at all, i just can't seem to cope with the thought and fear of food just sitting in me when i do eat a normal meal at night .

neways thanks for listening and for any input!

My doctor wanted me on Zoloft too. I turned it down though. I've heard such horror stories about it sometime having the reverse effect on people. I would suggest a therapist instead of Zoloft if you don't already have one. Good luck!

hey, it's tough isn't it? but i think it's so distressing to you right now because you've taken the first big brave step and now things are on the way to changing! you should feel REALLY good about that (telling your doctor). the reason you're feeling more anxious is because ED is shaken in his boots, so to speak. for so long you've resigned to living with your ED and making it happy; now you've decided that you aren't willing to live this way anymore and the anxiety you're feeling is just the eating disorder trying to maintain it's control over you. does that make sense? basically, i think you're thinking about it 24/7 right now and feeling apprehensive/stuck because you realize that you're really ready to change and get better. but that's scary!!! it means giving up all that control you've become accustomed to and giving in to the fact that you really have a problem you need help getting over. but just think of the road you're on now! it leads to happiness and freedom and joy, whereas that other road just leads to anxiety, loneliness, control and fear. so, first of all, HUGE congratulations on being brave enough to tell your doctor and confront your ED! you're really gonna recover, isn't that awesome?!?

in terms of some of the things you said, i don't really know about taking meds, as i don't take any myself. i DO think you should follow your doctor's advice for now (as it's the only advice you've got), BUT i think you should try to get into a therapist ASAP. that way, you can begin therapy, which is the most proven way to recover from an ED, AND you can ask your therapist about the meds. He/she will be better qualified to say whether you need them or not in conjunction with the therapy you're receiving.

one more thing: try not to beat yourself up about how "dumb" it is to have an ED. it's a real disease of your mind and body, and you've got to give it's strength some credit. i think we tend to be SO hard on ourselves cuz we can see how STUPID it is to freak out over food, weight, body image, health, etc. i always think, "why the he** do i care what i weigh??? nobody else cares if i weigh 20 lbs more than now, so why am i so dumb about it?!?" but the thing is, eating disorders aren't really about that, nor are they so easy to fix. i KNOW it's totally lame to be OBSESSED about food, anxious about restaurants, etc., BUT i know that it's a disease, and a strong one at that. i guess i'm just saying, don't think you or your actions are dumb or trivial!! they aren't! you're stuck in the midst of a very powerful sickness that's controlling you right now. IT is dumb, but you are not, get me?

anyway, good luck and try to stay strong through this anxiety over recovery/no recover. you CAN do this!

Joni,
Hey thanks so much for your words of understanding and encouragement. You totally put to words much of my thoughts behind alot of this and that was really good for me to read, -to not feel so crazy or alone in my thoughts/fears of this all. I do want to recover and take these steps and just appreciate your support and reminders of why it is the right path to be walking down even if i am anxious or thinking about things more etc. memories and thoughts flood me but i'd rather run, but i know that's not the way to get at the root of this all anways.

I noticed this week that i wanted so badly just to go back to denial of it all.. just to walk back into my same old routine it's so easy to "fake it" during the day when i'm busy and distracted at work. it makes me feel so defeated at night when i seem to struggle with it all the most, and its like rationally i know that thinking i'm doing a horrible job at trying to get better only leads me not striving for better but just setting myself back mentally more. I just hate myself and how i feel after eating a normal meal and ice cream (more than one serving of it.) it seems like i've turned to ice cream more lately like I'm using it to fill something that i really shouldn't be using food for . I love it but not when i feel like i'm using it in a not healthy way. to bring i dunno satisfaction or peace or just to numb me, or i don't know what, it's a such temporary thing that leaves me more frustrated with myself when i'm done eating it and just that huge guilt and fear of all i ate. i promise myself i wont' have it the next day or not so much and that doesn't work lately at all. like i don't want to deny myself what i like but i also don't want to end each day feeling so defeated by something that shouldn't be so hard to change. im sure there are reasons for this all but i just dont' know what. it's a cycle i should be able to figure out but can't. eating "normal" is like i don't even know what that is.

i reazlied today when i read your post i can't expect big huge chances over night and my doctor wasn't even expecting that. Just small steps and i guess we all make steps and take some back. somehow it's like i have to remember it's more imporant to look at just moving forward not dwelling in the power of the ED i guess. It makes us so stuck ya know? I realize the power of it over me and my life that i dont' want anyone to know, and yet at other times i don't and what you said about it being a real disease reminded me of that.
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nways thanks for all of that! and i do want to start therapy i'm just waiting to see if my insurance will cover either of the 2 my doctor gave me to check out. hopefully he won't be upset that i haven't started the medicine when i go back to see him soon i just don't feel comfortable with it right now. But i have started doing what he asked me to to get off the laxatives.

Thanks for listening and responding! Take care!

Hey there. Wow, that is a great thing you did, telling your doctor. It takes a lot of guts and you should be really proud. Getting professional help (ie, a therapist and a nutritionist) is really important for recovering from an ED. The therapist can help you sort out why you have one and help you figure out better coping mechanisms that the ED. The nutritionist can help you relearn what "normal" eating is like. I can totally relate to what you were saying about not knowing what normal eating is. That's the way it was for me when I first started recovery and I'd roam around the grocery store forever trying to figure out what a real meal was. It's really hard to do on your own and a nutritionist and help you sooooo much. He/she can also help to push you to try foods that you are afraid of and to keep you from getting stuck eating only "safe foods". It's a great source of support.

About the meds.. Prozac is currently the only medication that is prescribed specifically to treat an eating disorder (bulimia). But the thing is that most people with EDs have mood disorders as well (anxiety, depression, bipolar, etc) and use the ED as a coping mechanism. So most likely your doctor is prescribing Zoloft because he feels that it would help improve your mood and feel emotionally better so that you sort of have a crutch while you are trying to recover from your ED and trying to learn healthy coping mechanisms. It's nothing to be ashamed about at all. I was on Zoloft for a while, but it didn't quite work for me. I know some people have side-effects, but what I experienced wasn't bad at all. It's different for everyone and unfortunately when it comes to antidepressants, you don't know what will work until you try. Sometimes it takes a while for the doctor to figure out the right medication and the right dose. But hang in there.

You made a really important first step.. you have the strength to see this through. It all just takes time and it's going to hurt for a while.. maybe even feel worse than when you were in the disorder. But there is something better on the other side, I promise you. Take care!

Anterrabae, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! They came just at perfect time for me to see/read them. It helped me to understand and see from a different prespective than i currently am at i guess if that makes any sense. just very encouraging in helping me realize that while this time right now is a time of change and i'm feeling like i'm meeting it with resistance within myself, that the steps themselves are good and what i truly do need. I've been thinking about it all so much this week and I have dragged my feet a bit in contacting one of the therapists and i realize this is only hurting me in that it's not helping me deal with the ed and this vicious cycle.

It helped me to see what /why the zoloft could be helpful b/c i've just been so scared to try it. I don't know why the unknown with it scares me so much when i take other medicines for a cold or sinus infection etc without much thought.
anyways just really wanted you to know i appreciated your sharing and explaining things with encouragment! It's so nice to feel understood.i hope that you are doing well! thanks again