Hello Everyone,
I usually post on the depression board because that's my major problem right now. However, anxiety, panic attacks and depression go hand and hand with me. I noticed the anxiety and panic attacks first and that was 21 years ago. It came from out of the blue. I woke up during the night shaking and hyperventilating. I already had two small kids but I was living at my parent's home. My dad woke up and talked me through the hyperventilating and it was followed with my first panic attack. My whole life changed that night and has never been the same since.

You have to keep in mind, at that time anything to do with mental illness had a stigma attached to it. People just didn't talk about it much. Mean while, after that first bout I went to bed and wouldn't get up except to go to the restroom. Taking a shower and just personal hygiene was extremely hard for me. I know this was partly depression but at the time I hadn't thought of that yet. My parents watched my kids and I stayed in my room and refused food for three weeks. I did drink water. My Dr. at the time put me on vailium (it was just coming on the scene then.) I still didn't do very well. I was in terror of all the feelings that were so new to me. I ended up in the hospital for nearly a month and was sent home on valium and librium both. I got counseling and started to improve a little. I started taking my kids places and going out with some of my friends but through it all I would have a panic attack or general anxiety much of the time.

I went to several "shrinks" and didn't get much help but I finally found one that seemed to tune right into my symptoms. I saw her once a week for almost a year. She put me on 1mg xanx (which was new at the time)four times a day. 25 mgs of librium two times a day and elavil. Elavil was my first AD and it's very old but to this day I still take it. I am up to 200 mgs at bedtime. The depression was there all along and it was at this point I had to deal with it to function at all. I just started Lexapro and have hopes it will help me. Basically, for the last 20 years this has been my life. I want to feel "normal" again and go about my life the way I see other's doing. This is a small portion of what has happened but I couldn't possibly put it all down here or every one of you would fall asleep reading it. lol I do know there is help and I'm going to find it. Thanks for reading my boring intro. I really appreciate it.....Please Take Call All.....Connie

Hi Connie

I don't think your intro was boring at all.

Isn't it hard to figure out how some people just wake up happy and go through every day happy and care free? I always wonder if they're just faking it or if they're really like that. I think everyone's "normal" is different...so don't beat yourself up on comparing yourself to other's "normal". I do this all the time and am trying to not do it anymore.

Take care :wave:

Hi Connie,
No not boring! It makes sense to us who have been through similar experiences. You've come to a good place here! Lots of support.
Remember that any change in meds takes some time for adjustment, so hang in there.
I have heard an interesting phrase lately that seems to fit anxiety too: "It is what it is."
We have it, we become educated about it, we live with it, so we then have the experience, strength and hope to share with others. You are in a good place, Connie.
Take it easy,
Robin

i know what it is like to think you are boring people...sometimes i think everyone is saying, "isn't she OVER it yet?" i have a very stable relationship to help me through my worst days. i used to be in a very bad marriage that, looking back, i am lucky to have survived. don't take this the wrong way, but living the next twenty years like this is my nightmare.... i am 31 now, and have "been like this" (bipolar, agora, depression, ocd) since i was a young girl. i know i have a long way to go, but, man, sometimes, i really don't know how i will make it. didn't mean to drone.....hope you find some support, let me know if i can help. :wave:

Thanks for replying. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, also. I hope we both find what we need to get well and enjoy life. At this time I have a great relationship with my ex-husband and I couldn't have come as far as I have without him. We have been divorced for 20 years but we just never seperated. (it's ok to laugh at this part. All of our friends tease us about it. lol) He goes to all of the family functions, even if I am unable because I'm having a bad day. When I had my surgery he changed my dressing every night and helped me take a shower. He's one great guy. I'm so glad you have that, too. Keep my updated on how you're doing please. Take Care....Connie

Hi connie,

i just read thru your story and its so sad you have spent so long dealing with this, i have depression aswell as anxiety although i noticed the depression in my late teens, then anxiety followed, its so pants the way mental illness used to be dealt with and it must have been hard to get where you are, but now at least all us nutters stick together ;) and for me this board makes it so much easier to deal with.
Anyway just wanted to say hi!!! :D
layla