BarbaraH
03-19-2006, 06:52 PM
Hi -
I've been wondering how your mothers are doing since more time has passed. I've also been thinking of you two and hope your lives are back on a more even keel.
((((((((hugs)))))))) Barbara :wave:
I've been wondering how your mothers are doing since more time has passed. I've also been thinking of you two and hope your lives are back on a more even keel.
((((((((hugs)))))))) Barbara :wave:
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Sandyspen
03-19-2006, 09:00 PM
Hi Barbara,
My life is getting a little more back to normal all the time. The main reason, though, is because I only go to see mom every other day or every third day. I just can't handle it daily. My brother and his girlfriend are taking up some slack too, and visiting a couple times a week.
I don't see much difference at all since the doctor added buspirone to the zoloft and it's been nearly 3 weeks. "G" says the same thing. She's a little calm in the mornings but by the afternoon she's angry and packing her things and calling all of us to come and get her. When I do go to see her, she's begging to go home and seems totally agitated (either crying uncontrollably or angry); opening and closing drawers, moving items from one place to another to keep them from being stolen.
I did get her doctor changed and it goes into effect 4/1. I'm anxious to have her see someone else. I just can't believe it's good for her to be in such an agitated state all the time.
Every second she can sneak into G's office, she calls me. Sometimes just to ask when I'm coming, sometimes crying and begging me to come and take her home, and sometimes raging and cussing me for all she's worth. It's just ridiculous.
The saddest part is that she'll cry and say, "It wouldn't be so bad if ya'll would just come to visit me." Someone goes to see her everyday and she never remembers it. And if you remind her that you were there the day before, she goes into a rage, saying that you're lying to her. It's a no win situation.
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that this new doc will find something that will help her to calm down and have a few peaceful moments.
My life is getting a little more back to normal all the time. The main reason, though, is because I only go to see mom every other day or every third day. I just can't handle it daily. My brother and his girlfriend are taking up some slack too, and visiting a couple times a week.
I don't see much difference at all since the doctor added buspirone to the zoloft and it's been nearly 3 weeks. "G" says the same thing. She's a little calm in the mornings but by the afternoon she's angry and packing her things and calling all of us to come and get her. When I do go to see her, she's begging to go home and seems totally agitated (either crying uncontrollably or angry); opening and closing drawers, moving items from one place to another to keep them from being stolen.
I did get her doctor changed and it goes into effect 4/1. I'm anxious to have her see someone else. I just can't believe it's good for her to be in such an agitated state all the time.
Every second she can sneak into G's office, she calls me. Sometimes just to ask when I'm coming, sometimes crying and begging me to come and take her home, and sometimes raging and cussing me for all she's worth. It's just ridiculous.
The saddest part is that she'll cry and say, "It wouldn't be so bad if ya'll would just come to visit me." Someone goes to see her everyday and she never remembers it. And if you remind her that you were there the day before, she goes into a rage, saying that you're lying to her. It's a no win situation.
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that this new doc will find something that will help her to calm down and have a few peaceful moments.
BarbaraH
03-19-2006, 11:03 PM
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Sandy!
I'm so glad you have breathing space and time to yourself!!! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!
Mercy! It's just no fair that there isn't an easy fix-it solution for how frantic these ditsy folks get in the afternoons. Do they need a nap? A nap with medication?? :rolleyes: Who knows?? I'm just so glad that your Mom isn't at your house now. That's unthinkable. I wish G. would hide her phone!!!! Come on new doctor!!!!!!!!!
Sadly, it does get easier as they forget more. Hang in there! You did good!!!!!!!!!!!
More ((((((hugs)))))) Barbara :)
I'm so glad you have breathing space and time to yourself!!! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!
Mercy! It's just no fair that there isn't an easy fix-it solution for how frantic these ditsy folks get in the afternoons. Do they need a nap? A nap with medication?? :rolleyes: Who knows?? I'm just so glad that your Mom isn't at your house now. That's unthinkable. I wish G. would hide her phone!!!! Come on new doctor!!!!!!!!!
Sadly, it does get easier as they forget more. Hang in there! You did good!!!!!!!!!!!
More ((((((hugs)))))) Barbara :)
Jess22
03-22-2006, 11:48 AM
Hi Girls,
Mom has been in the nursing home for almost one full week now, she has a very nice private room with private full bath, fully decorated with alot of her own personal things from home.
Ironically mother is better than I have ever seen her in soooo very long. The first day she arrived there ( I had them take her by ambulance) from the behavior center and we were not present she thought she was in a differant hospital.
She did not recognize her things at first so she gave away two of her favorite dolls I had placed in her room. The second day she tried to escape through an exit but her wandering bracelet went off and they were able to catch her. Every night when I visit her she has been in a good mood and is not crying or agitated at all. (Changing dr.s for her and the behavior center expeirance has helped her by getting her on the right meds.)
She would however ask me to take her home and tell me she was treated very good there but she wanted to go to her own house. I kept telling her that when she got her meds lined out and her infection cleared up then we would see what the dr. said. In the next minute she would say well
Im fine and Im not sick etc. but she seemed to accept it.
I have went every day and visited and stayed alot with her but I am now only going to go every other day or so. It is about a thirty minute drive (not bad ) and I really think I am having a worse time than her. Yesterday I thought I would just move her to a ALF for alz.
patients because mother is so mobile I worry about her not having as much interaction with people more like herself. The nursing home is very clean, smells good, and the nurses, aides, and staff seem really attentive
to all the residents but I have mostly been concerned because most of the
residents there are more wheelchair bound and immobile.
Anyway, yesterday I went to visit and I was feeling very down and unbehold to my despair mother was having the time of her life, she had been dancing for some of the nurses (The Charleston and the Jitterbug!) and been to
all the activities (they have at least 3-4 activities daily) she goes to all of them. She seems as happy as a lark and her behavior really does resemble a teenage girl's. She was dancing, laughing, showing us her room.
Although, at times, she will ask to be taken back home to her dogs.
When she saw me she told the girls well here comes my baby and she was happy to see me and kept the entire visit calling her room her house. All
she kept saying the entire visit was how busy she has been and how good they all are to her and that "they" watch over her house while she's gone. She cleans her "house" every day.
I got her a broom and dust pan etc. and she even asked me could I bring her some paper towels next visit. It was strange to see her so happy because like Sandy's mom it's been a totally different story for so long.
The nurses, and the aides all seem to be crazy about mother and they check on her every 15 minutes even though her room is next to the nurses station. The social worker came while I was there and we went down to her office and she explained to me that mother was very active during the day and night they even have things at least three to four times a week for them at night. She said mother is the life of the party there and that they all love her already. She said that with this horrible disease sometimes this type of
structerized environment and routine helps the person. So for now I will leave her there.
When mother starts talking it is so obvious that in so many ways she is so lost to me forever, she talked and talked about her dead family like they were around the corner and just fine, even told us that her stepfather made her bed etc. ( he's been dead for thirty years) so agian Im reminded of
mom's condition even though she appears to be great. She thinks the administration is related to her, this or that person's daughter - and she thinks her stepfather made her hospital bed.
I really really hate as all of you do too this terrible thief that has come into our lives and stolen our family members away from us. I have to learn somehow to lay aside some of this guilt, realize I have done what is best for mother and try to regain some sort of life back for myself, ( I really dont know how) but maybe it will happen. I think dh and I are going to start doing some work around our home which we had put off since being so consumed with mother, maybe with that I can keep a little busy with more than just thinking about her all the time.
The sister has been only one time to see her , that's a story left better
alone she has to live with herself and I have to live with myself so I'll let that go, Im not ready to forgive and forget right now but Im working on it...
Sandy, hang in there med changes can really make a difference.
Sandy, hang in hopefully when you change dr.s you will get better results
I wish I had done it months ago maybe I would not have had such burn out and maybe mother would not be in the nursing home today.. I considered bringing her home agian after I first saw her change on the new meds but Im
afraid to try, it had become so bad and I just cant deal with that agian. So for now mom's new home is where she is and I will continue to visit her and do all that I can and somehow try to find a bit of relief in something.
God's blessing to all and I'll keep ya posted as well as keeping my fingers crossed for you Sandy, Barb is right it does get easier as they forget more and more, sad but true.
With Love and Support,
Jess :wave:
Mom has been in the nursing home for almost one full week now, she has a very nice private room with private full bath, fully decorated with alot of her own personal things from home.
Ironically mother is better than I have ever seen her in soooo very long. The first day she arrived there ( I had them take her by ambulance) from the behavior center and we were not present she thought she was in a differant hospital.
She did not recognize her things at first so she gave away two of her favorite dolls I had placed in her room. The second day she tried to escape through an exit but her wandering bracelet went off and they were able to catch her. Every night when I visit her she has been in a good mood and is not crying or agitated at all. (Changing dr.s for her and the behavior center expeirance has helped her by getting her on the right meds.)
She would however ask me to take her home and tell me she was treated very good there but she wanted to go to her own house. I kept telling her that when she got her meds lined out and her infection cleared up then we would see what the dr. said. In the next minute she would say well
Im fine and Im not sick etc. but she seemed to accept it.
I have went every day and visited and stayed alot with her but I am now only going to go every other day or so. It is about a thirty minute drive (not bad ) and I really think I am having a worse time than her. Yesterday I thought I would just move her to a ALF for alz.
patients because mother is so mobile I worry about her not having as much interaction with people more like herself. The nursing home is very clean, smells good, and the nurses, aides, and staff seem really attentive
to all the residents but I have mostly been concerned because most of the
residents there are more wheelchair bound and immobile.
Anyway, yesterday I went to visit and I was feeling very down and unbehold to my despair mother was having the time of her life, she had been dancing for some of the nurses (The Charleston and the Jitterbug!) and been to
all the activities (they have at least 3-4 activities daily) she goes to all of them. She seems as happy as a lark and her behavior really does resemble a teenage girl's. She was dancing, laughing, showing us her room.
Although, at times, she will ask to be taken back home to her dogs.
When she saw me she told the girls well here comes my baby and she was happy to see me and kept the entire visit calling her room her house. All
she kept saying the entire visit was how busy she has been and how good they all are to her and that "they" watch over her house while she's gone. She cleans her "house" every day.
I got her a broom and dust pan etc. and she even asked me could I bring her some paper towels next visit. It was strange to see her so happy because like Sandy's mom it's been a totally different story for so long.
The nurses, and the aides all seem to be crazy about mother and they check on her every 15 minutes even though her room is next to the nurses station. The social worker came while I was there and we went down to her office and she explained to me that mother was very active during the day and night they even have things at least three to four times a week for them at night. She said mother is the life of the party there and that they all love her already. She said that with this horrible disease sometimes this type of
structerized environment and routine helps the person. So for now I will leave her there.
When mother starts talking it is so obvious that in so many ways she is so lost to me forever, she talked and talked about her dead family like they were around the corner and just fine, even told us that her stepfather made her bed etc. ( he's been dead for thirty years) so agian Im reminded of
mom's condition even though she appears to be great. She thinks the administration is related to her, this or that person's daughter - and she thinks her stepfather made her hospital bed.
I really really hate as all of you do too this terrible thief that has come into our lives and stolen our family members away from us. I have to learn somehow to lay aside some of this guilt, realize I have done what is best for mother and try to regain some sort of life back for myself, ( I really dont know how) but maybe it will happen. I think dh and I are going to start doing some work around our home which we had put off since being so consumed with mother, maybe with that I can keep a little busy with more than just thinking about her all the time.
The sister has been only one time to see her , that's a story left better
alone she has to live with herself and I have to live with myself so I'll let that go, Im not ready to forgive and forget right now but Im working on it...
Sandy, hang in there med changes can really make a difference.
Sandy, hang in hopefully when you change dr.s you will get better results
I wish I had done it months ago maybe I would not have had such burn out and maybe mother would not be in the nursing home today.. I considered bringing her home agian after I first saw her change on the new meds but Im
afraid to try, it had become so bad and I just cant deal with that agian. So for now mom's new home is where she is and I will continue to visit her and do all that I can and somehow try to find a bit of relief in something.
God's blessing to all and I'll keep ya posted as well as keeping my fingers crossed for you Sandy, Barb is right it does get easier as they forget more and more, sad but true.
With Love and Support,
Jess :wave:
LuvMyLilDoggie
03-22-2006, 12:39 PM
Hi Jess and Sandy! I have to go to work in a few so I've not much time to post. I just wanted to say Jess, you did a GOOD thing for your mom! No guilt! She's happier than she's been in a LONG TIME. And you could not have prevented her from needing a NH. Unfortunately, thats where this disease leads for most. So please don't second guess yourself and your decisions. And no "what if's". This is how it is and thanks to you, your mom was able to stay out of the NH for as long as she did.
Gotta go to work now!
Love, Barb
Gotta go to work now!
Love, Barb
Sandyspen
03-22-2006, 12:50 PM
Hi Jess,
Oh, I was so glad you posted. I've wondered how your mom was doing so often. I agree with Barb, no second-guessing. You did the best you could and your mom is in a good place.
I tell ya, I would give anything to see my mom happy, for a change, even a little contented would be nice. There's no way it could be good for their physical health to be so agitated and distraught all the time.
Yes, that's what I believe, also. She needs a different medication. We're 3 weeks with this one and there is very little change. She isn't as openly aggressive and hitting as often, but every moment with her is filled with tears and threats and agitation. I feel so sorry for her.
The change of doctor goes into affect 4/1 and her appt is 4/4. I can hardly wait to see if there is more we can do to make her feel better and calmer.
Take care, Jess, and do some fun things with your family. It took several weeks after mom first moved into the AFH for me to feel normal again and stop shaking and second-guessing myself.
It all takes time.
Our moms seemed so similar, I'm delighted to hear how yours has adjusted. It's a good thing.
Oh, I was so glad you posted. I've wondered how your mom was doing so often. I agree with Barb, no second-guessing. You did the best you could and your mom is in a good place.
I tell ya, I would give anything to see my mom happy, for a change, even a little contented would be nice. There's no way it could be good for their physical health to be so agitated and distraught all the time.
Yes, that's what I believe, also. She needs a different medication. We're 3 weeks with this one and there is very little change. She isn't as openly aggressive and hitting as often, but every moment with her is filled with tears and threats and agitation. I feel so sorry for her.
The change of doctor goes into affect 4/1 and her appt is 4/4. I can hardly wait to see if there is more we can do to make her feel better and calmer.
Take care, Jess, and do some fun things with your family. It took several weeks after mom first moved into the AFH for me to feel normal again and stop shaking and second-guessing myself.
It all takes time.
Our moms seemed so similar, I'm delighted to hear how yours has adjusted. It's a good thing.
Martha H
03-22-2006, 01:09 PM
I am so happy for you, Jess! Your MOm is happy. Remember when you first wrote to HB - no sign of happiness at all, for anybody!
I am so glad this is worKing out. My Mom loves her NH now, thinks it is a private club, and enjoys everything, the food, the activities, etc.
My sister recently said, Just think - Mom spent 6 years in fear of having to go to a nursing home and now she is there, and enjoying it. Will wonders never cease!
Love,
MARTHA
I am so glad this is worKing out. My Mom loves her NH now, thinks it is a private club, and enjoys everything, the food, the activities, etc.
My sister recently said, Just think - Mom spent 6 years in fear of having to go to a nursing home and now she is there, and enjoying it. Will wonders never cease!
Love,
MARTHA
BarbaraH
03-22-2006, 01:33 PM
Hi Jess!
So glad to hear from you!
Cheers! Your mother is happier than you could have imagined only a short time ago. I do agree that a simple structured enviroment, routine, and easy activities - not to mention the attention of others really does make these loved ones turned children content and happy. Wasn't it sweet that she called you her baby!!
I also came to the conclusion that I needed to step back a little and I saw Mom only for short visits a few days a week. She was just as happy if I wasn't there.
My mother saw and talked with deceased family members and was happier for it, too. Who am I to say they didn't come to see her when she needed them?
I hope you can enjoy turning your time and attention to other projects, relax again, and have fun yourself. It will take practice! You did well!!!!!!!!!! Go play!
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Barbara :)
So glad to hear from you!
Cheers! Your mother is happier than you could have imagined only a short time ago. I do agree that a simple structured enviroment, routine, and easy activities - not to mention the attention of others really does make these loved ones turned children content and happy. Wasn't it sweet that she called you her baby!!
I also came to the conclusion that I needed to step back a little and I saw Mom only for short visits a few days a week. She was just as happy if I wasn't there.
My mother saw and talked with deceased family members and was happier for it, too. Who am I to say they didn't come to see her when she needed them?
I hope you can enjoy turning your time and attention to other projects, relax again, and have fun yourself. It will take practice! You did well!!!!!!!!!! Go play!
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Barbara :)
Sandyspen
04-02-2006, 11:00 AM
Just a little update. My mom is doing better..........I think :)
Since my brother visits on the weekend and often takes her out for the day, I visit a couple days a during the week. On Thursday morn, I came a little early. Mom was in the living room, laughing and joking with one of the nurses. I'd never seen her enjoying herself before, what a relief that was. Usually, as soon as I enter the door, we head back to her room, she shuts the door and begins to cry. Then it's long minutes of trying to reason with her, changing the subject just never seems to work.
When I saw how quickly her demeanor changed when I entered that day, it makes me more determined to change the subject now, I can tell you. Sometimes I think they just get into a pattern of reacting a certain way to each individual and can't break the pattern. She complains to my brother but doesn't have these crying spells.
Plus, G told me she was doing great on the new meds. They were definitely working. So I think I need to work harder on my visits to make them a pleasant experience and brush off her crying spells. They only seem to happen when I'm around.
She's finally stopped hiding things and is making her room a pleasant place. She's crocheted doilies for her tabletops and added throw rugs and a new chair. It felt so "homey."
Her biggest complaint is boredom. She continually complains about being bored, she needs something to do. She wants to go outside and garden or sweep or clean.
Now... she did the same thing at my house and had the "run" of the place. Lots of outside plants, lawn to water, porches to sweep, etc. She didn't do any of those things while she was here. She would always say, "I'm going to do that tomorrow..........."
For the past few weeks, I've been taking her at her word and filling her room with things to do: crochet yarn, embroidery thread and sets to embroidery, paints for sun catchers, puzzle books, crayons and colors.
As soon as you give her something new, she says, "I'm going to get started on this tomorrow." She packs it back into the bag and stashes it in a drawer. 5 minutes later, she says: "It's so boring around here." I think I've finally decided that it's just something she's going to say, there's no quenching this feeling she has of boredom.
Just a quick note also. The long crying phone calls all day long have finally stopped. Now, she only calls me once every evening, (whether I've visited that day or not) and leaves a message on my machine: "When are you going to visit me here. Do you need directions? Please come to visit."
Such a sad thing.
Since my brother visits on the weekend and often takes her out for the day, I visit a couple days a during the week. On Thursday morn, I came a little early. Mom was in the living room, laughing and joking with one of the nurses. I'd never seen her enjoying herself before, what a relief that was. Usually, as soon as I enter the door, we head back to her room, she shuts the door and begins to cry. Then it's long minutes of trying to reason with her, changing the subject just never seems to work.
When I saw how quickly her demeanor changed when I entered that day, it makes me more determined to change the subject now, I can tell you. Sometimes I think they just get into a pattern of reacting a certain way to each individual and can't break the pattern. She complains to my brother but doesn't have these crying spells.
Plus, G told me she was doing great on the new meds. They were definitely working. So I think I need to work harder on my visits to make them a pleasant experience and brush off her crying spells. They only seem to happen when I'm around.
She's finally stopped hiding things and is making her room a pleasant place. She's crocheted doilies for her tabletops and added throw rugs and a new chair. It felt so "homey."
Her biggest complaint is boredom. She continually complains about being bored, she needs something to do. She wants to go outside and garden or sweep or clean.
Now... she did the same thing at my house and had the "run" of the place. Lots of outside plants, lawn to water, porches to sweep, etc. She didn't do any of those things while she was here. She would always say, "I'm going to do that tomorrow..........."
For the past few weeks, I've been taking her at her word and filling her room with things to do: crochet yarn, embroidery thread and sets to embroidery, paints for sun catchers, puzzle books, crayons and colors.
As soon as you give her something new, she says, "I'm going to get started on this tomorrow." She packs it back into the bag and stashes it in a drawer. 5 minutes later, she says: "It's so boring around here." I think I've finally decided that it's just something she's going to say, there's no quenching this feeling she has of boredom.
Just a quick note also. The long crying phone calls all day long have finally stopped. Now, she only calls me once every evening, (whether I've visited that day or not) and leaves a message on my machine: "When are you going to visit me here. Do you need directions? Please come to visit."
Such a sad thing.
LuvMyLilDoggie
04-02-2006, 02:30 PM
Wow! Your mom sounds like a completely different person than she was just a short time ago. I'm so happy the medicine is finally working for her. She's taken interest in making her room beautiful. How nice! I'm sure as time goes on, you're mom will stop crying when you visit and she'll be very happy.
It is sad when you have a lovely visit and mom doesn't remember just a short time later. But aren't you much more relaxed and less stressed now? The physically hardest part is over for you. The emotional toll is the hardest part though I think. So contunue to take care of yourself and be kind to you.
Love, Barb
It is sad when you have a lovely visit and mom doesn't remember just a short time later. But aren't you much more relaxed and less stressed now? The physically hardest part is over for you. The emotional toll is the hardest part though I think. So contunue to take care of yourself and be kind to you.
Love, Barb