:confused: Hi, im writing this because i would like to know how other people have coped with bpd! im very confused, i got out of hospital last week after being told that they think that i have bpd. They have put me on olanzopine, but only 7.5mg but i have found every morning i wake up felling as though i have a hang over and i dont feel like its made much difference! im still hurting myself, proberbly more than ever and all i want is to go to sleep and never wake up! when i do wake up most of the time im gutted, i hate feeling like this, ive still got my mood swing, noone can seem to give me a straight answer and i just feel like the world would be a better place without me, i have 2 loverly boys and a supportive partner, but i cant help the way i feel, i know that its wrong how i feel, but try and make me understand it, i just cant, at the moment, my boyfriend is thinking that im doing this to hurt him, but im not, its my only way of coping, i just dont know what else to do, noone understand how hard thi is, i feel so alone, almost like im making it up, because i wasnt as bad as some people that was in hospital, but i just cant stop myself, i want to but i cant!
is there anyone who does of has felt like this, i just want it all to end,but i can only see one way out of it all, my brain and body wont do as i want it to, please help, anyone, please help,
Tanya x

do you have a belief system obout why we are here on earth ?

Tanya,

I am also an 'old' borderline. I'm 42. I was diagnosed when I was 16. Like Wendy says, if someone had explained to me why I felt bad all the time, it wouldn't have taken until I was past 30 to get control.

Please read the previous posts on BPD. I've written quite a bit about myself and my continuing recovery.

Research. Research. Research. Look up BPD, look up every medication that you are on, even if the med is something else. Most people have more than one doctor and don't always remember to tell one doctor what the other has prescribed.

Don't be surprised if your medication changes, sooner or later. I was on all kinds of meds for BPD, then I went five years without any meds at all. Now I am on Topamax and Celexa

I am also considered a highly functional borderline, but I don't always function highly. Especially in stressful situations, or knowing that a stressful event is coming up.

Don't be too hard on yourself. If you want to control your BPD, instead of letting it control you, then you can do it. You must be patient with yourself though, it's a long hard process, but worth it!

Keep talking and asking questions. Ask your doctors, your therapists, here on this board. We have people on both sides here.

If you need something, just ask.

Dear Tanya,

I understand how you feel. My boyfriend is constantly upset, and thinking about breaking up with me, because i treat him so badly. I hate myself when i get angry at him, and these days i'm angry all the time. We have been together for a year and a half...but i'm not getting any better.
Also, i live in london, which can be a very lonely place..and i have lost all my close friends, because of my disorder. You are not alone!!!!!!!

Hi Tanya, you are getting some great advice here and the key from what I have reasearched is finding a therapist that knows how to deal with BPD and can support and guide you. Don't give up!

Thanks for all your replys, i am glad that nakita and bowling wendy have learned to cope with it. i feel so scarred at the moment because i dont know how im going to be one moment to the next, im scarred to be around my son and partner because i dont want to hurt them emotionally or fisically! i just want to scream!
im thinking that i might need to go back into hospital, even just for a few day? but thanks for everyones replys, take care,
tan x

There's nothing wrong with needing to go back into the hospital. Especiallly if you are so afraid of hurting yourself or someone that you care about. You can check yourself in, or have your partner do it for you. It's called a mental hygiene check. Go to your local emergency room and tell them you are afraid of hurting yourself or one of your loved ones and you don't feel emotionally stable. That's the safe thing to do. That's the responsible thing to do. It's ok. I'll be here when you get back.

Sorry I haven't been here for a while. I had major surgery ( a total abdominal hysterectomy two weeks ago) and haven't been able to sit at the computer for very long, but I'm getting better and I will be here to help you as much as I can. There are many people who will be here for you.

By all means, if you feel you need to go back to the hospital, then go. It's perfectly ok to do so. It shows that you are taking responsibility for your disorder. and that's a good thing.

Keep in touch.

nakita