Hello all,

I'm writing from a computer that turns off after 20 min on line so just a quickie --- my friends's dad now has AD also at age 87 ands lives with her. I recognized immediately the blank stare and confustion, and bizarre things. Right now I'm at my DIL and Granddaughter's, lovely, happy place to be!!! but back to my girl friend tmw to continue the dental work. Meanwhile I worry that her dad wanders around in her guest room and may throw out some of my stuff! He's at that stage. She has no outside help and he refuses to see a doctor.

It is getting a little warmer now, will send this fast so it doesn't disappear like the last one ..

Love

Martha

Good to hear from you!!!!!! Keep all you things in your suitcase and keep it locked! :eek: I'll bet you didn't pack enough to be able to do without anything he might throw out!

Tell you girlfriend that her father doesn't get a vote on seeing the doctor - she'd the parent now. As we say, sad, but true.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))) Barbara :)

Hi Martha! Maybe the dental appt not being set in stone is a sign that you were meant to spend more time with your granddaughter and DIL. I'm sure your granddaughter is as happy to have her grandma there as you are to be there!

Enjoy your stay! Where will you be off to next?

Love, Barb

Hi Martha!
Just wanted to let you know that you aren't missing much here. We had sleet yesterday and I'm in Arizona!

Have fun! (after the dentist appts)

Hi Martha,

We all miss you. Hope you get to have your teeth all fixed. I would pitch a fit, if they could not fit me in. I guess, you can always take your records home with you to the US ?!

It is a problem - you want to see more of your DIL and your Granddaughter, yet you miss your daughter and the other grandkids!!! And your brother by email!

At least you got to go and see them and get some visiting done! Hope you make it back soon. That sounds like our small town library - you get to use the computer 30 min. per day, only!!! :>

Take care and we hope to hear from you more, soon.

Love, Wannabe

tomorrow I'm taking the train back to the area where my friend lives. I hope nothing was removed or thrown out since I did not lock anything. G refuses to take her Pop to a doctor.Says 'he refuses.' He locked us all out of the car last week in Holland and it took an hour to get help. He also poops in his pants when in public places, and goes to public rest rooms where the cleaning up far messier is that the deed itself ..my friend had to go into the mens room and clean up after him (Yuck) and was told never to bring him there again....

I am happy to report that Mom is fine and enjoying life at the NH.

Love,

Martha

Hi, Martha!

Well, I guess you can kiss your things goodbye. :eek: I am so sorry about your friend's dad. It must be good for her to talk with you who so understands.

And yay for your spunky mom who continues to do well!

I'm glad you had a lovely time with family. Sorry about the teeth problems. I can relate and have already resigned myself that I'll probably need dentures by the time mom goes to her final rest. It's amazing I don't have any pain since I haven't been to a dentist in 9 years and so many fillings have fallen out. The joys of being a 24/7 caregiver, lol. And I used to see the dentist every 6 months and was extremely vain about my teeth since the rest of me was/is not so hot.

May the rest of your trip be safe and happy. :)

I recently went to the dentist after about a 7 year absence... :nono:

I went because of a problem :o that ended up requiring a root canal, filling and crown that cost me $1600! :eek:

I recently went to the dentist after about a 7 year absence... :nono: Well, guess I'm never too old to be immature for I giggled at that wagging finger of disapproval. Yep, I know I'm a bad old girl to neglect my own health. But that seems to be a pattern...wash mom's hair while mine is nasty...make sure she gets her meds while I go without. Not a martyr, just really can't care about myself when she's going through this nightmare and her needs are far more immediate.

Mom has to go everywhere with me as she can't be left alone and gets hysterical if I mention bringing someone in. And then I discovered by accident that she takes on my emotions. Example: I was trying to kid with her and did a phony fake crying face. I was shocked to see her begin to really cry. Days later in the middle of nothing I did a super fake crying face--sure enough she begins to really cry. So I can't imagine what she'd do at the dentist when I would be in real pain.

Bless all who have had to endure a root canal. Eeek.

I am facing 7 crowns and 12 fillings. I neglected my teeth because I couldn't leave Mom alone ... AND ALSO I HATE DENTISTS, AND ALSO I HAD NO PAIN..... so it's really my own fault. 3 years between check ups ..that's all!

love

MaRTHA

Ouch ... 7 crowns and 12 fillings... You have my sympathy!

Greetings! Today my friends here are having a birthday breakfast for me ..but I can't eat anything that isn't soft. I had 7 teeth ground down to stumps yesterday, and 12 injections . :eek: . and now have provisional caps on the teeth, which scratch my tongue and wiggle when I try to eat . Friday the new crowns will be applied. It was quite horrible, I almost passed out when the 12th injection was given .. had to call a taxi to go home to my friend's house because a half hour walk was out of the question.

When I returned here on Wednesday, everything was intact, my friend's AD Dad did not take anything from the guest room as I had feared ... he is having a good phase right now after being really confused all last week. Still, she can hardly leave him alone ..ever.

Just above 2 weeks until I return to Indiana ..I miss it.

Love to all,

Martha

Hi Martha,

I am sorry that you hurt so much! I cannot believe that they did so much to you all on the same visit. But, maybe it is better to get it over with!!!

That is a lot of caps. I have 2, so far. But, more fillings, that might become caps...

I hope your teeth and mouth heal fast and well. Happy Birthday!!!!! :> Maybe you can really celebrate later.

Take care.

Love, Wannabe

AWWWWWW...... bummer that your teeth hurt! Did the dentist give you soft wax to put on the scratchy places that hurt you?? That's what helped so much when I had braces on my teeth. Over here, you can buy clean, safe wax for this purpose at the drug store. Maybe the wax is for sale there, too. To use it, just break off a small piece, roll in into a little ball (will soften some from your finger warmth and that's good), then press it firmly against the bristle-y places to protect the insides of your mouth. It's okay even to swallow these little bits of wax! This wax will help you enjoy yourself more.

How lovely that you're having a birthday party!!!!! What nice friends you have! Happy Birthday to you!! :wave: Have birthday pudding!!

Cheers that all of your stuff is still there, too, and that your friend's father is having a good week. Will you stay there until after the dental appointment on Friday?

Good to hear from you! I know your sweet family and home in Indiana miss you, too.

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) Barbara :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MARTHA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! AND MANY MORE.......

So sorry to hear you had to experience the pain of going to the dentist. But at least you can say the worst is behind you now. I have a lot of dental work that needs to be done. But in my case, I have no insurance and not enough money yet. I wonder if I'll be like my grandfather in my old age. Paw Paw didn't have ANY teeth. He had a salt and pepper flat top haircut and a chin to his nose! :eek:

Enjoy the remainder of your time there. Middlebury is anxiously awaiting your return.

Love, Barb

Belated happy birthday, Martha :)

And, OWWWWWW! I never received dental care when young except for the occasional yanking out of a tooth, so went through everything when I could pay for it myself as an adult. Removable braces, regular braces, lots of crowns, and I was never afraid of the dentist until...

He ground down 6 teeth to nubs for porcelain facings at one sitting. It was the worst pain ever and I actually shook involuntarily and tears streamed down my face. Never feared dental pain before, but for months after that even the sound/sensation of my feet crunching snow would hurt.

And just thinking of what was done to you....OWWW and YOWWW!!

I hope when you've healed that you reward yourself in a major way. Spare no expense!!:D

You are so right. I couln't stop my hands from shaking. I was totally kaputt!

I will go back on Monday. He has to grind down a piEce that keeps hitting the opposite tooth. And I will ask for the wax.

As soon as I can eat I'll reward myself .... with food!

I'm at another friends house right now. But I'll be staying at the first place as long as I have dental appts, since it is within walking distance.

Take care of YOURSELVES and your AD loved ones!

love

Martha

Ahhhhhh Martha,
Our thoughts are with you. My mouth hurts just thinking about it. It will feel sooooooo good though, when you're back home, all rested and have that pretty smile!

Take care!

Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday to YOU
Happy Birthday dearest Martha
Happy Birthday to YOU

or in Australia, we often sing:

Hippo Birdy to ewe
Hippo Birdy to ewe
Hippo Birdy, Hippo Birdy
Hippo Birdy to ewe

can you tell I've just come off a night shift? I'm rambling LOL

I am so sorry your in pain .. I am chronically terrified of dentists and ended up with dentures a few years ago .. best move I ever made !!!

My heart goes out to you .......

Come home soon

Hugs
Sally

Thanks friends!

I am constantly thinking of the hard, impossible life I had those last months with Mom. That is keeping me sane, because everything is going wrong here.

Last night I wanted to thank my friend for all her hospitality - took her out to an Italian restaurant planning to order something soft for myself - and upon eating one small soft bread roll my largest temporary crown fell out. There I sat with a 5 tooth gap in my mouth, unable to eat at all. Now it's Monday morning here and in a few hours I will be at the dentist's door without an appointment and demand something .. anything .... to cover the gaps and little pointy stubs until the real crowns are finished...

The good news is that the temporary that fell out was scratching my tongue to pieces , so I'm glad it's gone .. he had simply used the old, broken, drilled off 4 pc crown to cover the new 5 pc gap ...

I wish I had had this work done in the good old USA!

Love,

Martha

If tooth pain can give you Alzheimer's, make room for me in the nearest AD Unit .. I just got back from my final dental appointment. The new crowns and bridges are in - and I am in agonizing pain. The assistant said it will stop after the cement hardens and the teeth get used to it.

Next shock was the bill - in the end I paid about $1000 MORE than in the USA. My insurance here did not cover certain parts of the work .. leaving me with way over the amount I was supposed to pay for my own co-pay.

Before, I had thought the difference paid for my flight. NOt any more - I could have flown around the worls for what I have now sunk into my teeth. :rolleyes: Now I am waiting for the pain to stop so I can sink my teeth into some food ... :bouncing:

AAARRRRGGHGHGHG

Love,

Martha

Awwwww, so sorry this has been so bad in every way. :( Hope by now the pain has lessened. I'm not sure I understand why the pain is so bad to start with. Did they dentist give you pain pills?? If the pain diesn't stop, go back and demand relief!!

2 words of experience - don't bite down on anything firm for a few days and don't grit your teeth. Both can really, really hurt with new crowns!

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Barbara :)

Next day- no more pain. I used OTC Ibuprofen. It helped a lot.

Today I'm going on a long 3 hour bus/train/tram trip to stay with my oldest son for a 3 day weekend.

My brother wrote that Mom was taken on a bus outing with almost all the other residents at her unit of the NH. She loves an outing, This is a great NH.

Love,

Martha

Have a GREEAT TIME on your journey and with your son! I'll bet you're really exited about the trip-especially since you're not in pain anymore.....

I'll bet your mom enjoyed every minute of her outing. What a blessing that Bill met the woman who works there, isn't it? He might have never found this place if it weren't for meeting her

Love, Barb

We are having a lovely weekend ... went to a fabulous piano concert last night, and it is great to be here in spite of the rain ...

Back to my friend's house this afternoon, and pretty soon -just over a week to go - back to USA. This weekend has probably been the best of my trip ...

Love,

Martha

Better than having your teeth drilled? No way! Ha.

Sounds heavenly..family and friends, topped off with a lovely piano concert. Your mom's doing great. Whew, about ding-dang time things are going well!

Keep up the good work! So nice to read/hear your happiness. :)

Hi Martha!

So glad you feel good and are having fun!!!!!!!!!! Sweet!!

Home is on the horizon, so consider in this last week if there is some picture, item, tapestry, or anything affordable that you'd like to look at after you return to your wonderful home. A charming memento, perhaps.

Hope the coming week is lots of fun, friends, and beauty!

Cheers! Barbara :D

Oh I'm SOOOO happy you're pain free and having a great time! I've never been to a piano concert. That's strange since I took piano lessons for eight years! I'd say I could give you a long distance piano concert upon your return but I'm afraid my piano is in severe need of tuning and replacing some strings. My piano is almost 35 years old. Dad bought it new for me back in 1972 or so. He used to move pianos for a living and knew the owners of several music stores so he got a great deal. But still he paid something like $1200 for it when we really didn't have the money for it.

And to think this all started because I wanted to take guitar lessons. My best friend at the time was taking them so I wanted to also. But mom convinced me to take piano lessons because we already had an old upright piano that the school system was going to throw away. My dad took it and had a friend tune it before I wanted lessons so that me and my sister could play around with it. Little did mom know that dad would soon promise me a brand new piano if I kept taking lessons for 6 months. She took care of all the finances so dad had no clue about the magnitude of his promise. But I got that piano. I'll have it till the day I die.

My did those kinds of things for me and my sister (she got a used organ). That's why we don't mind so much doing whatever we can for him now.

Love, Barb

I'm back in the first town. D brought me all the way from door to door in his old VW camper since he is moving many of his belongings to a new apartment in Holland where is new job is, saving me hours on public transportaion. I had a lovely talk with him on the way here .. now I won't see him until he comes to the USA some time ... or I get back here. Sad parting but a lovely weekend. I am thankful for my family. I am also happy that we managed to create a close relationship between my kids and my Mom all those years when we were an ocean apart, so they really know her and understand my feelings about how AD has changed her. These talks with D were so good for me. I guess they were the real reason for my trip ... not dental work!

Love,

Martha

These talks with D were so good for me. I guess they were the real reason for my trip ... not dental work!

You can't fool us. We all knew that! LOL!!!

I'm so glad you had the chance to bond even more with him. I'm sure your talks helped him a lot too. How nice that you had the car trip. It's really nice to chat with no one else around. I do that with my son when we take trips down south. I wouldn't trade that time with him for anything and I'm sure you feel the same way.

It's so sad to have to say goodbye.....but you have Middlebury and family there anxiously awaiting your return! :)

Love, Barb

Now that I'm into the last week, I feel it went quickly. Everything, including my mood, changed dramatically after my teeth were finally done!

I am spending most of this week seeing old friends. I also had a short encounter with my 'not yet Ex' ... but that's another story.

Suffice it to say that I am really really glad I live in Indiana and not here in the neighborhood. I can't run into him there!

My friend G's Dad avoids me because he can't hold a normal conversation any more .. so whenever I am in the house he withdraws to his own room and watches TV. Sometimes he comes in and wants to ask G something, but meanwhile has forgotten what.

He still takes the dog out for walks, and he still drives the car out of the garage for her when she goes out, but not onto the street. He seems to accept that. But he hates it when she says, 'I just told you that' ..he gets angry and yells 'YOU DID NOT! ' Very much like my Mom's condition a couple of eyears earlier. He is 87. He used to be a driving instructor and had a good business .. now he doesn't recognize the slew of old students he taught many years .. it's sad.

I try to give her advice - don't contradict him, don't say I just told you that, do listen and pretend to be interested and say oh really or that's nice no matter how bizarre the story may be ...

She is learning, but she is only a beginner at this AD caregiver job ...

Love,

Martha

Martha, did you tell her about this board? We'd gladly welcome her.

Her dad sounds much like mine. Maybe he's in the same stages? My dad does the same thing when people visit us when he's here. He'll join in conversation for just a couple of minutes. Then he'll just sit there and pretend he's listening but really I can tell he's using everything in him to try to understand what's being said-especially when there's more than one conversation going on. So if he and my sister are talking while I'm talking to my neice, his mind gets overloaded and he withdraws. He then says he's tired and goes into his room, turns on the tv and shuts the door.

Sorry you had an unpleasant encounter with your not-yet-ex. I remember you mentioned hoping that wouldn't happen. It must have been awkward. But on the bright side, like you said, Indiana doesn't have him in it. And should he ever visit your daughter, you're on your own turf and can avoid him then.

You missed the nasty storms that went through here and Indiana a few days ago. Southern Illinois and Central and southern Indiana got the worst of it in the midwest. They got tornadoes.. We mostly had thunderstorms, some with hail and wind. No tornadoes here or by your hometown. It's a beautiful day today. It started out cold (32 degrees) but is warming up fast. Nothing but blue skies and sunshine.

Enjoy your last days in Germany! Have you taken lots of pictures and bought yourself some things to take back with you? No German beer, I know. ;)

Love, Barb

I wish I could find her a website like this one, but in German. She hardly speaks English. But she could go to a local Self Help Group which also includes caregivers. Maybe she will. Her Dad can still be left alone for a few hours.

I did pick up a couple of lighweight things to take home, and the pictures will be developed at home. I will also get some from my son's digital camera.

It's very cold here again, frost early morning and then not much more than 45 in the afternoon.

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha,

Ever nearer home!! Again, I'm so glad your last week has been so nice, pleasant, and enjoyable. Sorry for the Hans meeting, but hope you broke his heart by looking so trim and happy. Living well is the best revenge - not that revenge is a worthy goal, but it's nice to look great when meeting such a selfish person.

Enjoy yourself!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) ))))))))))) Barbara :D

Martha,
Oh, that would be so good if your friend could find a site like this one in German. I think I would still be struggling with my mom and near a stroke, myself, by now if I hadn't found this site.

I'm glad you've been able to visit good friends and family. It sounds like one heck of a trip/vacation! (excluding the dentist) eh eh. But I'm glad you're nearing your time to fly away home!

Remember that warm cuddly feeling when you enter your very own home after a time away! yummy!

Take care!

Saturday morning here .. sun is up, birds are singing ... and I am freezing.

Having lived in Germany for over 25 years one would think I remembered the heating problems here. It seems that heat is turned off when Spring comes (end of March) .. so I am writing from an icy bedroom, but thank God the friend I am with now, E, has a wood burning stove in her living room. Although she doesn't feel cold, (it being about 36 F outside) she knows I do and makes a fire!

Tomorrow we are visiting another old friend, a cancer survivor, and then back to G's house for one night. Monday early early (5 AM) I'll be on my way to the airport. That is before midnight Sunday evening in Indiana! I arrive home on Monday night. I can hardly wait!

Bill wrote that his wife Anna has shingles, and therefore isn't allowed contact with their granddaughter for a few days until the pills work. So he is now the baby sitter, and has no time to visit Mom. Mom doesn't care. If he goes every day she tells him no one ever visits me, if he skips a week she tells him no one ever visits me.

Love,
Martha

Hi Martha -

Glad to know you'll be cozy at home soon!!!!!

Poor Anna. Mom had shingles when I was a teen and she said it was the most uncomfortable thing she'd ever endured. I hope the treatment has improved a lot in the intervening years!!

((((((((hugs))))))))) for warmth!! :D Barbara :D

Have a safe and pleasant journey home!

Love, Barb

Welcome home, Martha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers! Barbara :D

Yes. Welcome home! I hope you're taking the rest of your day to relax and catch up on some sleep. I worked rotating shifts for 16 years so I know jet lag is a bummer!

Love, Barb

Wakey Wakey .. we're all buzzing here saying Hello!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Home dear Martha ......... :-)

Hugs
Sally

let jag? What iss dat?

I got home fine .. with some hassles in Detroit when the whole computer system of customs and immigration went on the lam and we all had to wait over an hour on long long lines before conntecting to ongoing flights ...

Now up in the middle of the night because it is well into morning in Germany ...

That takes a week or so and then I am usually a normal person again ..

love to all
Martha

Welcome home!!!!!! Martha! :bouncing:

At least you're a few hours younger here! :D

Love, Barb

Hmmmm .. very interesting! If I kept moving west at an impossible speed, could I be 21 again? Would I want to? (probably not!)

I had a nice conversation with Mom today on the phone. I told her all about my trip, the weather and flooding in Germany, etc and she made all the appropriate comments. When I mentioned the hight cost of my dental repairs she said "I'll write you a check." Mom doesn't know that all her money is gone. Sad. But she sounded so normal than anyone who didn't know she had AD might think she was really rational. The trick for the AD person is to make neutral comments. Oh I see. That's nice. Or, That's terrible. No real thought is necessary. I can see how Mom fooled us all for years, and still fools my sister....

I told her I got a lot of birthday cards when I picked up my mail today. She said "oh, how old are you now?" I told her I am 67, the dsame age she was when she got her college degree, which she did after retirement .... 30 years ago, and what a difference to her present condition ... it is so sad, but I'm glad I had her as long as I did.

Love,

Martha

A college degree at 67? How impressive! It makes me wonder how things might have been if your mom had not been so outgoing and determined as she was. Thank goodness she was so active and participated in so many activities. That probably helped her stave off this awful dementia as long as she did.

My mom would have turned 80 this August. She was 67 when she died. I was 31. And I find myself wondering sometimes if she was spared having to go through AD like her mom did and her sister and my dad are now. I would have liked to have had her in my life for many more years than I did. I would have loved for her to see her grandchildren grow up. She never got to see her granddaughter, my sister's girl. But would she have known her? We'll never know. I never thought I would have ever said this but maybe it was a blessing that she didn't have to experience this awful disease for herself. I still would have missed her either way.

Memories are bringing tears to my eyes......

Love, Barb

Yes. My Mom was a wonder. I absolutely looked up to her in every way. She went to work at age 14, but in her 60s she got first a HS equivalency diploma, then took college courses, and got her degree from Queens College at age 67. She learned to drive and got her license at age 65. Amazing woman.

I find myself speaking of her in the past tense because that Mom is already gone ...

love,

Martha