:confused: Hi Everyone,

I hope that some of yall can give me advice, answers, hope or anything!!!??? :<

I know I am repeating myself, but here goes. My dad has Alzheimers and Parkinsons and my mom has dementia and uncontrolled diabetes. They are both in their late 70s and live by theirselves in their home.

For the last week, my mom has been sick. Either the flu or ??? My dad is sort of in a sensible plateau right now. Meaning he can act normal a lot of the time. They are both on 10 mg. aricept - among other meds, but my mom will not take her Aricept. Or her cholersterol meds, maybe a few other meds. She takes her diabetes pills most of the time. Hence the uncontrolled diabetes (and only tests her blood 2 - 3 times per week.

So... My mom has been throwing up and having diahrea. My dad tried to get her to go to the dr. or the hospital, but she would not. He did get her to call me a couple of time and he also got her to start testing her blood 1 x day, at least. But, I think that she no longer does that since she thinks that she is all well. What she does not know is that she has probably injured her liver, among other body parts, like kidneys!

Anyway, her blood sugar got down to 20, when normal is about 80. And most of the time she is around 115 when she takes her meds and does not eat too many carbs! She was listless, tired, no energy, you name it. My dad asked her what to do if she got worse. She told him to call 911. And I told him to call 911 and then me!!! Anyway, yall know my moms history - does not like to go to the dr. or hospital.

Any ideas about what I can do to make her and make her want to go to the dr. more, especially when she is sick?! The diabetes board, just tells me to get her some medical help. Well, I cannot just drag her down there!!! I did call her dr. office and they said they could not help her over the phone! I also told them not to tell her that I called them.

I know that it is a little off track, but I really need some help and so do my mom and dad, whether they know it or not!!!

Thanks in advance.

Love, Wannabe

Sorry to hear about your problem with mom. I haven't experienced this but was thinking of a couple of things. One, could you maybe talk to the doctor and find our if he could give her something like a anti-anxiety pill to calm her down or could you maybe tell her that the doctor called and they have something new that they might be able to treat her diabetes and want to see her. You are in a hard situation, and so is the medical field if she refuses treatment. It is sad that she is willing to wait until it turns into an emergency situation before she will seek help. But if all else fails and you do what you can, it is really up to her to be willing to get help. Please don't be to hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can. Hang in there and my prayers are with you.
Diane

Dear Wannabe .

You are doing your best in an impossible situation. Your Mom must go to the doctor. Dehydration plus diabetes is very dangerous. She cannot be exected to know that she is in danger, since she is not able to think straight. Your Dad may also not be mentally fit enough to make such decisions.

I would advise him to call 911 against her wishes, or get someone to take her to the ER NOW! and when they get there, tell them she has Alzheimer's and diabetes and diarrhea ... she needs a complete workup at the hospital, blood tests etc. It could save her life.

Maybe it is time now to get her somewhere where she will NOT test 3 times a week but will be tested by a professional several times a day ..like a good nursing home. It is hard for you and for your dad, but it is highest time to get her to safety. On their own they are not providing maximal care for her as a diabetic. Please get some help ... sooner rather than later.

How will you feel if Mom does not survive this gastro enteritis .. how will Dad feel? Not wanting to alarm you ..but it sounds really serious to me .

Lots of love and prayers,

Martha

Hi Wanna,

YIKES!!! A blood sugar of 20 is very dangerous to life and can make people lose consciousness. It's as dangerous as a very high blood sugar. Vomiting and diarrhea can make diabetes difficult to control for healthy people. Your mother may need to be in the hospital just to get things straight, stop the vomiting, and get her hydrated.

You have to hope that your father is still doing the blood test correctly, too. Can you drive over there and do the test yourself? If not, call and find if your mother is awake and what her blood sugar is now. If it's still well below 80, call an ambulance and tell them about the AD and blood sugar and your mother's recent illness. Call your father and prepare him to open the door for the medics.

Sadly, there is no way to reason with an AD patient. At best, you might trick them into getting in the car and you take them to the doctor. Sounds like your mother may just be too sick and weak for that just now.

Hope all is well - Barbara

Wannabe,
What you know about your parent's circumstances scares you, I can tell you, what you DON'T know would terrify you!

I thought my mom was about like yours, as far as dementia. 3 times in one month I called 911 and had them take her to the hospital because I lived 30 minutes away and she was sobbing with unbearable stomach pains. Each time, they found nothing wrong and I was thoroughly frustrated with her.

Soon after, I took her into my home and was apalled! at what I didn't know. She no longer knew how to cook (reason for stomach pain---hunger), she did not take showers, she did not know day, date, time of day. She didn't take any of her pills, though she always told me she took them. She couldn't write a check, read the paper or make sense of any TV show other than Bob Barker.

I visited her once a week and knew none of this. They are good at fooling you! But I can tell you, if you're worried now, there is much more to worry about.

I would call 911 and have them pick her up! Then send her to a hospital nearer to you. You can meet them there.

I know how you feel. I was in the same spot. Mom seemed to cope well, I thought. But, believe me, with dementia, they aren't really coping. They are just making you "believe" they are coping.

You've been doing the best you can with what they're telling you. But they do need you to step-in now and make some changes for them. It's hard, I know. It was hard for me. My mom swears there is nothing wrong with her and no reason she can't go home.

Sometimes, though, you just have to do it anyway.
We're thinking about you! and here to help!

Here's what I did with dad when he was very sick. I called the VA hospital and they told me to take him to the ER. Then I called my sister and told her of the situation and asked her to call me back as soon as we hung up. The reason being is I wanted dad to hear the phone ringing. I answered and thanked my sister. Then I waited a minute or so and went into my dad's room. I told himthe doctor called to see how he was and I told him all that was going on and that his doctor had said that if he didn't go to the ER on his own, he would send an ambulance here that would take him whether he liked it or not. And he went.

But when I tried that the second time, it didn't work as well. So I wound up asking dad to go somewhere with me (I forget where). After some debate, he agreed. Instead of taking him where I said I was going to, I took him to the ER and told him that I would not take him home until the doctor found out what was going on with him. We had a small argument but I won. The VA is about 20 miles from here and it was cold and snowy out.

I don't know if these things would work with your mom. But she does sound stubborn like my dad.

I hope this helps.

Gotta get back to cooking. The spaghetti is almost ready.

Love, Barb

Please let us know how things are with your mother and father as soon as you can!

((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Barbara

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for your compassion and help. I guess that I did not tell the whole story. She is somewhat better. I should have written yall when she was at her sickest! She is at about 70 blood sugar now, and feeling better. I have not seen her since Tuesday (when she was just laying in bed most of the day!). But, I have talked with her on the phone everyday and she sounds almost back to normal - for her that is! I think I will call and talk to my dad and question him about how she has been the past few days. She does lie sometimes and/or just does not tell the whole story!

But, I do know that this episode has hurt her health. And it has been hurt before, because she does not take care of herself. I am afraid, that if I sent an ambulance to their house, she would tell them to go away and would fight them tooth and nail and not get in... Also, if I took her on a ruse, to the hospital she would just leave. Probably walk right out and down the street to a fast food joint!

The times that I have argued with her and/or tried to get her to do things, that she absolutely needed to do, she would yell and holler and up her blood pressure would go!!! And my poor dad would look so confused!!! He does not know whether to help me, convince her, or take up for her cause I am yelling at her!!!!! You guys are right, this is very hard, in deed!!! It is sort of like an impossible situation - for now. It is like one of those things... Pray, try, and hope. Inlist everyones help, especially yalls! My sister just told me to narc to her dr. and I did, but there are just really tired of her not doing what she is supposed to! Sad.

She will have to go back to her family dr. (the one that I called) soon. She will run out of pills in another month. I will call them again before then and make sure that she has to bring me along and that they give her good blood tests or more. I really do not know what else to do.

Right now, the dr. is my best bet, for getting stuff done for and to her. I just hope that they do not quit treating her, because of her uncooperative behaviour!!!

Thanks again for your help and advice. Let me know if yall get anymore ideas or stories. I do know what you mean when you say, that I probably do not know how bad off she is. I know that she hides feeling, health and pills, among other things. My niece was over at their house Thur. nite and I asked her if my mom (her grandma) told her about her flu type sickness over the last week. She said no, she did not even know she had been sick! So, you see... I hope she talked to her about it. She is good with my mom. A teacher! And my daughter wrote her an email and said, that she hoped that she would get well, as she wanted her to come to her wedding reception in June!!! And that she could dance with her new grandson in law!!! :>

Sorry so long. Just needed a lot of advice and a little stroking!

Love, Wannabe

Poor you, what a week. As you know, you can't believe anything your Mom says, and your father may be on that same level too by now (I would be if I had to put up with your Mom .... :rolleyes: )

I don't have the right to tell you what to do, and you are in no position to do it .. what a dilemma. It may be that she is shortening her life through her misunderstanding of diabetes ... you say she goes out and eats fast food ... but you can't explain anything to an Alzheimer victim.

What you could do would be to notify the ER and/or person answering the 911 call that your Mom has ALZHEIMER's and as a result is not taking care of her diabetes. They would not let her walk out if they knew that.

Another small voice inside me says, let her be .. she may be shortening her life, but seeing how my Mom is doing, you could ask, "what life?"

My prayers are with you and I hope you and your sister and your Dad together find a good solution .. mine would be nursing home care NOW, yesterday!

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha and all,

I talked with my husband after I wrote my last post. I asked him if he thought we could make her go to the hospital/ER if/when this low or high blood sugar happens again. He said, that he would go with me to their house and physically put her in the car and make her go. He is 6 foot tall and more than 200 lb. So, he could do it.

So, we do have a plan, for the next time. I just am not able - my sister has tried too - to make my mom go to the dr. or the er, by myself. Nor, my father. I will write the dr. a note/letter and take it by on Monday am. They will at least read it. They are a bit fed up with her uncooperative behavior and it does seem like all of us are wasting our time!

Her favorite thing to say is - I am going to take your father and go live somewhere is, where you cannot tell us what to do and leave us alone! She does sound like she is a little crazy!

I also, am not in a position at the moment to know when her blood sugar is too high or too low. She does not tell until the next day. I do know that there has to be a better way, just have not found the one I can do, just yet!!!

Thanks again.

Love, Wannabe

Wannabe,

Oh, I know how you feel. When mom was living alone, I thought of AD as just a disease that made her forget. I had no idea that she was so confused, made up stories to cover her forgetting, or that she flat-out lied to me without even knowing she was doing it.

The docs at the ER were thoroughly disgusted with her arrival at their door every other week. I could sense it, but didn't know how to stop it. She had stomach pain, crying and writhing with it, I didn't know what else to do. I've told this before, but finally the ER doc told me, "You can't keep bringing your mom to the ER when she forgets to eat. We've run every test available. There's nothing wrong with her but hunger. As soon as she gets the IV........she's fine!"

It had never entered my mind that she was hungry. She had a houseful of food........but totally forgot when to eat.

My mom issues the same threats about leaving, too. She's going to pack her bags and go live with her brother in OK everytime she gets mad at me. Her brother is 84!

It's as sad for us as it is for them. When mom was alone, I didn't know which way to turn. I never knew what was really going on.

I'm glad you have a plan. It's so difficult and you're doing the best you can. I feel for you.

Love and prayers

Hi Sandyspen,

Thanks alot for the post! It really makes me feel, like I am not alone! Too bad all of us have to be here. But, at least we have each other to vent to and talk to and help each other feel better. Plus the ideas, boy have I gotten lots of good ideas from this board!

My mother does eat. She just does not eat the things that she should for diabetes. And she does not take vitamins. My dad does take vitamins - I put them in his weekly pill holder. So, when she does not give him any veges most of the time, then it does not hurt him as much! Plus he is from the meat and potatoes era!!! :>

My mom does have some sort of saying like "leaving" or "getting away from everyone", that she says about 1 x week. She may just say it to me. Cause I am the one, always telling her to cook and eat veges. And I give her other unwanted advice!!! :> But, I know that my mom will not leave - at least not for long - because she would not want to take care of my dad in a strange or semi-strange place, by herself! I do not think she could do all his medicines either!

I am going to try and sneak a look at her medicines and whatever else she has, in her special cabinet. She usually goes out to the dollar store, when I come over and help my dad do things. She should not be driving, but she is and probably will till she gets sicker or has another wreck!

Thanks to everyone else that talked to me too!

Love, Wannabe

[QUOTE

My mom does have some sort of saying like "leaving" or "getting away from everyone", that she says about 1 x week. She may just say it to me. Cause I am the one, always telling her to cook and eat veges. And I give her other unwanted advice!!! :> But, I know that my mom will not leave - at least not for long - because she would not want to take care of my dad in a strange or semi-strange place, by herself! I do not think she could do all his medicines either!

[/QUOTE]


There's just one problem with this reasoning: it is based on Mom thinking logically. 'She would not do this because ....'

But the Alzheimer mind does not remember cause and effect. She might just take off one day with no thought for anything.

Don't depend on her reasoning powers!

Love,

Martha

That's for sure!!! My mother was ready to leave the house at 11pm in January with 8" of snow. She didn't know where she planned to go, but she had her clothes on, coat, purse, shower cap and Ponds cold cream in hand and was very determined. I shudder to think what might have happened if I hadn't been there to stop her.

The other thing is that you MUST take the car keys away, disable the car (and call the mechanic and tell him not to fix the car!), or take the car away. Your mother cannot drive any more. She cannot think straight and could hurt someone or herself. That would be a huge tragedy. This is difficult, no doubt, but it's even more certain that it's necessary.

Since your mother doesn't handle her diabetes correctly and cannot, perhaps she can be put into the hospital to regulate her medicines without catching her blood sugar at a low level. While she's in the hospital, perhaps a social worker can access her problems and recommend the kind of care she needs.

Good luck. It does get easier after they forget more. Sad, but true.

(((((((hugs)))))))) Barbara :)

Hi all,

Thanks Martha and Barbara. I know that it seems like I am side stepping the things that I need to do. But, sometimes there are circumstances beyond my control. Like my mom hates hospitals. When she had her blood transfusions about 6 mo. ago, she did it out patient and did not like that either! I will deliver my letter to her dr. and suggest some of yalls ideas and we will see what comes of that! I do hope he changes his way of thinking and tries one more time to get her diabetes under control! I guess even drs. get tired of uncooperative patients.

I do have my parents license plate #. Got it a few years ago, when they were going on a trip, without telling me!!! This is incase they do run away, or go on a trip to my sisters without telling me. And then on the way, get lost! I know that yall have heard those stories before! One just happened in Houston last week. They found the old lady, sitting in her car on some street, waiting for her friend, who was long dead!!!

They are wanting to go on another short trip in April, so if they go, I guess I will drive them! There are ways to get them back and forth, but they all involve, me, my sister, or my daughters. And there is the bus...

I am going to get my husband to show me the part on their truck that I can take out, so it will not work. But, my dad will just call over the old friendly neighbor man. And they will figure it out and probably know it is me.... I just hope it is an expensive part and they will not go out and buy another. I wish that we could buy my dads truck for an extra vehicle for my husband. His work/farm truck is falling apart and has more than 200,000 mi. on it!

My parents are so odd, in that my dad keeps loosing his keys, probably in the house. Then my mom goes out and has some more made. She does not give me any!!! Everytime I drive, I have to use hers... And give them back as soon as we get back to their house!

Well, enuf two-stepping!!! I really am trying ladies. It is just so hard. I cannot wait to see what comes up tomorrow!!! I need to go and talk to their banks also, to warn them about large amounts of $ being taken out! Has not happened yet, but, just might sometime in the near future!

Take care. And keep trying to help me. It does make me think and I will get something else done, before summer...

Love, Wannabe

Just a short update,

I only got the note/letter to the doctors office. I do hope all the people in the office read it and want to try and help my mom, my dad and me!!! We will see. I asked him to try and get her to come in for an appointment! To make something up!

I could not take out the truck part, because they did not have a nap today and my mom had already gone to the store. I am hoping for next week. Someone else suggested spark plugs. Taking a few out, that is.

I have to tell this about my mom: she wrote a letter to a friend and it came back. She had put their telephone # as their zip code and on the last line, put only the state, and not the town! Dare I hope, that this will make her take her aricept? No!!!

Thanks for listening. I will talk to my sister tomorrow and tell her all that yall said and what my parents have been up to. She does call them several times a week. But, they do not tell her all.

Love, Wannabe

Mis-addressing an envelope was one of the first signs we saw that Mom was slipping. She sent an Easter card to her sister - maybe 4 years ago. She wrote the house number but left off the street. When it came back she said, "Oh, I knew it, but I thought everyone in Greenville knows her." I thought it weird, but Alzheimer's did not enter my mind.

M