i've been struggling lately with not wanting to recover. i'm going to see my therapist, nutritionist, and to this support group because i basically have to (parents.) But I would honestly stop if I could. I just feel like there's no getting out of this, and I don't know if I even want to.

I just feel like everybody is telling me that I'm in denial when I feel like I've been really honest. At my support group last week I told them how I was feeling (not wanting to get better) and the week before that i told them that all i wanted to be doing at that moment was going to such and such a restaraunt and b/ping, not sitting in a support group. It's taking so much work to actually admit that, and try to figure out why I am feeling the need to do those things. I felt like I was making progress by admitting my feelings and talking about them with more people in my life (friends, family). And soon after saying this a few people got really upset that there were 2 people in the group saying they didn't want to get better (myself included in the 2). Like we were wrong for admitting that we felt like *****, as opposed to saying that we were doing fine and denying that we were struggling.

I kind of feel like they were pissed off at me for admitting that i was struggling. Like they were telling me that I wasn't trying hard enough. It's so frustrating to hear that, because I completely disagree. This whole thing makes me want to drop out of therapy even more.

I don't even want to start on the nutritionist and not having a scale...:-(
Is it wrong to feel this way? Because I thought denying it would be worse.

i think you're right, denying it would be worse. however, i don't think wallowing in it is much better, hon. you know what's better? confronting it. accept that you don't want to recover and then question why. examine it and work on it and flip it all around. you may STILL not want to recover, but i think by really examining it and your ED, you'll start to shake some stuff up. but wallowing in that feeling isn't a good place to be. you can do more with yourself than that!

I was like you for awhile too. I was such a liar. My whole recovery process was such a lie for awhile. I only went to the Dr., dietician, therapist because my parents wanted me to. Unfortunately, I had to reach my breaking point until I finally decided to recover. You don't recover until you want to. Do it fo yourself, not for you parents, doctors, dietician, etc...I agree with Jodi, denying it would be worse.Figure out what is stopping you from recovery...fear of gaining weight? control? You can do this! Hang in there :)