Hi everyone,

You know, I could have sworn that G told me Mom was given Buspirone. But I asked her again today, the name of the med, so I would have it when she visits the new doctor.

It's Depacote. I don't think I've heard anyone mention this one. Does anyone have experience with it?

It just isn't helping mom much.

I think it's an epilepsy drug, also used for ADHD kids too ....... but don't quote me on that .....

I got confused with some med's they tried my ex-charge on .. Serapax/ Serance/ Seraquil ...

Cheers
Sally

On my visit yesterday, I'm sort of seeing a new side of mom. I really don't know how she could change personalities depending on visitor, but it seemed that way.

I went to the office first because it was time to pay, etc. G said that mom had really calmed down the last couple days. She thought the meds were starting to work. I was elated!

I had a doc appt, myself, last week. And had to make several other docs during the week for tests, etc. So I hadn't seen mom in about 4 days. She has called everyday and seemed pretty much the same to me, demanding to go home, angry, and calling me names.

I waited for her to finish lunch, then she grabbed my arm and yanked me down the hall to her room. Slammed the door and demanded that I get her out of there as she burst into tears. She said G was bossy and she just couldn't stand it. She's wailing and crying and telling me about all the things they've stolen and she just has to get out of there. It's prison! And she's going to kill herself.

I'm trying to calm her when my brother shows up. We've never been there at the same time before. I think I mentioned before that we are all signing this huge wall calendar so that we know when the other has visited. My brother starts to sign-in and asks why all my signatures are scratched out.

Mom has taken a pen and scratched over each of my sign-in's. She takes an entirely different personna with my brother. She's meek and crying and saying that I never visit. That G is mean to her. That they're stealing her blind. That the food is cold and all finger-food, no hot meals. That they won't let her watch TV.

She was eating a 5 course hot meal for lunch when I arrived. I often arrive during her noon meal as I come unannounced. It is always a big meal with dessert. Often, I wait for Bob Barker to end before we go to her room. So I know she watches their TV.

I understand that they fib, because they don't remember the facts anymore, but it was so surprising to me to see how she behaved with my brother. All the things she said about me and scratching my name from the calender. She seemed to have much more animosity toward me than him.

I know it shouldn't be, but it was so disturbing. My brother wasn't fooled by any of it, he knew better. It just seemed so odd to me. And, she may have been behaving this way with him all along. I don't know.

I think G is seeing a better side now, because mom is holding back. She sees her as an authority figure and behaving herself when G is around.

I really believe she's behaving around me the way she is because she knows it disturbs me and she thinks it will work. She behaves totally differently around my brother because she's trying what she thinks will work for him.

I just didn't think an AD patient would be able to discern how their behavior affects others. Does that make sense?

Well, my FIL seems to be on every drug out there. He started depakote about a month ago in addition to zoloft, buspirone, temazepam (sleep aid). Apparently, those were not enough because I noticed lorazepam was added at the beginning of the month through injection.

We visited him yesterday and he much calmer and not as lethargic as he was a few weeks ago. I showed him a picture taken several years ago when he had a reunion with his eleven brothers and sisters. He didn't know any of them, but he made a strange comment about my BIL. He said, "Kenny couldn't produce...they had to wait along time". We are assuming he was talking about having children although this was the first I had heard of it since he and my SIL produced two children.

He also informed us he could take care of himself and then tried to put his shirt on--backwards. But he was smiling and did laugh a little when we told him our cat had her kittens in the doghouse. His speech, however, is extremely halting as if he is thinking very hard before he makes a comment.

Jane

I've heard of Depakote being used sometimes in dementia patients too. I don't know why it's used but I'm very curious. When you find out, please let me know.

Yes, it is used for epilepsy too. My neice used to have seizures and was taking Depakote and another drug for it.

Love, Barb

Sandy ... :-)

Our charges change personality so quickly, because they're no longer able to stay in the one pair of shoes. Their poor ditzy brains KNOW there is something not right and try really hard to appear normal. Well, normal in their eyes, not in everybody elses!

Mum IS taking it out on you. We always go for the one who is closest to us, because that's who we know can handle it. So, in a way, Mum's behaviour towards you is, quite possibly, to make you feel bad.

There is absolutely no point in beating yourself up about it. If she was at home, she would still be doing the same behaviour. It's just now you get a chance to go home, recharge your batteries and move forward. Mum won't/can't move forward, she's stuck in a time-warp kinda thing.

She might settle with med's, she might not. Your right in she's behaving around G, G is the authority. I know in my ex-charges NH, the residents behave beautifully for the staff, but when a family member turns up the 'show' is on. I don't know why, I just figure the family member is a reminder of what they had, they know enough that their life isn't like before, and so they take it out on the family visitor. Your Mum is just more vocal than most for now LOL !!!! My ex-charge settled in 2 - 3 weeks. She's a meek little mouse towards everybody. She is SO in the right spot, it's perfect for her. No longer does she have to fight the disease to keep up the illusion. That's 99% of the battle I think .. and she has a HUGE stubborn streak, and yes, she's been treated with medication to calm her, but that's only as needed now and from what I've heard, it's not very often anymore.

Things WILL pick up but it will take time.

Has your mother got a doll by any chance? Doll therapy has worked wonders for some super agitated AD victims, it gives them a purpose, something to look after. I know NH and Family homes have activities, but not everybody likes those kind of things. Perhaps a Baby Born kind of doll might help?

And by the way, even with these stresses, you still sound 100% better than 6 weeks ago ! Well done!!

Hugs & Cheers
Sally

Sally,

Everything you've said makes so much sense. I do think she believes if anyone will take her home, it will be me. And when I don't, that probably causes a lot of her anger toward me.

I know, if I come in and she doesn't know I'm there, she's perfectly fine with everyone else. I do think G is that authority figure and she's given up on trying to convince her that she should leave.

Yes, I'm really wondering if I will see any more calmness than just letting her settle more. I kept wanting a med to fix it, but maybe it's just a matter of time. Allow her to get more use to the new surroundings.

Yes, she does have a doll collection and I took her favorite one to keep with her. But she really doesn't enjoy any of her own things because she keeps everything hidden away in plastic bags. She is just obsessed with this idea of them stealing from her. I know they don't because anything she's missed, I've found it hidden away. The worst part is, she's hiding all her books, crayons, crochet yarn, and the dolls. Anything to occupy herself, is hidden away.

Then she complains about how boring it is. yikes!

Yesterday, she was asking my brother if he could bring some magazines or books or something to read. I pulled open a drawer and there are all her books and magazines, etc. She asks us to bring things that she already has, but forgets she has them because they're all tied in plastic bags and hidden all over the room.

So far, she does pretty good with speaking. She can't remember a lot of words, but can still appear to converse. Often though, my brother and I both have noticed that it's the same sentences over and over.

Oh I know, I was a basket-case when I was trying to take care of her. I just couldn't do it. Aggression 24/7 is no fun.

I'm so glad your mil is doing so much better. What a relief!

Hi everyone,

I do think that a lot of alzheimers patients can put on a show when they want. My dad appears and sounds much better in front of and talking on the phone to several people that he does not see as much. Like my BIL in Florida, and my dads brother in Kansas and his family, and certain friends and relatives that he just does not see very many times per year. I think that he still performs better on the phone with my sister, even tho she has moved closer. 4 hours away and used to be us in Texas and her in Ohio! When my sis does come, he just acts like he acts around me.

And he may be putting on a little show for me. Because I know, he asks my mom a lot more (to help him), when I am not there. Because they still live along together.

As for the taking it out on me. It is not my dad, it is my mom. But, I have learned from all of yall on the board how to minimize, how her actions and words affect me!!! It just does not bother me as much. Plus I now have some meds, to help me, when I go to their house. I am more calm and I just ignore my mom or I say, you are just trying to provoke me, so you might as well stop or leave the room!!! :> She is doing less often now, I think. I am just afraid she might start on my sister now!

Well, enuf. I just think that it is amazing how ad people can do so well, as to try and fool people. Even, try to fool his doctors!!!

Take care.

Love, Wannabe