:confused: I spent the last several days on the web searching for info on my possible exposure to HIV. I am very worried!!! I just found this site (Healthboards.com) tonight and have spent the last 2-3 hrs reading through the HIV threads. I think you all are wonderful people (especially the Senior Veterans) for providing such thoughtful and sensitive support in this time of need for so many of us.

In the heat of a very stupid moment, I had unprotected oral-receptive and vaginal sex with a woman in her late 40's to early 50's. I am sure she has had many unprotected-sex partners. But not sure if she's HIV+. The reason I mention her age is because she is probably post-menapausal. From what I have read, I understand that man-to-man, or man-to-woman sex is more likely a direction for contraction than woman-to-man. I think I also read that the main reason for a possible woman-to-man contraction is because the woman was between the 7-21 day period of her menstration. In other words, blood is a much better conduit than vaginal secretion. Is this correct?

Also, I was very nervous so had trouble keeping an erection. I finished very quickly; actual penetration lasted maybe three minutes. Does this have any bearing on the situation?

I guess I'm just trying to make myself feel better about this whole situation and trying not to go out of my mind! I am in a very loving relationship and have not told her. It was an enormous mistake that I, for better or for worse, will learn from. But I know we can't have unprotected sex until I am tested, right? Would like to just put this whole thing behind me. It will be very difficult to tell her. :o

Can anyone discuss the likelihood of my being contracted and if I should definitely worry? Its been only six days. What should I do? What steps should I take? Three months is a long ways.

Thank you very much for your help.

There are several issues in your post which needs to be addressed, some which are erroneous and some which simply need clarification:

1) Your assumptions: a) while you "think" she had many sex unprotected sex-partner you are also unsure of her HIV status. So, I'm presuming she was a prostitute (given you thoughts about the multitude number of sex-partners). On the other hand, you may consider that she is wondering about the number of your sex partners and about your HIV status. b) that she is post-menopausal is only an assumption and not necessarily indicative of her ability to pass on the virus. c) all of this is constructed on the assumption that "blood is a better conduit than vaginal secretions". The fact is that the primary mode of transmission are bodily fluids that include semen, blood, vaginal secretions. It doesn't appear that there is stastical data to indicate one is more 'volatile' than another.

2) the fact that you had difficulty maintaining an erection and that you only "penetrated" for three minutes are silly at best. The duration of the act is less important than the fluids that are transmitted. See, it doesn't say that actual intecourse between 2-5 minutes is at less risk than penetration for 5-7 minutes.

3) You are, truthfully, as you mentioned, trying to make yourself feel better about this situation. You can't. The fact is that, no matter what we say here, the only thing that will bring you peace of mind is to get tested. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel but neither would I be fool enough to tell you that you have nothing to worry about. chris

Thank you, Chris. I appreciate your help.

So, forget that I don't know the lady's HIV status and forget that woman-to-man contraction effectiveness is in my favor. The bottom line is that I have to protect my girlfriend while I wait to get tested. I can't believe what I've put myself into. I'm trembling at this moment. What about the test that can be taken after 4-6 wks? Or how soon can I take it? How effective is it? How much does it cost? Can I rest assured if that one comes out negative? Thank you.

DEar rar: After you read this, back out and scroll up to the top of the lists of posts and there you will find a "sticky" (at the very, very top) entitled "ELisa- Western Blot Testing." The information there is absolutely the most concise and clearest information I have ever read.

Now, there are other "rapid testing mechanisms" that can be attempted and the results are generally read within an hour or so. However, there have been articles recently about inaccurate results and 'false positives'. These, I believe, can be done within a couple of weeks after supposed exposure. But know that antibodies usually appear within 4-6 weeks after exposure.

However, even after four to six weeks it is possible to get a negative result even though you might be positive. Therefore, and unfortunately, the surest way to determine your status is to be tested after 13 wks. Howver (again) you may want to check out your local Health Department or AIDS support network to obtain better information.

Dear rar2006:
It appears that you have backed yourself in a corner. Being that you are in a relationship, only you can know & decide how your girlfriend will take the information about your possible HIV status. As a woman I would want the truth and be given the choice as to weather or not to continue the relationship. Remember 1 lie leads to another. Don't trip over your own tongue, be honest. She will get mad & even strike out at you physically, but that's because: First & foremost you cheated on her. But if you truly love her, BE HONEST!!!!!!!

Dear rar2006:
It appears that you have backed yourself in a corner. Being that you are in a relationship, only you can know & decide how your girlfriend will take the information about your possible HIV status. As a woman I would want the truth and be given the choice as to weather or not to continue the relationship. Remember 1 lie leads to another. Don't trip over your own tongue, be honest. She will get mad & even strike out at you physically, but that's because: First & foremost you cheated on her. But if you truly love her, BE HONEST!!!!!!!

I concur.


Cali