I have posted on my problem before but here is a quick recap: 28 year old virgin who has never dated or kissed a girl but am definitely not gay,want to love and be loved by a girl but am too afraid to begin the process. I don't feel comfortable in social settings such as at parties or at bars and for this reason never developed self-esteem in myself. My parents never brought up sex to me in any conversation and I never experimented as a teenager and have not up until now. Nevertheless, I have fairly high sexual energy and clearly want to learn about sex and relationships but simply get too nervous to even explore what is out there. I am actually a pretty good communicator and have enough social skills to hold my own but when it comes to girls, touching, and being touched my fears and insecurities kick in. Have been to individual and group therapy and whathave to do but do not know how to actually bring myself to do it. I am not just talking about sex here but all forms of intimacy: hugging, caressing, kissing, etc. Not averse to it just do not know how to do it properly.

mrslots

Intimacy that does not grow out of a non-tactile experience can never be true intimacy.
Work at being "just friends."
The chemistry will follow without even trying...especially without trying.

Intimacy is grown between people, it doesnt just appear.
Even when people have relationships all the time meeting a new partner is hard. You have to get to know someone for who they are before you can consider having an intimate relationship with them.
Maybe you are looking too far ahead, maybe you need to look for a female friend who shares the same interests, not to intentionally move on intimatly with, just for the companionship, for the laugh and for a good time, when you are really friends with someone then intimacy comes naturally, try just concentrating on meeting women who enjoy the same hobbies, movies sport, or whatever it is you enjoy doing, once you have then i am sure any possibility of a relationship would be more than obvious and you will be prepared mentally for it as you would already know the person and feelings would blossom naturally. ;)

I'm in the same situation as you mrslots. I'm 24 and have never had a girlfriend. I have held a girls hand and hugged but nothing more. I feel degraded about it because my peers keep talking about how many ex girlfriends they have had and so on. I am a nice polite guy but when it comes to talking to girls I just get tongue tied, awkward, dizzy, and feel stupid and dull. I too hate parties and bars etc, I always feel like a statue or something, as if I am invisible, because I am to insecure to talk to girls. I always go from parties feeling dissapointed with my self for being so lame. I feel jealous of guys who seem to attract girls and know how to talk to them. How long will this last? Am I destined to be alone for ever? These thoughts scare me. I mean my parents were married at 22 and had a mortage, and had a secure life.

Mrslots...do you think you could ask a girl on a date? Maybe do something like bowling or horseback riding? Some experience you could share and have in common to talk about? If the spirit moved you, you could start with a kiss goodnight. Sounds old-fashioned, but I know most women out there would love a guy that treated them with respect.

Anyway...as for sex, there are tons of books on that subject...I mean instructional books, not porn. When I was a teenager, my friends and I read books like The Joy of Sex and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, etc. It was really good to know a few things before I just jumped into it :)

If you have true problems with intimacy...there are therapists that specialize in this area. You won't know if this is the case unless you try to have a relationship in which you are not able to let your guard down and let the love in. You might be surprised...the woman of your choice might be very good at leading the way! Good luck.