jennypoo
03-12-2006, 08:57 PM
Hi Everyone -
My husband and I have been trying to start a family for the past several months; however in January we found out that I have PCOS and was put on Fertility medication. While working with the doctors to improve our chances, my husband goes to work and really isn't there for all the testing and results that I have to go through. I honestly can't blame him that he can't be there however a part of me would like him to at least be a bit more understanding as to what I am going through. Is that soooo terrible? And to defend him in a way, I am not the most pleasant person right now, all the hormones have made me rather depressed and angry about the whole situation, I wouldn't want to deal with me.
I don't want to be this person that I am. I want to be the woman that my husband married. I hate what this is doing to us but we keep telling each other that this is worth it, that we both want to start a family, or even better that this is just a bump in the road. What can we do to get through this?
Also, the doctor explained to me that do to the medications that I am on we have to have sex every other day to improve our chance of conceiving, my question is how can we "spice it up" and not make it feel like making love is a job? Does anyone remember that commerical about Dunkin Donuts "Time to make the Donuts," well my husband and I have begun to compare our sex life to that, saying, "Time to have the sex." It's rather depressing.
Thanks for listening. If you have any ideas on what we can do please let me know.
Jennypoo
My husband and I have been trying to start a family for the past several months; however in January we found out that I have PCOS and was put on Fertility medication. While working with the doctors to improve our chances, my husband goes to work and really isn't there for all the testing and results that I have to go through. I honestly can't blame him that he can't be there however a part of me would like him to at least be a bit more understanding as to what I am going through. Is that soooo terrible? And to defend him in a way, I am not the most pleasant person right now, all the hormones have made me rather depressed and angry about the whole situation, I wouldn't want to deal with me.
I don't want to be this person that I am. I want to be the woman that my husband married. I hate what this is doing to us but we keep telling each other that this is worth it, that we both want to start a family, or even better that this is just a bump in the road. What can we do to get through this?
Also, the doctor explained to me that do to the medications that I am on we have to have sex every other day to improve our chance of conceiving, my question is how can we "spice it up" and not make it feel like making love is a job? Does anyone remember that commerical about Dunkin Donuts "Time to make the Donuts," well my husband and I have begun to compare our sex life to that, saying, "Time to have the sex." It's rather depressing.
Thanks for listening. If you have any ideas on what we can do please let me know.
Jennypoo
Sponsor
muna786
03-13-2006, 12:50 PM
Jennypoo i understand your situation even i dont think i have PCOS but DH (or not so DH) is not very understand about having sex on "certain" days he keeps saying it will happen when its supposed to but have been trying now for 5 months and nothing has happened. it is really frustrating because i want this soo bad and DH has sucha nochlant (sp) attitude towards it
coldrain
03-13-2006, 01:26 PM
Join the club... :rolleyes: Same story with my DH. Trying for 5 months, but I'm not even sure we ever BDed in the right times. He thinks it should happen spontaneously, but it must be very clear by now that it DOES NOT!!!!!!!! This one is another waisted month:(
uagirl7
03-13-2006, 03:52 PM
So glad to hear that I'm not alone. What can we do to make these men understand that most of the time it doesn't just happen and unfortunately does take a little planning? I hope some people do have some ideas about how to make BD more fun for my husband so he doesn't feel like he just being used.
jennypoo
03-14-2006, 08:53 AM
Not to sound like a complete brat about this whole thing but if was my husband who had the problem then it would be a totally different story. Don't misunderstand he knows that I am very upset about the whole thing but his theory is that "When we least expect it, it will happen." Tell it to the doctor who just had me go through the HSG and through me on more medication. Its soooo freakin frustrating. The problem is there is just so many times I can say "I need you to be there," but being that he is a military man, the job comes first. I guess I can't be selfish here, can I? :confused:
Jennypoo
Jennypoo
coldrain
03-14-2006, 04:52 PM
I hope some people do have some ideas about how to make BD more fun for my husband so he doesn't feel like he just being used
That's a great question, may be you should even start a separate thread about it. After DH & I started TTC frequency of our lovemaking decreased significantly :( I'm sure there's a connection there. So if people would like to share some advice that would be great.
That's a great question, may be you should even start a separate thread about it. After DH & I started TTC frequency of our lovemaking decreased significantly :( I'm sure there's a connection there. So if people would like to share some advice that would be great.
here4support
03-16-2006, 03:17 PM
Hi Jennpoo :wave:
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles conceiving. Although my husband and I didn't have to take meds or have tests run, we tried for 9 months before I got pregnant.
I can tell you that I totally understand what you are going through when you say that sex is a chore. We got to that point, and we got there fast! I think that is common with a lot of couples TTC. You focus so much attention on "the right time" to have sex that you take all the fun out of the entire thing! :eek:
I can't say much about the meds or the treatments because I have no experience in that at all. I can give you a few ideas about making the sex not seem so much like a chore!
Maybe on the days you know it is a good time to have sex...you can dress in something a little sexy. Tease him a little. Make him forget what you are having sex for, and try to set the mood. I know my husband never liked (and still doesn't like) to shower with me, but if yours does, maybe you can take a steemy shower with him for some nice foreplay to get things going. Candles?? A nice dinner and a movie or a date night, followed by some lovin! :D
I hope this helps, keep your chin up and good luck!
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles conceiving. Although my husband and I didn't have to take meds or have tests run, we tried for 9 months before I got pregnant.
I can tell you that I totally understand what you are going through when you say that sex is a chore. We got to that point, and we got there fast! I think that is common with a lot of couples TTC. You focus so much attention on "the right time" to have sex that you take all the fun out of the entire thing! :eek:
I can't say much about the meds or the treatments because I have no experience in that at all. I can give you a few ideas about making the sex not seem so much like a chore!
Maybe on the days you know it is a good time to have sex...you can dress in something a little sexy. Tease him a little. Make him forget what you are having sex for, and try to set the mood. I know my husband never liked (and still doesn't like) to shower with me, but if yours does, maybe you can take a steemy shower with him for some nice foreplay to get things going. Candles?? A nice dinner and a movie or a date night, followed by some lovin! :D
I hope this helps, keep your chin up and good luck!
rounsy222
03-16-2006, 03:25 PM
One item you may talk to your doc about, my hubbys fertility specialist said that we should only have sex every three days because it can help build up the supply and that people who do it anymore than that actually can be hurting the process. And then to watch for the O date and do it that date too.
dont worry about being selfish, some guys just dont understand, to them it should be an easy process. Sadly my hubby was the one with the issue and he was so misserable about it. I felt really bad for him, we ended up having to do a IUI procedure twice to get pregnant.
Hang in there
Meg
dont worry about being selfish, some guys just dont understand, to them it should be an easy process. Sadly my hubby was the one with the issue and he was so misserable about it. I felt really bad for him, we ended up having to do a IUI procedure twice to get pregnant.
Hang in there
Meg
JellyB_3
03-16-2006, 03:31 PM
It's been my experience that most guys don't get excited by the romantic stuff. But, we do, definitely!
The shower I totally agree with, lots of fun!
But, my advice to get him totally HOT, porn...
It can be anything from hard core to soft core. But just the idea that you thought of something dirty, will get him going!
Come on girls, Let's get creative and have fun with this! : )
The shower I totally agree with, lots of fun!
But, my advice to get him totally HOT, porn...
It can be anything from hard core to soft core. But just the idea that you thought of something dirty, will get him going!
Come on girls, Let's get creative and have fun with this! : )
jennypoo
03-17-2006, 08:51 AM
Thanks so much for the great ideas. However, its been my experience with my DH that the "sexy numbers" to him are "pointless, they are better on the side of the bed." I've done the candles and got the "I guess its sex time." I even did the whole rose petals all over the bed, the bubbles baths, and the dirty talk; however my hubby is a traditional type. It took some difficulty to introduce "toys" into the mix. I think the idea of the porn might be the only option I have left. As far as TTC the doctor explained to us that we HAVE TO have sex every other day because of the Clomid. This will give us a better chance of conceiving. The sad thing about this is that I am beginning to not enjoy to idea of having sex. And let me just say that is soooooo not like me, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SEX. And what makes this situation is more difficult to understand is that my hubby and I are still real young (mid-twenties) and we are going through all this. Its become a race to climax. Any more ideas? Cause I am seriously starting to make a list of options.
Jennypoo
Jennypoo
WhyIsThisMyLife
03-30-2006, 01:58 PM
Your doctor is telling you to bd every other day so that your husband can replenish his sperm supply. It has nothing at all to do with the clomid. I'm also on clomid this cycle. My doctor suggested every other day also. I find it better just not to tell my husband when we are bding for conception purposes. On my fertile cycle days, I just initiate sex. A lot of men cannot be pressured like that and twice when I involved him in all the details of when was the best time to bd, one time he couldn't finish and one time we had to do some different things to get him to finish. He admitted to being anxious about it those times. That is the only time he has had difficulty, so after that I just don't inform him of all the details. It doesn't always work, like this cycle we bded six days straight around the time of my O. I would like to have gotten some breaks in between so his supply could replenish, but I wasn't going to say no and tell him the reason. I feel that might cause resentment and take some of his joy out of it. Men are not like women. The less you talk about TTC to them, the better.
wifeofzenoops
03-30-2006, 10:01 PM
WhyIsThisMyLife,
That is such a good idea! I think I'm going to try that. Just initiate sex and not even mention to him that it's BD...That way DH won't feel so pressured, he can relax and everything can just happen as naturally as possible.. Because I also feel like he gets anxious....Thanks a lot.
That is such a good idea! I think I'm going to try that. Just initiate sex and not even mention to him that it's BD...That way DH won't feel so pressured, he can relax and everything can just happen as naturally as possible.. Because I also feel like he gets anxious....Thanks a lot.
jennypoo
04-03-2006, 04:28 AM
Hey Everyone!
Thank you so much for all your support. These past few months have been extremely difficult for my DH and me with being diagnosed with PCOS and with taking all this medication, calculating when the best time to do the deed, etc. Its been hard not to blame myself for the problems that we are having TTC but in all reality all the tests point in my direction. Everyone is telling me to be positive but when I look at myself in the mirror I see all the flaws that I know I cannot change. I want to be the best wife and hopefully the best mother that I can be, but I am beginning to have doubts about all the obstacles that we have had to endure. Is there anyone out there that has a success story with PCOS and conceiving? How long were you on Clomid or Metformin when you finally saw the BFP? I really need to now...Is there light at the end of the tunnel for me?
Jennypoo
Thank you so much for all your support. These past few months have been extremely difficult for my DH and me with being diagnosed with PCOS and with taking all this medication, calculating when the best time to do the deed, etc. Its been hard not to blame myself for the problems that we are having TTC but in all reality all the tests point in my direction. Everyone is telling me to be positive but when I look at myself in the mirror I see all the flaws that I know I cannot change. I want to be the best wife and hopefully the best mother that I can be, but I am beginning to have doubts about all the obstacles that we have had to endure. Is there anyone out there that has a success story with PCOS and conceiving? How long were you on Clomid or Metformin when you finally saw the BFP? I really need to now...Is there light at the end of the tunnel for me?
Jennypoo
qwerty3613
04-06-2006, 07:05 PM
Jennypoo, everything will work out OK..
As far as the BD goes, I like the idea of you initiating sex spontaneously. Then maybe it won't feel like such a chore for him. I also think that communication is really important between couples, especially during such a trying time. Don't forget, you still are a couple, even though you're trying to expand your family. Maybe you guys just need to take a little time to talk about how you're feeling. Do something together that you enjoy: have a nice dinner together, take a walk, watch a movie, whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. An idea that my significant other and I love is light a candle, sit in the floor, put the candle between you, make sure the tv is off and there are no distractions, and then just talk. Talk until the candle goes out or until both of you agree that everything that you wanted to talk about is said, and then both of you blow it out. It's a really good way to get back in touch with your partner. Hope this helps!
As far as the BD goes, I like the idea of you initiating sex spontaneously. Then maybe it won't feel like such a chore for him. I also think that communication is really important between couples, especially during such a trying time. Don't forget, you still are a couple, even though you're trying to expand your family. Maybe you guys just need to take a little time to talk about how you're feeling. Do something together that you enjoy: have a nice dinner together, take a walk, watch a movie, whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. An idea that my significant other and I love is light a candle, sit in the floor, put the candle between you, make sure the tv is off and there are no distractions, and then just talk. Talk until the candle goes out or until both of you agree that everything that you wanted to talk about is said, and then both of you blow it out. It's a really good way to get back in touch with your partner. Hope this helps!