I sat here so many nights reading everyone's emails. It seemed to make me feel better. I really thought so. I don't know what to say. I'm tired and sometimes I feel really alone. I have 3 kids and a husband but I still feel tired and alone. I wish I had a friend to tell things to. Someone who doesn't judge me like everyone else seems to. I have a professional level job and try to always be the good mom and the loving wife. I have no idea who I am anymore. I am scared that no one will say hi to this. Please say hi.

Hey Machalfa,
Hi, and Welcome to the boards!! You can use the boards as someone to talk to.. A lot of people here, can understand and relate in ways to how u feel.. Post here, and dont be afraid of being judged.. I'm not saying people dont judge here, but for the most part they dont.. there have only been a few experiences.. In any case, continue to post.. And be yourself, dont be afriad to post about certain things for fear of someone judging, becase remember.. No one knows who u really are.. Take care..

Hi, I haven't been around here long, but folks seem very helpful. One of the things you'll probably learn about dealing with depression is to try to fight what they call "mind reading" thoughts/errors. You'll come to realize that not nearly as many of the people around you are being as judgemental as you are now assuming. When you're down those are the kinds of thoughts that got you there and are keeping you down. Good luck!

Hi
Welcome to the board. I am a mom with 2 kids a husband and lot of animals. I also have a professional level job which I am so tired of doing. I help my husban run his business but I still do not have a friend that I can talk to or go shopping with. I never did have many friends growing up, I was a loner. You just get used to it, yes it bothers me but I say that's life. I have been told people are affraid to aproach me. I am not a bad person I just take life serious, I never laugh. Jokes are not funny to me. My best friend is my husband but you still need to have that friend relaitionship with so one that does not live with you. I also sit here at night reading the board my daughter suffers from depression and I am trying to help her situation. If you are tired and loney just post someone is always their on the other side to answer. Although I have a posting for a few days now on the cancer site that no one has answered. Last week I had to have a biopsy on my uterus linning for poloyps and next week I meet with a specialist to do a colonoscopy test. Yeah I'm scared and was wishing to get some advise on the site I posted.

Please write back my ear is here for you

Hi Machalfa,

and everyone for that matter. This is my first post.

Hang in there. :-)

Hi Malchalfa;

I too am new and was afraid to post. I feel for you and am hear if you need a non-judgmental ear. I have a husband, a daughter and help run my fathers business. I've always been a shoulder to everyone, but am just now learning to ask for a shoulder. I am withdrawing from Paxil and thats what lead me to this site. Love and best wishes to everyone here.

Hi Machalfa
It's so hard to feel alone im sorry
whitewall

Hi Machalfa
Hope you are feeling better today. Remember you may feel like you are alone, but you are never alone really. This forum is full of people who care and also a support. I am glad I found this forum. I am here feeling alone too sometimes. I have a husband and family and am very very busy but when I get that feeling like, "I'm all alone" my husband works two jobs. Not out of necessity just out of obligations he feels he needs to help out some of his friends. Now that leaves me with not having to work and I have completely lost track of all my working friends I had when I was working. I sortof think I should go back to work even though we don't need the extra money just to get back in there (so to speak) with lots of people again. Even though when I was working with them and some of them were really good friends and we had good
times together still,
there were so many
times when I wished I could just work all alone without anybody around. Maybe I am really a loner at heart I don't know. But I liked being with people too.

Since I started getting real depressed I have not wanted to talk to anybody on the phone anymore or answer calls from anyone. That is pretty bad to not want to even talk to people who care about me. That is the time when I said "this isn't right" " this is not me" I have to do something about this. I was really low but I'm
doing much better now.Before I didn't even want to go anywhere.

This is new to me using these boards and previously would have been too scared to post anything.I have been on medication for 4 months now.

I had almost completely shut myself off from everyone. At least now I am doing much better.

lanee

I too was lonely at home. I have 4 children, 2 of which are 18 and 20, 2 still at home. Be careful! I found someone to talk to at work. Unfortunately "he" was someone I fell in love with. I moved out of the house about 3 weeks ago. Leaving everything and everyone. I am now so confused about what to do! I can't sleep as now I have 2 men vying for my affection and attention. I cannot decide what to do! I was married for 20 years! But got so tired of being just a wall flower. Now I have created so much stress for myself that I am afraid I have fallen into such depression! Please don't do what I have done!

Oh bugsrocks - we are in similar situations. I left my husband (of 20 years) for 3 months and was seeing someone else. It all felt good till this guy decided he wanted to end it. I was hiding my depression from him the whole time and blame myself for it ending because felt I wasn't open enough or couldn't be myself with him. I moved back home on Sunday. My husband was there to pick me up and I really love him but i feel something is so missing from my life. I dont know if this is because of depression or if this is causing the depression. I cant adjust to my meds and I am feeling depressed and tired. Don't be too quick to give up on your husband.

L

Hi I don't really respond that much I feel like I ask dumb ?'s sometimes too. But I would love to talk with u and I won't judge you either I know what u mean by not knowing who u are... I am also married and I have 2 kids. HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! and WelcomE.

Hi Machalfa http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Welcome http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif This is a good place to anonymously get advice and sometimes nonymously (made up that word) make friends. Don't feel weird about asking any sort of question. You are in company of people experiencing troubles like your own. I hope you gain benefit from participating. Again, welcome.

I am going on being married for 24 years. I am only 43 years old with a son 21 and a daughter 14. I would never give up my marriage when things get hard we just work thru it ( we do a lot of talking). Things have been ruff for the last few months since we have been working with my daughter on her depression. My husband is a photographer and he has given me the gift to see life thru the eyes of a camera. It is unbelievable how I look at the world now. In Feb I did this couples wedding in April did her pregnant photo's and just three week ago did their 2 week old son photo's. I do not get to photograph all the time any more since my focus is on getting my daughter felling better about herself. This drains me so much that I will go to sleep crying and wake up crying.I love working with my husband our minds think alike when it comes to his work. So please think twice before giving up your relationship with you family. Things are not always pretty with our relationship but we work hard to make it work. He has been my best friend since I am 16 years old.

Oh Gosh machalfa you sound exactly like me! How can we be surrounded by husbands, kis etc and still feel lonely!!?? Right now My husband is watching TV and I'm sitting at the computer on this board. I feel that at least here there are people who understand how I feel and that is a great comfort. The kids don't care, they're just busy being kids. My husband is impatient with me as this particuar depression has f\gone on much longer that we even imagined...You're not alone!...Tagger

Hi.

Ok, I have a general question, what ever happened to having a marriage where neither party prejudges the other and accepts them for themselves. They don't knit pick, the conversations are not one sided, it's a 2-way street not a dictatorship. People are so close to each other yet so far away. Does romantic part die after the kids are born? Is it only about beer, pizza and football on sundays.. (yes, So I am guilty of stereotyping..)

It's good to have friends outside the world of your immediate family. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

But then, I am just a guy, what the heck do I know? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/jester.gif

Mariage can be a wonderful thing if you have the right partner. You both have to respect each other for who you are and what you do. You both have to be there to support each other. Communication is very important in a relationship. Rommance does not die after the kids are born. It is both of your jobs to make sure the candle does not burn out.I am going on married 24 years and no they were not a wonderful. It took a long time for both of us to reach the level we are at in our relationship. It took work on both of our parts and great communication. Maybe people need to turn off the TV set and start to talk to each other. We both have friends out side of the family but are so busy with our lives and family no time for fun everything is focused on family and carreer(spell check).That is what happens when you are in business for yourself.

Just rember what you put into a relationship is what you get out of the relationship.

Welcome,
I am a wife, mother, and working outside of the home. I am always tired and have no energy. I used to feel alone a lot, even with a wonderful family! Now I feel numb to my feelings, not feeling real happiness even though it is probably there. I started therapy a month ago and my counselor told me that dealing with my childhood abuses I learned to watch and numb out my feelings. It seems I am still doing that even though there are no more abuses. Our minds are so powerful! We can really accomplish great things. Hopefully with this therapy, I am on that road to accomplishment. Relationships are worth saving. I have been married over 22 years and there are times when you want to strangle your partner, you have got to step back and look at the good things about them. I am sure I am no picnic at times either! :grin:
Hang in there!

Thank you to everyone for responding. And yes, MLB, I feel like if I open my mouth sometimes, I am just going to say the stupidest thing and someone will laugh at me. I don't understand. At work, I am in a supervisory position and people look and treat me with so much respect. If they only knew how stupid I feel and how scared I am most of the time. I get confused sometimes. I have a husband whom I trust very much. He would never hurt me, and 3 wonderful kids. Why am I not happier? Why do I feel so lost and like no one understands. I had a dim-witted psychiatrist once who only said one thing that I actually could agree with. I act like a robot in front of people. I act and talk the way that they expect me to and sometimes have trouble realizing who I really am. I know this phase will pass again and I will be fine again for a while but sometimes I just wish it would go away.

Originally posted by tagger:
Oh Gosh machalfa you sound exactly like me! How can we be surrounded by husbands, kis etc and still feel lonely!!?? Right now My husband is watching TV and I'm sitting at the computer on this board. I feel that at least here there are people who understand how I feel and that is a great comfort. The kids don't care, they're just busy being kids. My husband is impatient with me as this particuar depression has f\gone on much longer that we even imagined...You're not alone!...Tagger

Tagger...you really caught me with what you said. My husband is always right in the room with me, usually on his computer as he is a web developer but we are like roomates now. We don't talk much. Sometimes, I look at him and even though I love him, I have trouble feeling "in love" with him. I would never leave him for the world but I am smart enough to realize that my dream of the perfect marriage was not exactly what I got. He loves me though and I've had enough bad relationships in my past to appreciate him. I know he also respects and appreciates me but I wish there was more between us than the kids.

Hi Machalfa, I can relate to your "happiness". I have a wonderful wife and the best, no offense, daughter on this planet. My job is really terrific. There is no huge external stress, yet enough to make it interesting. I make enough money to not be worried, although I could always use a little more. I have no health issues. Just nothing wrong at all.

Everything is just so damned great!

So why on earth couldn't I sleep? Why was I ironing my shirt and trying to figure out the best and most efficient way to iron it, so I could get to the next task? Why was I avoiding people, and uncomfortable in social situations? Why, when I graduated top of my class, did I feel like a total idiot all the time? Why when somebody looked at me, would I analyze their expression, and wonder if I had somehow offended them? Why was I rehearsing conversations, and going over past conversations incessantly? Why would I seek out assurance from people all the time? Why was I so aggravated with my loving caring wife? Why did I always want to get away from it all, when there was nothing to get away from? I could go on and on.

Truly, I believe I was (and am still am to a degree) just ill, plain and simple.

I too have a dim-witted psychiatrist. Luckily he gave me some medicine that is helping. I think I just got lucky. I wish I could talk to a psychiatrist and see some intelligence and thoughtful answers. I have seen more insight here than with this "professional". I only went to him because I was desperate and -had- to get some relief. He was the only one without a two month back log (probably because everybody was avoiding him). Again, he did give me meds that worked, but there was no explanation or dx, just off the wall statements coming from an obvious coarse philosophy that he has adopted.

The phases that I went through would come and go too. After a while, the phases became more a part of me. They were no longer phases.

I hope your phase passes too. For some of us, it is hard to accept ourselves for who we are. See the real us, and just be the real us. I don't know where this bad self-image comes from. I wish this stuff would pass too. Thankfully, I have made some progress. I hope you do to. Keep us updated if you like.