Hopefully I make myself clear and don't jumble this up too much...

Just a few nights ago I had sex with an ex boyfriend of mine. He'd been in a serious relationship for over a year, and it had just come to and end. We were talking and one thing led to another and well "it" happened.

My obsessing is getting the best of me. All I can think is "what if" he has HIV or something?? We used no protection and he didn't "pull out".

It was a one time thing. We won't be doing this again.

He's NOT a drug user in anyway, no needles, not pot...nothin, he's completely heterosexual, and to my knowledge, he never ever cheated on the girlfriend he was with. (They ended for some other reasons...not cheating).

We don't live in some huge city or anything. (I know, not that, that matters a lot). But its not like we live in LA or any big city where HIV cases are fairly high. We both are in smaller communities.

So basicly...what are my odds? Im scared. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Nothin.

I wanna get that rapid orasure test ASAP.

Thanks to anyone that can keep me upbeat!

If you read through the other posts, you will see a very similar theme. Personally, I would be more worried about pregnancy than HIV. If you read my sticky "please read if you have had a questionable exposure" at the top of the board, you will see what the odds are.

A few points in summary;
out of all the unprotected sexual acts that go on in the US everyday, only 40,000 people test positive each year. if you think of the hundred of millions of unprotected acts, be it a serious relationship/casual relationship and only 40,000 people test positive, you have to see that the transmission rate is very low. a 1/500-1/8000 chance of a one time unproteced act with a partner of positive status to be more precice. Please read the sticky for further info and try to relax.

As for pregnancy....Im on the pill. (Even though everyone knows thats not 100% either).....

Anxiety is a hard thing to deal with it seems like you cant shake the feeling no matter what you do, best thing for you to get over is to maybe talk it over with your boyfriend. If thats out of the question you can go get tested after 3 months its the only way to be 100% sure. No one can give you a definte one way or the other, only the test can do that regardless of symptoms or lack of symptoms.

Talking to him is not really an option. Besides that, I already know everything he would tell me anyway.

I will probably get the OraSure test done after the 25 day mark.(Thats what I've read.....it is possible for that test to detect antibodies as soon as 25 days after exposure) I know this isn't a 100% and really only the 3 month mark would for sure give me total peace of mind. But at least the 1- 1 1/2 month mark will give me somewhat of an idea........

I guess to clarify a little more for me.....

Is it possible for an HIV+ man, and an HIV- woman to have UNPROTECTED intercourse (one encounter), and the woman still not contract it??


(This has probably been answered elsewhere...or maybe even in this thread. I honestly am so upset, nervous and unable to even think straight.....I thought it would be better if I just came straight out and asked that question)

I've been sitting on the couch all day more or less, not able to move. I know people have been talking to me. but most of the time, I didn't hear a word they said. Im in my own little world. A scary one. :(

Any upbeat info that I get would be very much appreciated.

I guess to clarify a little more for me.....

Is it possible for an HIV+ man, and an HIV- woman to have UNPROTECTED intercourse (one encounter), and the woman still not contract it??



Try to relax...you're going to work yourself up into a fit.

YES, it is possible for a woman to have sex with an HIV positive man and not contract HIV. It happens all the time. (It's not a risk people should run around taking, but it is very possible...and rather likely if I'm not mistaken)

HIV is not easy to catch. Lots of things have to be in place for it to be transmitted. But, yes, the answer to your question is yes.

Plus, keep in mind that you don't even know that he has it. You are only speculating out of anxiety. I believe you are fine.

Thank you.

Anxiety....thats an understatement.

I've thrown up twice today. Just stress. Im exhausted. But can't sleep. Every time I shut my eyes, I start having a panic attack....I don't know if I can go for six weeks like this. At two weeks Im going to go for the rapid Orasure test. I know it will mean basicly nothing, but it will keep me going for a while...till I test again.

You're right. I have absolutely no reason to think he has HIV. I really don't. I know anything's possible....but he doesn't even fall into a high risk catagory. It's just the unprotected part that bothers me. But as I said, up until just a few weeks ago, he was in a serious relationship with someone. I know he didn't cheat on her. And before that, he and I had been together for the previous 3 years..

You say its not "easy to catch"?? So simply unsafe unprotected sex sometimes isn't even enough????? I guess Im confused.

Thank you though for the words of encouragement. I know there's no "for sure" until I test. But anything positive I can hear will keep me going till then.
I have no where to turn to but here.....

Thank you.

Anxiety....thats an understatement.

I've thrown up twice today. Just stress. Im exhausted. But can't sleep. Every time I shut my eyes, I start having a panic attack....I don't know if I can go for six weeks like this. At two weeks Im going to go for the rapid Orasure test. I know it will mean basicly nothing, but it will keep me going for a while...till I test again.

You're right. I have absolutely no reason to think he has HIV. I really don't. I know anything's possible....but he doesn't even fall into a high risk catagory. It's just the unprotected part that bothers me. But as I said, up until just a few weeks ago, he was in a serious relationship with someone. I know he didn't cheat on her. And before that, he and I had been together for the previous 3 years..

You say its not "easy to catch"?? So simply unsafe unprotected sex sometimes isn't even enough????? I guess Im confused.

Thank you though for the words of encouragement. I know there's no "for sure" until I test. But anything positive I can hear will keep me going till then.
I have no where to turn to but here.....

Well, I'm happy to be here for you. We all are. Never hesitate to come here and ask questions and talk about your fears. We've all been there and I very much know that feeling of alone-ness.

Anyway, I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense here, but I didn't mean to say that more then just unsafe sex is needed for the transmission of HIV. I guess what I mean is that your having unsafe sex with this guy doens't ensure you've gotten HIV. When I say it's "not easy to catch" I mean, It's hard for a man to catch HIV from a woman because there is not much bodily fluid exchanged. So, that means that your partner wouldn't have contracted the disease from any woman very easily. And, that's only if a woman he's been with HAD HIV.

So, all I'm saying is that you'd need some girl from your partner's past to have HIV. You'd need him to have contracted it from her (not that easy) AND you'd need to get it from him during that one encounter you had with him. Possible? Sure...anything is, really. Probable? I don't think so.

That's a lot of things that need to have happened for you to have contracted HIV. None of which you even have proof of.

And lastly, the fact is that not every single sexual encounter with an HIV positive person will transmit the disease.


Oh, and just so you know we all make mistakes that make us wonder "what the heck was I thinking?!?!". So, don't beat yourself up about this. I've been there. Everything will be fine.

You are in my prayers.

God bless you,
Cali

Cali, you rock. I just needed to say that. You are a very kind spirit. :)
............shannon

Well, I'm happy to be here for you. We all are. Never hesitate to come here and ask questions and talk about your fears. We've all been there and I very much know that feeling of alone-ness.

Anyway, I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense here, but I didn't mean to say that more then just unsafe sex is needed for the transmission of HIV. I guess what I mean is that your having unsafe sex with this guy doens't ensure you've gotten HIV. When I say it's "not easy to catch" I mean, It's hard for a man to catch HIV from a woman because there is not much bodily fluid exchanged. So, that means that your partner wouldn't have contracted the disease from any woman very easily. And, that's only if a woman he's been with HAD HIV.

So, all I'm saying is that you'd need some girl from your partner's past to have HIV. You'd need him to have contracted it from her (not that easy) AND you'd need to get it from him during that one encounter you had with him. Possible? Sure...anything is, really. Probable? I don't think so.

That's a lot of things that need to have happened for you to have contracted HIV. None of which you even have proof of.

And lastly, the fact is that not every single sexual encounter with an HIV positive person will transmit the disease.


Oh, and just so you know we all make mistakes that make us wonder "what the heck was I thinking?!?!". So, don't beat yourself up about this. I've been there. Everything will be fine.

You are in my prayers.

God bless you,
Cali


Well, like you said, anything is possible. But to my knowledge, neither my ex, or his last girlfriend have HIV. And IF he was to have it, he would have had to have gotten it from her....as he is not a drug user, and is totally heterosexual. And according to what Im hearing, its hard for a male to get it FROM a female. But as I said, its my paranoia still getting the best of me.

Instead of looking at the odds as being in my favor, I seem to be basicly sentencing myself to death already. I've been looking at my kids the last few days thinking "how are they gonna get along without me". When in actuality, I have no solid reason to think anything is even WRONG with me!!!

It was one encounter. With someone who I have no reason to even suspect has HIV.

that's very kind. thank you, MrShannon.

Paranoid, you are just going to have to be strong until you get your results. You know the facts...just try to focus on them.

UPDATE...

Well, I obviously can't get tested now....too soon. But I did convince my "exposure risk" to go in and get tested. Not a happy camper...but he did it!!

NEGATIVE!!! And honestly, I believe him...but yet I was still uneasy. So I called the clinic he got it done at, told them the situation and she told me they can't give results but she kinda laughed (not in a mean way) but said "oh honey....I don't think you have anything to worry about"...."I think you're fine". I told her I got the hint. :) I followed it up with "So I don't need to come running in there to get tested also". She said "No". "You're fine"...... :) :)

So his was negative....and Im pretty sure he has been with no one since December....at the latest January.

So this is good right!!?? I can somewhat breathe easier now?? (he was my only risk) I can trust the nurse's "hint"...and trust what he was telling me about the Negative??

Like he said...he wouldn't lie about something like this.

You're fine! :)

You really think Im ok??

I hate to be repetitive...or be "beating a dead horse".....but Im still worried.

All I can think of is "What if...."?????

What if the lady was just tellling me what she HAD to..and he really is positive?!??! (She did sound pretty convincing, and didn't sound the least bit concerned)

What if he tested too soon? (I do think his last exposure at the latest would have been January, so 5 weeks or so minimum between his last sexual encounter, and the test)

What if the test wasn't done right or something!??!?!

This fear is seriously screwing my life up right now.........my mental state is NOT good. I can't wait 6 weeks to test. I'll go crazy(er)!

Thanks for listening to me ramble...and helping me when I know I'm bugging the crap out of everyone!

another UPDATE...

well I broke down and tested. Only at 2 weeks exposure so yea, doesn't mean much...but it got me thru one more week with some sanity!!

It was NEGATIVE! I went to the same lady that tested my ex....and although she wouldn't give me all his details obviously, she made sure to let me "know" in a round about way....that he was fine (negative) she didn't advise him to come and retest at all (meaning she thought based on his results and his consultation, his 6/8 week Oraquick Advance test was conclusive enough) and she also told me that she really didn't feel there was a need for even me to come back...but told me if it would ease my mind, I could come back and retest whenever.

I guess thats all good.....right?????