How do you cope when you are never truelly happy but swing between sadness and anger? I know a lot of people with bipolar swing between happy and sad or happy and angry but I just go back and forth between anger so strong I want to hurt myself and everyone around me and sadness were I just want to kill myself. saturday night was a particularly bad night were I, after four years, gave in and started self abuse again. I hit myself in differant areas, the ribs, the stomach the chest. my chest actually got bruised and hurts pretty bad. I think about killing myself everyday and all those around me think is I'm a selfish ***** who is just being childish. Does anyone here ever find it completely impossible to explain how you are feeling rashingly at all? I get so lost in my sadness or my anger that it really is as if I am locked up in the current feeling and no one can get in.

Nights like last saturday were I stared at a knife for an hour are happening more and more often.

You cope by doing what you have to do to protect yourself and others...

If that means going to the hospital for help then thats what you do.. at the hospital they can give you meds to help calm your feelings and help you even out .....

Seek help,,, there is help out there.... you dont have to go througnt this alone...

good luck... meljo

First thing you need to do is get to a psychiatrist. I used to have the anger and depression swings and I was out of control until I got to a doc that I found and trusted. You need to have them help you and be willing to accept the help.

You will probably be put on meds and they may not seem to work at first, give it a month, it takes 2 weeks for the medicine to get into your system and then give it the extra 2 weeks to see how things go for you. It took me a lot of years to get on the right meds, but I finally am. I still get angry at things, I still want to hurt myself at times, but it is a lot more controlled than it used to be.

Just make sure, to keep yourself safe you also have a net. Which means you have people to call to talk to that will listen and not judge you (that's the hardest part, the not judging). You need support when you get like that, so talk to friends and family, see who you can count on.

I wish you the best.