Every weekend it is the same I just can not take this any more. It is like a cage.
I do not know what to do any more. I feel like I can not do anything.
If there is someone outside the door that I did not want to see; I would stay in the room forever.
I would probably stay there until I starved to death.
Aware of the fact that all my thoughts are caused by being a psychotic dilusional, manic depressant and a bipolar.
All my thoughts are a consequence of my disorders according to the docs.
If I dont go out with my mates is because I am being a a selfish mistake. If i go out im anxious and hoping to return home... every weekend the same.
I have tried everything to try to relieve my depression. Eating right, taking certain meds, excersing, which I can't follow through on, because I can't seem to follow through on anything in life, and therapy.
Been on prozac, paxil, effexor, vanlafaxine, trazodone, reboxetine...
Always stuck in this river until I lose consciousness and another day goes by.
Is there any hope? should i write a book?

Both... there is hope... Needless to say I am taking a stab at it being a social phobia, that is very real to the person who has it.. The world around you becomes a scary place.. The place u live becomes your santuary and your cage.. YOU can listen to everyone tell you what you SHOULD do, but you'll notice no one has a fix... As time passes it seems to get worse. YOUR doctor's are no help with the cr@p they are saying to you. The drugs you listed have helped a few people, but you have to wait for them to take effect, and then you find out, nothing has changed. Have you gone to any types of therapy? seen a psychiatrist or psychologist (sp??) ? or anyone other than your current primary physician? support groups? Of the SSRI's I hae taken I never have found them to be any help with this kind of anxiety. (it's mild in me, but a crowd larger than 2 makes me panic...and it doesn't matter if I know them or not, same reaction.)
I take it tranquilizers are out?

First of all a Psychiatrist blaming your problems on your thought disorders is WRONG to say. The psychiartrist needed to suggest ways of changing your thought process into a positive thought cycle. This takes weeks and months to see effects (sometimes it takes only a day). It takes years to get perfect at having a positive thought cycle. It is very true that your thoughts contribute to how you FEEL and behave. You must be informed and taught how to do this. It is like learning a new subject in school. It is a life saving procedure that will help and direct your life into happiness. You cannot learn this without a trained professional teaching you how to do this. This was taught to me over a period of six months and many times I felt so happy and full of joy that I started crying. I suggest seeing a cognitive therapist and if he/she does not listen to you or work with your issues then leave that therapist and find another one. Also working on healing shame is a great place to start. A lot of carry shame from past events with us into the present and future. Most of the time we do not know we are doing it. Please work on healing your shame and work on starting up the positive thought cycle. Good luck. Write back to us so that we know how you are doing.

[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 07-06-2003).]

I also suggest to stop taking the anti-depressants as none of them are proven to work. They are often very toxic and can double the effects of depression or anxiety. They may also induce suicide. Work with your psychiatrist by saying that you want to get off the drugs safely. Withdrawls will be scary and feel horrible. If you get off the drugs safely and slowly then you will not feel these withdrawl symptoms.
The therapist that you are seeing is probably inept and incompetent. Leave that therapist instantly if they refuse to work on healing shame, creating self love, doing cognitive therapy, and improving social behavior. It is important that you get better. The doctors you are seeing are NOT doing their job. They have wrongly labeled you and are not helping by labeling. True, you may have bipolar , the root of bipolar is bipolar thinking. Meaning your thoughts are always on the extreme ends. You need to get into cognitive therapy so they can correct your thought processes. Drugs will NOT correct your thought process. As you've been on so many drugs and they may be damaging your liver and kidneys. I really do wish the best for you. Please keep us informed. Remember that having bipolar is not the end of the world and it is mostly cureable with GOOD therapy.

I've battle depression on and off for years. One thing I know is that not every medicine works for every person. I took Zoloft and it made me feel very weird. I take prozac. Also, sometimes I takes several weeks to kick in. Also, when is a person is clinically depress, as I was, a pill along will NOT fix it. It needs to be in conjunction w/counseling. I was in counseling for five years. Sometimes I still need to go back. A pill alone will not probably be your answer. Start looking for help. You must get counseling and not hide out. I know all about that stuff. I remember the first time I went to counseling I was petrified and when I came out I could not believe how good it felt to let go of a lot of things. It's not an instant cure, but it sure helped me understand a lot of things about myself. You need to get outside help,not advice from friends telling you things like "snap out of it", doesn't work that way. You need someone totally objective. Good luck.

I agree with the person above. Counseling with the right counselor will help. And anybody who tells you to "snap out of it" or "Your too sensitive" or "you'll get over it" ARE people that you DO not want to be around when you are depressed or full of anxiety. If the people you are around are constantly producing a negative vibe (in other words you feel down when you are around these people constantly) then it is best to stay in your room or house and keep busy with hobbies that you love to do and to create YOUR own vibe....the vibe has to be positive, caring, loving, and it can make you feel strong and good as a person.

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