Based on the research I've done, I'm almost certain that I suffer from some sort of depression -- whether or not it's as severe as I think it is, I don't know. What I do know is that I must, at some point in the near future, gather the courage to speak to my parents about it, this way I can get some definitive answers from a professional. I just don't know how to approach them.

I'm certain that my problems have nothing to do with the way I was raised. I have a great family. My biggest fear in telling my parents is 1.) they'll begin to look at me differently, and 2.) they'll start to believe that they've "failed as parents."

I've felt depressed for a long time, but I do a decent job of masking it when I have to. I do have some good days, but the bad ones far outweigh the good ones. I also tend to be shy at times, so I can always blame my quietness on that. Truth is, there are times when my quietness has nothing to do with being shy, and everything to do with not having the energy to converse with people, be it family, friends, strangers or whatever.

To make a long story short, I'm just totally sick of feeling the way I do. Telling my parents how I feel is the first step in getting rid of this problem, and I can't even bring myself to do that. I realize that the longer I ingnore things, the worse I'll become. I don't want things to get worse.

You are pretty smart to realize that your parent will look at you differently.
I never realized that or how things could never be repaired until it was too late.

There is a BIG difference however.
I do not consider my parents to be that “great”
As far as thinking they have failed as parents, mine either already know it, do not care, or with never believe it no matter what.

If yours are really good parents I guess you have to trust that they will not see you differently and that there love is truly unconditional.
Of course I tried to have that trust too… now after being let down I do not trust anyone…

Come to think of it, why don’t you either just tell a family doctor or break it to them really lightly.
Maybe concentrate on the energy thing.
Say some thing like “it is really no big deal but I have been feeling so tired and run down lately I would like to see a doctor?”

Or you could talk to a counselor at school. Probably hard now that it is summer hey?

Maybe make something up that does not seem so bad at first, like ”I have been having theses really bad dreams lately, do you think I could talk to a psychologist about them?”

Or “I just saw this TV commercial with a bouncing ball and I seem to feel a lot like they described, would it be possible to see a doctor and see what he thinks?”

I do not know… trust are honest are best…can you trust you parents enough to be honest?

I just think it's natural for them to react that way. The last thing I want is for them to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me. I don't know, maybe that's part of the problem -- I seem to care about other people's feelings more than I care about my own.

I know this might seem trite to some of you, but it really is something that I've struggled with for a long time. I have to get over this feeling of shame.

Anyway, thanks for the reply.

I do realize that it is a real problem. Believe me.

See, even if it is the “natural” reaction that does not mean that you parents could not make an effort to not react that way.

You could tell them flat out, “do not treat me any differently, and do not walk around me like you are an egg shells”
Then if they still do it at times you could draw their attention to it and tell them that their behavior really bothers you a lot.

There are always going to be slight changes, but in my opinion if your parents can at least be trusted to make an effort to not react that way that would be great.

That is all I really wanted from my parents, but they would not even make the effort.
Or make an effort to even listen to what I really wanted from them.

Ever

[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 07-07-2003).]

Clay I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sometimes it is scary to ask our parents for help and in all cases it is OK to do so. Nobody is perfect and you are not a bad or inferior person because of any depression or anxiety. I suggest you tell your most caring parent that you feel most comfortable around and let them in on a bit of what is going on. Clay, it is very important that you get your psychological needs met. If they are not met you may plumet into other types of mental illness such as borderline personality disorder, or psychosis. Those disorders are horrible and you don't want to head in that direction for your own health. That is why it important to address your issues as soon as possible. I suggest not taking any anti-depressants as they will probably not work. Anti-depressants may almost always cause headach,or excess anxiety. Cognitive therapy is the best way to go and it is very similar to learning a new subject in school. Therapy does NOT involve blaming, insulting, criticism, or judgement. Therapy is an awesome place to discuss any issues, past traumuas, or improvements that you would like to make in your life.

Clay, I agree with wannabehotguy...therapy over drugs. I think things like depression and anxiety is a perfectly normal reaction to living in the type of society we live in today; just look around, watch the news......need I say more.

The important difference is to not let it all get to you, realize you may need to work through all those disappointing realizations that you aren't perfect and the world and other people in it are sometimes a dissapointment. Therapy is a good start. At least you do have nice parents; some people aren't so fortunate.

This isn't a perfect life in the perfect world; sometimes it doesn't turn out as good as we would like but we can only try to make the best of it while we are here.

Clay - my heart goes out to you for the depression you so aptly describe. It's exactly what I suffer with, so I understand how much you'd like to be able to snap your fingers and just feel better about everything. Many times have I wished for a magic wand. I hope your family realizes what a kind and compassionate person you are - here you are, dealing with depression, yet concerned with their reactions. I can only hope that they are as kind as they are. Unfortunately, not everyone is. My mother keeps asking me what I have to be depressed about, and my first husband kept telling me to 'snap out of it'. And I have learned the hard way that most friends do not want to be around me when I'm not upbeat and positive. It's a tough way to live, trying to put on a false front. I pray that you have supportive people in your life and that they will understand and help you. God bless you!

my heart goes out to you too, and you see: at your age, i wouldn't even have admitted to myself (even less my parents) that i was unhappy with life, that perhaps i'd moved too much (changing schools can be a GREAT stressor), or that maybe they hadn't been THAT great ... you see what i mean? you need counselling, and perhaps an antiD (as you can see from my previous post, i'm a believer) ... perhaps one of your parents wasn't all that happy and has managed to hide it from you, with more or less success ...and perhaps they'll back you 100%!

all i know is that if i'd recognised the problem and been brave enough to post to this board (if the 'net had existed then!), i wouldn't have made the bad choices i made as a young woman, and there are many out there who'd agree with me ..

never be afraid to say 'i have a problem here', either to your parents or anyone else ...

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jinglebts
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hypo, DX'd march 22, 2003
life is not a dress rehearsal!

[This message has been edited by jinglebts (edited 07-09-2003).]

Yes, I would also agree with the therapy over drugs too.

god, i feel the exact same way and i have no idea what to do or how much longer i can stand feeling like this. Tell me what you decided to do and if you ever want to talk I'll give you my email address.
good luck and best wishes =)

again, the decision to use antidepressants or not cannot be made by following a ''general rule'', but only after working with a doctor or psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis and knowing what you need. too many people have died from suicide for anyone to actually feel comfortable telling someone to avoid therapy or medication, or to just 'figure it out'. i've lost too many people in my life to suicide, and i am here to tell you, what works for one person doesn't work for another.

parents often react oddly at first when a son or daughter tells them they have a problem, but to be perfectly honest, that isn't that important. the most important thing is for you to feel better, and soon. the parents will adjust and get used to it - or maybe they won't. that isn't important. what is important is getting better and feeling better. as you grow into an independent adult, you'll find that there are times when you will know what you need and no one will agree, and you will simply have to bravely move forward and do what you know is best for you. getting help when you feel bad is one of those times when you can't worry about how others will take it. you have to get help, that's all there is to it.

depression is a whole-body disease. mood is a part of it, but eating, sleeping and focus and attention and other basic functions can all be affected too.

some people will be able to simply weather their depression.

some people will pull out with just brief therapy.

others most definitely will not, and it is nothing to play around with or apply ''general rules'' to. everyone's depression is different and needs to be treated invidually. see a doctor, and take good care of yourself!